Of Sense and Education
by EllaBella87
Summary: After tragedy strikes the Bennets in unfair proportions Elizabeth feels compelled to begins work as a governess in London, she is surprised to find out who her employer is.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: **This is my first post here and it's a bit of a test really, since the story is almost complete elsewhere, but I've been reading stuff here for a bit too and thought it would be nice to contribute as a thank you to all the readers here. Anyway hope you all enjoy this.

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**Of Sense and Education Chapter I**

"Now are you sure Lizzy?" Charlotte's words reverberated in my head, for what must have been the hundredth time that morning. Taking a deep breath and staring up at the huge townhouse, I was suddenly incredibly unnerved. I laughed lightly, since when had I ever been timid or afraid of new circumstances? No, Miss Elizabeth Bennet had never backed down without a fight and this was not going to be the first time. I turned around and addressed Uncle Gardiner's driver, "Will you wait a moment, please? My bags need to be unloaded." Though the words were polite enough there was a clipped soberness about them, I could hear the rudeness of them and thought to make an apology for such abrupt ill-mannered behaviour so I turned to smile ruefully.

"Very good ma'am."

My knuckle rapped hesitantly against the servants' door and then I took a step away from it, contemplating bolting like a deer. Before the opportunity arose the door was opened, a young footman surveyed me, not saying a word. It was slightly unnerving, he waited patiently for me to speak. "Good afternoon, I'm Elizabeth Bennet, would you be so kind as to take me to Mrs Turner."

He did not speak; just shut the door in my face, I felt all the rudeness of it! Never in my life had anyone behaved in such a manner, quietly I stepped inside, swallowing the prideful feelings that had risen within my breast; I could not behave so now, it was not my place to expect such deference. Within the space of a few minutes the door had been re-opened to reveal a plump, good natured looking middle aged woman, she smiled affectionately, "You must be Miss Bennet." I nodded my head, "Well come along in deary, it's a nippy day, you'll catch your death standing on that cold step all day." A grin broke involuntarily from my solemn face; the lady's mannerisms reminded me of our old housekeeper, Mrs Hill.

Stepping inside I was lead to a chair by the kitchen fire and invited to sit whilst Mrs Turner bustled about, gently scolding the footman for not retrieving my belongings whilst moving about making tea. "I declare it's mighty chilly out there, it'll be a cold winter I'll wager." She muttered tsk-tsking like a friendly mother hen. "Sugar?" she queried handing over a cup and saucer. I gratefully sipped at the warm beverage, whilst Mrs Turner continued to bustle around about occasionally stopping to instruct a maid or two.

Finishing up the drink, I began to observe the room, it was large. A huge wooden work table was placed in the centre, copper pots and pans hung from the walls and ceiling, along with herbs that were being dried out. There was not one but two agar cookers heating the room with a large pan of water boiling on them. A scullery maid was chopping vegetables and another washing the breakfast dishes, both looked tired and drawn.

Mrs Turner bustled back into the room and I politely rose from the chair, "Now, sit ya down, sit ya down!" Mrs Turner instructed mildly, gently pushing me back into my seat, "I'll just have all your belongings settled in your rooms and then I'll show you up there."

"Thank you."

"Bit quiet aren't you? You'll need a lot more assertiveness about you if you want to go teaching those children anything." I tried to smile politely at her assessment of my character; few people would ever describe me that way.

"How many children are there?" I asked politely, there had only been a brief correspondence between myself and the housekeeper, which had been enough to decide on the date of my arrival and wages. I would be receiving 45 pounds a year, and that was very good pay for a governess.

"Three. Two young ladies and a little lad, but he's still young."

"Shall I have the pleasure of meeting them today?" I inquired.

"I shall take you to the nursery later this morning, when you are rested."

"I do not need to rest I have only travelled perhaps four miles, from Gracechurch Street." Mrs Turner seemed to insist that I would still require rest, despite the short distance of my journey. I did not want to tell her that I was not at all fatigued especially since I had been known to walk almost as far. A maid returned and informed Mrs Turner that the room was prepared, and after convincing Mrs Turner I was well enough rested we set off at a brisk pace. The house was in relative silence, the servants worked unobtrusively. The only sound was of Mrs Turners very sturdy boots clacking along the wooden floor. She guided me up several pairs of stairs and across the landing of the servant's floor.

"Your room is next to mine," she indicated to the door to our left, and informed me that the Housekeeper's sitting room was open to my personal use too, should I want it, "You are perfectly welcome. It can become mighty lonesome, with just myself and Mrs Chambers in the evening, especially since neither of us can thread a needle any longer." She indicated for me to enter, and then followed inside. The room, although not luxurious, was nicely fitted, with a bed, armoire, chest, chaise, writing desk, bookshelves and a small piano forte. Whilst I observed all this Mrs Turner began to untie the ribbon on my bonnet and unbutton the front of my plisse for me and hang them up, as if I were a guest. "I'll send Elsie up to unpack for you." She said as she turned to leave.

"That's quite unnecessary I assure you." I began to say but the door had already clicked shut, sinking down gratefully onto the chaise I looked about again. The room as I mentioned was very comfortable, one could not wish for better, it was as large as my chamber at Longbourn and contained everything that I could want for, that did not however mean that I was either resolved or content to be here.

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Just how had I ended up here anyhow? How had Miss Elizabeth Bennet, the country gentleman's daughter metamorphosed into an impoverished governess working in London? It began with a tour of Derbyshire, with my Aunt and Uncle Gardiner fifteen months ago now. In Bakewell we received a letter from Jane, which informed us that Lydia had eloped with George Wickham. Once I knew this, I insisted that we return home immediately, knowing that Mamma's nerves would be wearing everyone thin. Upon reaching Longbourn we learnt that Lydia and Wickham had not eloped (well not traditionally anyhow) they had not gone to Gretna Green, and it was believed that they were in London. By this point everyone was frantic with worry, Lydia was so foolish and something told me that Wickham's intentions could not be honourable; surely if they were he would have asked Papa's permission.

That fear was only heightened when rumours of his debts in Meryton began circulating, not just debts to the tradesmen, but gambling debts. Worse than that debts of honour! I can still recall Aunt Phillips' voice, "They say there's hardly a tradesman in town whose daughter hasn't been meddled with!"

"Oh sister! And now he's meddling with our dearest girl!" Mamma wailed pitifully, that was the moment I became certain that all hope for Lydia was truly lost; a man of no fortune could only want one thing from a girl such as my youngest sister. Indeed he took what he wanted and that was enough for him.

Whilst we were being shunned by Meryton society, Uncle Gardiner and Papa were in town searching for Lydia and as the months went by things steadily became worse. Mamma's health was beginning to fail. At first she had not missed a meal, but slowly her appetite began to decrease, then her weight, she hardly spoke and her good looks slowly began to depart. Papa was much the same; he would return to Longbourn occasionally, weary, drawn and lacking in humour. Mary's studies became, if possible even more studious, Jane lost her smile, I knew that the light in her eyes would never return not after this, and Mr Bingley's desertion of her. Kitty had always been sickly, but surprisingly she became a lifeline, faced with the realties of Lydia's actions she became more serious, more mature. Kitty helped me support the family through it all. She flourished without the influence of Lydia.

Kitty and I took care of Mamma and ran the household, Jane was invited to London by Aunt Gardiner after we informed her of Jane's situation, and it seemed the best thing to do. It relieved our burden slightly, but only for a while, as not long after we began to feel like terribly selfish sisters'.

In February Mamma passed away, quietly, it was so out of her character that it made her passing all the more poignant for us.

Father returned home again in mid May looking even more despondent than before, he tried to lock himself away in his library but Kitty and I insisted that we spoke with him. We were well aware that being alone was not any good. He began berating himself for being a bad father; I started to cry at that, it was Kitty that comforted both of us. She rose from her seat and kissed our father's brow exclaiming that he was not a bad father. "You are a good girl Kitty, but I fear you shall never be a sensible young lady if you fail to see your father's failings!" The three of us laughed, but the sound of approaching hoof beats stopped us short. An express had arrived.

Unsealing the letter, Papa read quietly to himself whilst Kitty and I eagerly awaited the news, watching as he read it was clear the news was not good. He turned deathly white and eventually dropped the letter. "What is it Papa?" Kitty asked urgently, there was no response at all; it was as if he couldn't hear a word that was being said to him. Picking up the letter I read it aloud to everyone:

_Gracechurch Street, London, May 12th 1813_

_My Dear Brother,_

_At last I am able to send tidings of my niece. The news I fear is very poor, and will undoubtedly shock you exceedingly. There is no gentle way to break the news. Mrs Gardiner suggested that we search the poor houses, as you are aware and my search began yesterday upon your departure. Two were visited to no avail. Neither of the superintendents had heard of or seen a girl matching the description or the name of Lydia Bennet._

_Disheartened I began to walk away when a young girl, barely a child stopped me, her name she told me was Bessie, not sure what quite to make of her, I did however inquire of her business with me. She only asked that I follow her. I was lead down a back alleyway and into a house. By the fire was a basket with a baby. She informed me the child was Lydia's natural daughter._

_Not inclined to believe her I began to turn away, she comprehended my motivation and stopped me for an instant, saying that I must believe her. I inquired after Lydia again, Miss Bessie once more insisted the baby was Lydia's but refused to tell me of Lydia's whereabouts. Eventually I was able to withdraw the information that my niece, and I am sorry to inform you of this, is dead. Miss Bessie handed me a note from Lydia explaining the circumstances, I will not trouble you with the details, however, arrangements need to be made for your granddaughter, Rachel._

_While I understand that you have just returned from town, your presence is required here once more to deal with certain matters, we shall expect you soon. Jane is most upset but sends you her love, she refuses to see the baby._

_Yours &c Edw. Gardiner_

The letter from Uncle Gardiner was not thoroughly read at the time. Kitty and I were both to distracted by our father, his breathing was shallow, his face pale, and he was clutching his chest. We called for the butler to aid us, just as Papa collapsed onto the floor, he was carried upstairs and the doctor was summoned. All this was useless however, within minutes our dear Father had suffered heart failure and had died.

Mr Collins, the insufferable man was in Meryton within days, Charlotte, being slightly more sensitive had remained at Hunsford, although perhaps that was due to the fact that she was in the last stages of her confinement. He tried daily to condone us. Kitty refused to see him, and I confess to being anything but pleasant to him. Only Mary thought his motives pure. If Mamma had been there she would have said that he was "Viewing it all as his furnishings and property." I even found myself making that very same comment, however ridiculous it was.

Aunt and Uncle Gardiner arrived with Jane and the baby to support us and offered to take us all to town when we had to leave Longbourn. Mr Collins was generous enough to let us stay till he had cleared up his affairs with Lady Catherine and Charlotte had her child and was well enough to travel. Mary refused to come with us; she had decided that her life was unsatisfactory; instead she journeyed to France, and joined a convent! Undoubtedly it would suit her very well, from what little we have heard from her once since she left England, it does seem to be the case. Kitty distressed by the news of her favourite sister's death, and under Mary's guidance she seemed to find solace in the church. Though not in the same was as Mary, Kitty it seemed found comfort in our minister's nephew, Mr Jonathan Thursfield. They announced that they planned to be married as soon as our deep mourning was over, and he had taken his orders.

After Kitty and Mr Thursfield married they removed to his new living and rectory, in Somerset, with Rachel, who Kitty adores. Jane agreed, to go with them, not knowing what else to do now that our parents were both dead, there was nothing left for her to do it seemed. While I refused to sit pretty, so to speak, and live off the charity of relatives. Thus I decided to take up a governess' position.

Mrs Turner contacted me after I had Uncle Gardiner place an advertisement in the paper. Charlotte said she would write to Lady Catherine DeBourgh when I informed her of my plans, but I did not think I could face it. I could not face Mr Collin's either, she offered to let me stay with her at Longbourn and help her take care of the baby. She could not stand the thought of me working as a governess. To be perfectly honest, working as a governess is not my idea of fun either, and certainly not in the city, but I am earning a living. I have food and a home, what more could I want?

There are things I know I should probably regret now, like refusing to marry my cousin Mr Collins, perhaps we would not be in such a disastrous state. My sisters and I would all have a home and although Lydia would still undoubtedly have gone to Brighton. Or even if I had married Mr Darcy, although I shudder at the very notion, Lydia could not have gone to Brighton then. And trusting Mr Wickham, why did he seem so trust worthy?

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"Excuse me Miss…" A quite voice at the door way whispered. I looked up to see a girl around my age, her hair was flaming red and her eyes vivid green and despite her freckly skin, altogether she was very pretty.

"Yes?"

"Mrs Turner sent me upstairs Miss to see if you required any luncheon, since you have been travelling and the like." I grinned again at the housekeepers determined pampering.

"No, no it is perfectly alright. I do not require anything, thank you erm…"

"Elsie ma'am." Said the maid bobbing a quick curtsey.

"Thank you Elsie, I am Elizabeth Bennet."

"Thank you Miss Bennet. Mrs Turner says that I'm to unpack your belongings for you, is that to your approval ma'am?"

"Yes, yes, would you like some help."

"No, I mean I don't mind ma'am." She replied nervously, as if unsure I should be doing the servants work, where as I was uncertain that I could make use of the servants like a family member.

Elsie was a very pleasant girl, she was smart and quickly understood any instructions I gave her, and she was in possession of a quick wit as well. She was able to mime Mrs Turner exactly; I thought I would burst from laughing. She gossiped about the other maids, though it was never out of spite. She told me about Alice, her sister, "And she's such a flirt ma'am like I never did see afore, she's set her cap at Joseph, but she don't know…" She stopped, blushing. Not liking to pry I simply raised my eyebrow, for I did not wish to upset her when it seemed we were becoming such good friends, as I understood it servants were not exactly welcoming to those such as myself, somewhere between the family and the hirelings although as I saw it since I was receiving a wage I was one of them too. By two o'clock our work was finished, my bookshelves were lined with books Mr Collins had permitted me to take from Longbourn, for you know he never read novels! Sheet music was piled on top of the Spinet and gowns were hung away. Elsie bobbed a quick curtsey and said she would inform the housekeeper we were done. Suddenly I felt extremely tired and I lay back on my bed, before I knew it my eyes closed and I had fell asleep.

At just past three I was woken by a faint tapping on my door, after checking my appearance in the mirror of my dressing table, and quickly re-arranging a few curls, I opened the door, "Begging your pardon Miss Bennet, but I thought you should like me to introduce you to the children now, since it is very near their tea time, would that be to your liking ma'am?"

"Very much so, I thank you." I replied as I, followed my elderly companion out of the room and along the corridor at a relatively slow pace.

"I fear they've been quite troublesome to Mrs Chambers and Martha today, what with all the excitement." I raised my eyebrow again; surely they could not be in such raptures because of my presence? Seeing my querying expression she continued, "The master and mistress return from their grand tour of the continent tomorrow, they've been gone a full year."

"The continent, how lovely that must have been." I expressed that one thought, but not my true opinion of absent parents who leave their children for a year or more to pursue their own pleasures, and leaving their children to the care of just the household staff, "Then the children have been quite alone, I can imagine they must be enthused by their return."

"Oh no Miss Bennet, not quite alone for the master's sister has been here most of the time, but she has gone away for the month as well."

Any more conversation we might have had ceased as Mrs Turner opened the door to the day nursery. The room was large and very comfortably furnished, with books, dolls, tea sets, toy soldiers, a Noah's Ark, a baby house, and hobby horses. There was a sharp looking old woman was dosing in a chair by the window and a young nursemaid tidying up. The three children were quietly seated on the floor, the two girls involved in dressing their dolls and the little boy with his fortress. "Cupid is coming." Began the eldest girl.

"How is he coming?"

"He's skipping,"

"He's striding,"

"He's stomping," Added the boy joining in.

"He's strolling,"

"He's singing,"

"No Roberta, he can't have come singing."

"Why not?"

"Because singing isn't a way of moving silly."

"But it ends with an 'ing'!" Little Roberta argued, then turned, I presume to ask one of the elders if it counted, it was then she noticed myself and Mrs Turner standing in the door way and gasped, drawing her sisters attention as well. The eldest quickly rose to her feet and smoothed out her skirts then instructed her brother and sister to stand as well. Roberta ran forward to Mrs Turner, "Can Cupid come singing, Mrs Turner, can he?"

"Why yes I do believe he can." She smiled indulgently at the little child, "Now children," she began, "This is your new governess, Miss Bennet. Miss Bennet, this is Miss Priscilla Sutton, Miss Roberta Sutton and Master Thomas Sutton." I curtsied to them all.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Miss Bennet." They chorused as Priscilla dropped an elegant curtsey. Roberta wobbled slightly while attempting to curtsey and Thomas made an attempt to bow but it was more of a bob. The noise awoke the nanny snoozing and she and the nursemaid made their way over. I was introduced to Mrs Chambers, she was a tall woman and reminded me overall of a red hot poker, her very demeanour taught me instantly who ruled the roost in this nursery, if I had been younger I may have trembled but I knew how to hold my ground with people more powerful than myself, Lady Catherine DeBourgh being a prime example. Martha, a young girl of no more than perhaps sixteen, was a complete contrast to Mrs Chambers, she reminded me of a mouse, with straw coloured hair and dull brown eyes, little and plump.

While I was absorbed in my own analysis, the children were gazing at me curiously. "Miss Bennet's pretty, isn't she?" Roberta asked whispering to her sister.

"Her dress is a very ugly colour!" Declared Priscilla, smoothing out her pristine white frock once more, I glanced down at my grey muslin, it was an ugly dark shade, but suitable for mourning clothes.

"Miss Bennet," I felt a tugging at my hand and looked down at little Thomas, "Will you play soldiers with me?" I was more than pleased by this suggestion, having no brothers we had not had a set but I remembered playing it with Charlotte's younger brothers.

"I would love to Thomas." I consented.

"However, Master Tom," Here Mrs Chambers cut in, "It is very near your tea time, I suggest you and your sisters go and wash your hands, Martha, go and see that they do so properly please. Miss Bennet, shall you stay for tea?" Again I replied in the affirmative.

I stayed in the nursery over tea, followed by tonic, and played a quick game of soldiers with Thomas, before the girls commandeered my time to help them re arrange the furniture in the baby house's drawing room; it was surprising how much time that task required. At five o'clock dinner was served. Thomas at this point had a tantrum and refused to eat his boiled fish and boiled potato. He only quieted down when Mrs Chambers ordered Martha to fetch laudanum. By half past six the three children were tucked up into bed.

Upon returning to my own chamber I sank back down on the sofa and contemplated going back to sleep. My head was starting to pound, I had not though children could be so troublesome, if it had not been for Thomas's fit of temper I should have been quite fine. Instead I found myself rubbing my throbbing temples and sending down a note to ask for my own dinner on a tray that evening. Elsie brought my tray up for me, with a cold compress inquiring after my health. I assured her that I would be quite well after a good nights sleep and regretted having had a chance to come below stairs, she said that it was quite unfortunate as all the other girls had looked forward to meeting me as well. When she left me she offered to come up the next morning to help me dress, "Mrs Turner said it'd be helpful to ya." She added quietly, indeed it would be most helpful, Jane or one of our maids had always helped me dress before now and I was certain that if I was to meet the Mr and Mrs Sutton I would need to appear well turned out, so as not to give a bad impression to my new employers.

Although I had never been of a frivolous nature, the following morning I spent an abnormal amount of time deciding what I should wear. Discontented with the black bombazines and crapes, now trimmed with lighter colours; or the muslins and batiste in greys, mauves, violets, purples, pansies, doves and heliotropes, Miss Priss's words from yesterday rang in my head "Her dress is an ugly colour." Combined with my desire to make a good impression I inevitably found my eyes wandering to the pastels, creams and whites which I knew became me far better. With a sigh of dissatisfaction plucked grey muslin trimmed with lilac and Elsie arranged my wayward curls, taming them with matching lilac ribbons weaving in and out. The servants had all breakfasted by the time I made my way downstairs and whilst I ate alone I was informed by Mrs Turner that the master and mistress would return by eleven o'clock. The children had a holiday today, I did wonder briefly why I had come at all until later in the week, but instead asked if it would be convenient if I had them assembled in the East sitting room at half past the hour.

At the designated time of Mr and Mrs Sutton's arrival I had the children wriggling excitedly in the sitting room, Mrs Chambers and Martha had been good enough to see that they were all impeccably dressed and spotlessly clean, but children are not supposed to stay clean and soon enough their excitement had prevented them from staying still Thomas had a smudge of dirt on the side of his nose, "Thomas come here and let me clean your nose." He obediently moved towards me but squirmed as I rubbed hard, before I had finished he had escaped my grasp and was dancing around excitedly once more. At this point I offered to play Taboo with them stating that the letter 'D' could not be used.

"An animal that has wings, Thomas?" Began Priscilla.

"A bird, Bobbie girl's clothes?"

"Spenser, Priscilla, a girl's toy?"

"A baby house, Thomas what do you do to music?"

"You sing! What do you do with crayons and paper, Priscilla?"

"Write, Bobbie people with pistols,"

"Fight, Miss Bennet, who's higher than an earl?"

"A…a Marquis." I grinned after nearly getting caught out by a six year old, "Tom, what do gardeners do?"

"Plant flowers, Bobbie, what animals bark?"

"Dogs!" She cried then suddenly groaned as the other two shouted triumphantly. Thomas began jumping again and pulled his sisters hair, the ribbon coming loose along with a few grips and all her hair came down. Now I confess I have never been very good with hair and after attempting unsuccessfully to return it to the original style, I began to braid the long, thick mousey coloured hair, my fingers working nimbly as the children began another round with the letter 'T' their voices raising with excitement.

Just at that moment I heard a voice, raised in anger, "That is _enough_ madam!" I assumed that this was the master and mistress and quickly told the children to sit still and behave, Priscilla and Thomas, sitting on either side of me, with Bobbie on my lap my head bent over my work as I tried to make her presentable. Too late I heard the door open but did not look up. The other two rose from their seats and I felt Roberta straining to go and greet her parents as well.

A woman with a cold voice spoke, "Hello, my dears." Considering she had been gone a year she hardly sounded enthusiastic, "Oh no Thomas, desist from your activity it shall crease my new gown." Roberta was impatient for me to complete my task, but also I was determined to finish, just so I could see this woman.

"Oh yes, I do believe you have grown Priscilla, I'm not certain thought." She said weakly. Really, this woman called herself a mother! I placed the last grip into the plaited braided bun and tapped her head.

"There you are Bobbie, all done!" I declared as she kissed my cheek affectionately and hopped off my knee. I stood up ready to look at the new faces before me.

No! I stopped. It couldn't be? I looked at the face staring purposefully at me. _What in the world is he doing here?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Thank you so much to everyone for their encouraging feedback, I really enjoyed reading it. Hope you enjoy this chapter as much.

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**Chapter 2**

My first impulse was to run, but I was frozen to the spot, unable to move an inch. I could feel my face quickly flushing bright vivid red, as my gaze continued on him. His stare remained steadfastly fixed on me. My only consolation was that he was blushing too. He was the first to recover, "Miss Bennet." His voice shook ever so slightly and he managed to bow, breaking the uncomfortable eye contact.

"Mr Darcy." I returned dropping a slight curtsey, whilst twisting my hands uncomfortably. "I… I did not realise, sir." I succeeded in muttering out incoherently.

"Oh are you two acquainted?" The woman interrupted excitedly.

"Why in some respect yes. Let me introduce you, Miss Bennet, my erm… Lady Arabella Darcy. Madam, Miss Elizabeth Bennet, the children's new governess." As he said these words his voice got lower and lower. The usual pleasantries were exchanged by her and perhaps I returned them as civilly as I could, for truly I was so embarrassed that I could not remember.

The next thing I knew I had bolted out of the room and up the stair case, back to my rooms. Once there I began impetuously dragging out my trunks and flinging my belongings into them haphazardly. The only coherent though was that I must leave, immediately, without fail. I could not bear to be in this situation, in front of that man! It was just too mortifying. The only viable option was that I leave – for I too have my pride and to be in the employ of my spurned suitor was more than I could possibly bear. I could not leave with my head held high. To remain here in this house, in his presence everyday with him gazing at me! Mocking me! It was just more than I could live with. There was a timid tapping on my door and I recklessly bid entry, "Miss…Miss Bennet, Master Darcy would like to see you in his study, if you please ma'am." And quickly she ducked her head out of the door, clearly shocked by my wild behaviour, for she must have observed the state of my room. She awaited me outside, for quite some while, for I needed to calm down before I could possibly face him, have a conversation with him. Impossible!

He angrily bid us entry to his study and I found him with his back to the room, staring out the window. A stance I was well familiar with. I had seen him thus on many occasions, and always when he was discomposed, he would glare out of the window until his temper had subsided. I stood and waited for his discomposure to pass, he was silent and so was I. While waiting I wondered what he was thinking, and which of the two of us was more mortified by our present situation. "Miss Bennet." He began in his usual stern manner, "Perhaps you would like to explain to me how it is that you came to be on my payroll?"

"I am truly very sorry sir, you… you must believe me that I was unaware that… you see I thought… that is to say… I did not realise… my apologies sir." Oh, how was it he always succeeded in vexing and agitating me so.

"Miss Bennet, your apologies are not needed, nor were they requested, I would like an explanation and I am accustomed to receiving what I demand."

"I thought, sir, the Sutton children they are not yours." Was my ridiculously stupid reply.

"Indeed, I am a perfectly certain the last time we met I did not have any children ma'am, your intelligence continues to astound me!" He replied icily, I rose from my chair, after everything I had said to him in the past he still continued to treat me like…like a speck of dirt. "Sit down Miss Bennet, until this has been discussed you shall not leave this room, do you comprehend?"

"With all due respect sir, our notions of a 'discussion' seem to be operating on vastly different levels. I will not sit here to be talked down to by you again. I do not have to remain here and suffer under your scrutiny or opinions. This discussion, as you call it, is one we have covered before and I for one do not intend to repeat it."

"I believe Miss Bennet you have a job to do. I also believe that since you are now most decidedly my inferior it is not your place to continue to challenge me at every turn, you shall do as you are instructed."

"You are mistaken Mr Darcy, there is no reason for me to remain here, to live in such conditions, I shall leave immediately!" I declared irrationally.

He began pacing and I envisioned another scene, very similar to this one from a year and a half ago. He was stomping about the room in that infuriating manner after I had refused his paltry attempt at a proposal of marriage. I had not seen him since then, and I was thankful for it. But, now we were acting in exactly the same manner as always, it was insufferable and at the same time it was amusing. I laughed in fact I confess that I was close to hysterics. "Miss Bennet I fail to see what can possibly amuse you so much at this very moment, I believe I said once before that I disapprove of everything in life being rendered ridiculous at a joke."

I suppose he thought me to be laughing at him. I suppose in such a situation as he was in, he too was fairly mortified. I however, had no thought for him because I too was mortified beyond belief and if I did not laugh at the situation I would have been in tears and I was _never_ going to cry in front of Mr Darcy. Besides what did I care for his opinion of me? I have never desired his good opinion. "I am…I am sorry sir." I managed to gasp, "It is just… well do you not find it slightly amusing."

"No Miss Bennet, I do not find your conjectures amusing in the least bit. And I would urge you to desist so we may continue our _discussion_ in a sensible manner."

Looking up to face him, stifling a giggle I could perceive some pain in his eyes and thought again how my behaviour must appear. Cruel. That is the only word that fitted. In my opinion it seemed wisest to laugh at the situation. To him it more likely looked like the cruel sentiments of the scornful woman who had once refused him. He was a proud man, I should have known better than to laugh. Looking down at my hands and closing my eyes, I took a few calming breathes preparing to tell him my thoughts, "Sir, it is just that our 'discussion' is taking a similar bent to the last one we had and well I am certain it is not one either of us has particularly wanted to repeat. I was not laughing at you Mr Darcy."

He winced, perhaps that was not the best thing to say but it had to be said, "Miss Bennet, that… _incident _is not something I want discussed in this house ever and if you chose to remain here then perhaps you should abide to it."

"Yes sir."

"Now can we agree to remain cordial to one another or would you prefer to leave I can procure you another position if you desire."

I swallowed and scowled slightly, unsure how to respond, would he prefer me to be gone, I supposed he did, "I will defer to your wishes sir."

"If you agree to abide by certain rules then I am certain that we can inhabit the same house in an amicable fashion." He returned coldly.

Although angered that it should all fall upon my shoulders, and that once again the wretched man was acting haughtily believing himself above any sort of reformation I consented to his wishes. For to return to Gracechurch Street after only one day was a weak and needy action, and Mr Darcy was not going to scare me off that easily. It seemed some of my old pep was returning to me again. Thus I asked him what exactly my role would entail. He told me he wanted me to teach the children. The girls needed to learn music, geography, history, the modern languages, sowing, a little accounting, drawing if I could. I assured him I knew the basics and had some little sketches and imitations with me however; I certainly could not claim to be a proficient. In turn he assured me it was not necessary and a master would be hired for particular subject when my knowledge had been exhausted. Thomas needed to be taught the rudiments too all that was required there was to teach him to read, I was informed a tutor would be hired when the time came for his education to be broadened, in Greek, Latin and so forth. "I can read a little if you want me to show him the basics." He looked a little astonished by this, no doubt he was of the opinion that women did not need to know such things.

"You astonish me Miss Bennet, who could have taught you such a thing?"

"My father taught me, sir."

"Ah, I forgot you never had a governess, was your father trying to raise five independent young men." I bristled, was he trying to say something about my family's behaviour, undoubtedly for if I recall we were all uncivilised, uncultured savages. I opened my mouth to start another argument with him, fortunately, or maybe unfortunately there was a knock on the door interrupting us and omitting the butler entry to the study.

"Excuse me Mr Darcy, Miss Darcy has arrived just this minute."

"Thank you, Evans. Miss Bennet that shall do for now, the children's presence shall be required this evening after our dinner I should like you to join us." And with that he left, without giving me a chance to answer.

* * *

Since the children had been given a holiday I was left with the afternoon to myself and I had nothing to do. My belongings had all been arranged, I had written to Jane and the Gardiners the evening before to inform them of my safe arrival. The letter had been sent so I could not add what had transpired to it. Instead I decided to write to Kitty and her family; she knew something of the past level of my acquaintance with Mr Darcy and in some respects was more in my confidence now than Jane anyway, I had not wanted to burden her with my problems in the months she had been in London. 

After that was completed I puzzled over what to do next, I did not want to disturb the rest of the family by using the library or the forcing my presence upon the children, since I was their governess I doubted that I was the person they most wanted to see on a holiday. Instead I set about working on lesson plans for the children. Thomas was easy, a hornbook and copybook or slate could be acquired somewhere in the house. I had gathered from Priscilla that she had had a governess before now but that although Roberta had learnt to read she had no other learning. I would start simply with her, and she was only six perhaps I would check her reading writing ability and then teach her to stitch and Priscilla I would set to work on a sampler. It was then I discovered that I did not have any samplers to show her so set about work on a new one. While working I ruminated on my current position again. Would I be able to tolerate living under the same roof as Mr Darcy everyday for an indefinitely long period of time? I supposed I would, doubting that we should come into daily contact anyway, Lady Arabella did not seem overly interested in her children and he was not their real father nor had he chosen to adopt them as his own. I would endure this for as long as I possibly could, determined not to be scared off by that man.

By mid afternoon, the sampler was half way to completed, the flowers, birds and curlicues at the top and running down the sides were finished, save a small section which I intended to demonstrate on as well as half the alphabet, all the upper case letters were stitched in and the lower case had not been started, for the same reason, the verse would be left until a later date as it still had to be selected. It was growing dark so it was laid aside till a candle was lighted or I would work on it during the evening.

My meal that evening was eaten in Mrs Turner's rooms along with Lady Arabella's maid Marie who spoke incredibly broken English and Mrs Chambers, who was the most abominably rude woman in the world! We were joined for coffee by the butler Mr Evans, the first footman, who everyone called James, but whose real name was Robert and Frasier, Mr Darcy's valet, apparently his steward was married and always ate with his family.

After returning to my rooms to dress for the evening in the drawing room, once again I puzzled over what to wear. My agonies were saved by a knock on the door and Elsie again made an appearance, thankfully. For an inexplicable reason tonight I wanted to look pretty and the colours presented to me all seemed so ugly, because they were a reminder of the ugly truth of my current situation, they were there to remind me that not only were my mother and father being mourned, but also Lydia. Mr Collins once wrote in a letter 'her death would have been a blessing in comparison.' Would it have been preferable to mourn Lydia if she had not died in disgrace? Was that an unkind thought?

Elsie selected a dress for me finally, it was an heliotrope batiste. The rich purple colour became me quite well it was trimmed with black and Elsie wove ribbons of both colours into my hair which she arranged in smooth ringlets. She chattered away quite happily for the greater part of this time, "An' you still haven't met all the girls yet, Miss Bennet, 'tis a shame you had to go to the Pugs Parlour to eat…." She abruptly trailed off blushing fiercely, almost the same shade as her hair. "Beg pardon ma'am." She muttered quietly.

"For what Elsie?"

"My tongue ma'am I'm sorry for bein' so impert'nent, Mrs Turner said I ought' be more careful." Sensing Elsie concern I sought to reassure her.

"Elsie, have no fear of me, I am just the same as you."

"But here you are dressed all fancy and ready-in' yourself to go down and sit with the family for the evenin' and here's me talkin' to you like a chambermaid."

"I am not really spending the evening with the family, I am watching the children. Mr Darcy certainly would not consider me as being in his company, he made that clear."

"Oh no ma'am I'm sure he didn't mean it, he's the kindest master that ever was seen, I declare!" Again her tongue began to get the better of her and she blushed at her forwardness. She couldn't speak again after that. It seemed Mr Darcy had an admirer! Because if not, there was no plausible explanation that she should think well of him; well in my opinion anyway.

The children had been allowed to stay up later that evening, instead of retiring at half past six when their parents would eat their evening meal they accompanied me downstairs at eight o clock, quietly and well presented, the girls again decked out in white and blue and Thomas in blue also, they looked very sweet. Somehow they managed to stay seated while we waited for the entrance of the Darcy's but there was a significant amount of wriggling going on too. They amused themselves with dolls and a single toy solider while I set to work on my sampler; I had selected an appropriate verse while pondering on my position that afternoon:

"If I am right Oh teach my heart  
still in the right to stay  
If I am wrong Thy grace impart  
to find a better way."(1)

As I set about working on this Roberta and Priscilla questioned what I was doing. This time when the door opened I quickly rose from my seat to greet the three Darcys to be promptly introduced to Miss Georgiana Darcy, she was on a larger scale than I and not as handsome as her brother, the few minutes which were spent saying how nice it was to meet her convinced me that she was only shy not proud as Mr Wickham had said, I should have known better. Why should anything that man said be trusted? Once again that day I cursed my stupidity, how could the words of that man still be listened to as if they held credibility after all that had happened, yet still I seemed to think there was veracity in his words.

The brother and sister settled down both with a book and the children scampered around their mother for a few minutes until her complete lack of interest deterred them, in fact she lacked interest in anything, she sat on a sopha alone back straight looking around listlessly, occasionally plucking at the silk folds of her skirt or adjusting her hair style. After about half an hour Mr Darcy went out the room and several minutes later Thomas' fortress and all his soldiers were transported downstairs. He aided Thomas in setting them up whilst on his hands and knees and remained there by the fire to play with him. They made a pretty picture, one could almost have assumed they were father and son but for the great contrast in their colourings, the Sutton children were all fair compared to Mr Darcy, whose dark curls I had always admired. Priscilla and Roberta walked over to the window seat where I was working and tugging my sleeve Roberta asked me most politely to play with them. Mr Darcy looked up when he hear the inquiry "Do not disturb Miss Bennet if she is busy girls." He said in an unreadable tone, "You can come and play with Thomas and myself if you like."

"Soldiers are for boys, sir." Roberta exclaimed making the funniest face and causing both him and me to laugh. Stopping short I realised I had never heard him laugh before and recalling Colonel Fitzwilliam's words about him being 'lively enough in other places' I resented that never before seen this side of his character , for he was more likeable when he laughed.

"There is no need, if the girls want to play then I shall join them, truly my work is not that important."

"Disagreeing with me again Miss Bennet?"

"As always sir." I laughed and sat down with the girls. Miss Darcy's astonished gaze followed me and remained steadfastly upon me, it was almost as unnerving as her brothers. However, unlike his hers were questioning looks of awe in her face, almost as if she were astonished that I should be so impertinent to her brother. Her book lay on her lap completely forgotten, "Shall you not join us Miss Darcy?" She nodded her head and cautiously came to join us on the sopha we were placed at.

Young children have an astonishing ability to 'make-believe' but it is one of those characteristics which become lost with age. So whilst Priscilla and Roberta were quite content to babble away in nonsense to the dolls there was a definite need for sane conversation on my part. Talking to Miss Darcy proved quiet difficult all I received in answer was a monosyllabic 'yes' or 'no.' Instead I recalled that it was only polite to inquire of Mr Darcy after common acquaintances, of which there were not many, but I was most interested to hear of Mr Bingley, but thought that it may be easier to begin else where so tactfully I inquired after Colonel Fitzwilliam. "He is well thank you Miss Bennet; he is on the continent at the moment with his regiment My Aunt and Uncle are slightly concerned for him, but he will be back by August. No doubt unharmed as he always is." Smiling slightly at this news I saw that he was not. That was quite possibly the longest sentence the man had ever uttered in a civil conversation, yet he looked for a second as if he had said too much or that he was angered by something.

"And Miss Bennet how is your family?" Lady Arabella suddenly joined and husband and wife both turned to glare at each other. It was one of the most difficult moments I had ever experience.

"Quiet well thank you." I answered stiffly. Hoping fervently that we would not have to go into great detail about the current situation of my family, the drawing room was not the place to discuss it and most certainly not in front of the children. This was certainly not a polite topic of conversation.

"You are in mourning." She observed rudely. Goodness, surely this was not Mr Darcy's definition of good breeding, for if it was it seemed all she had done was stand in front of a mirror and recite, 'niminy piminy.'(2) Looking over at him to see how he was bearing under such a display he once again wore his mask of pride so it was impossible to understand what he was thinking but knowing the man well enough I was almost certain that he was not accustomed to bearing with such displays. Why Lady Arabella was nearly as bad as my mother had been on occasions.

"Yes."

"Who…"

"How are your sisters Miss Bennet?" Mr Darcy quickly put in, evidently trying to stop his meddlesome wife.

"They are well thank you, sir. Kitty is married and settled, to a _clergyman_." I added purposefully.

"Your mother must be quiet proud."

"I am sure she would have been." I commented a look of understanding crossed over his face.

"I am sorry, and how does Miss Bennet do, Miss Elizabeth?"

"She is…" How could one tell him that she was much worse than the last time we had spoken? "She is living with my Aunt and Uncle at Gracechurch Street." He looked puzzled at my choice of the word 'living', "Longbourn has passed to Mr Collins, sir. I am surprise Lady Catherine has not informed you."

At the mention of that lady his face clouded, it seemed that was not the best thing to say. Then I realised why, Mr Darcy was to marry Miss DeBourgh I imagined all contact with her had been broken on his marriage, due to her ladyship's disapproval. That meant that he did not know about my current situation and now probably was not the best time to bring it up. "I am very sorry to hear that Miss Bennet." He commented stiffly and then closed his mouth completely; it seemed that our conversation was at an end. Thankfully, although would it be better to reveal the truth to them sooner rather than later. It would not do to think they had been deceived and the master of propriety himself would deem me a disgrace. It would be best to get it over and done with before becoming too attached to the children. Because, no doubt I would be turned out of the house before you could say Jack Robinson. Tomorrow, I would ask for an interview with him and reveal Lydia's disgrace to him, then return to Cheapside with well, no dignity in tact, But, surely that was the least of my concerns. I should have left this morning when given the option, surely he did not want me here anyway, but then he said that he did.

"Do you have two sisters then Miss Bennet?" Lady Arabella interrupted.

"I have fou… three sisters, ma'am." Out of the corner of my eye Mr Darcy's head jolted up and he had a most queer expression on his face.

"Can you not count Miss Bennet, should we be concerned that our children's governess is unable to calculate?" She laughed annoyingly at her own joke, but it was more like an attempt to conceal her rude comments. It seemed that the lady had at least some breeding although she was close to being of the Miss Bingley breed, yet somehow worse.

"Madam!" Mr Darcy passed his hand over his forehead then got up to stride to the window and stare out of it again. There cannot have been much for him to look at it was pitch black and even the street lighting did little to aid one's vision. She paid him little heed and continued on with her inquisition, thoughtlessly.

"Tell me sir, since you two are passed acquaintances you should advise me on how many sisters she has."

"Four is that not correct Miss Bennet?"

Sadly I looked down at my hands and began to fiddle nervously with my fingernails. Now we were coming to the point. I shook my head and the room was silent, continuing to look downwards. Miss Darcy passed me a handkerchief, thinking that it was needed shaking my curls with a quiet 'thank you' followed by several deep breaths my eyes ventured upwards to look Mr Darcy in the face. He looked a little flustered, a little astonished. Lady Arabella for once looked interested in her surroundings; apparently she had a penchant for gossip, but then again there are very few women who do not. The children, evidently aware of the adult's curiosity had fallen silent and although they looked up occasionally they for the most part were more interested in their toys than anything else. Maybe the conversation would be left now. Surely it would other wise go beyond the bounds of politeness.

"I think you must be incorrect for Miss Bennet proclaims she has but three, sir. What have you to say in defence of your mistake?"

"It was four, I am certain you had four sisters." He stated looking incredibly distressed and shaking his head, "Miss Bennet, then you, then Miss Mary, Miss Catherine and Miss Lydia." He counted them all off on his fingers then looked at me as if for some form of approval or agreement. Personally I had no desire to continue the conversation and thought he had understood that.

"Indeed I did sir." I murmured quietly. "Lydia died in May."

His eyes widened, I think both of us were recalling our memories of Lydia, the strong, stout vigorous young girl, who was forever running around the countryside chasing officers to flirt with. For these images would have been both mine and Mr Darcy's last images of her. They hardly corresponded with an early death. "I am very sorry." He muttered.

"Was she ill Miss Bennet?" Again Lady Arabella inquired thoughtlessly.

Now how was one expected to answer that? "No."

"Then how, was there some sort of accident."

"No" In my mind it was an accident, but somehow I did not think they would see it the same way as I did. Lydia should never have been allowed to go Brighton, and then she should have been properly chaperoned. The Forster's and Brighton had been an accident waiting to happen.

"Surely it must have been…"

"Madam!" Once again Mr Darcy attempted vainly to stop her onslaught of questions. However, it seemed she was impervious to his orders and only turned to give him a stately glare. I could not help but feel a little kinship with the woman, despite my dislike of her. Any woman who could defy the overbearing Mr Darcy was worthy of respect, even if, as his wife, it was not her place.

"Surely it must have been one or the other."

"Miss Bennet…" He sounded very cross. What had I done wrong?

"No, no. It is only right that we know our governess's situation, sir." She brushed away his terse words. 'Only right' indeed, Lady Arabella was one of those ladies who could smell gossip at twenty paces it appeared, for before she had not been half so interested in the welfare of her children. It was at this moment that I knew there would be no way of escaping this; she was like a hound on the trail of a fox. I was the fox and about to die the most horrible of deaths. Taking a deep breath I took the plunge.

"My sister died in child birth."

There I had said it.

"Was she very young, it must have been a great loss for her husband?"

"Lydia was but sixteen."

"How positively horrible for her husband, still girls of such a young age should not be married." My head dropped downwards again and my cheeks flushed, it was impossible to reply, "Pray tell me how old was she when she wed, she cannot have been much more than fifteen?" She waited for an answer, looking expectantly at me the whole time.

"'Tis shameful to admit, but she never married ma'am."

Well that was an effective silencer. It appeared Lady Arabella's onslaught had finally been stopped; she looked a bit like a fish as she sat there gasping for air. "Never married!" Eventually came out of her mouth in a slightly suspicious accent, "Pardon me," she corrected herself, "never married?"

"She was full young and her companions did not take proper care of her, she was persuaded to elope." Whilst I was desperately trying to defend my situation Miss Darcy who was sitting besides me stiffened, Mr Darcy glanced over at her, quiet pale about the face as well. For a man who betrayed very little of his feelings he had certainly reacted incredibly violently, surely he could have expected something of this manner from my family. He had been a witness to Lydia's behaviour whilst at Netherfield. I was quiet confused.

"But she never married." By now Lady Arabella was sitting forward eagerly in her chair, "May one inquire after who the worthless young rake was."

"Madam!" Once again he tried to chastise her. "That is hardly a polite question. Quiet enough had been said on the subject. Miss Bennet, my sincerest apologies." Goodness, Mr Darcy apologising to me!

"No, sir, it is I who should apologise. You should hear this. You see Lydia eloped with Mr Wickham."

It was aimed as a sort of truce between the two of us, an open acknowledgement that it was I who had been in error of my opinions, which had been so openly spoken to him. For Mr Darcy had been right, Wickham was not a trustworthy man, Mr Darcy was and his warning should have been observed. That was the intended effect, in fact though it was quiet the opposite. Miss Darcy gasped audibly, paled and made to rise from the space she occupied on the floor, next to myself and the two girls, she appeared close to tears. And Mr Darcy had actually gone whiter, in anger then suddenly green. Perhaps it had not been my wisest decision ever. Seriously though, what had upset them so, whilst I was aware that he disliked the man, understandably, Miss Darcy seemed positively terrified and not just of my words but of me. "Miss Bennet," He addressed me sternly, "would you play for us." That was an order that would certainly be obeyed. It was probably to be the last as well, except for the one where I was told to pack my bags.

"Miss Bennet, do you need a page turner?" Roberta, spoke excitedly. About to accept he interrupted me,

"No thank you Roberta, you may turn Miss Bennet's pages another evening. Georgiana," Miss Darcy who had been slinking silently out the drawing room stopped dead, "would you be so kind as to turn Miss Bennet's pages." The sister silently nodded and then followed me over to the instrument, showing me where the music was kept, after several minutes of rifting through the sheets looking for something to play I found one that was suitable. Sitting down and testing the keys before singing:

"Thus, in a single day,  
Must I lose ceremony and greatness ? Alas, wicked fate!  
Caesar, my godlike beloved, is probably dead,  
Comeia and Sextus are defenceless  
And cannot come to my aid. O gods!  
There is no hope left to my life.  
I shall lament my fate,  
So cruel and so pitiless,  
As long as I have breath in my breast.  
But when I am dead  
My ghost will, wherever he may be,  
Torment the tyrant by night and by day."(3)

* * *

**1)** From Patty Coggeshall's sampler of 1792 

**2) **Little heard nowadays, it was used to deride an affected mode of pronunciation. It was first recorded in the late eighteenth century play, _The Heiress_ 1786 by General John Burgoyne 1722 – 1792. In which Lady Emily tells Miss Alscrip that to acquire the right fashionable manner all you had to do was stand in front of a mirror and repeat 'niminy piminy,' then, 'The lips cannot fail to take the right plie.'

**3) **Julius Caesar Scene III Cleopatra, solo con guardie Cleopatra: 'E pur cosi'. Aria: 'Piangero' George Fredric Handel


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note:** Thank you ever so much for your kind reviews – and your nagging to continue posting.

**Meggie: **Tease me? Never!

**Rose: **See I updated very quickly with a bit of bribery, that's probably all it will ever take. I'm flattered that at least for now you can't think of anything bad to say.

**Isthia: **By "she" you mean Lady Arabella right? Well she doesn't know anything specific about their past, so for the moment at least she's taking it fairly well.

To all my other reviews thanks, I think I managed to address all your specific queries by email. Hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as the previous two.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

As it happened, there was no summons to Mr Darcy's study the next day, nor any message from Lady Arabella instructing me to return to my relative's home in shame. In short I was left to get on with the job of teaching the children, with very little interruption. My life was quiet, but little more could be expected as my only regular society was that of the children and Mrs Turner. My regular day was always the same. At seven Elsie came and helped me dress before I would make my way down to the House Keepers rooms for breakfast. At half past ten Priscilla and Roberta's lessons would begin, at first I concentrated my efforts on only a few things, reading, writing and embroidery. Having always thought, that history, geography and such would be too much to exert on young minds that were not in the habit of regular training. The lessons would break at midday when the children were given bread and cheese to eat and after Thomas awoke from his nap. Mrs Chambers or Martha took them out to the park in the square for a walk and some 'fresh air'. During this time I was permitted to employ my time as I chose, occasionally making use of the library but more often than not returning to my rooms. Lessons began again at two in the afternoon till half three when the children broke for tea, this is when my presence was no longer required and I would occupy myself until my evening meal was served. My evening would be spent in Mrs Turner's rooms with the upper servants mostly. Once a week the children would be sent for in the drawing rooms, other than that they saw as little, if not less than I did of their parents.

The children were sweet, for the most part though not without their idiosyncrasies. Priscilla had or would have had an affectionate heart had she spent time with a parent. She was always eager for her mother's attention or approbation, though it was rarely bestowed. The child took after her mother too, she cared far too much about her 'toilette' she refused to wear brown calico pinafores over her dresses as she declared the colour far too ugly. "Mamma would never be seen in such a beastly thing!" It seemed fruitless to forbid it. She took after her mother in more ways than one. She was listless, it was rare that she could be made to concentrate for more than half an hour on a task, yet she was clever and a good pupil if made to apply herself properly. Eventually I won the argument over the pinafore when I taught her to write in a pen and ink using a copy book, on several occasions she spilt ink down her front and despite finding that it was a good excuse to shirk her lessons for a while because she went to go and change. Her tactic soon stopped when the gowns returned from the laundry still stained with black ink. "Miss Bennet," She looked at me solemnly when she came in one morning, "from now on I shall always wear my overalls."

"Why would that be Priscilla?"

"Because four of my gowns are quite ruined and Mrs Chambers says that I cannot have anymore. I am very sorry for not listening Miss Bennet." She spoke stiffly.

Roberta was a far more complying pupil, although she did not have the intelligence of her sister, she was by no means stupid. Where as Priscilla was clever and understood immediately, Roberta required more assistance in learning, perhaps because she was younger. However, what she lacked in her mind was superseded by her willingness to try and her affection for everyone and her creativity. She did not excel in the more academic subjects but her needlework was neat and tidy soon she had finished a sampler with a very pretty little verse she selected herself. I had promised that after Christmas I would teach her pianoforte and she was more eager that Priscilla to learn. "It is lovely when you and Aunt Darcy play for us Miss Bennet, but it is best when you sing too." She exclaimed wriggling about on my lap.

"Then no doubt you shall become as proficient as Miss Darcy is Bobbie." I laughed at her eagerness, as a child I had been much the same but my parents had never pressured me to learn, or to practice, besides which Mary spent the greater part of her time on our instrument.

"Oh no Miss Bennet, I want to play like you."

"Do you indeed! Well then you shall not be a very accomplished young lady, for I play quite ill, your Mamma would insist that you play better."

"But Papa likes your playing, when you play he watches you all the time." Blushing at what Roberta had inadvertently allowed to slip about Mr Darcy (who it was so strange hearing called 'Papa') I managed to stutter something in reply.

The amount of time that was spent with Thomas was limited; Mr Darcy had said that his lessons would not begin until after Christmas, shortly after his fifth birthday. So I saw him only intermittently throughout the day, when he barged into the school room determined to show his sisters something or other. He was something of a handful at times his sprits were somewhat exuberant, particularly when he was taken for a walk in the park and prone to out burst of temper which ran poor Martha off her feet. He was sweet though, he had already declared to me that when he grew up he was going to marry me. I laughed out right at this, "By the time you are grown up I shall be an old maid Tom."

"But you're such a nice lady." He lisped

"Surely you will dance with plenty of young ladies at balls and marry one of them."

"Urgh!" He stuck out his tongue, "Girls are silly."

"Does that mean that I am not a girl?"

"Yes!"

"Well, what am I then?"

"I don't know, but you aren't a lady like Mamma or a girl like Priscilla or Bobbie." He frowned a little and then went back to playing with a wooden dog.

Their mother, Lady Arabella was just as I had first supposed. She was a society lady, with nothing better to do with her day than worry about the latest fashions and gossip. She had little to no interest in her children they were left to eat breakfast alone and were summoned into her presence once a week when for the hour we were there she ignored them blithely. Little interest was shown in anyone unless they were the source of some scandal, in which case she found an infinite source of delight in gossiping about them with her sister Lady Augusta Arbuthnott, the Countess of Newlyn, they were like two peas in a pod, that had been the impression they gave on the one occasion I had met Lady Arabella's sister. Sometime I wondered at Mr Darcy's decision to marry her, for she seemed just like every other woman of my acquaintance it did not seem possible that she had met with Mr Darcy's exacting standards. Unless she was very clever. Equally hard to comprehend was why she had married him, for she had security. Thomas was the heir to his father's estates and fortune why would a woman of eight and twenty re-marry? But then who was I to speculate on his decisions.

Mr Darcy? Well now he was more of a puzzle to me than he had ever been. I was more confused than ever by his actions. As Roberta had pointed out to me he continued to stare at me! It was so infuriating, for I could not understand it. At one time I had thought it to be a look of scorn, then after his proposal realized that is was tinted with a look of what I assumed to be love. So then why would he stare at me now? Why when I had refused him and he had wed another? The only possible explanation was that he saw me as being at fault. From time to time I thought him a little more amiable, yet there was that in his manner that confused me still. With the children he was far more affectionate than his wife; he played with them, occasionally visiting them in the nursery. He had quite the admirer in Roberta, who would always sit on his knee and give him a kiss, she referred to him a 'Papa' where as the others called him father, some times I wondered why she liked him so much but then Roberta seemed to like everyone. From a conversation quite early on I had managed to determine that at present Mr Bingley and his sisters were not in the country, but I had some hope that the situation between Bingley and Jane would soon be resolved.

"Miss Bennet, you have a letter." His voice interrupted my reverie as I sat at the table next to Priscilla who was puzzling over some figures.

"Papa!" Roberta, who had been diligently writing jumped from her seat to greet him, taking his hand and dragging him into the room, I grinned, she was such a dear sweet child. He sat down in her chair and then picked her up and placed her on his knee looking down at her indulgently.

"You have post Miss Bennet." He repeated handing it over to me, "I was on my way up here already when it was delivered so I thought this would be quickest, and it would save the footman a journey too."

Taking the letter out of his hand I looked down at the return address, "Oh 'tis from Kitty." Finally, it had taken her three whole weeks for her reply to my missive, I did not know her to be so negligent but then she had married only a week before I arrived here, no doubt she was busy. Slipping it into my pocket to read later I looked back up at the rest of the room.

"What are you two girls up to today?" He asked still looking at me, I turned away blushing as they informed him of their current occupation. Priscilla got out of her seat.

"Priscilla, where are you going now?"

"To show Father the sampler, which I finished yesterday." She said proudly running off to the sowing baskets which were kept in the corner.

"Fetch Bobbie's too then." I instructed knowing that Priscilla would be unwilling to show hers next to her sisters, which was the superior of the two, for Priscilla always liked to be best. She presented them both to him laying them down flat on the table.

"My, these are fine; we shall have to have them framed."

"Which do you like the best Father?"

"Oh! Well…" He looked at me desperately for an answer. "They are both very good."

"They shall be covering screens in no time." I added slyly.

"But you must say which one is the best, Father!"

"How much help did Miss Bennet give you?"

"Hardly any." Priscilla drew herself up straight, in truth she had had a fair bit of help getting started and her curlicues were still rather wobbly.

"And you Roberta?"

"Not much, did I Miss Bennet?"

"No, Bobbie's very good at embroidery and I dare say sketching and drawing too." I smiled at her.

"Well I am glad to hear it." Roberta leaned up to whisper something in his ear and he laughed, "I should compare them with Miss Bennet's sampler, really!" He raised an eyebrow at me. Before I knew it Priscilla was out of her seat again and returned baring an old piece of cloth, groaning I knew exactly what it was. I had had Jane search out old samplers from our belongings, to show Priscilla my first meager attempts, and cheer her up when she was having difficulty with hers. Mine was very poor indeed, the flowers and birds looked like…well lets just say when Mamma saw it she nearly had a fit, particularly when compared to Jane's.

"Now which one is best?"

"I like them all equally," he said, "Priscilla's is very tidy, Roberta yours has flair and Miss Bennet's… it has a lovely verse."

"Very diplomatic I am sure sir." I laughed, "Can you actually make out the verse?" I asked impertinently.

"Of course I can: _'The industrious bee extracts from ev'ry flower, Its fragrant sweets, and mild balsamic power, Learn here with greatest care and nicest skill, To take the good, and to regret the ill.'_ Are you questioning my abilities to read?" He asked me with a smile.

"No indeed, for I was once informed that you never neglected your library at Pemberley, sir."

He regarded me silently, earnestly as if unsure of how to reply, that was the second time in a matter of a few minutes I had brought up the conversation that we had once had at Netherfield to tease him, surely my impertinence was misplaced, in front of the children and all. How could I be so foolish? So abominably rude to the man who had shown such a great kindness to me by taking me into his home after all that had passed between us. I looked back up and he was still watching me, "I beg your pardon sir. Thank you for delivering my letter. Bobbie, where did you leave your primer?"

"Is Papa going to listen to me read?"

"If you want me to I shall stay Roberta."

He stayed and listened to Roberta read in a stilted voice a dull little story about Mamma taking James and Annabelle to the park and reading a passage from the bible to them after James complained about something or other, although normally he was a very good a virtuous little boy. And while the three of us listened I checked through Priscilla's work carefully. When she had finished they were excused to leave for their break and Mr Darcy rose to leave also. He walked to the door then turned back. "Miss Bennet, I came as an ambassador not a diplomat, yours and the children's presence is requested this evening at the usual hour."

I sat back down again in the window and opened my letter from Kitty. It was a fairly lengthy package, with the envelope another sheet written right through.

_Millwood Cottage, Nr Caltringham, Somerset  
December 2nd 1813_

_My dearest Lizzy, _

_I must apologies for not writing sooner, but I must confess my time has been most agreeably engaged, do not think however that I mean you are less important than those of us here but there has been much for me to see and do, this will no doubt be a lengthy letter, but the whole morning has been set aside for that purpose. _

_Firstly I believe that I must condone with you, imagine ending up in the care of Mr Darcy, you must be quite uncomfortable I know that I should be truly embarrassed to be living in his home but not as his wife after refusing the position so adamantly. And how does he behave? As if it had never happened I suppose, it is not the type of thing he would want his wife to know, certainly I would quite despise it if Jonathan had a woman in the house he once professed to be violently in love with. It is at least a hundred times worse to be in you position though, how you must long for a confident. Does Jane know everything? You two are so close, so I suppose she must. How are Jane and all the Gardiners? _

_You are all sorely missed, but there is plenty to make up for it here, both my dear Thursfield and Rachel keep me so well occupied. Jonathan and I have been becoming acquainted with all the parishioners, they are a very friendly crowd, once a week I visit the sick and the poor with care baskets and they are all quite thankful for it, Rachel pines for me when I go on these visits because I have to leave her with our maid, for she is still sickly, but I believe she is improving. Jonathan says it is the fresh sea breeze, but we are quite in land here, do you think he is teasing, for you know I never can tell. He teases me all the time, particularly about my cooking, last night we had burnt offerings again. Fortunately once, maybe even twice a week we are invited to dine at Thursfield's friends' (or should I say his patron's) home, Lord Tyndale, is a most gracious his, his sister and mother likewise and they make sure that both ourselves and Rachel are well cared for – Lord I sound like Mr Collins. He is a very agreeable young man, Jonathan, who knows him from Cambridge, says you will quite like him, no Lizzy I am not matchmaking, I have quite outgrown that phase, however, it would sound very well to introduce you as my sister the Countess of Tyndale. _

_Another household matter which plagues me is the accounts. I cannot seem to make them workout at all. Papa would be disappointed in me. I was working through them the other day and there is twenty pounds which I cannot account for. It will not sit anywhere and I cannot make out where it came from. Jonathan says I am not to worry about it. But I cannot help but worrying, twenty pounds is a great deal of housekeeping money, perhaps I have forgotten to pay someone for something. Then the will be quite cross at me. Oh what a poor housekeeper I make! Burnt food and poor accounts, Jonathan shall wonder why he ever married me. _

_Rachel, as was mentioned before, is improving in heath, although still not at her best. At present she is little ill-tempered, the poor dear has started teething, and she is drooling and biting everything she can lay her hands on, I have to keep telling her that books are not for eating. I confess I am a little worried that her teeth have gaps in them, I may write to our Aunt Gardiner for advice. She is growing quite attached to my husband as well whenever he comes into a room with her in she bounces up and down, no wonder for he is quite the doting Papa, the other day he gave her some building blocks to play with, unfortunately instead of making towers she chews them too and when I say no the little monster just laughs at me. She is growing quite vain to and has become enamoured with her reflection in the windows, she is much like her mother in that respect and I predict she will grow into quite the beauty. I told her that I was writing to her Aunt Elizabeth and she sends you all her love. _

_There is a young widow living in Millwood Village, Mrs Blythe lives with her two young daughters, Emily who is three and Amy who is a few months Rachel's senior. I quite pity Mrs Blythe her husband was a Colonel and died in France, they had no estate and there was only an adequate sized fortune on her side, she and I call on each other quite often, she reminds me very much of a cross between Jane and Charlotte, you shall like her very much as well. Mrs Blythe regularly advises me on how I ought to look after Rachel and I am quite pleased that Rachel will have such a good play pal when she is older, Rachel and Amy sit on the floor quite contentedly when we visit, and Miss Emily plays with them too. Everyone here is so welcoming and I am quite glad of it. _

_It shall be Christmas soon, I have discussed this with Jonathan and we would be much obliged if you and Jane and the Gardiners would come down to Millwood to visit us. It will do you good to get out of London, the air in town did not agree with me much and I have very little desire to go back there, and I know how much you love the country Lizzy, you must miss it greatly especially as there is nowhere for you to walk in Town. Do say that you will come; it will be pleasant to have the family together again. Has anyone heard from Mary recently? She must quiet envy me marrying a clergyman; she would certainly enjoy helping to write sermons with her spouse, although my dear Thursfield's would hardly be considered her cup of tea. Please say you shall come. _

_Your affectionate sister Kitty Thursfield & Rachel._

_PS. Maria Lucas sent me a letter last week; she sends her greetings and love and hopes that you are all in good health. I might invite her down soon. She says she spends a lot of time with Charlotte and baby Lucy, who Mr Collins still insists on calling Catherine!_

After reading the letter through twice I chuckled, although Kitty had grown up there were still some definitively 'Lydia-esque' phrases in the letter particularly the comment about Mary, but it had all been meant in good humour. Certainly I would visit them for Christmas, it was quite true that I longed to escape London, with all its bad air and confinement, and I wished just as much to see my niece and the happiness of my sister and her husband. Kitty was correct it would be pleasant for the family to be together again, it was just a shame that this year it would not be at Longbourn and in absence of both my parents and Lydia, also there would be no Philips's there. Or at least this is what Kitty's missive seemed to imply, Aunt Philips had always been a great favourite with Kitty so I wondered at this but then surely the parsonage would not have that much room, it would be quite a squash anyway.

The afternoon was spent as it always was with little or few interruptions I went for a walk with the children out side in the squares pleasure grounds and returned to lessons then dinner. At eight that evening the children and I went to the drawing room to await the entrance of their elders. Thomas and I were quietly reading _The Butterfly Ball_ together, the girls making artificial flowers and wasting gold paper, Miss Darcy headed straight for the pianoforte, Mr Darcy his own book and Lady Arabella her typical pursuit of nothing although this evening she seemed troubled by a cough. And thus we continued for quite some time, with no conversation only the gentle tinkling of music, the murmur of my voice and the girls'. At one point Roberta and Priscilla did present their mother with an artificial flower which she graciously took then laid aside, Miss Darcy and myself were far more willing, their Aunt Darcy exclaiming that she would have it put it a vase and I allowed them to arrange it as a decoration in my hair.

"Miss Bennet, is your sister in good health?" Mr Darcy broke the silence and after establishing that he meant Kitty I told him that yes she was in the highest of spirits judging by her letter and that Rachel seemed to be making good progress too by all accounts.

"She has asked me to visit them in Somerset over Christmas if that is acceptable to you." I had planned to go and see him in the morning to speak with him about a leave of absence but now seemed as good a time as any, after all Lady Arabella did deserve some input into the decision too for they were her children and she should decide how long their holiday should be.

"Yes of course." Was his only reply and after a brief pause, "Where is Mrs Thursfield situated in Somerset?" Roberta who was still playing with my hair at this point, tugging at the curls so that they would spring back into place looked up in interested and spoke.

"Papa, Mamma, don't we live in Somerset and Uncle Tyndale?" A bell went off in my head; could I not escape these people?

"Lord Tyndale?" I asked slowly.

"Yes indeed, my brother the Earl of Tyndale. Surely you are not acquainted with him?" Lady Arabella seemed to have found something of interest to her.

"No not personally, he is my brother, Mr Thursfield's patron. I believe they went to Cambridge together."

"Oh then it is settled, you will not need leave you shall stay with us at Allcotte Abbey." Lady Arabella continued.

"But Fitzwilliam…" Here Miss Darcy spoke for possible the first time in my presence.

"I thought we had decided we were going to Pemberley for Christmas?" The all commanding voice stated.

"You had decided, for I still wanted to journey to Allcotte to visit my brother and now Miss Bennet will be in that part of the country for Christmas, there is no sense in her traveling all the way up to Derbyshire at all. We had just as well stay in Somerset so she will not have to travel at all."

"We have not seen Pemberley in a considerable amount of time; the estate cannot be neglected any longer."

"And it is nearly as long since we have been away from Allcotte."

"Your brother is in close enough proximity to observe the work carefully, I have not that advantage."

My they argued almost as admirably as Mr Darcy and me.

"The weather in the north is quite bitter, it shall ruin my complexion."

"You never leave the house anyway, unless it is to make social calls or go out shopping and as you have so frequently pointed out there is not a great deal of society in Derbyshire for you to amuse yourself with or that you believe deserve your condescending presence, though goodness knows why you should even think that they are all your equals in status and they are your neighbours they do not deserve your scorn." Mr Darcy stated angrily.

"They are all angry and bitter old women trying to marry their daughters off, to you sir." Lady Arabella responded.

"You have _no_ reason imaginable to be jealous of them so why do you act so. And madam might I point out that one of these days it shall be you trying to marry off your daughters, probably to the very same families you now scorn!" He raised his voice, in a manner he had never done when we had argued.

Quickly I rose from my seat, looking pointedly at Miss Darcy as I gathered the children up to escort them out of the room, now was certainly not the best time to have them present. As the door clicked shut behind us Lady Arabella's voice crescendo to the same volume and as we hurried the children along the hallway. Miss Darcy softly singing a nursery rhyme with them as Lady Arabella said, "It is not as if I asked for daughters!"

Miss Darcy led us to a second music room, the one she used in the day when there were callers in the house, and it was quiet and did not adjoin to the drawing room. We amused the children, keeping them distracted with simple duets that they could sing along to if they wanted, effectively blocking out the noise their parents were making. Poor Miss Darcy looked incredibly nervous, her fingers were actually shaking, where as the children. Thankfully seemed completely oblivious to it and I took over and taught them a comical song from the opera _The English Fleet in 1342:_

"Deserted by the waning moon,  
When skies proclaimed night's cheerless noon,  
On Tower Fort or tended ground,  
The Sentry walk's his lowly round,  
The Sentry walk's his lowly round,  
The Sentry walk's his lowly round,  
And should a footstep haply stray  
Where caution marks the guarded way,  
Where caution marks the guarded way,  
The guarded way, who goes there  
Stranger quickly tell, a Friend  
The Word good night all's well  
All's well the word good night all, all's well.

Or Sailing on the midnight deep,  
While weary messmates soundly sleep,  
The careful watch patrols the Deck,  
To guard the Ship from Foes or wreck,  
To guard the Ship, from Foes or wreck,  
To guard the Ship, from Foes or wreck,  
While his thoughts oft homeward veer,  
Some friendly voice salutes his ear,  
Some well known voice salutes his ear,  
An lures his ear, what cheer  
Brother quickly tell, above below  
Good night all's well all's well,  
A-bove be-low all all's well."(1)

They only really got the hang of the parts that needed repeating but we laughed over the pickle we made out of the song. When we did manage to keep the children in tune they did sound very sweet and even Miss Darcy seemed to relax a little. This was the first time since I had met her that she had not been formal and cold with me. There is nothing as relaxing as being around happy children. We had just finished another rendition and absolved in to fits of boisterous laughter. Our merriment was interrupted by a round of applause from the doorway, and there stood, Mrs Turner, Evans and Mr Darcy who was wearing a grin that would certainly rival one of Mr Bingley's. Never before had I seen him so at ease and it astonished me. Especially considering he had just moments before been in a heated argument with Lady Arabella, as usual he seemed completely unaffected by everything. Miss Darcy stepped forward eagerly and he took her hands in his squeezing them. Did I mention that he was always a very good brother? He leaned in and whispered something in her ear, a small, tentative smile inched across her lips, "Pemberley in January?" She asked and he nodded his head.

"Yes my dear. Now are you five going to perform for me again?"

We gathered back around the instrument and he came in and took a seat while Evans and Mrs Turner left the room, to return to their duties. Our performances were as bad, if not worse than any previous to this but we enjoyed ourselves why even Mr Darcy laughed, although I found that somewhat unnerving, the tables had been effectively turned and I could not like the feeling of being laughed at by him, even if it was all in good spirit. When we had finished that and Ring a Ring O Roses and Rock a By Baby, from _Mother Goose's Melody_ (2) he rose once more from his seat and suggested that it was time the children retired since it was already long past the usual bed time. Just as I was about to leave the room he stopped me and said, "Miss Bennet, the offer to stay at Allcotte Abbey still stands, it is not more that 10 miles away from Millwood."

"Thank you, sir." I replied as I turned to leave, "I shall consider it."

"Good night Miss Bennet and thank you." He returned bowing his head in a slight acknowledgement, "Goodnight Priscilla, Roberta, Thomas." He said as he kissed them all on the head and they all bade him good night as well along with their Aunt Darcy.

"Good night Fitzwilliam, I believe I shall retire too."

"As you wish, my dear." He kissed her forehead too. I lead them all up the stair case and escorted the children to the nursery, handing them over to the care of Mrs Chambers before returning to my own rooms. Elsie came in to help me prepare for bed and after blowing out the candle I lay back and thought of my up coming holiday. Did I want to stay at Allcotte or would I prefer the comfort of being with my own family. Well whatever it was that I decided on it seemed that my destination was fixed. I would be in Somerset over Christmas. I wondered what new things I would learn while I was there.

* * *

1)_All's Well_ from _The English Fleet in 1342_ Words by Thomas John Didbin Music by John Braham written 1805

2)_ Mother Goose's Melody_ c. 1765 and can still be found in print today. Note they would not have sung the version of 'Ring a Ring O Roses' we all know, these words have not been found in children's literature before 1881 instead something along the lines of this:

'The cows are in the meadow  
Lying fast asleep  
A-tishoo! A-tishoo!  
We all get up again.'

There is no 'fall down' it would have been a bow or a curtsey apparently. 'Rock a Bye Baby' had in the footnotes: 'This may serve as a Warning to the Proud and Ambitious, who climb so high that they generally fall at the last.'


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: **As usual thank you so much for your kind comments. I seem to be loosing my mind and can't for the life of me remember if I replied personally to all your reviews. If I didn't then sorry and thank you again. If I did then please just ignore my ramblings for those of you I couldn't reply to then I'll do that now.

**Mel88: **The Jane Eyre parallels have been mentioned before, it was never intended. I wouldn't say Darcy's less of a beast than Rochester, although it could depend upon just how you're defining it. As to Jane and Lizzy I'd actually say they're very similar, Jane would be like Lizzy if she hadn't been trained to repress her feelings. Though I have to say the stories will end kind of differently. Happy endings are obligatory of course, so erm yeah not that differently.

**Lizzy: **Lemony Snicket? Well that's a different comparison; I'm flattered by that too.

Anyway I'll shut up now and let you get on with reading.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

In the second week of December we set off for our destination of Allcotte Abbey, it was there I was to pass my first week in Somerset. The journey was uneventful, nothing exciting happened and obviously we were not set down by robbers or thieves, all three children in seemed were quite used to travelling and only Martha, a born and bred cockney had never travelled before. I must say that I felt tremendously sorry for her, she was forced to sit on the roof, and the weather as Mrs Turner repeatedly said was bitterly cold.

Allcotte Abbey was not a disappointment on the eye. Founded during the reign of King Stephen, it had been a significant Carthusian monastery, before the Reformation. The buildings that were still standing were all in existence in the Middle Ages, forming the Abbot's and monk's quarters, their kitchen, refectories, chapter house, abbey church and the guest wing. In 1539 when Henry VIII ordered the dissolution of the larger monasteries, Harold Fox, the last of the thirty-two abbots who had devoted much of his time and energy to repairing and reconstructing the fabric of the Abbey building was forced to hand his work unfinished of the Abbey over to the King, and was subsequently made vicar of Clayton Green, the local village. 100 years after the dissolution, the Abbey was acquired by Abel Makepeace a supporter of the Commonwealth. It was him who transformed, I was told, the monastery into a magnificent country house, by adding state apartments above the monastic cloisters and transforming the principal rooms with the addition of panelling and ornate plaster ceilings. In 1721 Allcotte Abbey was sold to Robert Sutton and his family, and the estate now belongs to young Thomas, having inherited it from his own father another Robert Sutton died. I could make a good history lesson out of this house when the holidays were over.

On the following Monday Mr Darcy, Miss Darcy and Priscilla and Roberta accompanied me to Millwood Cottage, they were to pay a call on Mrs Thursfield. I was to stay with Kitty and Jonathan until the Friday after Christmas. The journey was 10 miles and Lady Arabella had refused to make the call, saying that they could hardly be considered neighbours! My relations were already present and I was very pleased to be reunited with them again after what seemed so long a period. Kitty handed over Rachel to me as she made the introductions, "Mr Darcy it is so lovely to see you again," She said in her best gracious voice, "I was so surprised when Lizzy wrote to me to say that she was working as your children's governess. May I congratulate you on your marriage?"

"Thank you Mrs Thursfield, and may I congratulate you also."

"You are most kind, sir." She then realised that he was still standing, "Oh I beg your pardon. Please, this is my husband." She indicated to Jonathan and both men bowed, "My Aunt and Uncle, Mr and Mrs Edward Gardiner, their children, Margaret, Susan, Edward and Henry and my niece Rachel, who Lizzy has and of course you already know my sister Jane."

"I am very pleased to meet you all." He replied amiably, to my astonishment, were not these the people he had so scorned, "And may I introduce my sister Georgiana." Poor Miss Darcy was trembling at the sight of so many people, "And Priscilla and Roberta Sutton." This done, with much bowing and curtseying we finally succeeded in squeezing ourselves into the room and sitting down, but it was something of a squash. All the usual pleasantries were exchanged, between the adults and the children sat and played cheerfully on the floors, Rachel remained on my lap while I fussed about her and played with her.

I observed the room at large however my attention was most called to Mr Darcy's line of vision; in fact all of Mr Darcy's behaviour was of great interest to me. He was completely civil and although he did not speak often, the sound of his voice reached our ears more frequently than it ever had on previous occasions. He got along swimmingly with Uncle Gardiner; they were discussing a forth coming hunt with Jonathan, "The weather promises to be very good, there has been a very little ice so far." And even Aunt Gardiner who initiated a conversation with him and his sister about Derbyshire and more specifically Lambton. These people were my relatives who he had once so distained, yet now he had no difficulty with them I on the other hand was having difficulty getting my head around it. As for his line of vision, it was focused on two objects, Jane and Rachel. Jane I hoped that he was watching her for evidence of melancholy or affection for Bingley and when she venture to bring him up a slight smile graced his face. His motives for watching Rachel I could not discern, there was no reason yet his gaze was frequently turned towards her, and he looked at her in earnest.

I confess to being quite enamoured with the little girl myself. She bore little resemblance to Lydia; she had been much fairer in colouring than Rachel, whose hair was as dark as my own. She was inquisitive and would certainly be a very bright child as well. She was at the age where babies want to learn about everything and they pick up everything they can lay their hands on, that included my hair, "Ouch!" I cried inadvertently as her little fist reached up for a handful of my hair and tugged at it, repeatedly.

"Oh Rachel, no, no, no, you little monster not your Aunt Elizabeth's hair, it will hurt her!" Scolded Kitty as she rushed forward to come to my aid and remove the limpet who had attached herself to me. Rachel promptly burst into tears at the angry sound of Kitty's voice and Kitty stopped dead in her tracks at the sound of wailing, looking a little embarrassed and flustered.

Fortunately, for me a hand reached out and carefully uncoiled the baby's hands from my hair and removed her from my lap. I looked around at Mr Darcy who was seated next to me and blushing. For some unknown and idiotic reason, I thanked him as best I could with a tremendous deal of stuttering, "That is quite alright Miss Bennet." He said and then turned his attention to Rachel, "There, there little one, it is alright." He whispered soothingly, while stroking her head, "Nobody is cross at you, see even your Aunt Elizabeth is smiling." He turned the teary eyed child to face me and continued to murmur softly to her as if it were the most natural thing in the world. One could not help but smile. As quickly as they had begun Rachel's tears ceased and she was cheerfully bouncing on Mr Darcy's knee giggling happily as he played with her.

Rachel's laughter was so infectious that I had to join it too and till the end of the visit the three of us were happily engaged in games of _This Little Piggy_ or looking at Mr Darcy's watch, which seemed to quite fascinate her. "Do you like it Rachel? It is a very smart watch is it not?" I cooed. As we bent over and amused her I observed that more than one eye was turned to observe us. I saw Kitty whisper something to Jane, who looked in our direction and for some moments. They were unable to control their mirth and till the end of the visit their shoulders would still occasionally shake, while their heads were bowed, once Kitty even choked in her tea! The only person who did not watch was the person sitting to the right of her brother, after an initial glance at Rachel Miss Darcy refused to look at the child any further. I could not help but wonder why. Did the baby's presence offend her or was there something else. Why was Miss Darcy never at total ease with me?

Kitty, Jonathan, Rachel and I escorted the four of them back out to their carriage at the end of their visit, where Mr Darcy continued in his civility and expressed a wish for them to all dine at Allcotte one evening if it was at all convenient and then they bid farewell to us all and said that they would see us all again on the twenty seventh, for the annual Boxing Day fox hunt.

When they were gone, Kitty and I returned to Jane who was the only one remaining in the parlour and once the door was shut Kitty and Jane glanced at one another and burst into fits of laughter again. "Just what, may I ask is so funny?" I asked grumpily, a little annoyed that I was excluded from their joke.

"Oh Lizzy… I am sorry it's… oh… it was." Jane managed to gasp between giggles.

"You and Mr… Mr Darcy!"

"The two of you were…so…."

"It … it was…fun…funny!" Kitty managed to gasp as she bent over double and clutched her sides as if she were in pain, "Oh stop it…Jane you're making me laugh!"

"Me? Your make…making me laugh."

I rolled my eyes at their odd behaviour, if I did not know any better I would think that Kitty had lost all the good sense she had recently acquired and Jane, well Jane must have turned into someone else. What on earth had got into them? "Would you two behave like the sensible young women you are supposed to be?" I demanded crossly. "And when you regain your sanity would you mind sharing with me just what exactly has affected you so."

They looked at me and were once more over come by a bout of glee which for several minutes they indulged in and finally controlled. "Sorry Lizzy," Jane muttered looking a little shame face, "I am behaving like I am eight years younger."

"Oh really, I did not notice?" I teased her good naturedly.

"Sorry, Lizzy."

"Now will you tell me what the problem is?"

"Only that you did not prepare us for such a drastic change in Mr Darcy." Kitty explained, "Actually I never even thought he should be so civil as to come and call on me to say congratulations. I have always thought he completely scorned me. I mean I can understand why he would have. But he was so changed; he was very polite and good-natured."

"There is not such a great change in him."

"Is there not? I do not believe you really think that Lizzy?"

"Excuse me? Kitty what in the world are you speaking of."

"Well you were getting along with him very nicely this morning."

"I was playing with Rachel."

"Really?"

"Yes it is not a crime you know, he was hogging my niece."

"I am sure Lizzy." Kitty looked at me sceptically, casting another glance in Jane's direction, my elder sister giggled again quietly and I glared at her again.

"So you are saying that you do not think there is any improvement in his manners?"

"Not so great a change, he is still arrogant and full of pride and he is still rude to me you know he said that I was 'most decidedly his inferior' now."

"It was very wrong of him to say that." Jane agreed, "But Lizzy, you know I never thought him that ill behaved. And you know this morning he was very handsomely mannered there was not a hint of condescension and he did not appear as if he did not want to be here. Why he was very pleasant to us all."

"Jane is right Lizzy."

"I think you two are seeing more than there is. While I am prepared to admit that there is a slight change in his manners, it is not as drastic as you think. He is _still_ rude and _ill_ mannered."

"And I think you are seeing far less than there is." Kitty added with a smirk.

"Oh really?" I raised my eyebrow at them both.

"Elizabeth Bennet, you are in complete denial." Kitty laughed at me again.

"What?" I spluttered blushing slightly.

"Oh I should have thought that was fairly obvious, would you not, Jane?"

"Kitty…I do not think. Pay no heed to Kitty, Lizzy she does not know what she speaks of." Jane said apologetically.

"Do I not Jane? I think I know exactly what I mean."

"What _do_ you mean?" I cried in exasperation.

"You admitted it yourself that you find it very odd working in the family now. But, well, we think that maybe there is something more to it than that." Kitty admitted squeamishly.

"What more is there?"

"Do you not feel slightly envious of Lady Arabella, being in the position that was once offered to you? Instead you have been demoted to nothing more than a humble governess, working for exactly the same man." I bowed my head; indeed I could not deny that at times there had been occasions when I felt strange, but envious? That was _not_ a possibility. "Certainly if it had been me, well inevitably there would have been feelings of jealousy." I opened my mouth to object, "Even if you are not in love with him."

"Kitty, what kind of books does Jonathan keep in his book room? I seriously believe you have been reading one too many romances." I laughed flippantly.

"Oh no Elizabeth, you are not employing that tactic on me now. I saw you today, you got on well enough with him and you must feel like you have been usurped in your position of Mistress of Pemberley. You would have made a very handsome couple, a very handsome family I might say."

"Is this what all your laughter is about?" I asked incredulously.

"We could not help it, you and Mr Darcy and Rachel looked so well together." Kitty laughed again.

"I hope you did not marry Jonathan just because you thought you made a handsome couple."

"You know I did not." Kitty retorted with a certain smugness.

"Then I fail to see what so funny about it." I returned arrogantly.

"Can you not?" Kitty turned to look at Jane with a look that said she did not believe me and she could not understand what my thoughts were. "Well we can, you acted as if you were almost married this morning."

"The pair of you have not got a clue what you are saying, are you sure this is tea you have served?" The final comment distracted them sufficiently and for a few minutes I was reprieved until Aunt and Uncle Gardiner entered the room. Their observations began; and each of them pronounced him to be infinitely superior to any thing they had expected.

"He is perfectly well behaved, polite, and unassuming," Said my uncle.

"There is something a little stately in him to be sure," replied Aunt Gardiner, "but it is confined to his air, and is not unbecoming. I can now wonder that though some people may call him proud; _I_ have seen nothing of it."

"I was never more surprised than by his behaviour to us. It was more than civil; it was really attentive; and there was no necessity for such attention. Elizabeth no, almost everyone had led us to believe him to be quite different."

"To be sure, Lizzy, he is very handsome his features are perfectly good. He has not an ill-natured look. On the contrary, there is something pleasing about his mouth when he speaks. And there is something of dignity in his countenance that would not give one an unfavourable idea of his heart. But how came you to tell us that he was so disagreeable?"

I excused myself as well as I could; saying that he had been better behaved since my re-acquaintance with him but he had never been as amiable as this morning.

"But perhaps he may be a little whimsical in his civilities," replied Uncle Gardiner, "Your great young men often are."

I felt that they had mistaken his character, but said nothing. I felt that his character was by no means so faulty, nor Wickham's so amiable, as they had been considered in Hertfordshire. However, there was no call for me to voice these thoughts aloud, for we all knew it perfectly well already. Besides the occurrences of the day were too full of interest to leave me much attention for anything else; and I could do nothing but think, and think with wonder, of Mr. Darcy's civility.

* * *

The week leading up to Christmas was very busy; we had a house to decorate with Kissing Bows and Yule Logs and so forth, not to mention Kitty, Jane and I visited all their poor parishioners to give them baskets full of breads and linens and a few extra treats, we had baked gingerbread by the dozens. I was most impressed with Kitty, she was gracious and friendly to these people and seemed genuinely thrilled by the task. She had never been on such easy terms with the tenants at Longbourn.

On Christmas morning we all attended church at Millwood, Jonathan's service was very good; there was humour in what he said although the message was very serious. Kitty insisted that we stay back until everyone had left the church so that she could wish everyone happy Christmas. Upon returning to the rectory we all assembled in the drawing room and happily exchanged gifts, there were the usual handkerchiefs and the children were all given an orange and I was left with one other package that had been delivered yesterday, puzzled I opened a copy of _Mrs Hamilton on Education_ which had a message printed in a child's hand, "Who is that from Lizzy?"

"The children."

"Which children? Did Meg, Sukie, Ned and Harry not give you something else?"

"No, I mean yes they have, it is from Priscilla, Bobbie and Tom." I replied while my two sisters looked at me in astonishment.

Kitty's housemaid had agreed to stay for half the day to help her with the cooking. Much of which was previously prepared but Kitty feared she might still burn the roast beef and venison or the goose, capon, pheasant, and Christmas pie, all of which we complemented her on saying that it was 'very well done.' None of us could face telling her it was scorched. Before we left Hertfordshire Mrs Hill had kindly prepared a Christmas Pudding for Kitty and this was the best part of the meal, it was one of the family recipes which Mrs Hill had passed on to Kitty as a wedding present. Good old Mrs Hill, I believe, she though we would go hungry otherwise.

After the meal we played games of Charades, Bullet Pudding, Apple Bobbing and Snapdragon, which proved to be very dangerous as Uncle Gardiner had his eyebrow burnt off. I think he and Jonathan got a little over excited after having consumed a little too much of the wassail bowl, while the children sang carols for us despite Kitty not having an instrument in the house.

Boxing Day was a Sunday that year so obviously the hunt had been put off until the Monday but Kitty took us out once again to make calls with baskets. There was an infectious fever in the village and the poor were much affected by it. We spent the whole day away from the parsonage and caring for the sick. Mid afternoon one of my patients died, he was a young boy of no more than perhaps eight or nine and it saddened me incredibly. I saw that what Kitty was doing was a great help to these people several of whom could not even afford enough food for their large families.

During this time we did not have the pleasure of being introduced to Lord Tyndale, who I was greatly interested in. He was Lady Arabella's brother after all, my interest was increased by Jonathan and Kitty's description of him. They portrayed him as amiable, kind, good humoured, and I got the impression that Kitty had him marked as a prospective husband for me. To sum up, he was the polar opposite of his sisters. At first I denied the possibility and thought that perhaps they had been blinded by gratitude and social standing, much the same as Mr Collins but realized that that was virtually impossible. Jonathan had been a long term friend of Lord Tyndale at both school and university. Jonathan's family were a wealthy family from the east of England, he was the younger son. Just as his uncle had been and became a clergyman because there was no other option, the Thursfield family did not believe in nepotism so Jonathan had been obliged to make his own way in the world – so to speak because his connections were enough to promote him. His long term friend Lord Tyndale had offered him the opportunity as the clergyman of Featherstone House. Being tolerably acquainted with Jonathan and having enough faith in Kitty's good judgment this thus ruled out blind gratitude. Therefore, it was concluded that Lord Tyndale his mother and youngest sister were as amiable and as good humoured as my brother an sister portrayed and as different from the Ladies Arabella and Newlyn as could be which only increased by eagerness to meet him.

Actually my impression of him, added to my previous knowledge of the family lead me to believe that Lord Tyndale may be more interested in Jane. However, from conversations with both her and my Aunt I knew that she was most defiantly still in love with Mr Bingley. "I am fine Lizzy." She assured me, trying to smile. "I just miss Mamma and Papa and Lydia that is all."

"You are very convincing Jane. However, I know that they are not all that you miss."

"I am not as materialistic as that sentence makes me sound, I miss Longbourn but the country here is just as charming."

"I did not know you to be so sly in evading questions dearest." She looked up at me slightly distressed. "Very well then allow me to rephrase, there are other people who you miss."

"The loss of the Goldings, Lucas', Phillips', Harringtons, Longs and the remaining neighbourhood is no great loss to me Lizzy." She replied.

"You are being very difficult Jane."

"Then do not tease me so Lizzy."

"Might I point out that you and Kitty had your fun with me and that I am being serious. You miss someone else who is not in the immediate neighbourhood any longer."

"Lizzy I assure you that I am quite over that gentleman, I was foolish enough to believe… but he is forgot, I assure you."

"You would never want to see him again? What would you do if he called on you?"

Jane earnestly denied that she would want him to call again, but I was not convinced. There was a certain look about her face that betrayed her true feelings coupled with the dejection in her voice as she stated, "Besides he has not called yet, what would make him call now."

"Jane might I remind you at present he is currently residing on the continent." I said no more, not wanting to raise her hopes to high, but I was certain that this matter would soon be resolved. She said no more to me on the subject either and I picked up a book and she some embroidery Aunt Gardiner entered.

"I hope I am not disturbing you girls?" She said obviously slightly discomposed by our silence.

"No, I was just leaving." Jane got up from her chair and left the room. Anxiously I watched her depart then turned to my Aunt and asked her how Jane truly did?

"There is some little improvement, you may have noticed that she is more willing to accept Rachel than before, but still her behaviour is out of character she was such a kind hearted girl. Our families loss has affected her grievously, she seems more dejected than before."

"It certainly has not improved her spirits." I answered crossly. "I hope some of her worries will soon be resolved." I said expressing my dearest wish.

"How can that be Lizzy?"

"Oh I have great hopes that Mr Bingley will return to the country soon."

"Lizzy…" Aunt Gardiner warned me. "Take care, Elizabeth your hope could be a foolish one."

"But this time he will be aware she is in town. I am sure to meet him sooner or later and if nobody else informs him then I can, only you must tell me how pleased Jane is for I shall not witness it myself."

"That is a very bold wish young lady. Mr Bingley may well have completely forgotten her by now, why he could even return from the continent married to another."

"It is unlikely, he was in love with her, it was most decided. It was only through the interference of others that he was kept away before. Aunt, you received Miss Bingley yourself." I said with a pointed look.

"You seem very confident, but how do you know that the same thing shall not occur this time around? I remember once before you cast your suspicion upon Mr Darcy, how do you know that he will not keep Jane and Bingley apart again, he might wish for an alliance between his sisters to take place as much as Bingley's own sisters wish it." She warned me.

Her warning did not serve as a blow to my confidence even though I was left with a whole week to ruminate upon it. It could not be denied that Mr Darcy was improved in his civilities. I had a feeling that he agreed with my assessment of Jane now, and I had a hope that he would right that wrong that had been committed over two years ago now. I reasoned that if he could accept me into his house and we could get along then he could have no objection in accepting Jane as Mr Bingley's wife. That was at least providing that he could be civil to my relatives in the future. If on Monday at the beginning of the hunt he was still pleasant to everyone then I could rest assured that my dear Jane would soon be happy and re united with her Mr Bingley again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

On Monday morning we, along with almost every other member of the local community in Millwood gathered outside the originally named Fox and Hound Inn. The Annual Boxing Day Hunt was quite an affair in Millwood; Even Lady Arabella had turned up. She seemed for a change to be enjoying herself and only once had I heard her moan as she lamented the colour of her brother's jacket. "It is all well and good being master of the hunt, but why your jacket must be hunting-pink I cannot see! Why could you not wear blue?" This solicited several chuckles from other ladies who seemed quiet used to her and a roll of her brother's eyes.

Kitty and Jonathon finally introduced me to Lord Tyndale and his family; they were very different from the two members I had previously met. The current Lady Tyndale, was his mother she was middle aged and portly with a good humour in her countenance she retained a trace of the appearance of his sister Lady Henriette Featherstone who was statuesque and although not beautiful certainly striking. She was of the same age as Miss Darcy and would soon undoubtedly be enjoying her first season. I liked the three of them immensely and looked forward to furthering the acquaintance as we were invited to dine at Featherstone Park that evening.

Kitty succeeded in introducing me to practically everyone in the village, and I managed to be civil to them all despite their apparent enjoyment of the sport, which seemed to me nigh on barbaric, "Lizzy stop scowling the wind will change!" Kitty laughed at me.

"I am not scowling." I protested Kitty said nothing but laughed at me again.

"Good morning Mrs Thursfield, Miss Bennet, Miss Elizabeth, I trust you are all well."

"All except Lizzy, sir." Kitty replied I threw another frown at her but she just shook her head at me.

"What is wrong with Miss Elizabeth?" He said as the pair of them began a conversation I was apparently excluded from.

"Nothing sir, she is just cross is all. She thinks what you are doing is barbaric."

"Surely not! Miss Elizabeth, why on earth would you think that, surely such things were done in Hertfordshire?"

Kitty laughed again, "Lizzy banned Papa from taking part when she was about eight, as you can imagine Mr Darcy she was quiet precocious and spoilt, not at all adverse to speaking her mind, and she told him what he was doing was cruel and he was never to take part in such an activity again."

"I can well imagine."

"Of course she did not realize that despite Papa not going he ensured that there were men controlling the situation anyway."

"Really?" I looked up astonished.

"Oh yes Lydia and I discovered that years ago." I scowled again and she whispered at me not to do it.

"Miss Elizabeth, why is it you are so opposed?"

"I think its inhumane sir."

"And yet you have never voiced your objection to other forms of field sports in the past, your father shot covies I know."

"But shooting covies did not mean chasing a defenceless creature around the countryside until it was terrorized and fatigued and then letting it be savagely murdered by dogs."

"They are hardly defenceless creatures, Miss Elizabeth. Is an animal that runs riot around the country killing of our tenants live stock innocent?"

"I never claimed them to be innocent but surely there must be more humane methods of control."

"This way is the most effective and it is enjoyable."

"That is precisely my point you are acting like a _savage_!" Jane nudged me in the ribs and Kitty was shaking her head quite violently at me, both noticing my illusion to savage behaviour and both willing me to stop before I caused any trouble.

"We are a part of nature not apart from it. Surely you of all people would recognize that."

"And so a part means that we can go around killing other animals purely for entertainment?"

"'All the animals, birds and fish will live in fear of you. They are now placed under your power.'" He stopped.

"'Now you can eat them.'(1)" I added with an impertinent grin, "The steward is supposed to be responsible in their care of the animals."

"We are being responsible by controlling the numbers of pests. They wreak havoc with our tenants' animals."

"So it is about money?"

"So is almost everything." He raised an eyebrow and I blushed at such frank speech. He looked at me oddly and then turned around to Lady Henriette and Lord Tyndale and asked them their opinion of it, both of them supported that it was a worthwhile pursuit and even Jane was inclined to agree. However, all the ladies agreed that it seemed incredibly barbaric.

"This is why sports are left to the gentlemen!" Laughed Lord Tyndale, "Come along Darcy are you ready? I'm going to start the hunt."

"It seems Miss Elizabeth, that there is nothing to be done, you are outnumbered and Tyndale does not seem prepared to stop for your benefit. If it makes you feel any better I shall ensure the fox is returned to Featherstone Park and it will be served for you this evening." He grinned at me and I could not help but grin in return at his silliness. I'd have never thought him capable of such a feat before. He mounted his horse and the horn sounded marking the commencement of the hunt and gave me a look as if to tell me he had won.

"Very well then sir I shall just have to borrow some smoked herrings(2) from Kitty!"

Our day was spent pleasantly enough Kitty took us all to call upon her friend Mrs Blythe, and we gossiped over complete nonsense. The Blythe's cottage was situated in the grounds of Featherstone House. Mrs Blythe was related by marriage to the late Lady Tyndale. Lady Felicia Featherstone was the daughter of the Earl and Countess of Arden, their eldest son had two sons the youngest of who was Colonel Frank Blythe, Mrs Blythe's late husband. Brookside Cottage was comfortable and modest; Mrs Blythe kept only two servants and no carriage, and although the interest she received from her marriage settlement was enough to ensure that they could have lived more extravagantly, thought not much.

From one of the upstairs windows we were able to observe occasionally the proceedings of the hunt as they progressed across the fields in pursuit of the fox, my cousin Edward was insistent that there were two foxes being chased and I felt very sorry for them. Edward and Henry were most excited by the proceedings, Margaret and Susan hardly less so for they wanted to watch for their father who had been asked to partake. It had been a good many years since I had observed him on a horse and I was nearly as eager as them in watching. I confess to feeling a slight excitement every time I caught sight of them and longed to know the outcome, whether that be the life or the death of the fox.

Mrs Blythe seemed to me to be a very sensible woman, I was glad that there was someone such as her to influence Kitty though I very much doubted my sister likely to sink into her former stupidity, not now she had the attention of her husband and niece. Lady Henriette came for half an hour in the morning as well and my opinion of her began to improve. Miss Darcy it seemed had been a little reticent in coming when there were so many other people there. Something irked me when Lady Henriette explained this, I could not help but feel it was me that she was avoiding. Was it the Darcy pride that made Miss Darcy seemingly scorn me or was it something else?

Lady Arabella had remained at the great house as well, "I have left Mamma and my sister to each others company." She explained grinning at Mrs Blythe, revealing some hidden message in her sentence.

"Did Arabella bring her children with her?" Mrs Blythe asked.

"No she left the darlings at Alcotte, Dorothy." She said again with another meaningful look.

"Tis a shame for the girls would have loved to play with the Gardiner children for they are almost the same age; as well as their cousins."

Lady Henriette certainly improved in my opinion; she had none of the impolite and undeserved airs and graces of her elder sisters. Instead she displayed a good humour and pleasantness that recommended her to us all, she amused the children and chatted away with us all. She never once gave the impression that she thought any of the room's inhabitants below her. She would be a good influence on Miss Darcy I thought.

The gentlemen returned successful from their outing at the same hour as we departed Brookside Cottage to prepare our toilettes. Jane decided to don one of her old gowns, the beautiful pale green silk she had had for the Netherfield Ball. Kitty had already long ago stopped wearing her mourning clothes – for practical reasons, although she continued to wear dark ribbons in her hair. They tried to coax me to do the same but to no avail. They argued that if I was going into company it was not very proper, but my return was that I wore those colours when in company in Town. I won out in the end and put on my best dress of black sarsnet. Aunt Gardiner, who had bought the dress for me declared me beautiful though Kitty said she thought I would still look better and less sever in lighter colours.

Despite the fact that the Featherstone family preferred to reside in the country to Town, they were not the greatest of entertainers, the house was only regularly opened to Mrs Blythe and Kitty and Jonathan. This evening however, for the first time in a very long time Featherstone House was opened to the entire neighbourhood of Millwood, ten different families it was certainly a grand affair. Kitty had introduced all to me that morning although a few re introductions were required. Kitty bemoaned the lack of single young people for Jane and I to socialize with but we were quite content with Lord Tyndale, Lady Henriette, Miss Darcy and Mr Vernon and his two silly sisters Cecilia and Julia. There were of course too many ladies, but then there always are. I must confess a slight satisfaction when Lord Tyndale escorted me into the dining room. Jane was of course favoured by Mr Vernon who revealed himself to be just as silly as his sisters when he followed her around like a lost puppy all evening barely saying a word to her.

When we returned to the drawing room after the meal the matrons, of whom there were a great number began to discuss the upcoming season in town and the coming outs of Lady Henriette and Miss Darcy. It seemed there was a great deal of debate over how it must be approached, "Oh but Lady Tyndale you must accompany her."

"One must never wear a pink sash when presented, for everyone selects pink it is too tedious."

"My Sophia wore pink and was most admired."

"Yellow is shockingly countrified."

"Did not get married for four seasons you know."

"What a worry that must have been for your sister."

"But she was a very plain girl, insisted on wearing pink was most shocking with her complexion."

"Could not for the life of her procure tickets to Almacks after that!"

"Do you think everyone will be waltzing again the season?"

"Can Henriette waltz Lady Tyndale?"

"Has she kept up her instrument, we must hear her play."

"_La Belle Assemblée_ predicts that orange tawny will be most fashionable this year."

"Who is that abominable woman who wears orange all the time?"

"Oh Caroline Bingley, you mean."

"Has she married yet?"

"I Do not think so, she had set her cap at Mr Darcy."

"Perhaps she will return from the continent wed, surely some rich old Count would have her."

"Now Lady Tyndale, you cannot leave Henriette to her own devices in town surely this season you shall accompany her you haven't been to town in an age."

"No, no." Lady Tyndale demurred, "My daughter Augusta has offered to have her with them. You know how much I detest town."

"Oh the _Ton_ will have got over you by now my dear, I know you caused something of a sensation when you were presented as the Earl of Tyndale's second wife but that was twenty six years hence, we are quite over it I assure you."

"No, no she shall do quite well with Augusta."

"Mamma, can I not stay with Arabella, that way Georgiana and I shall be able to stay together it will be so much more fun." Lady Henriette interrupted the matriarch's conversation boldly.

"Mamma, can I not stay with Arabella, that way Georgiana and I shall be able to stay together it will be so much more fun." Lady Henriette interrupted the matriarch's conversation boldly.

"Well if it is what you want Henriette my dear." Lady Tyndale agreed, "Of course I must write to Augusta and tell her that you have changed your mind, I doubt she shall be too put out."

Our party until this point had been somewhat silent, but now a topic of conversation was introduced and Town became the main focus of our conversation as well. "Oh how I envy you Henriette, I would love to go to town. I wish Papa would let us go but he is so cruel." Cecilia Vernon whined, "Miss Bennet," she addressed Jane, "Have you ever been to town?" Jane explained that she was now living in Gracechurch Street with Mr and Mrs Gardiner, "And are you living in Gracechurch Street as well Miss Elizabeth." She sniffed.

"No I work as a governess for Lady Arabella's children."

"Oh that's too terrible!" exclaimed Julia, "How odious to be a governess, there would be no fun in that." I discreetly rolled my eyes at Kitty and Jane. Kitty blushed realizing that Cecilia and Julia sounded very much like herself and Lydia in their younger days. "Just imagine Sissy no balls no parties?"

"No," Lady Henriette jumped to my defense, "She will be with Georgiana and myself, we shall have a great deal of fun, Elizabeth, my I call you Elizabeth, you must call me Henriette, will make my stay with Arabella so much more enjoyable!" I smiled gratefully at her, "And Miss Bennet I shall insist that my sister invites you some evenings as well, for I am determined that you will be married by the end of the season." Later when the gentlemen had returned and coffee and tea was being served I drew Henriette to the side and thanked her and said that it was very rare that I went into company nowadays but she waved me aside and said she knew that already but she wouldn't see me slighted by Cecilia and Julia Vernon. Besides even if I did not go out in company I could help them prepare for balls and the like and that was undoubtedly more fun than the actual dancing! Henriette Featherstone was quite a frivolous creature with words but loyal to the last.

Lady Palmer reminded Henriette that she was to play for the party and with some persuasion she finally sat down at the instrument and played Beethoven's Septet in E flat Major she was very good she was afterwards succeeded by Cecilia and Julia who played a simple duet. Miss Darcy could not be prevailed upon to play however much she was coaxed. Mr Vernon on inquiring if the lovely Miss Bennet played was informed that she did not but that I did. "She plays quite well." Lady Arabella added and thus I was sat down in front of the pianoforte with our host turning pages for me:

"Theseus, my love! Where are you?  
I thought you were beside me,   
But it was only a sweet, false dream.  
The rosy dawn rises in the sky  
Phoebus tinges grass and flowers  
As he rises, golden, from the sea.  
Dear husband! Where are you?  
Perhaps the chase has called,  
Tempting your brave spirit!  
Oh, come, my love   
And find a sweeter prey for your snares.  
Ariadne's loving heart, constant and adoring,  
Binds with ever tighter bonds  
And our radiant flame burns brightly with our love.  
I cannot be separated from you for a single moment  
Ah! I am seized, my love, with the desire to see you  
My heart sighs for you. Come, my beloved idol!"

I looked up from the music as there was a convenient break here and caught Mr Darcy's eyes watching me. Roberta was right about him watching me. From across the opposite side of the room Lady Arabella glanced up and suddenly began to splutter violently, that false cough really was a most annoying habit of hers.

"Where are you my sweet treasure? Who tore you from my breast?  
If you do not come, I shall die,  
I cannot bear such grief.  
If you are merciful, oh gods, hear my prayer,  
And send my beloved back to me.  
Where are you? Theseus!"(3)

"Oh Tyndale," She finished coughing just seconds after I ceased playing since the noise of Lady Arabella's fake cough was drowning out the sound, "I must say I think it abominable of you to insist on us all going out in that weather this morning." She coughed again.

"Arabella it was hardly cold, nobody else is complaining." Lord Tyndale reprimanded his elder sister. "Miss Elizabeth, pray continue you sing charmingly." I refused to continue but he whispered a silent apology for his sister's behaviour and asked that I continue. I begged off singing any further but he placed a piece by Loeillet in front of me and told me to play then looked over at Mr Darcy, "Darcy will you turn pages for Miss Bennet?" He asked and hurried over to speak to his sister. His intentions were clear he needed to find an excuse to speak with Lady Arabella for the piece was only short and required no page-turner.

When I had finished he escorted me back to my seat where Mrs Gardiner, Mrs Blythe, Kitty, Jane, Cecilia, Julia, Henriette and Miss Darcy were still conversing on the subject of town and its fashions and what having a season was like. Mrs Blythe held court, being the only one to have had a season, well actually two. She had authority that none of us had. "Mama has been terribly unhelpful Dorothy, for she only had that season after she married Papa and everyone was so shocked that he had re-married to an unimportant county girl that she could not abide the gossip and has no favourable impression of it."

"I assume Arabella has only spoken of how cruel my husband's parents were to her, because she wanted to marry the Duke of Rochford and he was an unquestionable cad."

"No, I do not think that she would admit that, I thought she had set her cap at Mr Darcy?"

"No dear they only met twice, he was all of twenty he came home from Cambridge because his father was ill."

"Oh I thought I had understood from Augusta that it was always Mr Darcy, Arabella had wanted to marry." Now this surprised me.

"No more than any other young debutant. I am certain they were quite desolate last season without him after he was snapped up by Arabella. Why I do remember the time when I was quite in love with him myself, but when my dear Colonel Blythe asked me to dance he was quite forgot, for Darcy never paid me any attention, nor any other young lady for that matter."

"He danced a set with Arabella when she had her season out."

"Then perhaps she did have her cap set at him, for I'm sure that any young lady he asked would do so."

"He danced with Lizzy once." Kitty piped up and I cast her an annoyed glance and everyone in our group gasped in astonishment and Lord Tyndale who had joined us just in time to hear Kitty's last comment added.

"Then what ever you do, I pray you; do not let Arabella know that she does not hold that distinction over every other lady in the room she will be quite put out Mrs Thursfield. Henriette, not a word!" He warned his sister with a stern glare. "Miss Elizabeth, we would surely all love to know if you did you had designs on my brother?" I could not help but blush at his words as he turned to address me.

"Francis, do not tease Elizabeth!" Henriette scolded him as Kitty quickly explained that he was defiantly not a favourite of mine in as polite a terms as she possibly could manage without making it appear that I hated the very sight of the man, a task in itself because Kitty was not exactly adept at lying and I most certainly had hated him when he had asked me to dance.

The topic of the delights town held seemed quite exhausted but I seemed to have regained favour with Cecilia and Julia who had decided that Mr Darcy was a very romantic figure. He was still very handsome, the most handsome man of my acquaintance if I were truthful and despite his married status I could easily see how young girls would be infatuated at the mere sight of him. Lady Palmer, was a young woman lately married, she joined us only briefly to say that she was to play and Cecilia requested that she play some airs for she longed to dance. There was a decided lack of partners for us all with only Lord Tyndale and Mr Vernon, who quickly solicited Jane's hand. Kitty and Jonathan danced a few sets and the rest of us were seemingly obliged to share our host. Poor Henriette was quite put out at this for she could not dance with her own brother, but soon Sir Theodore Palmer, three other youngish men and surprisingly Mr Darcy were coaxed into the task by Henriette. I had been of the opinion that this kind of thing rarely occurred in high society circles but perhaps I was mistaken.

All in all the evening passed most pleasantly and as the carriage drew away I found myself well pleased with everything. Kitty and her husband were comfortably settled and I had not enjoyed myself that much in quite sometime.

Genesis 9 Verses 2-3

Smoked herrings are _red_ herrings and an early form of hunt sabotage used at the beginning of the nineteenth century. The OED quotes Cox's _Gentlemen's Recreations_ of 1686: 'The trailing or dragging of a dead Cat, or Fox, (and in case of necessity a Red-Herring) three or four miles ... and then laying the Dogs on the scent.' (Fox hunting itself did not become a sport for the upper classes until around 1750) Obviously the smell of herring detracted the dogs from the real sent and this is where the phrase 'red herring' comes from today.

'_Arianna a Naxos'_ just the adagio and aria (1791) Franz Joseph Haydn 1732-1809.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: **Happy Valentine's Day everybody, hope you all have a good one. As usual thanks for all your reviews, they were a joy to read.

**Anna: **Thanks very much! Is she going to… well I don't know about that. Happy endings aren't always obligatory, but I prefer them, will have to see how it works out. As to your confusion, well this chapter should answer that for you, you were perfectly right and everything will be explained.

Right well enjoy everybody. Oh and credit to Jane Austen, I'm pinching a lot of her original text here.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

The party at Featherstone Park remained until the close of the week, our contact with them was minimal in the evening although visits between the ladies there and at Brookside Cottage were frequent during the day. While Mr Darcy and Lady Arabella returned to Allcotte I had been permitted to stay at the Millwood Cottage another week. Until I returned to them at Alcotte a few days before they began their journey to Derbyshire. During that week I passed my time pleasantly, we dined at Featherstone as well as at the Vernon's home a modest park somewhere between the size of Longbourn and Netherfield. I was most relieved to have the time away from my employers for I was becoming steadily more and more irritated by them. In truth I wondered if I could long bare Lady Arabella with equanimity or that I would ever understand Mr Darcy's ways.

I moved back to Allcotte Abbey the Tuesday se'nnight after them and began again with the children's lessons, only to have them interrupted by the commencement of our travelling, I learnt to keep them well amused with word games and stories along the way which I used to teach them, I told them about the towns we passed through, I shall not repeat this pointless anecdotes for they are only meant for the children's ears. Oddly enough I was glad to return to Priscilla, Roberta and Thomas and they seemed just as pleased to see me.

The journey took some seven days for it was deemed best that they not travel too far in one day and I was pleased that our afternoon afforded us some respite in inns and towns that I could walk around in. At around eleven o'clock on the seventh day of our 'expedition' as the children had named it after I had told them about Captain James Cook, we entered the neighbourhood of Lambton, a place that I knew well enough from the accounts of my Aunt Gardiner and I informed the restless children that we were "But five miles from Pemberley now."

Eagerly the six of us waited for some sign of the woods and at length the lodge appear. We began our drive through the park at the lowest point and as the carriage continued on its way we were all of us in awe. The grounds were undoubtedly the finest I had ever seen and stretched over a very wide extent, ten miles round I was told early on. We ascended through the woods for perhaps a mile and a half and as we left them our the carriage drew to a halt so that we could observe Pemberley House in all it's glory as it lay on the opposite side of the valley. It was a large, handsome, stone building, standing well on rising ground, and backed by a ridge of high woody hills;—and in front, a stream of some natural importance was swelled, but without any artificial appearance. Its banks were neither formal, nor falsely adorned. I was delighted, the children, Martha and Mrs Chambers equally so. "I have never seen a place so happily situated." I said.

"No nor me Miss, me Ma will be right pleased when I tell her all this." Martha agreed.

Once again a thought intruded, of this place I might have been mistress, of this perfect place. Oh that would have been something. However mercenary that may have sounded it was the truth. We continued on out way driving down the hill and over the stream and down an abruptly winding road until we reached the frontage of the property, where I was promptly ushered inside to keep out of the cold by the housekeeper.

I had arrived at Pemberley.

* * *

I was quick to learn that Mrs Reynolds ran the house quite differently from Mrs Turner in town. She had a far larger number of staff to manage whom she treated quite differently. Mrs Turner ran the house peacefully and distanced herself from the lower servants. Mrs Reynolds despite being very civil reigned with an iron fist which ensured that nobody broke ranks she knew the servants well though, many of their parents had worked for Pemberley and their grandparents too they were all locals who Mrs Reynolds held a long acquaintance with. Meals were not eaten in her rooms but we were obliged to eat with the scullery maids, the chambermaids the footmen and the gardeners, something that originally scandalised Mrs Chambers.

On the second day of my sojourn at Pemberley during the children's break at midday she approached me. "Miss Bennet, would you like a tour of Pemberley, so that you do not loose your way?" She offered kindly and I accepted conscious of the fact that Pemberley was incredibly large and I could not afford to loose my way again as I had last evening which resulted in me holding up dinner.

"It may take you weeks to find me if I were to disappear again." I chuckled self consciously.

"Come with me then, we had best start with the front of the house." She said setting off before me at a brisk pace. "This is the main dinning parlour; it has hardly been used in many years. Undoubtedly it is hardly necessary for you know its location but when Lady Anne was Mistress of Pemberley she used to hold the most fine dinner parties. Why they were renowned throughout the whole of Derbyshire to be sure."

"Perhaps you shall see that again soon, I suspect Lady Arabella is quite keen on entertaining."

"I certainly hope so Miss Bennet, however I begin to suspect that now he is married we shall see Mr Darcy less than before." I looked up at her quizzically though said nothing, "He used to be here at least six months of the year and Miss Georgiana was always down in the summer months, but we have not seen him here in a sixteen months, when he was down to show the mistress the estate when they first became engaged." She shook her head sadly and I slowly comprehended that the present mistress was not a great favourite of the housekeeper, though I inquired no further.

"Oh what a charming prospect of the woods and the river!"

"Aye it certainly is. I do not know a finer place in the world that Pemberley. If the weather were warmer I would have Mr Walker our gardener show you the grounds, but the frost will prevent that. The prospect in the drawing room is far finer. I shall show you that in due course." She ushered me along until we came to another room. "This is the late Mr Darcy's favourite room." She said as I began to take it all in, over the mantle place were a set of miniatures that arrested my eyes. "There is the master; do not you think it like him? It was painted nearly ten years ago now."

I did not answer her. My eye was drawn instinctively to another painting. "Mrs Reynolds, who is that?"

"That one Miss Bennet, that is the son of the late master's steward, I do not know what has become of him for he turned out very wild!" Indeed Mrs Reynolds, I reflected wryly that was old news that I did not need to hear. I did briefly wonder why it was in the room but then I remembered Wickham once telling me that he was the protégé of old Mr Darcy and no doubt the current Mr Darcy had allowed it to remain out of respect for him.

"Oh."

"My master's painting is a very accurate replica is it not ma'am." I finally paid some attention to the other miniature and agreed with her that it was a most striking resemblance to him. Now she led me into the music room, "This is one of Miss Georgiana's favourite rooms. She plays and sings all day long."

"The instrument is very beautiful."

"Oh yes my master had it sent down the last time they were here. Miss Georgiana was quite enamoured of it. But that is always the way with my master, anything that can bring her pleasure is done immediately."

"Indeed, I had noticed their close relationship."

"She will be leaving us soon I dare say and the instrument along with her."

"What makes you think so?"

"Oh ma'am she shall be married by the close of the season for she is the handsomest most accomplished young lady that ever was seen."

"Perhaps she shall leave the instrument."

"There will be no call for it here with Miss Georgiana gone, Lady Arabella does not play I understand." She paused then added, "It is not the instrument I shall miss particularly though I confess it is one of the highlights of the tour I give, it is that Miss Darcy would spend so much time with her pianoforte and in the summer months it is so pleasant to have the house filled with music, the house is too quite without it."

"Mr Darcy is certainly very good to her."

"If I was to go through the world, I could not meet with a better man that he. But I have always observed that they who are good-natured when children are good-natured when they grow up; and he was always the sweetest-tempered, most generous-hearted, boy in the world."

I stared at her but said nothing allowing her to continue on with her astonishing character assessment of Mr Darcy.

"He is so affable to the poor, just like his father. He is the best land lord and the best master that ever lived. Not like the wild young men now-a-days, who think of nothing but themselves. There is not one of his tenants or servants but what will give him a good name. Some people call him proud; but I am sure I never saw any thing of it. To my fancy, it is only because he does not rattle away like other young men."

I was astonished that the good lady before me could think so highly of him. Certainly there had been times since my re-acquaintance with Mr Darcy when I had thought him changed, improved in civilities but I still found much to be confused with in him and his pride certainly still existed. Yet here was Mrs Reynolds expounding his numerous virtues to me as if it were the most natural and truthful thing in the world. I listened, wondered, doubted, and was impatient for more. Mrs. Reynolds could interest me on no other point. The dimension of the lofty rooms and the prices of the furniture were of very little interest to me, how could they be? I followed her up the great staircase with a childish enthusiasm to the portrait gallery which awaited me. First it was necessary to show me a few of the principle bedrooms and some sketches of Miss Darcy's she was keen to display to me.

The family gallery was certainly large and I walked on as politely but quickly as was possible as Mrs Reynolds told me about other members of the family that I was not interested in. At last we reached him, it was in my opinion a striking resemblance of Mr. Darcy, more so than the one downstairs, with such a smile over the face as I remembered to have sometimes seen, when he looked at me. I stood several minutes before the picture in earnest contemplation, as Mrs. Reynolds informed them that it had been taken in his father's life time.

We walked on and I had every intention of returning to it at the end however, that was not to be another painting captured my attention. It was a Kit-cat displaying a family, it depicted a dark haired gentleman and a fair haired frail looking woman, who might once have been handsome but now appeared sickly, a gangly looking young boy of perhaps twelve was standing next to the chair she was seated in. The woman held a baby only a few months old, in great contrast to the mother the babe had dark locks. It was the infant who captured my attention most. "That portrait was painted just a few weeks before Lady Anne Darcy passed away." Mrs Reynolds explained to me I paid minimal attention to her but continued to stare at it for several minutes in earnest contemplation.

"They bear a striking resemblance do they not?" A voice behind me spoke close to my ear and a shiver ran down my spin, it was not just my imagination then.

* * *

One, Two, Three the clock outside my chamber chimed as I rolled over restlessly and thumped my pillow. Sleep was absolutely impossible there were far too many things on my mind.

First of all Mrs Reynolds astonishing revelations about the character of Mr Darcy had captured my attention. Added to the shocking revelation in the portrait gallery it was little wonder that I was incapable of sleeping that night. Which was ridiculous anyway, all babies looked the same, so there was really no issue that Miss Darcy and Rachel looked similar. It was still little wonder that I had been so inattentive for the remained of the day, for sure I would get lost for after that I had followed Mrs Reynolds about blindly for the rest of the tour. My attempts at teaching the children had been pitiful at best that afternoon as well. And the servants probably hated me now for I had been listless at dinner that evening.

There was nothing for it but to go to the library and find a book, preferably a copy of _Fordyce's Sermons _that could surely send even the most restless of spirits to sleep and there was bound to be a passage in there about the dangers of curiosity in young woman with which I could chastise myself with. If Mary were here she would no doubt be able to tell me which was the best book of sermons to read for this problem.

I slipped my dressing gown over my nightgown and slippers on my feet and crept downstairs to the library, at least I knew where that was situated. However I was unfamiliar with the layout of the library and was unsuccessful in my search for the books of sermons, they would be easier to find in daylight, my one candle was not much help. My fingers ran along the spines and I intermittently pulled out a book. I came across a copy of Hannah More's _Strictures_ I had never read it before; Papa had said that it was more Mary's choice of reading than my own. I flipped through it until it fell open on a page which I read:

'_An early habitual restraint is peculiarly important to the future character and happiness of woman. A judicious un-relaxing but steady and gentle curb of their tempers and passions can alone ensure their peace and establish their principles… Girls should be led to distrust their own judgement; they should learn not to murmur at expostulation; they should be accustomed to expect and to endure opposition… It is of the last importance to their happiness, even in this life, that they should acquire a submissive temper and forbearing spirit._ (1)_'_

Yuck! I did not like that at all. It was like a slap in the face. I hoped Mr Darcy had not been giving this type of genre to Miss Darcy to read. I hastily put it back on the shelves and went in search of another book. I pulled out John Locke's _An Essay Concerning Human Understanding_ I opened the page and a piece of paper dropped out, I bent down to retrieve it and my eye caught what was written on the front. 'Miss Elizabeth Bennet' it was a letter, a thick one written for me. It seemed that I could do nothing but be curious that day and I opened it quickly and read what it had to say.

_Rosings Park, Hunsford, Nr Westerham Kent April 1812 To Miss Elizabeth Bennet, Be not alarmed, Madam, on receiving this letter, by the apprehension of its containing any repetition of those sentiments, or renewal of those offers, which were last night so disgusting to you. I write without any intention of paining you, or humbling myself, by dwelling on wishes, which, for the happiness of both, cannot be too soon forgotten; and the effort which the formation and the perusal of this letter must occasion should have been spared, had not my character required it to be written and read. You must, therefore, pardon the freedom with which I demand your attention; your feelings, I know, will bestow it unwillingly, but I demand it of your justice…_

This was enough to peak my curiosity. What on earth could Mr Darcy possibly have to say to me that had not already been said during that horrible evening at Hunsford Parsonage? Surely not so much that could warrant the amount of paper he had apparently used. And another thing why had he not given it to me? What was going on here? I was tempted to put the letter away; after all he probably had not wanted me to read it after all.

So I did what anyone in my position would do. I read on. First of all he dealt with Jane and Mr Bingley. He quite freely admitted that he was well aware Bingley had formed a strong attachment to Jane, furthermore he did not deny that Bingley's attachment was, providing I was reading correctly, strong enough for him to have considered matrimony, not only that but that not only my mother but the whole neighbourhood had expectations of a marriage between the two. I was relieved to know that we had not all been mislead of Mr Bingley's intentions towards my dear Jane and that he was an honourable man who had not trifled with her affections, despite his apparent habit of falling in love. But I had had the admission from Mr Darcy's own mouth that he had separated them regardless of either's feelings.

I read on, he had watched Jane, that evening at Netherfield and he had determined through his own, apparently impartial conviction that she had no particular regard for Mr Bingley! How could he even have claimed such a thing! Had the man no conscience. I remembered very well the conversation I had had with Colonel Fitzwilliam, the afternoon proceeding Darcy's proposal, 'he congratulated himself on having lately saved a friend from the inconveniences of a most imprudent marriage,' and that had there been no affection in the case it would 'lessen the honour of my cousin's triumph very sadly.' Even during the time of my lowest opinion of Mr Darcy I could not believe that he made a frequent habit of separating couples in love. But if he had not been speaking of Bingley to the Colonel then who had he meant? How many young ladies had he met who he could object to? And just how frequently did Mr Bingley find himself in love? For I could not imagine that the majority of Mr Darcy's friends would find themselves in such a situation as the Colonel has spoken to me of. Yet I did not want to believe that Mr Darcy was lying to me in claiming that he though Jane had no affection for Mr Bingley.

It was understandable, I suppose that he did not perceive any affection in Jane, he did not know her after all and if you were to compare her to the other, less retiring members of our family perhaps she had then seemed cold and unfeeling. But I knew better, I knew her temperament, I had witnessed her melancholy since the sad affair and I knew that she did love Bingley, as much as Darcy claimed Bingley had loved her! It was ironic I reflected that the reserved Mr Darcy had not recognised the exact same trait in my eldest sister and that in the end their reserve had been both their downfalls, although even had I been aware of his admiration of me I would not have accepted, I might have handled the situation with more grace than I did. Had Jane been more open with her feelings and exhibited herself as every other member of my family did then perhaps she would have got Bingley. Though I doubted it very much indeed, had she flirted with him and acted as Lydia or Kitty or my Mother did no doubt his family and Mr Darcy would have been disgusted with her and prevented the marriage any way. But who is to say that even Bingley would not have been revolted by her throwing herself at him.

With his observation in mind he had thus, along with the aid of Mrs Hurst and Miss Bingley followed Mr Bingley back to town and dissuaded him from making any proposal to Jane and they had attempted to break any contact between the two families. Miss Bingley's letters had been nothing more than an appearance of friendship, while at the same time she had tried to prevent the correspondence, the words she had written and the letters she had chose to reply to where only ever aimed at hurting my sister.

What he had objected to was my family's behaviour. Not Jane and mine but the rest of our family were involved in his censure! He objected to them more that he did to our poor connections! It was impossible that he could say such a thing about my father, he was admittedly something of a recluse and yes he was eccentric, but we should not condemn a man for such things. But then I recalled his behaviour that evening, it had sunk into unimportance when I was confronted by the embarrassment the rest of my family had caused, his words to Mary when she had played to us, without having been invited and his unwillingness to control his wild younger daughters, yes his behaviour had been improper, but it was not unpardonable. However, I could not deny that there were very few people in this world who would willingly have allied themselves to a family where the mother and younger sisters displayed every impropriety imaginable.

And so it was these reasons which had induced him to take action to preserve and protect his dear friend. He had thought Jane was not in love with Mr Bingley. I supposed it was honourable that he did not want to see Bingley deceived by a fortune hunter, but I could not forgive him for his poor assessment of Jane's character. Strange really when I too had miss read him, apparently, I should have been less judgemental.

_With respect to that other, more weighty accusation, of having injured Mr. Wickham, I can only refute it by laying before you the whole of his connection with my family…_

Of what he had to say of Mr Wickham was of even greater interest to me, particularly since I had heard nothing of him since he and Lydia ran off together. He wrote of the Darcy family's connection with the Wickham family. In almost every aspect his account coincided with what Mr Wickham himself had told me. Old Mr Wickham had been Old Mr Darcy's steward for the Pemberley estates. He was an honourable man and a trusted friend of the late Mr Darcy, so much so that Mr Darcy accepted the roll of godfather to George Wickham. A roll he by all accounts took seriously, educating and providing for the young man – in a way his own father never could do, because of the extravagance of Mrs Wickham. Apparently Wickham's own spend thrift manner was a trait he had inherited from his mother. Old Mr Darcy was as deceived by Wickham's open and artless easiness with him as the rest of us had been, charmed and fooled!

While the account of Wickham and Darcy's early years were almost the same, it was following the late Mr Darcy's death that the two stories took a turn and there was but one tale I was willing to believe. Even before I read what Mr Darcy had written I knew that Wickham was not the man he had claimed to be, to all of Meryton, that the story he told my acquaintances and I was not the truth. I knew this from his actions towards Lydia and the subsequent tales that had been spread far and wide through the town of Meryton.

Mr Wickham was by no means a man who would have been suited to a profession in the clergy! He himself had declared to Darcy that he would not, that he would prefer another career and Darcy provided it for him, because he was inclined to agree that Mr Wickham lacked the necessary virtues to be a clergyman. I knew, due to his manner of eloping with Lydia and subsequently abandoning her that he was not a man of many scruples, why he had meddled with every tradesman's daughter back at home! He had rung up debts with every reputable and questionable business in town, he had gaming debts as well as the debts of honour. Therefore, I was not surprised that he did not succeed in his attempts to enter law. I would not be surprised if he had ever once perused it, once he had the three thousand pounds that Mr Darcy had so generously given him. I suspected as I assumed Mr Darcy did that every last penny had been wasted on women and gaming tables.

_After this period, every appearance of acquaintance was dropt. How he lived I know not. But last summer he was again most painfully obtruded on my notice. I must now mention a circumstance which I would wish to forget myself, and which no obligation less than the present should induce me to unfold to any human being. Having said thus much, I feel no doubt of your secrecy. My sister, who is more than ten years my junior, was left to the guardianship of my mother's nephew, Colonel Fitzwilliam, and myself. About a year ago, she was taken from school, and an establishment formed for her in London; and last summer she went with the lady who presided over it, to Ramsgate; and thither also went Mr. Wickham, undoubtedly by design; for there proved to have been a prior acquaintance between him and Mrs. Younge, in whose character we were most unhappily deceived; and by her connivance and aid he so far recommended himself to Georgiana, whose affectionate heart retained a strong impression of his kindness to her as a child, that she was persuaded to believe herself in love, and to consent to an elopement. She was then but fifteen, which must be her excuse; and after stating her imprudence, I am happy to add that I owed the knowledge of it to herself. I joined them unexpectedly a day or two before the intended elopement; and then Georgiana, unable to support the idea of grieving and offending a brother whom she almost looked up to as a father, acknowledged the whole to me. You may imagine what I felt and how I acted. Regard for my sister's credit and feelings prevented any public exposure, but I wrote to Mr. Wickham, who left the place immediately, and Mrs. Younge was of course removed from her charge. Mr. Wickham's chief object was unquestionably my sister's fortune, which is thirty thousand pounds; but I cannot help supposing that the hope of revenging himself on me was a strong inducement. His revenge would have been complete indeed. This, madam, is a faithful narrative of every event in which we have been concerned together; and if you do not absolutely reject it as false, you will, I hope, acquit me henceforth of cruelty towards Mr. Wickham. I know not in what manner, under what form of falsehood, he has imposed on you; but his success is not, perhaps, to be wondered at. Ignorant as you previously were of every thing concerning either, detection could not be in your power, and suspicion certainly not in your inclination. You may possibly wonder why all this was not told you last night. But I was not then master enough of myself to know what could or ought to be revealed. For the truth of every thing here related, I can appeal more particularly to the testimony of Colonel Fitzwilliam, who from our near relationship and constant intimacy, and still more as one of the executors of my father's will, has been unavoidably acquainted with every particular of these transactions. If your abhorrence of me should make my assertions valueless, you cannot be prevented by the same cause from confiding in my cousin; and that there may be the possibility of consulting him, I shall endeavour to find some opportunity of putting this letter in your hands in the course of the morning. I will only add, God bless you. Fitzwilliam Darcy._

By the time I had finished reading it I was in tears, everything I had needed to know about him and about myself was in that letter. Of course I knew about Mr Wickham and I did not need to acquit him of any cruelty towards him but now I had least know how he had got himself into that state. It was harder originally to accredit his explanation with regards to Jane and Mr Bingley but time, a great deal of it, had passed and my wrath was somewhat softened. I quickly recalled a conversation Charlotte and I had once had Charlotte had said, "it is sometimes a disadvantage to be so very guarded. If a woman conceals her affection with the same skill from the object of it, she may lose the opportunity of fixing him; and it will then be but poor consolation to believe the world equally in the dark."

It was not only Jane but our whole family that had been responsible for Jane's melancholy though. Lydia's elopement had only proved our lack of respectability there was no reason anyone should wish to unite themselves with a family such as ours we were an intolerable bunch and even, I suspected, Bingley's easy going nature would eventually have tired of us. I had never hated myself before, but at that moment all the anger that had once been directed at Mr Darcy was instead directed at myself. He acquitted me of blame but still I felt myself to be at fault.

Miss Darcy, here my conscience nagged me. I had been quite insensitive towards the poor girl. To have been faced with such a reality at so young an age, it was little wonder she pretended that I did not exist, she probably hated me and quite rightly so. My words of the first evening had been thoughtlessly spoken, the drawing room was not the place to discuss my families indiscretions. Oh had I but known the truth of the matter! Now here I was instilled in her life and in her home reminding her of what she had come so close to doing herself, she must have been so embarrassed by my presence.

I sniffed and opened the letter again to re read it as if in a form of punishment when I heard the library door creak open. I stopped still, I could not be seen dressed thus it could not be proper; perhaps Hannah More had done me some good. So instead I remained where I was hoping that whoever it was would either go away or that I was far enough back to remain concealed from them. Their step was heavy and determined and I could hear it striding in my direction. I tried to shrink back into the shadows and prayed every moment that they would stop or turn back. Just so long as I was not discovered. Who else would be awake at this hour of the night? The steps came gradually closer towards me and as I skulked back further I heard them stop quickly, "E…" He cleared his throat, "…Miss Bennet!"

"Mr Darcy." I mumbled looking down at my slippers.

"What are you doing here?"

I looked up at him briefly, "I came to get a book. I couldn't sleep."

He looked at my face for a few more seconds before turning to the table I indicated to where my book lay, he gasped audibly. "Have you read any of it yet?" He inquired awkwardly.

"No I became distracted."

"Miss Bennet are you well? Come sit down you do not look well at all. Can I get you a glass of wine perhaps?"

"It's a little early in the day for that don't you think." I teased him to conceal my discomfort, while making my way over to the offered seat and trying unsuccessfully not to reveal the letter.

I heard him swear loudly and he began pacing the room. I had a feeling that he was going to say something very serious to me then and there. I had seen him pacing before. The room grew deadly silent except for the constant echoing of his shoes against the wooden floor. Perhaps it would be best for me to start. "Did you…I never…" He trailed off and sighed frustratedly running his hands through his hair.

"Yes I…I did read it."

"I never meant for you to."

"Then why did you write it, why have you kept it?"

"Originally I had every intention of giving it to you. But I could not find you that…that morning to give it to you. I thought to send it to you, when you had returned to Longbourn and by that time my anger had subsided and I realised that it had been written in the bitterest of spirits. Besides I could not write to you if your parents had found out. And then when I became… engaged I still could not bring myself to burn it, do not ask for my motivation, I just hid it away in the book. Since our return to Pemberley I have been attempting to retrieve it. However, it seems that I was too late." He fell silent and I was equally so.

"Miss Bennet, are you well?" He inquired after several minutes of uncomfortable silence.

"Yes…yes quite well thank you, sir." I replied still crying. He stood still for a moment and handed me a handkerchief.

"I am very sorry for causing you any additional pain Miss Bennet."

"Pain?" I asked in astonishment, "It is not pain it is just…"

"The truth hurts does it not?" He asked rhetorically in a soft voice that I almost could not hear. I looked up at him in astonishment surely he must know that it was not pain I was feeling, surely he knew what had distressed me so much.

"It is not pain sir," I repeated, "But shame."

"Shame, Miss Bennet, there is no reason for you to feel shame."

"But there is sir. I have never been so heartily ashamed of myself in all my life. I who prided myself in my ability of discernment, misjudged you grievously. You must have hated me." I whispered quietly.

"Hate you? Oh no, I was perhaps angry at you at first but them it began to direct itself in the proper direction, you taught me a very important lesson Miss Bennet and for that you have my unerring gratitude."

I sat there amazed that we could be so frank with one another. It was almost impolite that I should be sitting in a gentleman's library discussing his past feelings for me when he was now wed to another woman. Yet neither of us had ever been afraid of the other.

"But Miss Darcy, it is no wonder she dislikes me so?"

"Why should she dislike you?"

"After all I said that first evening, what a thoughtless thing to say." I scolded myself.

"You did not know and you were forced into admitting it."

"It was so hurtful though, the poor girl must have been terrified and what a reminder of a past mistake."

"She does not hate you Miss Bennet."

"But she will not speak to me she tries not to look at me. It is not just shyness that affects her." I cried again, remembering how hurt my pride had been by her actions.

"Georgiana is embarrassed Miss Bennet, she is ashamed of her own behaviour, she believes that her own foolishness could have placed her in the same situation as Miss Lydia, although it is very unlikely for he wanted my sister's money. She does not know how she should treat you either and is fearful of doing wrong. I beg your forgiveness if she has injured you in anyway, for she would not have it so. And surely you must still be angry at me for what I did to Bingley and Miss Bennet. You cannot forgive me so easily for that."

"But I can hope you shall rectify it!" I said cheekily.

"When he gets back to England I will tell him at the first opportunity. I fear he is likely to be quite angry with me."

"What if he returns married?" I voiced my major concern.

"Oh I do not think that likely, for he may be a useless correspondent but he would have managed to convey such an important piece of news."

"Then I thank you sir." I said holding out my hand to shake his, for some odd reason. Instead he took my hand in his and helped me up from my place leading me over to the fireplace, there was no fire in the grate and I looked up at him quizzically.

"I think we should burn the letter." He stated striking a match; I nodded my head in agreement.

The paper caught fire at the corner and slowly the whole letter began to burn, Mr Darcy dropped it in the grate as I watched the pages of our shared past die. A silent tear trickled down my cheek again as I observed. He turned to look at me and caught the tears running down my cheek. He turned me to look at him and said quietly, "Elizabeth don't worry I shall speak with Georgiana." He leaned forward slightly and then stepped back again, "No go back to bed before the servants catch you they shall be up and about soon."

In a daze I walked out of the library and found my way back to my bedchamber. My heart slightly lighter, I had leant my lesson fully now and though it had been hard to come to terms with, and though I was still becoming accustomed to the new ideas that had formed in my mind I realised that it was the best thing for Mr Darcy and I to talk about what had passed between us. For me to talk about the fear that had been troubling me since the news of Lydia's elopement had arrived at Bakewell was like a weight off my mind and I sincerely hoped that once the situation with Miss Darcy was resolved I would feel more comfortable with my present situation.

* * *

1) _Strictures _by Hannah More (1745-1833) published 1799. Cited passage comes from volume VIII. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: **Hello again all. As usual huge thank you for the reviews, this chapter isn't exactly as exciting as the last, but I hope you enjoy it at least a little anyway. Ella.

* * *

**Chapter 7**

From that day onwards I began to feel a little more comfortable and at home as governess to the Sutton Children. The discomfort subsisting between Miss Darcy and myself did not abate instantly; it was no doubt a difficult subject for Mr Darcy to broach with her so I did not worry overly much that it was not solved in a matter of days. In just over a week the matter was solved to everyone's satisfaction I am very pleased to reveal that Miss Darcy, undoubtedly on her brother's recommendation, became one of my greatest friends. Yet, the tale that leads to it was most distressing.

When I had arrived at Pemberley Mrs Reynolds had been kind enough to assign a maid to me to aid me with dressing and so forth. She was a pleasant girl very young and a little naïve and ignorant but I was pleased with her company for a few minutes everyday. Sally had been willing to help me a great deal with getting my bearings and improved the other servants opinions of me, I had not made the best impression on the originally. I was fond of Sally. When, on Friday morning, she did not come to dress me but was instead replaced with another of the maids I was not overly concerned however when she was not there in the evening again and I realised that I had not seen her all day I became curious again. "Ellen?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Where is Sally? I haven't seen her all day."

"Oh ma'am 'ave you not urd? She's been called 'ome, her mother and t' little uns are all sick with a fever and she's gone tu take car o' 'em."

Ellen's news about Sally continued to trouble me all throughout the remained of the day and by next morning I had decided to go and visit the Smith family after I asked after their health from Mrs Reynolds and was informed that there had been no improvement in them or any change for the worse. "Would they object to me going and calling on them this morning?" I said remembering Kitty's visits.

"Of course not, Miss Bennet, I've been meaning to go over myself and see how they are all fairing but I've been so busy here. You can take over a basket of food for me." She bustled about the kitchen preparing the basket for me to take over, "Send our best wishes to little Sally and Mrs Smith and don't go staying too long or you'll risk catching it too." She warned me.

I walked several miles to the cottage with the basket heavily laden with goods from the kitchens. Sally answered the door to me looking tired and haggard she expressed her surprise at seeing me but invited me in cordially. I handed over the basket and looked around the room. It was poor and bare and miserable inside only a two rooms and no fire with broken furniture and ragged bedclothes. One of the little girls was coughing loudly and a two of the other children mumbling in their sleep disconcertingly.

"Will you not sit Miss Bennet?"

"Oh no, I am come to help you." I declared determinedly. "Here let me help you." I said moving over to the table and unpacking my hamper while Sally ladled out gruel for the family. As she stood up I noticed a slight sheen over her brow but dismissed it attributing it to the fact that the gruel was boiling on the stove and then let her work recommence while I set about other tasks.

The Smith family was large, Sally was the eldest of the children, then her sister Betty who was thirteen, Jack was eleven, Hannah ten, Leah seven, Ruth four, Edith three and the youngest child Daniel was a baby still. Mrs Smith was heavy with child again and had only resulted in making her illness worse. Mr Smith had died several months ago and they had moved from the house that he had owned as a tenant of Mr Darcy to a smaller cottage and Sally still only very young herself had been obliged to go into service at Pemberley to help the family.

They were all abed and suffering grievously, I sat with little Edith for half an hour spoon feeding her the gruel and dabbing her forehead with water. She dosed for the greater part of this time tossing her little head to and fro in discomfort. I was so embroiled in my work that I failed to hear the noise outside the house or the knock that followed and was quite socked to see Sally move towards the door and open it to reveal Miss Darcy standing there with two footmen bearing fresh linens and firewood along with more food. She glanced over at me indecisively as I rose from my seat to greet her, but putting on a braver face took a step forward into the room at Sally's invite. "I am very sorry Sally." She murmured quietly.

Miss Darcy showed no hesitation in setting about to work, she instructed the footmen to light a fire and set down the linens before moving towards one of the children, she barely acknowledged me but set about to tend one of the children, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. She surprised me, I never thought that she would be so assertive as to walk inside another person's home and set about working on tasks such as nursing the sick. I knew the Darcy brother and sister were deemed kind and affable by their tenants and servants but this went beyond the bounds of what was necessary and what was compassionate. It showed her true nature, for what she was a kind sweet young woman.

We worked in silence throughout the morning, completely disregarding Mrs Reynolds' warning of not staying too long as it grew dark outside we rose to leave with the promise of returning on the morrow. I looked at Sally's pale, drawn, tired face just in time to realise how truly ill she looked, "Sally are you well?" Miss Darcy and I asked in unison.

"Yes, I am fine. It is very kind of you to ask." She replied slightly breathlessly bringing a handkerchief to her brow.

"Have you eaten today?"

"No ma'am nowt but some bread at breakfast, I was not hungry."

"Sally you must eat or you will be ill yourself." I chastised her gently.

"Yes ma'am." She dabbed her brow again and I knitted my brow in response, she did not look well, whether that be from fatigue or illness I had yet to establish but I hastily led her over to a chair and placed a plate of food in front of her. She picked at the meal half-heartedly claiming herself not hungry at all. When I had staid as long as I could I rose and Miss Darcy and Sally followed suit. She led us towards the door at a slow pace and opened it for us to leave, I noticed her hands shaking and her pale face was moist with perspiration, I reached my hand out to feel her burning cheeks and gasped.

Sally had caught the fever of the Smith family. Miss Darcy and I quickly put her to bed with gruel and some cool clothes on her face. She had soon slipped into a restless slumber. We quickly debated what to do and determined it would be best to ask the good lady who lived next door to check on them in the night and first thing in the morning. They would, we hoped, be well enough during the night.

Ensuring one last time that they were all settled we left the room glancing backward as we left, I turned left to begin my walk home, "Miss Bennet, would you like to take the carriage with me?" Miss Darcy said timidly. As politely as I could I declined, I felt the need for fresh air after having been in the stifling room all day, "Then… may I walk with you?" She asked, practically whispering, "The carriage can follow us, there is something I would wish to speak with you about."

"If your brother does not object to you walking then certainly."

Our walk began in silence she seemed fearful of breaching the topic. Finally she began, "Miss Bennet, my brother, Fitzwilliam spoke to me yesterday." I raised an eye but remained silent, "I belief that… I would like to… to apologise for my behaviour towards you these past few months. I realise that you must have thought me abominably rude and I never meant to be. It is just that, I cannot justify my conduct but I would not have wished you to feel snubbed by my actions at any time and…and…"

"If you wish it then you are forgiven, but, I do not believe that you need my forgiveness."

"You do not?"

"My situation is tenuous at best and I am astonished that I was even permitted to stay on as the children's governess. It was very wrong of me to even consider myself slighted by you when I deserve to be shunned by society. If your brother were less good he would have thrown me out the house for fear of injuring his reputation."

"Oh no my brother would never do such a thing!" She exclaimed socked that I should have even thought such a thing of him, "He is the best of brothers the best of men he would not throw you out the house. He did not throw me out." She said the last sentence so quietly I almost could not hear her, I knew to what she referred but decided it was best not to press the matter.

"He has been very kind to me I have made many blunders and made numerous mistakes that surely must have offended him and you."

"Oh but he has the highest opinion in the world of you. And so does Henriette and I trust them implicitly."

"I am most relieved that he thinks so, for I have done nothing to deserve Mr Darcy's good opinion."

"Why not?" She looked at me a bit stunned, "Forgive my impertinence." She said quickly, "You are a very good person, if you were not you would not have come to Sally today. Besides I have done things in the past that have injured Fitzwilliam and I certainly hope I still have his good opinion." She said a little doubtfully.

"I doubt you have done anything that would hurt him." I attempted to way lay her fears.

"You do not know how foolish I have been then!" She cried with some feeling and before I could say anything to stop her she launched into her tale about Wickham and the Ramsgate affair, I was completely shocked that she would chose me of all people to tell this to but listened in silence as she told me about how Mrs Younge had encouraged the match between them and how solicitous and kind Wickham had been to her and she had thought that she was in love with him. She explained that she had felt cross at her brother for sending her away to school and then off to Ramsgate, how she had not seen him in months and when Mr Wickham a childhood friend of hers had appeared and been so kind to her that the gratitude she felt for his attentions had made her believe herself in love with him. Then she went on to speak of her feelings of horror and embarrassment when she found out the truth of the matter, that he had not loved her and that he had wanted her money, how she had been unable to even look at Mr Darcy for months afterwards and she was truly relieved when he went away to Hertfordshire in October and that even now she realised that he must be disappointed in her. "So you see," She concluded, "It was not that I though that you were not worthy of my attention when I found out about your sister, but I felt ashamed of myself again and thought that if you were to ever find out you would never have been able to forgive me, because I could have prevented it if Fitzwilliam had not tried to keep it a secret."

I looked at her distressed face gravely and felt pity on her for telling me something that quite evidently pained her when she need not have, "I thank you for telling me, though truly it was not necessary. And since you have tried to do away with my fears I shall return the favour if I may. Your brother does not think ill of you, I know that for a fact, he has a high opinion of you, and whenever I heard him speak of you when I first knew him he was all praise and affection." I smiled over at her reassuringly, "With regards to Mr Wickham, all I will say is this, that you were young and it was a mistake, one that even I might have made had it not been for the fact that I was warned by my family not to fall in love with him. It was a mistake that my sister made herself. And it is a mistake that many other girls have made in the past and will in the future with far worse consequences, there is no need for you to worry unnecessarily."

Our conversation over we fell silent again, however unlike every other occasion prior to this it was not an uncomfortable one but one of companionship, the sort you have with a person you have known for years. It was dark by the time we finally arrived back at Pemberley and Mr Darcy was impatiently waiting for his sister in the hallway wanting to know where she had been we explained and she hurried away to dress for dinner after issuing me with an invitation to join them that evening after dinner.

Cook had saved me some cold meat and vegetable which I devoured hungrily while telling her what had occurred at the Smith's that morning. Before running upstairs to dress for the evening, the children had already been put to bed so I made my way downstairs alone, and timidly knocked on the door to the music room, where I was welcomed by brother and sister eagerly and Lady Arabella civilly. Miss Darcy and I told of our adventures that day and our plans to return tomorrow after church and once the conversation was quite exhausted music was suggested. After Miss Darcy had entertained us as long as she wished she entreated me to play as well. I picked a piece from the millions of books they had to offer and began:

'You who have tasted love's mystic spell  
What is this sorrow naught can dispel?

What is this sorrow naught can dispel?  
Fair dame or maiden, none else may know  
My heart o'erladen, why is this so?  
What is this yearning, these trembling fears  
Rapturous burning, melting in tears?  
While thus I languish, wild beats my heart,  
Yet from my anguish I would not part,  
I seek a treasure Fate still denies,  
Naught else will pleasure,  
Naught else I prize...I'm ever sighing,  
I know not why, near unto dying, when none are by,  
My hear is riven night, morn and eve,  
But ah 'tis heaven, thus, thus to grieve!  
You who have tasted love's mystic spell  
What is this sorrow naught can dispel?

What is this sorrow naught can dispel?'(1)

As I sung I looked up from the music that I knew so well and could not help but catch Mr Darcy's eye he smiled softly to himself and neither of us looked away, for those few minutes we became oblivious to every other person in the room. When I had finished I began to feel somewhat embarrassed and looked away as Miss Darcy praised my playing.

"I believe I shall play now!" Lady Arabella declared in a bossy tone.

"But I thought you had given the instrument up?" Mr Darcy gave her a fleeting look. "You said you had not played since you married."

"No, no I said I had hardly played but tonight I shall." She came across to the pianoforte with selected some music and began to play. She was by no means genius though she could play well enough her singing left much to be desired, it was a little better than Mary's but then she had had the advantage of London Masters I suspected. It was humorous to note that she had chosen one of Mary's favourite songs too, one that she had played at the Netherfield ball. After her performance the evening terminated fairly quickly as Lady Arabella claiming that she had a headache.

After church on Sunday Miss Darcy and I quickly made our way to the Smith's cottage, only to find that baby Daniel had passed away in the night, his mother was unaware of it for her fever had made her delirious and the woman who had been taking care of them was in a state of hysterics after finding the infant dead. I could well understand it and as the week progressed learnt to sympathise with her. Miss Darcy and I decided that we could not leave the family unattended, but it did not seem right to ask anyone else to adopt the task permanently.

Along with the aid of her brother and Mrs Reynolds we came up with a plan, Miss Darcy and I would spend every other morning there, so that there was less risk of us catching the infection and the children's lessons would not be too interrupted. One of the other housemaids, who was Sally's closest friends, offered to spend the other days with her and the neighbours of the Smiths also offered their input. Miss Darcy seemed determined to help, I asked her why.

"It is the Pemberley way, the mistress of the estate helps to care for the sick tenants and although the Smiths are our tenants no longer it is still important."

"But…" I started to speak and then recalled that it was hardly polite to say what I was going to say.

"You are right, I am not the Mistress of Pemberley nevertheless it remains a duty that some one must fulfil, Lady Arabella… she claims herself to be not in the best of health, she has a cough and so I took it upon myself. I intend to continue caring for the sick of Pemberley until I leave the estate."

"You are very good."

"Elizabeth?" She said tentatively, having never addressed me so before, "Might I ask why you come?"

I explained to her about Kitty's visits to the very poor around Millwood and then that after one visit to the Smiths I had found myself unable to just let go.

Regardless of throughout the week the Smith family began to fade, we became used to being greeted by the daily sight of bodies being removed by local farm hands, after Daniel came Mrs Smith the Leah, Betty, Ruth, Jack and Hannah. By the following Monday all who remained were Edith and Sally. For Edith there seemed a great chance of recovery she was a plump and sturdy child and once her fever broke she had wanted to be out of bed to help, this had not been permitted at first but it was deemed best to take her mind off the distress she felt as her family gradually passed away.

Sally's situation, we were more concerned over, her fever had still not broken, her deliriums more frequent and she would suddenly sit up from her little cot and speak to the rest of her family in a hoarse and broken voice, as if they were still there. Days past like this and we lost hope, there was little chance of Sally recovering now and even the apothecary and doctor stopped suggesting bleeding. On the Thursday she did not wake just tossed listlessly in her sleep all day, Georgiana and I sent word that we would stay the night with the patient and Mrs Hogget from next door came to sit with us too. Gradually her stirrings lessen as did her mutterings at two that morning I felt her cold hands and listened for a breath but Sally was dead.

She was placed, with the rest of the Smith family in the grave yard at the local church a wooden cross marking her spot with the simple inscription 'Sarah 'Sally' Ann Smith 19th October 1798 – 18th February 1814'. Edith had no other living relations Mrs Reynolds took her in out of the kindness of her heart, her and Mr Reynolds were a regular Darby and Joan, but had never had children of their own. She said that to have a child to take care of would satisfy her in her old age and now she is quite doted upon by the servants at the mansion.

While I cannot claim that my stay at Pemberley was a happy one, for the first time in many months I felt a contentment I felt at peace with my situation more settled in my position as governess to the Sutton children, who was paid her wage by Mr Darcy. Because Georgiana Darcy had confided in me and opened herself up to allow me into her life enough for me to feel like an accepted member of the household. Not only that but through our attendance upon Sally had given us a strong friendship and she depended upon me and confided her fears in me. During the day we saw little of each other but she would join Martha and me when we took the children out for a walk and frequently during the evening I would be invited downstairs with or without Priscilla, Roberta and Thomas to join the family.

Mr Darcy and I got along well I no longer felt ill at ease with him either, we had managed to sort through out differences and I no longer felt unwelcome in his house. We still argued from time to time but on my part it was never done out of spit and I fancied, or flattered myself – in true Mr Collins style- that he enjoyed being challenged by my decided opinions. I know that I enjoyed it he had filled the role that my father had always taken and if sometimes I felt myself more eager for his company than Georgiana's then that is why because he took care of me like a father.

Our return to town had been scheduled for mid February, before Parliament was recalled so that there would be time for last minute preparations on Georgiana's behalf, we were to meet with Henriette then too her brother was to accompany her from Somerset. However, the business with Sally had delayed our return, on Georgiana's instance and we did not depart until nearly the end of February.

* * *

In town we met with Henriette, who had been staying with Lady Newlyn until we returned, she said that we were "Cruel, cruel deserters!" for leaving her to the mercy of her eldest sister. "You know I heard of nothing but my nephew Augustus, oh not I beg your pardon 'my dear Fairclough!' as she calls him, how utterly ridiculous I wish Francis had let me stay with him." She bemoaned to us. "I'm certain I shall not have to put up with that from Arabella, Georgiana you must rescue me if she starts talking about her brats."

"They are not brats Henriette." I said.

"I would not know I have hardly ever met them, she keeps them under lock and key in the nursery, but if Augustus is anything to go by."

"They are very sweet children." I said quickly.

"Of course they are Lizzy. I meant no disrespect to you." Henriette blushed shamefaced. "Besides, my sister does not seem overly fond of them."

As it happened I did not see much of them at all and could not aid very well with rescuing, there were serious preparations underway for Georgiana and Henriette's London debut throughout the day the town house was swarmed with dance masters and music masters and drawing master, callers for Lady Arabella or they were out shopping for new wardrobes. Of an evening I saw more of them although the unfortunate pair were often in bed asleep directly after supper. I confess that I was very glad Mamma had never succeeded in her schemes of talking Papa into going to town for the spring every year when she had tried.

It grew closer and closer to the time when they would be presented at court and Georgiana grew steadily more and more nervous. Nothing Henriette, who was incredibly self-assured, and I could say to her would calm her nerves. "Georgiana you goose, all you have to do is curtsey." Henriette abused her.

"But what if I trip over?"

"Georgiana Darcy you are a poised and elegant young woman how often do you fall over?" I teased her.

"But I've never had a train on my gown before."

"Unless you plan to walk backwards it should not be a problem."

"I do have to walk backwards though!"

"Do it slowly then!"

"Well…" She looked sceptically at us both as we grinned at her and I stood up to leave the room and get back to my lessons.

"You will be fine." I added walking towards the door where I was confronted by Mr Darcy who stepped back in shock, and looked a little flustered, "Mr Darcy did anyone ever tell you eavesdropping is rude?"

"Yes repeatedly." He admitted, "I could not resist though."

"I'm sure Georgiana is very grateful for your invasion of her privacy." I raised an eyebrow at him.

"She never tells me her troubles Miss Bennet." He tried to reason with me. "I am very glad that you help her along." I shrugged modestly, "You are very good to her." He said and squeezed my hand then walked off quickly, leaving me with a blush spreading across my face for it is exceedingly odd being complimented by him.

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1) I doubt you need telling what this is. _Voi Che Sapete Che Cosa E Amor_ Music by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1756-91) from _The Marriage of Figaro. _

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	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: **Hello again, thank you for all your lovely reviews, I enjoyed reading them immensely.

**Liana:** I meant to reply to you really RE Arabella's choice of song but unfortunately I'm still looking for the song words I'll find them eventually.

**DarcyFan: **Glad you did, thank you, Darcy's marriage well it will be revealed in due course promise. Yes here's more.

**Flit: **More for you too. Eeep I'm having trouble keeping up with demand here!

Erm I think that's about covered it for replies really. So, enjoy!

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**Chapter 8**

No respectable young lady of the _ton_ can have a proper coming out without a ball and certainly not young ladies such as Miss Georgiana Darcy and Lady Henriette Featherstone. Therefore preparations for said ball were well underway in the Darcy townhouse for just such a ball. Lady Arabella was in her element. Mrs Turner had ordered the whole ball room to be cleaned out and refurbished, since the room was decidedly old fashioned no ball had been hosted since the days of Lady Anne Darcy eighteen years earlier and Lady Arabella, "Could not host a ball in such a frightfully old fashioned room." It was fortunate that her redeeming quality was her fine taste and the townhouse's ballroom was soon fitted out with light, elegant furniture that was neither uselessly fine nor gaudy.

Invitations were sent and replies received, only the cream of society had been invited Earls and Countesses and the most eligible of young gentlemen, even Lord Tyndale, a man who went little into society and was eagerly sought by young ladies everywhere, had accepted. But, then the ball was in honour of his sister and he could hardly refuse, I think Henriette would have had something to say about that.

A menu was prepared for the ball as well whispers amongst the staff were that Mrs Stewart, the cook, feared that she could not contend with such fancy and fine French and Italian food and had even threatened to leave the house after a meeting with the mistress of the house who was determined not to budge from her plans of splendour. Mrs Stewart had been in high dudgeon about it ever since and below stairs we had all been skirting round her carefully for fear of angering her further. Elsie once missed a meal trying to complete some cleaning she had been set to and nearly lost her head when she asked cook if a plate had been set aside for her. Mrs Stewart did stay though for you know Mrs Turner "kept the servants well in order and such a thing would never be mentioned in connection with the Darcy household and anyone who suggested such a thing was grievously mistaken."

Musicians had been hired and Henriette and Georgiana's dance master instructed twice, thrice over to ensure that they knew their steps perfectly and could walk through each and every set with their eyes shut, I was rather amused when Henriette employed chairs as gentlemen and covered her eyes over with a scarf to ensure that her steps were faultless she was more confident that Georgiana who now began to fear that she would forget her steps or that nobody would ask her to dance. We told her how unlikely that was and that since there were more gentlemen invited than ladies one of them would have to ask her anyway because it was a rule of etiquette that could not be ignored.

Dresses had to be bought; this had caused some tension in the household, Henriette's hostilities towards her half-sister continued for several days, until the matter of suitable attire for curtseying and coming out was settled. Henriette wanted to wear pale blue Lady Arabella was scandalised, "You heard what Lady Palmer said, all young girls wear blue or pink, no sister of mine will be so dull."

"It is not dull I want a blue sash Arabella."

"Why will you not wear orange, you would look so well in it with your complexion? Even Georgiana has agreed to wear a different colour."

"Arabella being noticed for being overtly fashionable is not high on my list of priorities."

And while Lady Arabella schemed away to create the ball of the season and marry poor Georgiana and Henriette off to the richest men she could find as quickly as possible where was I? Well I certainly was not closely involved in the grand scheme though my input was appreciated; it was me who had finally suggested a dark blue sash. However, the majority of my days were spent upstairs in the schoolroom where I tried to keep the children calm and focused in the bustling townhouse, they were almost as excited as everyone else about the forthcoming ball, even young Thomas, who said he should enjoy play cards and eating, Priscilla laughed at him and said he did not know how to play cards and I wondered if he was turning into Mr Hurst, but then that man _was_ a gentleman of fashion.

My presence was requested one the afternoon of their presentation at court in the dressing rooms of the two young ladies, lessons were cancelled and I obligingly made my way down to admire them while the prepared both of them looked perfect and demure dressed in white with ornaments that matched the colours of their sashes in their hair and jewellery that had been gifts from their brothers that morning. We giggled and laughed delightedly as they prepared and finally three hours later they were ready to set of to St James Court with great pomp and ceremony.

Their coming out and curtseying to Queen Charlotte was very successful I was informed when they gave me a blow by blow account of their presentation which would not have shamed Sir William Lucas. Georgiana had not slipped over her train and Henriette grudgingly admitted that there were far too many young girls dressed in pale blue and pink "Only do not tell Arabella I said that or I shall never hear the end of it." She said skipping out the room to go and write to her mother.

The following day saw the final last minute preparations for the ball, the servants were rushing around. Henriette almost had a fit when her maid found a slight rip in her dress, which was quickly mended. Georgiana returned to panicking about not having a partner to dance with. The children became even more excitable and wild. I gave them a holiday so that I could help their two Aunts dress. Mr Darcy hurried out early in the morning and absconded to his club until late afternoon when he returned to prepare. Oh and Cook very nearly walked out again after one of the kitchen staff burnt some food.

The girls looked beautiful, Georgiana wore peach, which is the closet either of them ever came to wearing orange, with her white gown and an amber cross which made her look very demure and proper. Henriette dressed in white too had a different affect, she wore a red sash and a ruby ornament, her hair was coiffed with a ruby clip too, her unfashionably tanned skin and black hair made her look foreign and unlike any of other of the young ladies, as I have said before she was not classically beautiful but she was striking in appearance. Roberta and Priscilla were permitted to leave the nursery and come and admire them. Both stood in awe for a few moments until Priscilla declared that "You look very well though not as well as I should!"

"I thank you for the compliment _Miss_ _Priss_, for we cannot all be made ethereal beauties like you will be." Said Henriette with a certain amount of scorn though it was not ill natured, Priscilla looked a little affronted.

"Priscilla," I offered her a translation, "do you not think it would be very boring if we were all made the same?"

"I still think I would look better that them though." She said while nodding her head in agreement.

"It is very impertinent of you to say so." I pointed out thinking myself a hypocrite, for condemning her impertinence, as I said it, "Now come along Mrs Chambers will have my head if I do not return you to the nursery soon." I said ushering them out the room and back to their domain.

They went downstairs soon after that to wait for their guests to arrive I accompanied them for only a brief period, while I listened to Mr Darcy and Lord Tyndale compliment them on the appearance, "Lizzy? Do you not wish that you were attending this evening?" Henriette queried.

"No indeed, it is a very long while since I have attended a ball. I have probably forgotten how to dance." I laughed.

"You can forget how to dance?" Georgiana asked looking slightly frantic.

"Oh Georgiana no I do not think it possible, learning to dance is like learning to read, you never forget once you are taught. Ask your brother he spends great periods of time between dancing each set, do you not Mr Darcy?" I teased him.

"Come now, Miss Bennet that is untrue, as I recall it was you who was averse to dancing."

"So it was!" I laughed delightedly, "But still it is not an art you are particularly fond of and you are not so light footed as say…Mr Bingley?"

"I cannot deny it."

"Therefore you have the greatest authority in informing Georgiana that it is impossible to forget how to dance. Do you not?"

"Indeed I do." He bowed his head, "Georgiana, there is no need to be concerned, one cannot forget how to dance."

"Miss Darcy," Lord Tyndale spoke up, "Might I be so bold as to claim the first set with you, for I do not dance regularly either, I suspect that you shall have to lead me." Georgiana accepted quietly and politely.

Checking my watch I realised that it was now past time for the guests to have started arriving, and giving the girls a quick hug and my best wishes I hurried along out of sight of the guests who the door admitted just as I turned the corner, if they had seen me at all it was only the muslin hem of my skirts. The house was empty, all the staff were involved in tasks for the ball, Mrs Turner's rooms were deserted and I returned to my own rooms. I lazily played a few tunes on the spinet that occupied the room and then picked up a novel trying to distract myself from the noise of gaiety below.

Now, I enjoyed a ball as much as the next person, more than some I should imagine. The noise emanating from the floor below made me long for a ball as much as Kitty and Lydia once had and I wondered at a comment Mr Bingley had once made about Mr Darcy not attending but retiring if he so desired, it was not possible. At nine o clock I began to prepare myself when I heard a knock at my door. "Come in." I said thinking that perhaps it was Elsie though I had not rung for her. I turned round and saw two little faces peeping around the doorway, "What are you two about?"

"Miss Bennet, we cannot sleep. It is far too noisy." Priscilla sulked sounding very much like her mother.

"Can we go downstairs?" Roberta asked bravely walking towards me and tugging at my hand.

"No, the ball is for adults, I doubt you would be very welcome."

"But you are an adult."

"I was not invited; you see I am not one of your mother's friends." I tried to explain, "People would think it very odd if she were to invite her children's governess."

"Will you play with us then?" Roberta asked.

"Can we sit at the top of the stairs and watch Miss Bennet?"

"If you like." I said after a few seconds consideration, we would be in nobodies' way there and it is unlikely we would be observed. The two little girls and I moved down several floors until we were seated at the top of the wide staircase that swept up from the entrance hall. There with two little girls dressed in their nightgowns on either side of me we sat watching the servants hurrying about. They seemed entranced by the activity, "How did you two get out your rooms? Was not Martha in the nursery?"

"No ma'am she went downstairs earlier." Priscilla admitted. I wondered at Martha shirking her duties but then speculated that it was likely she had been asked to help downstairs.

Priscilla won the battle of who would go first, for obviously I could not dance with both the sisters at once and as the notes to _Sir Roger de Coverley_ struck up I quickly performed a very feminine bow and told her to curtsey and the walked through the dance calling out the instructions two or three times before she finally got the hang of it. The final set of the quadrille was _La Boulanger _this was incredibly hard to perform with just two people and I had to keep jumping down the line to be a different gentleman and we could not quite manage to get the proper shape, "Bobbie right hand!" I kept calling out. I might add that she was a far better dancer than Mr Collins though.

When we were finished there was a round of applause and I turned to see who was watching us, "Very well done Miss Bennet." Mr Darcy commented dryly.

"Papa, may we come down? Miss Bennet says not."

He looked at me for a second as if considering, "I do not see why you should not, so long as you put some clothes on, you shall have the whole of London in uproar if you were to attend in you nightclothes."

The girls were over the moon at this and unexpected and much desired privilege and hurried me off to help them dress. They owned matching pale pink gowns that were their best dresses and I tied their hair back in ribbons of a darker pink and white, while they proudly paraded in front of the mirror in the nursery bedroom. They dropped proper curtseys to Mr Darcy when I took them outside again to where he was waiting for them, "My I do believe you are going to be the prettiest ladies in the ballroom tonight." He declared affectionately they giggled delightedly at this compliment and I passed their hands over to him and bade them good night saying I hoped they had a lovely time, "Miss Bennet, will you not be joining us? I had counted on your presence this evening. I cannot very well take care of Priscilla and Roberta when I am supposed to be the host of the evening?" He reasoned.

"Very well then sir." I agreed reticently he turned to make his way down the stairs after offering me his arm.

"Miss Bennet?" Priscilla sounded cross, "You cannot go to a proper London ball dressed in _that_." She pointed at my offending gown, a mauve coloured muslin that I had been wearing in the day, there was nothing wrong with it, I thought, it was tidy enough. She took hold of my hand again and tugged me in the opposite direction, "You must go and change your habit at once ma'am, and you shall disgrace us all, the whole of London in uproar if you were to attend in such a nasty dress!" She imitated Mr Darcy words. He was looking rather alarmed at her little speech. Before he spoke she had dragged me off to my rooms to go and change my gown. She permitted me no in put, saying that I "Always wore such dull clothes" but found that my wardrobe consisted of nothing but blacks and greys anyway. She selected my newest gown, which Aunt Gardiner had bought me, I was very lucky to have her. It was a grey silk slip worn underneath a dress of black lace.

The girls proudly presented their handy work to their father who said they had done "a lovely job," before he offered me an arm and escorted me down the staircase. We entered the ballroom, attracting no small amount of attention. Lady Arabella sent a rather angered glare across the room at the four of us. He accompanied us to seats at the edge of the room that had a good view of the dancing, instructing the girls to stay seated. Bobbie settled herself on my lap and her sister sat up straight and attentive, imitating some of the other young ladies in the room. Despite the stares we had encountered upon our entrance into the room, we were for the most part ignored for there was nobody to make introductions and other than a matron occasionally remarking that the girls were a "pair of little dolls" we attracted no more attention, for which I was thankful. At the end of the set Henriette came rushing across, her partner trailing behind at a more sedate pace and looking slightly bewildered, "Oh Lizzy, I am so glad that you came! Georgiana and I are having a marvellous time!"

"I am very glad for you." I commented more sedately. "Has Georgiana overcome her fears of dancing?" I attempted to make conversation, however, Henriette's next partner quickly came to claim her before she had a chance to make any form of reply. Henriette's partner was an elderly gentleman, he seemed to admire her greatly and although throughout the dance she was polite, there was a certain look about her which spoke of her boredom. She handled the situation well and I was impressed by her display of good breeding. I had not expected it of her, she was known to be rather liberal with her words. Then my focus centred upon Georgiana, she was far quieter and her smile more sedate, she looked almost reticent to speak to her partner, a young jovial man, whose spirit was perhaps too lively for her. My hopes were dashed when she began the next set, her partner was a gentleman a few years older than the previous, his manner was solicitous and gentlemanly and his countenance pleasing and intelligent, even all these advantages did not succeed in swaying Georgiana's behaviour. Indeed Mr Darcy's behaviour in a ballroom was evidently a family trait.

Lord Tyndale was not dancing but neither had he retreated to the card room with the other gentlemen, instead he politely made his way over to us and asked how we were all enjoying ourselves and offer me a drink which I declined. He sat with us for sometime, I longed to ask him why he did not dance but felt he might think me to fishing for an invitation. After some time I began to notice that people were staring at us, "You three have created quite a stir, I perceive." He said conversationally.

"You are mistaken I think Lord Tyndale."

"Am I?" He asked as we heard Lady Arabella's voice from across the room.

"Oh she is nobody just the children's governess." Followed by a short pause, while her companions said something, "No I assure you Tyndale has not the slightest interest in her." Again another pause, "I cannot think why Mr Darcy has allowed them down." … "No Indeed I should think not."… "He has better sense than to do such a thing."

"Ah, I see what you mean." He grinned at me, "Well perhaps I should stay put, for you and I have created gossip and Arabella does like to gossip." He laughed, "No doubt people shall be talking of it for weeks, Lord Tyndale spoke to no other young lady than the governess at the coming out ball of two of the most important young ladies of the _ton_. Arabella would never forgive me if I were to move now."

"Indeed." Lord Tyndale was a puzzle to me, he was unsociable, yet enjoyed to laugh, but then avoided society at all costs. It was one of the greatest puzzles to me ever. On reflection he was very much like my own father perhaps a little less satirical and more jovial when he laughed. His distance from society was possibly because like all rich young men who must want a wife, he was determined to remain single and so avoided the young ladies and their Mamma with great determination. Who would be the young lady to capture his attention?

My attention was then drawn to the other side of the room where I perceived two familiar figures. The Bingley sisters, they were just as they had ever been. Mrs Hurst was dressed in a sea green coloured silk trimmed with _Vandyke _lace her bosom hanging out as it always did. Miss Bingley it seemed was no longer decked out in orange silk but mustard satin. Never in my life had I been so relieved to see them present at anything, for surely if they were here, then so must their brother be. "They are a highly interesting pair, are they not Miss Bennet?" Lord Tyndale asked.

"Hum, yes they certainly hold some interest I confess."

"Would you like to be introduced? I would offer, but I am far too scared of them to attempt it."

"You need not fear sir! I am already acquainted with them. I simply wondered if their brother, Mr Bingley, was present this evening."

"The charming Mr Bingley? Why I do not recall having seem him as yet, Darcy!" He called out to Mr Darcy who was standing no more than a few feet away conversing with an elderly man, "Is Bingley here this evening?"

"Unfortunately, Miss Bennet, he is not at his best this evening and was not in the mood even for dancing, or so Miss Bingley informs me. The continent apparently did not suit him particularly well." His addressing me caused me to jump slightly; I had not wished to be as easily read as that. "Miss Bennet, would you be content with my company instead, I should be honoured if you would dance this next set with me." He asked quickly.

"Well…" I demurred.

"Come Miss Bennet, we are not going to go through all this again I am hardly asking you to fight in the Battle of Craonnesimply one set in a ballroom, can you not oblige me for half an hour?"

"I do not think it entirely proper sir."

"Why not, is it because you are in mourning?" I nodded my head, "Well in that case I might point out that you are already attending the ball dancing one set can do you no harm."

"…But the children, I am supposed to be looking after them."

"Nonsense nobody shall mind if you avoid your duties for one set, after all you are at a ball. Tyndale you shall be willing to look after your nieces for a few minutes will you not?"

I thought Lord Tyndale looked a little put upon but he could do nothing but accede to his hosts request, "Go on Miss Bennet, go and enjoy your dance." He said taking Roberta off my lap and my hand into Mr Darcy's in one very swift motion. "Perhaps you would save me a dance later this evening."

Mr Darcy led me across to the dance floor where we took out place in the line and received a few astonished stares, in fact the reaction was very much like it had been the last time I had danced with him. The music stared up, he bowed, I curtseyed, we began dancing in silence, evidently a pattern was emerging. We were by far the most silent of the couples dancing. Even Georgiana could be seen commenting quietly to her partner the same elderly gentleman that Henriette had danced with earlier that evening. "Miss Bennet, you are very quiet this evening, I thought you said it would look entirely odd to spend half an hour together without talking?"

"Actually I said sometime it is best to have some conversation sir. This evening I am not inclined to speak to you."

"Yet you just did!"

I refrained from answering and stuck my nose in the air haughtily.

"Have I done something to offend you Miss Bennet?"

Again I did not answer though the grin on my face I was attempting to restrain was threatening to break loose.

"Miss Bennet, I most humbly entreat that you accept my most obedient apologies." He said quite seriously!

I laughed, I could not help it, though I should not have, he had sounded very much like Mr Collins when he said it. Several people in our proximity stared at us clearly shocked at my unseemly behaviour. "Now what was so funny about that?" He asked puzzled.

"I did not realise that you and Mr Collins shared any similarity in address." I commented slyly.

"Is that not how a gentleman should beg an apology? You see, alas, I am still working on the gentlemanly behaviour aspect that is so at fault and apologising has never been my greatest talent anyway."

"Well…" Seriously, he had me stunned, completely and utterly speechless, why did he continue to speak so openly of things that should never be mentioned between us? "Perhaps Mr Collins was not the best person to ask."

"You are mistaken Miss Bennet, I never asked Mr Collins, the advice was given by…."

"Lady Catherine de Bourgh." A flustered looking Masters of the Ceremony announced.

The whole room fell silent as Lady Catherine took in the room with her aristocratic glance. The all commanding presence stood there for several minutes, milking the situation and the attention. Mutterings began to evolve but before they became too loud she swept forward to the middle of the dance floor angrily and at a fast pace, "Where is she? Where is my niece? Georgiana! Darcy! Why was I not informed of this?" She demanded walking towards ours and Georgiana's general direction and taking her poor red niece by the arm and dragging her over to her brother.

"Lady Catherine." Mr Darcy calmly performed a bow.

"Darcy." She returned stiffly not bothering to greet him accordingly, "You can be at no loss as to why I have journeyed here this evening, indeed your own conscience must tell you what for."

"Indeed you are quite mistaken. I am unable to account for the honour of seeing you here your ladyship."

"Darcy, do not play games with me now. I am not a lady to be trifled with as you are well aware. I shall be frank. I demand to know for what reason you chose to celebrate my own nieces coming out without either notifying or inviting me to this important event. You dear mothers closest relative and you chose to ignore my presence! It is not to be born, why I could have advised you on how it ought to be done!"

"You can see quite clearly that we have been most successful without you Lady Catherine."

"Oh yes!" Her scornful voice was dripping with sarcasm, "Very well indeed, I can see that, _that woman _is perfectly able to put together quite an affair."

"Lady Catherine…"

"Do not interrupt me when I am speaking to you young man!" She continued to storm wildly, "Why I am practically your nearest living relative and yet you choose to ignore duty, honour and conscience and you pretend that I do not even exist."

"Lady Catherine…"

"No Darcy! This is not to be tolerated!"

"I think we should go into my study. Come."

"Very well. Darcy, Georgiana you are to come to, Miss Bennet take those brats to bed and then come back downstairs I will speak to you too."

Quickly I hurried over to the girls who were cowering behind their Uncle Tyndale in fear he handed them over to me and I escorted them upstairs to the nursery Roberta was crying and Priscilla looked crestfallen. I hoped to delay not wanting to return to the scene down below again my hopes were in vain for the staff at the townhouse were always very efficient and Martha was already upstairs waiting for them her face even more timid than it had formerly been. She informed me in a whisper that Lady Catherine had thrown the whole household in uproar. I quickly kissed the two girls on the forehead bidding them good night and as slowly as possible made my way downstairs to the Master's study. The servants were more subdued than they had been earlier that evening and a hum was emanating from the ballroom, rather than the gay sound of music. His study seemed surprisingly quiet as well and it was only as I drew toward the door and was with a few feet of it that I could distinguish what was being said.

Lady Catherine was the principal speaker, "This is not to be born Fitzwilliam Darcy your mother brought you up to behave better that this, Lady Anne Darcy would never see her own sister slighted in such an unforgivable manner. To go so far as not invite me to a ball held in honour of my own niece on her Coming Out, when my own daughter's sickly constitution has prevented her from receiving what is only her due. Why Georgiana Darcy is the only young lady whom I was to have that honour and distinction from, my own niece, Darcy and you choose to forget my connection to her. What you owe to me for her upbringing. It is not to be born; I am to hear this information second hand from a woman with no connection to this family.

"And Georgiana is not yet ready to be out yet, look at her she is too quiet, why she still does not speak yet you have thrust her out into society. She will never make a good match and the Fitzwilliams and the Darcys are renowned throughout the _Ton _for making excellent matches, no self-respecting gentleman will ever want to make a match with her yet, you shall frighten them all away, and think what you are doing to your connections. Just think about it Darcy, are you out of your senses?

"Of course you are. The day you married _that woman_ you lost any semblance of sense that you might once have possessed. Why would you marry her when you could have had my Anne, she would have made you a respectable wife she would have given Georgiana a better introduction into society than _that woman_ had because she would have had my excellent advice. But no, you chose to go against the dearest wishes of you dear mother, my own sister, why she must be turning in her grave at the very thought of it. Marriage to Lady Arabella Sutton, a widow with no estate when you could have married Anne and had Rosings Park, think how the estates would have been united, The De Bourgh family and the Darcy family would have been one of the most influential houses in the land. Yet you threw it all away on some foolish infatuation and now the house will be brought to its ruin!"

"How pray tell will the house be brought to its ruin." He asked lazily.

"How? How? Have you not been listening to a word I have been saying to you these past five minutes Darcy? Heaven and Earth what has become of you? The family connections, Georgiana's incapability of making a good match will cause the family name to suffer you will be connected to some farmer or poor country gentleman! Have you no care for these things?" I thought she was taking things a little too far here.

I sincerely hoped that this was not the manner in which Lady Catherine had treated her own daughter for if it was then it was evident why poor Miss De Bourgh had been such a timid and frail creature. If Lady Catherine De Bourgh had been my mother I would have pretended to be ill even if I was not. Poor Miss De Bourgh I had never felt as sorry for her as I did at that moment. Poor Georgiana too, to be subjected to such a disparagement of her character it was beyond the pale, and little wonder that she was so lacking in any form of self confidence.

"Truthfully, Lady Catherine no, I cannot see why you expected me to invite you this evening, for I recall very vividly that you cast me off without a second thought when I made my decision to marry. This past two years you have made little to no attempt at reconciliation and I have had no inclination for one anyway, and you walk into my house uninvited and demean my family."

"She is my niece. I am the closest thing that Georgiana has to a mother. How do you expect me to act? As if she does not exist. No Darcy, you may not choose to acknowledge me by I will not be excluded from having my input in such a momentous decision. My sister would never have had it!" She continued to rant on angrily. "Georgiana?"

"Yes Aunt De Bourgh?" you could practically hear the poor girl shaking and crying.

"For goodness sake stop crying child! You are eighteen years old! You are coming home with me you are not staying for another moment in the asylum."

"Lady Catherine, how dare you Georgiana, my sister, is under my protection I am her legal guardian and she will not be leaving this house without my permission."

"You proved that you were a useless guardian the day that you married _that woman_ what kind of an influence has she been on her? On you all? I will not see you ruining the family name Darcy anymore than you have already compromised it."

"Compromised it? She had impeccable connections."

"Impeccable!" Spat Lady Catherine, "The last Earl of Tyndale's second wife was a country nobody with no connections they are a disgrace to you."

"The present Lady Tyndale is not however her mother. She is connected to the Earl and Countess of Arden. She brings no shame upon this house!" For some reason hearing him say that was the most painful thing in the world. Was that what he really thought, that she brought him no shame?

"_That woman_ has allowed Miss Elizabeth Bennet to be a member of this household, do not tell me that you would have permitted it, where is she, I asked her to come hither when she had done with _that woman's _brats! Find her at once I need to speak with her."

Hastily I backed away from the door and within several minutes I heard movement along the corridor and James made an appearance, I held up my fingers to silence him as he knocked on the door and was permitted entrance and then petitioned to come and find me, he shut the door behind him and held up his hand to tell me to wait, joining in with my deceit. The after a few minutes I bravely stepped forwards and he knocked on the door and announced me sedately.

"Miss Bennet, you can be of no loss as to why I am calling you hither." Lady Catherine began rudely, did she even have the right to call me in her own house. "You will leave this house immediately tomorrow morning, do I make myself clear. Darcy you must see that this is for the best…"

"Lady Catherine, Miss Bennet is going nowhere unless I say so, you have no right to act thus in my house you are a guest and an unwelcome one at that." He snapped angrily.

"How dare you speak to me in such an impertinent manner, I am your mother's sister and deserve far more respect than you are showing me at this minute. Do you not see that Miss Bennet's presence will destroy whatever character you have left? Are you ignorant of her condition, for I most certainly am not. Are you unaware of her youngest sister's infamous 'elopement' and I use the term loosely mind you. Out by the time she was fifteen and dead by no more that seventeen from childbirth out of wedlock. If this becomes public knowledge your reputation will be unsalvageable. Miss Bennet will leave this house immediately. She has no right to impose herself upon you in this manner.

"You will give her no recommendations, nor help her seek another position she will leave and all contact between her and this family will be severed from here on in." I could feel tears welling up in my eye's I had not the fortitude to stand up to this, I will admit it Lady Catherine scared me at that moment. Georgiana was openly sobbing it was only her brother that was strong enough to with stand the wave of abuse and decided opinions being hurled in our direction.

"Lady Catherine, I believe you have said quite enough for this evening, from now on all connections between us will be completely severed. I am proud to have Miss Bennet as my children's governess." He said laying a hand on my shoulder, "I will not have her leave the house for a youthful indiscretion committed by her sister when Miss Elizabeth comports herself with much more grace and decorum than you have ever done and I suggest that you leave this instant for I will not have you in my house any longer, and you will not treat my sister nor Miss Bennet in such a manner. Good evening Lady Catherine!" he said in a tone of finality as he open the door to show her out the room, "James, be so kind as to show my Aunt out please." He instructed the footman politely.

Lady Catherine was accompanied loudly out of the house as she continued to hurl abuse at the Darcy household. Mr Darcy turned to his sister and I taking both our hands he led us over to two armchairs and handed us a glass of wine quietly. None of us said anything, there was little need to. He quickly drank a glass of brandy while Georgiana and I sipped our wine more delicately in a vain attempt to calm our nerves. The room still remained silent when we had both finished our drink. I do not think that any of us quite knew what to say. Finally Mr Darcy rose from his seat, "I believe that we should be getting back, there are guests to be attended to."

Georgiana and I obediently rose from our seats and left the room we stopped at the bottom of the stairs "I shall just freshen up Fitzwilliam, for I can hardly return." She said walking heavily up the stairs.

"Goodnight sir." I said, having every intention of retiring for the night.

"You are not going to attend the ball?" He asked.

"No I fear I am quite fatigued and would much prefer to retire. Besides, there is no reason for me to attend, the girls have gone to bed." I reasoned.

"A perfect escape. Would to God that I did not have guests to attend."

"Unfortunately you have to." I said, I could have teased him but felt not at all equal to the task.

"Well good night then." He said as I turned to make my way up the staircase, he caught my hand, "And Elizabeth, do not fret about it."

I released my hand from his grasp and hurried up the staircase with more hast than I should before running to my room and collapsing on the bed in tears. That seemed to be happening a lot of late. But I was shocked from what had just happened. How could Lady Catherine behave in such a rude manner, to myself, Georgiana, Mr Darcy, the children and even Lady Arabella, she had no right! I was grateful that I had Mr Darcy's support for had it been anyone else I am certain that they would have surrendered to Lady Catherine's wishes and sent me packing. Attending the ball had been a mistake up until the moment that she had entered I confess I had been enjoying myself, certainly more than I ought to have been. The fact remained that I should not have been there in the first place, if I had listened to my instincts and refused then Mr Darcy's Aunt would not have treated him in such an odious manner as she had. And no matter how cowardly it sounded I would not have been on the receiving end of her wrath either.

Mr Darcy had been very good to me, kinder than he needed to be. After all who had caused the trouble? It was very nice to know that I had a champion. It did not stop me from feeling highly undeserving of his attention and protection, what reason could he have to be pleasant to me, what had I ever done for him, he had every reason in the world to think ill of me. For some reason I wished, sincerely, that he would not be as kind to me as he had been, that though I was grateful for it I wished he would not be for sometime it made me extremely uncomfortable. I thought of his hand placed protectively on my shoulder defensively that very evening and later mine in his. Why? Why did he do that? It made me feel uncomfortable inside.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: **Hello again everybody, glad you enjoyed the ball so much and were suitably outraged by good old Lady Catherine.

**Mel88: **Thanks very much I'm glad you're enjoying it so much, hope you like this chapter too if you liked the last you should enjoy this.

**Skydancinghobbit: **Trying to keep it up, I'm a chocolate chip and Earl Grey kinda girl for future reference, but food of any sort is always a good bribe ;)

**Rhyssa: **I guess you were successful this time then?

Well that just about covers it, sorry but Lizzy is about to take a bit of a bashing again. Ella xXx.

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**Chapter 9**

Though Henriette was pleased with the success of the ball other members of the household were not so content. Lady Arabella was distraught that Lady Catherine de Bourgh, a woman who had refused to recognise her as mistress of the house had succeeded in gaining admittance and consequently caused such a scene of scandal that even she was ashamed. Georgiana had been uncomfortable and upset by her Aunt was more quiet than usual for several days. What Mr Darcy though I have not the slightest idea. However, they were obliged to wear a façade of cheerfulness on the 21st of March only two days later for Priscilla's ninth birthday. Lady Arabella arranged a tea party and a conjurer for her, with some other young children and their mothers. It was of course nothing more than an opportunity for her to integrate her children early on with the most wealthy and well connected children.

I who had been made uncomfortable by Lady Catherine's disapproval of me had made every attempt to distance myself from the family for the next couple of weeks. In fact I had gone so far as to consider returning to Gracechurch Street but neither my own pride nor my affection for my three young charges would allow me to, so I contented myself with every possible attempt to distance myself from the family. This was easy enough to accomplish after Priscilla's birthday as the family were much engaged, the London Season now being in full swing. Every Sunday evening I would be invited downstairs with the children – though I had the distinct impression that Lady Arabella did not approve, those evenings were quiet the children would sit still while we read to them. Georgiana and Henriette would frequently visit me while the children ate their luncheon and tell me of the schemes and outings, even Mr Darcy continued with his frequent visits to the school room. Sometimes they would join me when I walked out with the children to the park in the afternoon.

Only one topic of conversation could interest him during these times, he was always eager to hear of Rachel. I was not going mad as I had first thought the day he spoke to me in Pemberley's gallery. I was glad, for the sake of my sanity, to see he apparently agreed that he was perhaps more closely connected to the Wickham family than any of us had previously thought. Rachel was our common connection and he I was certain would always remain at a distance to help her weather he could publicly acknowledge her or not.

On one such occasion he came across me in the library one evening. "I thought you had gone out to the theatre this evening sir." I said as I curtseyed.

"Yes that had been my intention however I was with held by business and the performance has started now. A quiet evening would be welcome though so it is of little matter."

I took this to mean that he wished to have the library to himself so rose from my seat again. "You are not leaving I hope Miss Bennet."

"I thought…"

"No, you are quite welcome to stay." He said as if reading my mind, he plucked a book off the shelves scanned the first page and put it back then taking another out added seemingly nonchalantly, "You received a letter from your sister Mrs Thursfield today did you not?"

I confirmed his question but said nothing more knowing that if he wanted to know he would ask after a slight pause he asked after my niece so I humoured him, "Kitty says that she thinks she may start walking soon and perhaps even talking she can already say Mama and Papa and a few other words and she likes having Mr Thursfield read to her too."

"Then she is well, I am pleased to hear it."

"Well, Kitty says that she has been a little peevish of late and thinks she might be coming down with something." I admitted after a slight pause, wondering if I should tell him.

"Has she seen a doctor?" He asked sitting up a little straighter.

"No, they have had the apothecary though; he seems to think it nothing, she was troubled similarly when she was younger." I continued trying to abate his evident concern for the infant.

"He is only an apothecary, perhaps she needs a doctor from town, ask Mrs Thursfield and I shall send one down if she requires it."

This I felt was taking his interest a little too far. Rachel was not desperately ill and Kitty had suggested that it was perhaps caused by tiredness anyway; Rachel had never been a good sleeper. "Really sir there is no need for that. Kitty believes that it could be caused by tiredness."

"None the less I would feel responsible if she were ill." He seemed completely determined and I had a foreboding feeling that this was about to turn into a battle of the wills between the two of us.

"There would be no reason for you to feel so for she is the responsibility of Kitty and Jonathan not you." I tried to say this peacefully but by the end of my sentence I could feel my voice beginning to rise.

"You think she is not my responsibility, for God's sake she is my niece!"

I stared at him quite openly in silence. Never had we been so open about his connection to her, after all it was really nothing but conjecture on our part and it was not proper for him to admit it anyway. It would compromise the Darcy family in an inconceivable way for him to recognise the illegitimate child of another illegitimate child as his relation.

"However as much I would wish to deny a connection with that man Rachel is living proof that Wickham was my father's son, a fact which I had long suspected anyway when I remembered my father's treatment of him. She is my responsibility and her unfortunate beginnings in this world are a direct result of my pride."

So you wish to use Rachel as a scapegoat for your guilt do you?" I snarled at him loosing my temper.

"I never said that, but had I seen fit to reveal his treatment of Georgiana to the world he could never of got away with injuring your family in the way he has done, in a way in which it pains me to see, and you and I would not be standing here having this argument today but for my arrogance." Clearly this was something that had been bothering him for some time. "So yes I do feel that I owe Rachel something I have deprived her of loving parents and a normal life where she will not be burdened with the label of a bastard because one day people will know it and I feel that I have to show her some care even if it does not make up for my past errors.

"So yes, I do feel that I owe Rachel something. I have deprived her of loving parents and a normal life where she will not be burdened with the label of a bastard because one day people will know it and I feel that I have to show her some care even if it does not make up for my past errors."

He stood up and walked towards the fireplace and rested his head against the mirror. I knew he was either upset or angry and I was the cause of his present discomfort, for jumping to conclusions that he thought money would help Rachel. In his own way he wanted to care for her too, just like the rest of us did and this was his way of showing it. He could never openly admit that she was his niece too, but I knew that he would always be taking care of her on the side lines. I took a step towards him and touched his arm lightly, he looked up startled, "I am sorry for jumping to conclusions," I said biting my lip in uncertainty he smiled slightly, the tension in his face easing, "it seems to be something of a habit of mine."

"Apology accepted and I must beg your forgiveness for losing my temper."

Not all our conversations were that serious, and often we spoke of other matters than Rachel. One subject we avoided studiously though was Mr Bingley. Elsie, informed me he had been to call on Mr Darcy after he had recovered from his bout of influenza. Mr Darcy had unfortunately been out and from what I could understand had not yet seen him for more that five minutes and there had been no time to discuss anything with him about Jane. I hoped it would come soon enough for the last time I had met with Jane, on my day off, she had defiantly not been in the best of spirits.

But that was to soon be remedied for Lady Arabella was organising a dinner party, which I was certain he would be invited to. She had an eye on a suitor for poor Henriette, the Earl of Meriden. He was as she and Georgiana had said a pleasant enough gentleman, but old enough to be their fathers at the very least, they had both danced with him at their ball. "I don't know how Arabella could expect me to marry him." She commented. "She just keeps telling me that he will be an excellent connection if I marry him."

"He's an agreeable gentleman though Henriette." Georgiana said.

"Yes, at least he does not go on about his gouty foot like Mr Ulverley did, that was dreadful, I though I should have gagged."

Actually Mr Ulverley's gout had been a great source of hilarity between them for he had worded his speech about gout and his doctor's advice exactly the same to both of them. I think he was attempting to tempt them into matrimony with the prospect of a very long trip to Bath. On second thoughts, perhaps he was not particularly skilled in the art of conversation, for he must realise that it is not the type of thing a well brought up young lady wants to hear, no it's not the type of thing that any lady young or old, rich or poor would want to hear.

On the evening of the aforementioned dinner party I had aided Georgiana and Henriette in dressing before returning to my own room when they made their way downstairs again to greet guests. About half an hour later I found myself creeping downstairs to the library. I could hear heated voices coming from behind the closed door of a sitting room, as I drew closer to the library, "I cannot believe that she has done this too me, my own sister and leaving it until the last moment to tell me, it is insupportable. What am I supposed to do now, some of the guests have already seen the table, and the numbers are uneven. I cannot just remove a plate!"

"Madam, your behaviour astonishes me it will not hurt to remove one setting, she is ill for goodness sake. If anybody asks just in form them that Lady Newlyn is indisposed." He said calmly opening the door, I hoped he had not noticed me or that he would not think me eavesdropping, I was quite some distance from the door, which was not the case, "Miss Bennet?" He called out, I took a few more steps away and then turned around, "Miss Bennet, it seems that we have had a guest cancel at the last minute and we would be very much obliged if you would make up the numbers." Lady Arabella stepped out the door behind him a look of horror crossing her face at this suggestion. Undoubtedly his proposition was just as troublesome to her as the idea of removing a plate it could not be done.

Not knowing quite how to respond to this invitation my conscience told me not to attend but it would hardly be polite to refuse, I murmured something incoherent, which they seemed to take as an acceptance, he look pleased, she looked like a thundercloud, "Well in that case Miss Bennet, you had best attend to you toilette, for you cannot wear that to a dinner party with such guests as ours. Hurry up dinner is to be served in twenty minutes." I supposed then that I was attending.

Despite her conviction that she could not re-arrange the table and remove a plate, Lady Arabella did find time enough to reorganise the seating arrangement, if my position at the table were anything to judge by. For certainly she would not have placed Lady Newlyn in such a precarious position, I was as far away from the hosts as I could be and amongst some rather suspect dining companions: Miss Bingley, an inebriated Mr Hurst like gentleman, and an impoverished gentleman with a nervous twitch. As we sat down at the table there were one or two confused glances at the place cards and then at me since I had not had time to be introduced. What a good thing I was already acquainted with Miss Bingley!

Dinner was a splendid affair with four courses and several removes. The conversation was sufficiently fluent although for the most part I had not the smallest idea who they spoke of and for the most part my own companions were silent and I ate my own meal quietly. Finally Miss Bingley decided to break the silences when the table was sufficiently lulled, "Eliza, I hear that your parents have passed away?" She said rudely, I knew that there was worse to come from her than this meagre attempt, so taking a deep breath I replied in the affirmative.

"So are all your sisters working for their keep now?"

"No Miss Bingley, only me."

"Oh and are your other sisters living with someone else or are they married?"

I saw Mr Bingley, seated quite some distance from us perk up at the mention of al my other sisters, "No Miss Bingley only Kitty has married."

"Oh to a red coat, one of the militia quartered at Meryton I suppose I recall hearing something of the sort nearly two years ago now."

"No Miss Bingley, a clergyman as it happens."

"Really, I am all astonishment!" She was silent for a moment, "Your younger sisters were not greatly taken with clergymen the last time I saw them. I am certain that I heard something about a redcoat. Oh yes now I remember! It was Miss Lydia, she eloped with a redcoat did she not."

Her finally comment had the desired affect the whole table ceased talking and were staring quite openly at us both, mouths wide open in astonishment. "But she did not marry him I take it."

Oh Lord!

"Fitzwilliam" "Tyndale" "Francis" "Darcy" Four voices spoke in loud unison.

All attention was now diverted from my direction although Mr Bingley did glare harshly at his sister. I finished my meal in silence relieved that no more had been revealed to these unknown people. When it came time for the ladies to withdraw from the room Henriette and Georgiana rushed towards me and each grabbed an arm violently dragging me into the drawing room. "Lizzy, I must speak with you!" Henriette declared pulling me into another sitting room before her sister could object. "Are you well? Do not concern yourself by what Miss Bingley said, we none of us pay her much mind anyway, she's just a selfish old tabby."

I assured them repeatedly that I was fine and they entreated me to reveal the truth, finally they were convinced that I may not have been best pleased, but that I was by no means as upset as they imagined. At length we returned to the drawing room where the other ladies were amusing themselves with gossip. Henriette and Georgiana paused in the doorway and carefully scanned the room before choosing to join a small group of young ladies. They began a discussion about a play they had attending a few evenings ago. I had read the play and we were so absorbed in discussing our opinions on it that we failed to notice, at first, that we had an intruder in our midst. It was not long before we failed to notice Mr Bingley had entered the room when he made no attempt to conceal his fury by announcing, "Caroline. I have ordered the carriage. We are departing this minute. Collect your things!"

"Charles!" She laughed falsely, "Whatever are you talking of? Of course we are not leaving, it is rude, refreshments and supper have yet to be served."

"I assure you we are leaving now!" He cried.

"Charles, really, it is the height of bad manners you have not even spoken with dear Georgiana yet, whatever are you thinking?"

"Do as I ask Caroline. I will not be argued with on this. Collect your belonging now."

"Brother your manners are abominable, whatever shall Mr Darcy think?"

"The same might be said of you sister. Come along!" He hissed pulling her up from the seat by her arm and leading her from the room, she hurried along beside him uttering loud protestations as she left the room and we all stared after them interested by the little scene being played out.

"What will people think? What will Mr Darcy think?" She whined. Apparently her admiration and attentiveness to Mr Darcy was not yet done away with for she still desired his good opinion, I seriously wondered why, the man was married and nothing but marriage to a rich and highly connected gentleman would satisfy Caroline Bingley.

"Frankly, I couldn't give a damn what Darcy thinks!" He barked in anguish, slamming the door behind him.

The room fell silent as every lady in the room continued to stare in wonder at the door through which they had just departed, eventually a dim murmur encroached as the young ladies turned excitedly to one another and the matrons equally so, they whispered in an endeavour to conceal their gossiping, "Goodness!" Henriette gasped, "What on earth do you think all that was about?"

I did not answer but had a fair idea what could have caused the scene, I half hoped it had caused it, but my guilty conscience irked me and then I began to pray that it had not been the case. Oh I did not know what I wanted!

When the gentlemen finally returned to our midst's we were still in such wonder over the Bingley's behaviour that we failed to even acknowledge them and dear Georgiana had to be reminded gently that she had duties to attend. Blushing she handed the cups of tea and coffee and cakes over to the guests who then began to mingle. The divisions were not surprising, several of the single gentlemen made their way over to the other group of young ladies, and one over to the matrons where he focused his attention on one lady in particular, the other gentlemen chose to engage in some kind of political debate. Only Lord Tyndale made his way over to our little party. "Good evening ladies, what may I ask what do you find so amusing?" He asked us with a wry grin and seated himself in the empty chair next to mine.

"Oh Francis," Henriette gasped gaily, "I shall not tell you for you shall only scold me!" She declared.

"Then I shall not press you, for when you are resolved not to tell your secret you never will, I suspect it was something entirely inappropriate anyhow, in which case I do not wish to know!" Henriette pouted slightly for she had really wanted to tell him and only wanted a little pressing.

When music was suggested the girls leapt at the opportunity to perform and show off their accomplishments, Miss Philippa chose to go first and almost demanded that Lord Tyndale turned the pages for her, she was followed by Henriette, Miss Thomas, Miss Schofield, Miss D'Arbely, Miss Howard and Lady Blanche an arrogant young lady. Georgiana suddenly became very shy and demurred against playing or singing at all despite her brother and Henriette pressing her to do so. "I beg of you not to make me perform this evening, I do not feel equal to it." She said politely to the room at large. The others all exclaimed against her declaration and abused her stupidly. Mr Darcy was the only one who remained silent; he never pushed her too much or forced her to do what she did not wish. Sometimes I felt that his lack of encouragement and mollycoddling did her more harm than good, but it was what he thought best and it was not my business to challenge that.

"Georgiana, what is wrong with performing just a short piece for the company? You need not sing."

"But all the other young ladies have sung and people will think I am not as accomplished as they are."

I very nearly asked her if she would jump off a cliff just because they had but held my tongue.

"Georgiana," Henriette whispered to her so nobody else would hear, "would you be willing to play if Lizzy would sing for you?"

I almost protested and Georgiana still looked reticent to comply with everyone's wishes but she nodded her head in acquiesce and we made our way over to the pianoforte to select some music together. It was a very rare occasion that Georgiana and I played duets and so we did not have a very good idea of which was best to play. After fussing sometime while we debated what to play, Mr Darcy interrupted, "Will you not play _Dalla Guerra Amorosa_ you and Miss Bennet always perform that piece beautifully." Up until this point he had been withdrawn from the company and seemed to be paying not the slightest bit of attention to the proceedings of the evening, Lord Tyndale suddenly leapt from his seat and offered to turn the pages. Shuffling through the scores we finally found the piece suggested for us and Georgiana played the introduction, beautifully as always, before I commenced singing the words of the song:

Take flight; take flight, my thoughts,

From the war of amorous passion.

Called back by reason, I know now that

Flight from love brings no shame,

For only through flight can

A soul be victorious over cruel Love.

No, no! Do not be swayed by a lovely eye,

With its siren-like glances,

begging you for mercy.

For, all the while, to take revenge,

Love hides within the eyes with bows and arrows.

Take flight, take flight!

With how much venom Love swathes its pleasures,

Oh, how much grief and tears it bequeaths on

Those who follow him and obey his laws.

If a lovely face enamours you, take heed; Oh my thoughts,

for what is pleasing quickly disappears and then brings sorrow.

Beauty is like a bloom:

Alive and lovely on a spring morning,

But when evening comes, it loses its colour

And all semblance of its former self:

then it wilts and dies.

Take flight, take flight.

Joy is doubtful and torment is certain

For one who lives enchained, a servant of Love. (1)

I had been reticent to sing for some while now except in the presence of the children or my two friends, ever since I had sung at Pemberley that evening for the very reason that when ever I sang I could not help but look at him, once again our eyes seemed to meet unintentionally and I found that I could not draw my gaze away as I sang those words. I have not the slightest clue what the rest of the room thought, or even if they took notice of our actions. It confused me heartily, why did he have this strange effect on me?

"Miss Bennet, you sing most beautifully, we should all be honoured if you would play again for the company, are you to oblige us." Lord Tyndale commenced with praising me.

"I thank you for the compliment sir, but I have no wish to perform again tonight." I said flushing a little deeper

"But you sing so admirably, I am certain Miss Darcy will oblige us by accompanying you."

"Miss Bennet, are you quite well you appear incredibly flushed."

"I'm quite well I thank you my Lord." I replied pressing my hands to my burning cheeks and blushing in more shame for my silly behaviour. He refused to let his observation drop however and continued to ask if I was quite well.

"Here come and sit down and I will fetch you some wine." He said taking my arm and leading me over to a sofa to sit down.

"Francis don't fuss over her she is quite well, it was just the exertion of the performance was it not Lizzy?" Henriette cried out quickly, "But do not fetch her wine, it shall only make her warmer, a glass of water will be much more adequate." She pushed him over in the direction of the refreshment table. While we awaited his return Henriette seemed to be studying my face carefully, Lord Meriden took it upon himself to inquire if Lady Henriette required any refreshment and she carelessly declined the offer with a sharp word and little gratitude, he did not seem to be bothered by her dismissal however. Lord Tyndale returned and sitting down next to me once more inquired as to my health after I had taken a refreshing sip.

"Oh I do so detest being ill myself in company." Joanna's sister, Philippa added a few times, her sister was sufficiently quiet though occasionally joined Lord Tyndale in his concern for me though soon enough I allayed any fears they might have had as my colour returned to normal and I joined in their banter.

A cough moving across the room interrupted us and we looked up to find that we had been joined by Lady Arabella, who with a stern look at her brother said, "Tyndale, I must speak with you instantly." and taking his arm lead him away across the room whispering in a vexed manner, "I must have you speak with Lady Blanche!" The young lady in question was seated with the mistress and her mother and as Lord Tyndale came to join them a flirtatious smile overspread her face. My companions on the other hand were exceedingly annoyed, Miss Philippa pouted, Henriette frowned at her sister's behaviour and Lord Meriden seem concerned at the prospect of keeping us amused alone.

The evening passed without further drama or disappointment, the Miss Thomas' were gratified by the return of Lord Tyndale, and he once again conversed with them happily. Henriette seemed only slightly aggravated by her shadow she remained cordial towards him even if she never encouraged his attentions. Georgiana remained at the instrument and was joined intermittently by several of the ladies and gentlemen, all who greatly admire her playing and made several requests of her.

I retired to my chambers after passing some time dissecting the evening in Georgiana's sitting room along with Henriette, I had not been so merry in many months, all that was missing was Jane's presence as it had been in the past when we were still at Longbourn or even Kitty's would have been joyous. Henriette expressed her vexation with Lord Meriden, once again, "He is so tiresome, can he not see that I do not have an inclination to speak with him, be courted by him and I most certainly do not wish to marry him!" She cried out in vexation almost as soon as we entered the room.

"Henriette," Georgiana soothed her, "He is no doubt just being friendly and realises that you will not accept him, he is just being friendly towards you."

"I can only hope Georgiana; however, he was not that amiable with the rest of our party, why could he not pay his attention to Selina Howard or even Philippa Thomas, they are eager for any gentlemen's attention. Besides Arabella says it is so, and you know she is never wrong with these things, she is certain he will have proposed to me within the month. Oh Lizzy what am I to do about it?"

"I am really not the best person to ask about it, all my suitors have always been unwanted and I have yet to succeed in deterring them." I said wryly.

"Lizzy, is there something that you wish to tell us?" Henriette said with a grin looking incredibly eager.

Realising what I had just said and also that this was not the sort of thing I should be discussing with _his_ sisters I attempted to detract notice from myself by muttering something incomprehensible. Henriette pushed and eventually I grudgingly admitted that my cousin Mr Collin's had once proposed to me. They seemed appeased by this and conversation returned to our discussion of the evenings activities. It was early morning before I returned to my room when the others were satisfied with their analysis of the evening. I was asleep almost as soon as my head touched the pillow, exhausted and content, with little idea that there would be greater pleasures in store for me soon enough.

* * *

1)_ Dalla Guerra Amorosa_ (From the war of amorous passion) by G. F. Handel 1685 – 1759.

* * *


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

The following Saturday brought into my hands four letters, each of which contained very good and joyous news. It was shortly after breakfast and I was in the yellow sitting room with Henriette and Georgiana, who had both succeeded in crying off visiting with Lady Arabella who was going to see the Countess of Banbury, mother of Lady Blanche. She had gone to console and scheme with them after hearing that her brother had not yet called at their residence. James knocked on the door and was bid entrance he handed me a bundle of letters, "My, you are popular today Lizzy." Henriette commented as I turned the letters over to look at the address and thanked James. Two of the letters had come from Gracechurch Street, one from Millwood Parsonage and one from Longbourn.

I choose to open Charlotte's first, I had not heard from her in several weeks. It was a lengthy letter containing news of her husband, the neighbourhood and the greater part of the letter was dedicated to baby Lucy Collins, Charlotte clearly adored her and motherhood apparently agreed with her very well. Her postscript contained the news that soon her daughter was to be gifted with a new sibling; she expressed her hopes for a son. "_For though I adore my dear Lucy, Lizzy, I do not think I could possibly bear having a houseful of children constantly demanding my attention. I do not think that Mr Collins is overly interested in children anyway he seems more gratified when Lucy is quiet and not in his presence. I hope he will be more affectionate towards a son if we are so blessed." _What she had written was tinged with a little sadness I felt, Mr Collin's adore for my friend was subsiding it was most fortunate that she was so near to her family now, imagine being at Hunsford still with hardly anyone for company other than Lady Catherine her poor sickly daughter and her companion.

Kitty's letter contained the same news! Thankfully nothing about Mr Collins though, she too was in the early stages of her confinement and Jonathan was overjoyed by the news that they would soon be blessed with a little companion for Rachel. Rachel was not to be forgotten though, she was treated like their own child always, and anyone who was not close to either family was unaware of the fact. Maria Lucas was visiting with them at present and Kitty said that she was gratefully to see her now that Henriette was in town and Mrs Blythe's daughters had been sick with quinsy, so she had been much engaged. Lady Tyndale was quite taken with Maria apparently, and had even succeeded in drawing Maria out of her awe.

My Aunt Gardiner and Jane's letter contained much the same news that Mr Bingley had called. He had finally called. On Jane! I was so excited that I ran out of the room and straight into Mr Darcy, he held my shoulders so that I could keep my balance while I blushed in embarrassment of my emotional actions. He looked at the huge smile that had implanted itself on my face and a small smile graced his own lips too, "Tell me Miss Bennet is the world about to end? You seem incredibly agitated."

"No, it is not sir," I laughed, "I am merely overjoyed, oh sir I must thank you for I am sure that it is all down to you and you told him everything. Oh you are very good. Thank you thank you so, so, very much. I am so grateful; I shall see Jane smile again. Oh you are the best man I know!" I babbled happily and in a moment of abandon threw my arms around his neck to celebrate at least it was fortunate I had managed to withhold my other suspicions.

I did not realise what I had done for several moments and it was only then that I hastily backed away from him blushing at my shameless lack of impropriety. He looked more than a little bewildered and shocked himself. "Miss Bennet, I am quite at a loss and have not the pleasure of understanding your present exuberance. Apparently I have missed something of great import. Shall you tell me or do I have to guess?" He said smiling indulgently. Unable to speak, due to my happiness, I waved the letter in front of his face, a look of understanding flickered, "Am I to guess that Bingley has called on Miss Bennet?"

"Yes, oh yes he had Mr Darcy!" I practically shouted.

"Good Lord he has not proposed to her already has he?" He looked a little concerned.

"Oh no! No, indeed I do not think that even Mr Bingley would be that rash."

"Then you do not know Bingley half as well as I thought Miss Elizabeth, I am amazed at his self restraint. I had half expected him to walk straight into your Aunts sitting room and propose to Miss Bennet without a word of greeting to anyone else."

"Oh I only give him a week." I said slightly more sedately, "I hope nobody tries to talk him out of it." I said to myself.

"Meaning me I presume?"

"Oh no sir, I am very grateful to you."

"You should not be madam. I acted wrongly by all. But rest assured my days of meddling are quite done away with. They will be good for one another and it will be a relief to all to see _them_ happy again." His voice sounded so sad as he said it that it was all that I could do to keep myself from embracing him again to offer him comfort, he caught my hand up in him and raised it to his lips, before offering me an almost sad smile as Lady Arabella walked around the corner having returned from her outing at the Banbury residency.

"You shall never guess who has come to call; Tyndale had come to visit Henriette." She said, her accent slightly cross, no doubt he would have been better off calling on Lady Blanche in her opinion than wasting his time on his sister. We made our greetings to him.

"Ah Darcy good to see you again." He said, "And Miss Bennet, you appear to be in good health." He said taking me by the arm and leading me away following Lady Arabella into the sitting room where Georgiana and Henriette were seated.

"Lizzy, I thought from the speed you left the room you were going out?" Henriette asked me. I looked at her and shrugged my shoulders to indicate that I was being held captive by her brother.

"Miss Bennet, surely you are not going out?"

"Indeed I am sir, you have come at a bad time I am afraid, but no doubt it is Henriette's company you really came for." I returned smilingly.

"Surely you will oblige me for just half an hour; you cannot be in that much of a hurry." He attempted to persuade me but I would not move and Henriette frowned at him in annoyance, Georgiana even looked a little concerned. However, eventually I agreed, grudgingly, to stay for ten minutes. In that time he spoke to me exclusively, seemingly to Lady Arabella's infinite pleasure, about the most agreeable of things before I excused myself and said that I really had to leave as I was supposed to visit my sister.

My exit from the room heralded the entrance of Lord Meriden who had come to make his daily call on Henriette, her frown deepened on his arrival as she greeted him with the utmost politeness she could muster without sounding warm. Evans stopped me as I made my way out into the hallway to catch a hack chaise, he explained that the carriage was waiting for me, this confused me slightly for I had not ordered any carriage, it was not at my disposal informing him that he must be mistaken I moved away, "Miss Bennet, Mr Darcy ordered it he said it was specifically for your benefit

as you were going to visit your sister and that you were to get in it or you were not to leave the house." Oh he was so high handed! This was the very behaviour I abhorred in the man. He had just moments before told me that he had given over with meddling and what was he doing now?

I refrained from arguing with him enough time had been wasted already and I was quickly on my way to Gracechurch Street to visit my very lucky sister. I was in such a state of flustered excitement that I barely noticed the comfort that the carriage provided and I was very glad to see that I had arrived there in good time. Jane was sitting in the window, holding a needlepoint in her hand, not attending to it when the carriage drew up at the window, she was quick to notice the presence of the carriage and when I stepped out she smiled softly and left the window, coming downstairs to greet me with a warm hug. Once inside and having ordered tea I looked at her eagerly, she seemed happier than when last I had seen her though by no means as elated as I had expected to find her, "Come Jane, do not tease me you must tell me your news."

She demurred saying that she had no news other than what she had written to me in her letter, which she hoped that I had received. "Yes I did Jane, so please cease being so coy with me and tell me everything about his visit to you. Was he just as he had ever been. Did you enjoy his conversation and manners as you did in the past? Please Jane you must tell me I am very eager to find it all out."

"He was as polite to me as he ever was in Hertfordshire and said that he had no idea of my being in town, and would not have known at all had you not been present at the Darcy's dinner party. You never told me of that Lizzy."

"Jane, there is little to tell, it was Thursday evening, I hardly spoke a word to Mr Bingley myself. Now tell me about his call on you."

She persisted in being quite coy claiming that it was simply a call of politeness made because she was an old acquaintance and he felt it would be rude not to pay his respects now that he was aware of her presence in town. "If we should ever meet again we will be as common and indifferent acquaintances." She said with a degree of resolve that astonished me. She could not honestly believe that? My sister was all together too modest for her own good. She would be very good under torture though!

"Oh Lizzy this is a surprise!" My Aunt Gardiner said as she entered the room followed by her eldest child.

"Aunt you must tell me what Jane will not, she will not tell me about Mr Bingley's visit, and I know there is much to tell, for I would not have called had there not been something very exciting to tell that had not been mentioned in your letters. How did he behave?" I persisted.

"Well Lizzy it is most pleasing to know that it you are so desperate to see your relatives!" Declared Aunt Gardiner, she then proceeded to tell me of Mr Bingley's visit, after Jane had once again excused herself from the room, head down as she blushed vivid red.

My aunt explained the whole of the visit in detail: "When our maid came into the room with Mr Bingley's card Jane had turned very pale, she remained still in her seat and waited patiently for Mr Bingley to be shown up. His own manner was embarrassed and he was uncomfortable, Jane had introduced him to our notice with a great deal of discomfort and then sat down again hardly speaking one word while he informed us of having learnt that his old neighbour from Hertfordshire was in town. He then apparently begged his forgiveness for not having called before and said he had expected his sister Caroline to have informed him as he had supposed that they had kept up their correspondence. He had not found out of your family's loss until he had been reintroduced to you Lizzy, the evening beforehand at a dinner party hosted by the Darcys. He had felt it his duty to come and call on Jane as soon as possible, thus there he was on the following day!

"He was very polite and engaging with us both, Jane hardly spoke more than a few words and I was left to carry the conversation without the assistance of my niece. I think that she still likes him exceedingly, his manners were as pleasant as they had always been described to me. Eventually Jane managed to speak more than a few words to him though she was still mostly silent. I felt that Jane felt she was behaving normally. She hardly blushed and was subdued and polite in her manner and exhibited no resentment towards him for his failing to call on any of her previous visits to town. Eventually she did manage to speak a few words and every five minutes Mr Bingley was placing more attention on Jane till eventually I felt like nothing more than a chaperone.

"Jane still claims as I understand from a subsequent discussion with to consider him as nothing more than a common and indifferent acquaintance. I do not think that is the case, her behaviour following his visit has been all together too calm and I've seen hardly a trace of the melancholy that has been haunting her these past two or more years since he left Hertfordshire." She concluded with.

"No nor I, he called to quickly for it to be solely a call of courtesy. He left it only a few hours, if Jane thinks him as nothing more then she is sorely mistaken." I said in reply.

"Well I shall ire on the side of caution and judge by the length of time he leaves between his next visit. It cannot possibly be more than two years. We will have him to dinner I think, when next he calls on us."

"Who shall we have to dinner Mamma?" My eldest cousin Margaret asked, as Jane walked into the room looking a little flushed.

"Mr Bingley." She said simply, I looked across at Jane as did my Aunt. She blushed prettily and looked away.

"I think Jane is pleased." I said quietly.

"Lizzy," Jane said sternly, "I have not the slightest clue what you mean Mr Bingley means nothing more to me than Mr Darcy or Sir William Lucas, he is just an old acquaintance who I would be always pleased and gratified to see. If you were to ask him he would say the same thing, now I beg you please stop teasing me on this and looking at me as if you expect me to do something odd."

With Jane's strange admonition we turned the conversation to other more neutral topics, such as Aunt Gardiner's news that she too was with child.

We had just settled on taking them out for a walk when the maid entered again to announce that Mr Bingley had come to call again. Well I could not help it my eyes flew over towards Jane's direction to observe just how 'indifferently' she bore this announcement. Just as I suspected her face became more flushed than I had seen it all afternoon and in her discomposure she abruptly stood from her seat and walked towards the window, where she looked out and I was instantly reminded of Mr Darcy and his strange habit of doing exactly the same thing when angry, or maybe he did so because he was discomposed also, I had always just assumed that he was vexed. While Jane was thus engaged in dealing with her lack of composure Mr Bingley entered the room greeting us all in his habitually jovial manner, his attention fixed on dear Jane's back while he expressed his wish that he hoped he had not called at an inconvenient time. "Actually, sir, we were just about to take the children out to the park." She said politely enough.

Perceiving his disappointment I asked him to join us, I could not make out Jane's reaction but he seemed most pleased by the suggestion. So Mr Bingley, Jane, I and the four children set of in the direction of the park. We were only a short distance from the park, a very fortunate thing, for it became apparent that Bingley wanted time alone with Jane and that was impossible with the presence of four demanding nieces and nephews, as soon as we reached the park I left the two of them to occupy one another and discuss what needed to be discussed by running off with the children and keeping them occupied a good half an hour, "Aunty Lizzy?" Susan asked me, "Is Mr Bingley going to marry Aunt Jane?"

"Oh uh well I don't know Sukie perhaps, Aunt Jane says that they are just friends though." I tried to explain hoping they would question nobody on it any further. "Shall we go and feed the ducks, Edward do you have those bags of bread that Polly gave you?" I hoped that I could change the subject and the two girls looked at each other clearly exasperated with my insufficient response.

"Aunty Lizzy?" Margaret began after a while, "Why isn't Aunt Jane married? Mamma was talking to Mrs Church from next door and Mrs Church asked how old Aunt Jane was and then Mamma said she was almost five and twenty and then Mrs Church said that Aunt Jane would be quite and old maid soon and why didn't anyone marry her?"

Having grown accustomed to children and their persistent 'why' questions in these past few months I managed explain, or attempt to, that Aunt Jane had never met anyone that she wanted to marry and one should not just marry to be saved from the fate of being an old maid, I hoped Aunt and Uncle Gardiner did not mind that I was indoctrinating their children with my wildly romantic idealisms.

"Like in fairytales?" Susan asked.

"Yes a bit like in fairytales."

"Aunty Lizzy," Little Henry tugged at my sleeve, "How old are you?"

"That is a very rude question Harry. You should not ask a lady her age." I scolded good naturedly.

"Are you nearly an old maid too Aunty Lizzy?" Edward joined in.

"How old does a lady have to be to be one?" Margaret asked.

"Seven and twenty I'm told." I answered honestly.

"Are you younger than Aunt Jane?" Susan asked me.

"Yes."

"Does that mean you are less nearly an old maid?" She asked me clumsily.

I hoped it did, I was only now two and twenty and without any marriage prospects. It was likely to remain that way as well. A change of subject was needed, "Harry have you got the bags of bread?"

"No, Ned has _all, both of them_ still." He said. After instructing the eldest brother to share with the rest of his sibling we were happily feeding the ducks in the pond and our previous conversation was completely forgotten by them, thankfully.

We returned to the house at Gracechurch Street about an hour later, the children in high spirits from their exercise. Jane was certainly more sedate in contrast and Mr Bingley as gregarious as ever he was. I was desperate to ask Jane what had happened for she had a smile across her face that told me she no longer considered Mr Bingley to be an indifferent acquaintance. Unfortunately she was not to take me into her confidence that night my Aunt invited he and I to stay for dinner and she spent all her attention on him and he like wise passed the majority of his time talking with Jane, he managed to spare some time to speak with the rest of us, "Miss Elizabeth," He said while Jane had left the room to change for dinner, "I forgot to tell you how wonderful it was to see you again at Mr Darcy's the other evening. I always think that the time that I passed in Hertfordshire was some of the happiest ever spent."

"I'm sure it was Mr Bingley, the sport at Netherfield is excellent."

"Oh and the society, you were all such lovely welcoming people, your sister agrees with me there is no place quiet like Hertfordshire."

"I think people would disagree with you Mr Bingley."

"You know I believe that you are correct, my sisters would be forever telling you that Derbyshire is by far the nicest part of the world, but you know what Caroline and Louisa are like."

"Derbyshire is very nice country." I commented ignoring the other part of his statement.

"Oh have you had the pleasure of visiting Pemberley then."

"Pemberley," my Aunt exclaimed entering the room, "Surely Pemberley is the nicest estate in Derbyshire and consequently the whole world!"

"It seems Mrs Gardiner that you share your opinion with my sisters."

"And Mr Darcy, though he is definitely biased." I added as Jane entered the room also, "Shall you ever return to Netherfield sir?"

"At present I doubt it, I do not hold the lease any longer I gave the place up before I went to the Continent. I did not want the responsibility when I was so far away," He addressed Jane again, "Though I am sure that one day, should I be so inclined I would like to purchase an estate of my own. Perhaps when I have a family" We perceived that his comment was aimed to discover Jane's feelings and so my Aunt, Uncle and I left them to it. Whilst over dinner and supper and cards he continued to monopolise Jane's attention making only necessary conversation with the rest of us.

At ten o clock I felt that I really must be going and rose with that intention, disappointed that I had not got to speak with Jane, but no doubt if she had any news of great import she would tell me so herself as soon as she could. Mr Bingley reluctantly dragged himself away too, though not before asking Miss Bennet if it would be acceptable to call again on Monday morning. She blushed once again and said that it would be quite acceptable to her very quietly. I arrived back at the Darcy town house before they returned from their trip to the opera and retired to bed.

"Have you had any exciting news Miss Bennet?" Mr Darcy asked me the following day when I was passing him in the hallway.

"No not yet sir, Mr Bingley will probably send the news to you at the same time as Jane sends it to me."

"You shall no doubt hear soon enough." He said departing back to his study.

As it happened I had to wait some length of time before such news did arrive. Well at least longer than I had expected to wait for it. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday passed and I received no correspondence that could have come from Jane. My week was quiet than any that I had had since returning to town, Henriette and Georgiana were constantly engaged, Lord Meriden took to calling on Henriette at noon and that meant that our discussion times were cancelled, for her sister would not let her forgo his visits in favour of mine.

Finally, on Friday the expected post arrived I ripped it open and read eagerly what Jane had written:

_To my dearest Lizzy,_

_Tis too much! By far too much. I do not deserve it. Oh! Why is not everybody as happy? Oh! Lizzy, to know that what I have to relate will give such pleasure to all my dear family! How shall I bear so much happiness! He has made me so happy by telling me that he was totally ignorant of my being in town that spring! I had not believed it possible. It must have been his sister's doing. They were certainly not friends to his acquaintance with me, which I cannot wonder at, since he might have chosen so much more advantageously in many respects. But when they see, as I trust they will, that their brother is happy with me, they will learn to be contented, and we shall be on good terms again; though we can never be what we once were to each other. Would you believe it, Lizzy, that when he went he departed from, he really loved me, and nothing but a persuasion of my being indifferent would have prevented his coming down again!_

_He is just now gone to my uncle, and I should go and inform my aunt, for I know she will be so truly overjoyed by the news I have to relate. Oh my dear dear Lizzy how I long to see you, pray come and visit me when you can. I am certainly the most fortunate creature that ever existed! Oh Lizzy, how fortunate I am. But I must leave off and inform my Aunt!_

_Your affectionate sister_

_Jane._

I could have screamed in pure happiness when I read that news, it was by far the best letter I had ever received. How I longed to see and speak with Jane, how I longed to share my news, how I longed to be with my family and how much I longed that all my family could have been present to receive that wonderful, wonderful news. I was fated to spend the day indoors teaching the children and unable to share my or rather Jane's news with anyone.

By Saturday I was becoming restless, having had no society but that of the children and the servants, I intended to make my escape early that morning to travel over to Gracechurch Street again. My plans were to be denied though as Lady Arabella, who was receiving instead of making calls instructed me not to move until Lord Meriden departed. She particularly wished that I would distract Georgiana so that Henriette would have an opportunity to speak with Lord Meriden alone. It was not until very late afternoon therefore that I had a chance to make my call and when I arrived I could not stay for more that half an hour to speak with Jane as they were engaged to dine out.

Jane was a lot happier than I had seen her in quite some time and in turn it made me cheerful too. She was blooming actually, she looked prettier than she had ever done, quite an achievement for my sister who was already at least five times prettier than anyone I knew. She even repeated what she had written in her letter to me, she spoke rapidly and seemed hardly to know what she was saying, "My dear Bingley has made me so happy by telling me that he was totally ignorant of my being in town that spring! I had not believed it possible."

"I suspected as much," I replied. "But how did he account for it?"

"It must have been his sister's doing. They were certainly not friends to his acquaintance with me, which I cannot wonder at, since he might have chosen so much more advantageously in many respects. All that time he spent on the continent, I am wondrous that he did not become engaged to some Italian heiress, oh but Lizzy he has promised to take me there again some day. But when they see, as I trust they will, that their brother is happy with me, they will learn to be contented, and we shall be on good terms again; though we can never be what we once were to each other."

"That is the most unforgiving speech," I said, "that I ever heard you utter. Good girl! It would vex me, indeed, to see you again the dupe of Miss Bingley's pretended regard."

"Would you believe it, Lizzy, that when he went to town last, he really loved me, and nothing but a persuasion of _my_ being indifferent would have prevented his coming down again!"

"He made a little mistake to be sure; but it is to the credit of his modesty." I replied, indulging my sister.

"I am certainly the most fortunate creature that ever existed!"

Indeed I could not disagree with her there, Mr Bingley was the man most suited to my dearest sister. The long separation they had endured due to the interference of his sisters and friend had been for nothing they were still to be the happiest couple in the world and Jane would smile again, she would get what she deserved from life. She could marry the man that she loved and all would be well. How could I but rejoice too? Mr Bingley and Jane could be nothing but happy together, their tempers were by no means unlike. They were each of them so complying, that nothing would ever be resolved on; so easy, that every servant will cheat them; and so generous, that they will always exceed your income. At least that is what I though Papa would say on the subject!

When I returned from my visit the house was empty and I retired to my rooms and instantly fell asleep. It was not until the following evening that I had some privacy with Georgiana and Henriette and then we were in a public room, "Lizzy where did you go yesterday afternoon in such a hurry?" Henriette asked having perceived my mood.

"To visit with my sister, Jane."

"Is she well?"

"I do not think that I have ever seen her in better spirits thank you." I tried to suppress a grin.

"Has Bingley finally done the deed then Miss Bennet?" Mr Darcy interrupted.

"He has indeed, as of Friday Mr Bingley and Jane became an engaged couple officially." I smiled broadly at him.

"I am glad to hear it. I cannot think of two more deserving people, they shall make one another very happy no doubt."

I repeated to him my thoughts from early of their characters and he laughed outright, "I do believe you are quite correct Miss Bennet, but then you always were quite adept at studying a character most accurately."

"Only the simple ones you will find sir."

"No I think in general you are almost always accurate, I can only recall one or two instances when you have been at fault, and then perhaps it was not your fault, but theirs."

"And if not it adds to the fun!" I laughed, we were now speaking to the exclusion of the rest of the room and clearly some people were not best pleased by this arrangement as once again our conversation was interrupted by the racking cough of Lady Arabella.

"What is this? Of what are you speaking? Mr Bingley is engaged?"

"He is engaged to Lizzy's sister Jane, Arabella!" Henriette rolled her eyes at the rest of us.

"Oh what a pity, Mrs Howard had great hopes that he might take a fancy to her Selina and I though he would be well suited to one of those Thomas girls, for their fortunes are only equal to his own sisters and people should stay within their own sphere and marry their equals in fortune. Young woman these days are so presumptuous!" She said glaring at her younger sister and then at me too. Was this meant as a slight to me or a point to Henriette?

"No Miss Bennet is definitely the young lady best suited to the job of Mrs Bingley." Mr Darcy spoke to her sharply.

She looked away disinterestedly.

"Miss Bennet?" Roberta tugged at my sleeve, "Are young going to leave us now that your other sister's getting married?" Evidently she and Priscilla had been playing at little ladies.

"No, of course I am not Bobbie!" I exclaimed scooping her up onto my lap, "Why would you think that I would go now?"

"What about if you got married, you would have to leave us then?" She persisted.

"Bobbie, do you think it likely that I shall be gone from here soon because someone wishes to marry me?" I chuckled.

"You might," She pouted.

"Yes Miss Bennet, Martha said that she though…" Priscilla began with an air of authority, apparently more authority than me!

Mr Darcy looked up quickly at this, "You should not be listening to the servants gossiping young lady." He admonished them.

It was not long after that conversation terminated that I was thankfully able to escort my young charges to bed and thus escape the company myself. My mood had sobered by that time and I began to brood (I might have picked that skill up from Mr Darcy) I was feeling jealous of everyone, even Jane and I had never been jealous of her before. Apparently everyone but me was moving forward with their lives! I was getting left behind. Jane was finally engaged and would soon be married and I would cease being the most important person in her life, I would be coming second to Charles Bingley from now on. From now on I would always be second best to everybody, Jane was the last person left who loved me unconditionally. Now do not get me wrong, I was pleased for Jane's sake, for my own I was a little more depressed.

What of all my other relatives? Well when considered that this week I had learnt that Kitty, Mrs Gardiner and Charlotte had all come the family way, where as I did not have a marriage prospect, which I would consider, in sight, which was probably my own fault. I still refused to marry merely for comfort but that did not mean that I did not wish to marry. I remembered what my cousins had said to me earlier to me that week, now I was, to coin Susan's phrase 'more nearly a spinster.' Really I should not be complaining, it was my own fault I was in this mess, remind me who was it the kept refusing suits? I was pathetic.

Pathetic.

There was no reason for me to be jealous of the people who loved me. There was no reason for me to feel as if I was being left behind. It was not as though with the entrance of all these new member s of the family I would be forgotten. There was no reason to think that I would be less important. I was acting like a spoilt child. Jane was going to delegate me to second best but she would not forget me, I would still have the title of favourite sister, although she claimed that she did not have favourites. Was I allowed to feel just a little left out? Even if there was nobody I could marry it did not mean that I did not sometimes feel a longing to be loved an adored by someone, a husband. But that was never going to happen. I sighed softly to myself.

Fortunately at that moment my ruminations were interrupted by a tap at my door and I bid entry to my visitor, it was Henriette, she looked uncomfortable and nervous, as she stood at the threshold twisting her shawl around her fingers, before she finally blurted out unceremoniously, "Lizzy I need to talk to you!"


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: **To my dear readers, I'm so sorry that you've basically heard nothing from me in almost 3 whole months, you'll have to forgive me I was caught up in exams and just couldn't spare the time. I'm so sorry again for leaving you on that cliff hanger.

**Gemx: **Thanks for that little nudge, hope you're lunch break is better again now.

**Layleu: **If you remember what you wrote, the answers would be, no she's not, yes he does, I guess a little bit, yes I am and finally maybe. Did any of that make sense?

**A Dutch lady: **yes she most certainly has, not very original I know.

Hugs for all those who haven't forgotten me by now. Ella xXx

* * *

**Chapter 11**

"Lizzy I need to talk to you!" My, did that sound ominous! Why would she _need _to speak with me?

"Of course Henriette, what's the matter?" I said tapping my eiderdown, "Come and sit down."

She timidly entered the room and sat down on the bed tucking her feet into the edge of her nightgown and continuing to fiddle with the tassels of the shawl around her shoulders. She opened her mouth a few times took a deep breath and then promptly shut it again. Then in a more Henriette like manner looked me straight in the face and declared, "I forgive you Lizzy!"

"You forgive me, may I ask what for? I never knew you were upset with me."

Henriette did not answer just became silent again and began plucking at the embroidery on the eiderdown. She replayed her actions from earlier making me incredible nervous too, "Henriette, whatever is the matter?"

"Lizzy have you ever been in love?"

I answered in the negative becoming more and more confused by the minute, she was practically speaking in riddles. She forgave me and wanted to know if I had ever been in love two things that seemed wholly unconnected. I asked her what she was trying to tell me hoping she would be a little more forthcoming.

"But you believe in love and respect? Have you ever seen it?"

"I have never been in love and neither do I know many people that are blessed with such a union, my Aunt and Uncle, Mr and Mrs Gardiner and of course Jane and Mr Bingley, there I have never seen two people more violently in love with one another."

"I notice that you do not include my sister and Mr Darcy in amongst your list." I blushed heartily, "Oh do not trouble yourself, it was always very clear that he did not care three straws for her or she him. They married … well I do not have a notion as to why they married. I suppose he for connections, or just because he remembered a time when she was different and Arabella because he proposed to her. You know her character as well as the rest of us she married him because having Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy as a husband gave her a certain superiority over every other lady of the _Ton_ having captured the man who every woman had been after, for themselves or their daughters for nearly a decade. That is just the sort of thing Arabella would do she already had the security she had no need for a husband, she married him to have a … a trophy if you will." Henriette finished hastily, "But Lizzy do you think people should do that? Marry for connections or status or fortune?"

"No I do not think you should but your family has to consider different issues to any I ever had to." I reasoned, remembering with a little more rationale a certain marriage proposal.

"Yes but your family had four daughters, no sons and an entail, one of you had to marry very well. Yet when your disgusting toad of a cousin asked you, you still refused to marry him, for all his prospects and connection, people would have considered him a very good match for you."

"I suppose you are correct, but Henriette in retrospect I now see the foolishness of refusing that particular offer, it would have saved my family from a lot of worries." And me even more I silently mused.

"In doing so it would have made you less, I have heard you and Mr Darcy speak of him, he seems hardly an amiable man Lizzy. I could not imagine you of all people married to such a man. But now you are correcting me and saying that I should marry for connections and so forth! Oh Lizzy I am so bewildered!"

"No, you must never marry for these things, Henriette, you are very young and I would caution you not to listen to my embittered words, marry for love. Marry for nothing else! You can afford it unlike me."

"So now you tell me not to marry Lord Meriden?"

My head jolted upwards and I observed her shrewdly, had she just said what I though or was I jumping to conclusions? So I asked her had Lord Meriden proposed to her or was I misconstruing her statement.

"Yes!" She wailed miserably looking ready to burst into tears, "He asked me yesterday just after you left, he says he would like me to consider it but would hope for an answer next Saturday, he is a very kind man but Lizzy I do not want to marry him. Arabella knows of it already, she is such a shrew and she says that I must and should accept him for he is the richest and most well connected of all my suitors because his father was a Duke. Does it not matter that the man is older that my poor father would be – of course it does not Mr Sutton was just such a man and she accepted him so soon after the Duke of Rochester was refused by her Uncle. That if we were ever to pass a season in Bath it would be for his gout and not to enjoy the society! Oh Lizzy what am I to do?" Suddenly it all burst forth like a torrent and she looked half mad as she revealed all the thoughts that had apparently been troubling her.

"What would you mother advise?" I asked her quietly as I put my hand on hers to try to calm her mild hysteria.

"I do not know! She was nothing you know, when she married my father; a poor country girl with no connections, hardly any fortune and no family. Surely any country girl who was offered for by such a man as my father would have to accept, it is not a matter of love for them!"

"No not all of them." I said gently as I looked away in another direction.

I hoped that she had not heard this comment; it was not a topic I particularly desired to discuss. Henriette was too astute to let such a thing pass her by though and before I knew it she began asking me just what I had meant by my comment, she knew that I was referring to myself, for there never was a woman who was quite such a quiz as me and would act in such a queer manner. "You were? Were you not, you have been proposed to by a gentleman of all these criteria but you refused him did you not?"

Grudgingly I admitted that yes I had been proposed to by such a man.

"Oh do I know him, surely I must, and who was it? You must and shall tell me, Elizabeth Bennet you are such a sly creature." Suddenly her demeanour had changed her spirits which had formerly been depressed were all curiosity.

I begged off telling her the truth claiming that it would be unfair on the gentleman in question. Imagine how mortified he should be if Henriette were to know too. I tried to point this out to her without giving anything away. Henriette was not to be satisfied by such cowardice as mine however, she was a little spoilt, as are most young ladies of fortune and was used to having her own way in all matters. She would not rest until she knew the facts, figures, names and dates. For almost ten whole minutes she continued to hound me with such questions until I finally snapped, "Henriette, I beg you not to ask me this, it is not my place to say. Not now, most certainly not now!"

"So I know him?"

"Yes."

"Well?"

"I shall not say another word!" I put my hand over my mouth in a childish action.

"Lizzy you are being so cruel to me. I shall not rest until I know it all." I continued to shake my head and not open my mouth, she pouted and looked at me pleadingly, and I was almost tempted to tell her.

"Please Henriette do not ask it of me!" I said more despairingly, if she were to guess who the gentleman in question was it would be terrible. It was not that I thought that Henriette would say anything to anyone about what I had told her but for goodness sake he was her brother in law! He married her sister six months after he had proposed to me! Despite the fact the Henriette was not deluded about their situation it would do her no good to know that.

I flung my legs out of the bed and walked to the widow opening the curtains to sit inside on the sill. It was raining. Henriette moved off my bed and came to speak with me. I refused to look at her and lazily traced the raindrops down the windowpane with my fingers, concentrating solely on them. I could feel Henriette watching me closely and I could also feel a lump rising in my throat, I bit my lip. She took a deep breath and asked me, "Do you regret your decision?"

At Christmas Kitty had mentioned something very similar, I had said at the time that I did not regret my decision. But now having become more accustomed to my life, did I regret? "At the time it seemed like a very sensible thing to do." I whispered still focusing on the raindrops.

"But it does not now?" She pushed on.

"I misunderstood his character, labelled him as a man he was not, condemned him wrongly. I should have married him."

"So you love him now?"

"No!" I cried violently, "No! I have never been in love. But we could have been…content. He would have been kind to me and I would have been comfortable and so would all my sisters, it would have saved a lot of misery." I shrugged.

"Lizzy you are contradicting yourself. Now you speak as if you believe I should marry Lord Meriden." Lord Meriden? I had forgotten by this time that we had been speaking of him. I shifted slightly and began anew.

"Love is a very rare gift at the time and place, marriages are arranged for convince or for personal gain everyday. People almost seem to have forgotten that love exists. We are learning to survive without it. I wonder if in two hundred years time love will be a thing of the past. That does not mean that you should compromise, Lord Meriden's proposal is hardly the last you are likely to receive and although you respect him you do not love him, I think he himself understands that. Now you have till next Saturday to think on his suggestion and decide if you are willing to marry without that love Henriette. Do what your conscience tells you, marry him for his connections or marry the blacksmith that you love."

"I am not in love with a blacksmith, or a saddle maker or a baker for that matter Lizzy." She giggled at the thought and I could not help but manage a smile. "If someone you did not love or respect asked you to marry them tomorrow what would you do?"

"I would refuse them." I said quickly, knowing that in all honesty I would, after all the damage was already done.

"Do you really think that we are forgetting what love is?" She asked more seriously still.

"Not completely, there are people who are incapable of loving anyone but themselves, but others are willing to put aside everything for the person that they love." I sighed again.

"What do you think Francis would say? He loves me I know that, but will he marry for love or connections?" She mused.

"I think you know the answer to that better than I." Lord Tyndale, in my opinion, although I did not know him well, was the type of man who was seemingly uninterested in the opposite sex, or at least their mamma's, clearly he was as little interested in connections as I was because he would not succumb to Lady Arabella's grand schemes. She interrupted my musings again.

"And what of Mr Darcy?"

"I know he would." I slipped accidentally. Inwardly I scolded myself for my stupidity whilst praying that she had not heard my comments.

It was not to be the case however; she let out a delighted little scream of: "I knew it, I just knew it!" Accompanied by a little spin around the room I could feel my cheeks alternatively flaming up and then turning white and cold. What had I done? Stupid, stupid girl Lizzy! Why could you not hold your tongue? I had already known myself to be treading on dangerous ground. "It was him was it not? It was my sister's husband that was the other man to propose to you? He wanted to marry you. Not Arabella. You were his first choice, not her! He proposed to you first, oh Lizzy that is so romantic!" She babbled on in this manner for some time.

"Henriette, be quiet!" I hissed at her, "People may hear." Mrs Turner was only next door asleep or awake Henriette's behaviour was going to disturb her soon enough. "It is not romantic." I added, "If it was romantic then we would have been granted another chance and I should have fallen in love with him! Not be working as his servant." I folded my arms across my chest and she looked repentant.

"So knowing what you know of him today, when he proposed to you, you would have accepted him? But then surely you would have been compromising yourself, settling for second best as you are telling me not to."

I was! I was a hypocrite and starting to sound not a little like my mother. Tonight was not the best evening for this conversation to be taking place. My jealousy and dejection were getting the better of me. Henriette was hearing one opinion and then a completely different opinion. I had said to her that now I would marry Mr Darcy but I did not love him, after telling her that she should not marry for money or connections or security. Clearly I was more than a little deranged. "Henriette perhaps I am not the best person to speak to on this subject."

"Well who else am I supposed to speak with? Georgiana is as ignorant as I am in matters of the heart. My sisters are cold hearted shrews. Francis seems to be without comment on matters of the heart. I do not know what my mother would think but I am too scared to write to her in case she was to insist upon it. There is no one to speak to but you and it is you that I want answers from!"

Me? I knew nothing about the whole thing, I was unversed in the way of the _Ton_ and almost a spinster, I was turning bitter and I was cold hearted. So you see not the best person to speak to. "Henriette just think about what you want. Is it your wish that you please your family and abide to their wishes? Or are you more concerned about your happiness in the long run? Remember that it is you who shall be married to him and it may well be that given time you will find the man that is right for you. Then what will you do?"

"Like Mr Darcy did?" She grinned cheekily.

"Henriette he does not love me! We are not to speak of this to anyone do you understand, if word got out I would loose my job." I acted all stern and did my best school ma'am impression.

"Yes Lizzy." She walked towards the door, "Well goodnight then."

"Goodnight dear." I whispered as she walked out the door, "Oh and remember that I did not please my family." I could not help but give her a little push in the right direction.

When she had gone I curled up in bed again and attempted to sleep. I could not; my mind was abuzz with a hundred things. Henriette's philosophising had done me no good what so ever. I did not like the person I was becoming, some of my comments had sounded mercenary, what had happened to the poor country girl who would marry for nothing but love? Where had she gone? I wished I could go home, home to Longbourn, even if in reality it was no longer an option for me. At the very least to the country, I longed for open air again, for freedom. London's confines were having a very bad effect on me. I was turning into a girl that I did not like, a mercenary. Why did I ever say that I wanted to marry Mr Darcy?

I rolled over and punched my pillow. He was the last man in the world I should ever marry!

* * *

My night was restless at best I had the same nightmare over and over, the scene at Hunsford, Mr Darcy's proposal played repeatedly in my head only I kept accepting him and he started accusing me of mercenary motives and in the end we never became engaged anyway or if we did we ended up like he Lady Arabella unhappy and lonely. I really hoped I was not turning into my mother or worse. It was my last wish in the world to ever be a shrew.

During lesson's that morning I was listless over tired and otherwise occupied in my own thoughts, Priscilla called me to task several times for not paying attention when she asked me a question instead of the other way around. I let Thomas play up and he eventually succeeding in knocking over the pot of ink that Roberta was working with and then failed to notice it until Martha was called in by the girls and asked to clean it up for them. If my behaviour in the schoolroom was normally like this I would have lost my job a very long time before today. It was fortunate that I was usually so competent.

Henriette was in my bad books, it was probably very fortunate for her that Georgiana entered around eleven o clock to claim my company. She knew full well that she should not be disturbing morning classes, but had been outlawed from Henriette's company while her sisters spoke with her about a certain proposal of marriage and Georgiana had nothing else to do. She suggested that we take the girls downstairs for a music lesson, it was not what was planned but Georgiana would hopefully be able to distract me and help look after the girls while we handed young Thomas over to the care of poor harassed Martha and Mrs Chambers, who would manage him far better than I this morning.

When we reached the back music room and after much sorting through scores of music and trying to unsuccessfully discover the book. Priscilla pointed out that we may well have left it in the best rooms last evening after the two of them had performed to their parents. I left Georgiana to take care of them for a few minutes while I went to collect it.

My progress was waylaid however, when I walked into the music room I could hear voices permeating through the closed door in front of the drawing room, it was Lady Arabella, "Oh you need not concern yourself with such a trifling thing as love Henriette, we can all do very well without it, much better I dare say."

"Quite so my dear." Lady Newlyn agreed.

"How can you bare it? Not to be respected by your husbands?" Henriette asked in astonishment.

"Oh I dare say they respect us well enough, they know full well where they stand in the marriage, just tell him, of course only after all the legalities are completed, you need a husband and you do not want him backing out." Lady Newlyn said again.

"How can they respect you if you have deceived them? I could never do such a cruel thing to Lord Meriden." She gasped.

"Then you like him well enough to marry, Henriette there is little more to it than that. Just think of the connections think of how grand you shall be, it shall not be a rise in fortune but you will be the Countess of Meriden, not just the sister of an of an Earl." Lady Arabella explained in between coughs.

I fumed at their poor advice to Henriette, if they dared to mislead her they would have to answer to me. They were a sorry pair, I certainly did not respect them and I doubted that Lord Newlyn thought any better of her than Mr Darcy thought of Lady Arabella. Realising that I should not be eavesdropping I set about looking for the book which was conveniently still on the pianoforte and open from the night before. I could not help but hear the next words that were spoken.

"But he will want heirs; he has not yet got a son." Henriette voice a little timidly, "I do not think that I could do that."

"What nonsense you talk Henriette!" Lady Arabella scoffed, "it is quite simple and once you give him a son you can just refuse to allow him into your bed! You might be as lucky as Augusta and be granted with a son first time."

"Arabella, why did you remarry Mr Darcy if it is so bad, for now you have to provide an heir all over again?" Henriette suddenly asked.

"Oh no, I do not! I have told him if he wants an heir he has Thomas now. I have let him know that I am quite content to allow him to have his…" Here she coughed discreetly, "…little diversions. He seems quite fond of our little Miss Bennet, you know Augusta the children's governess who had the sisters who eloped with Pemberley's steward's son." During this exchange I heard Henriette gasp in indignation at her sister's words and the other sister gasped in delight at such gossip.

It was ugly talk, ugly and vicious talk! How dare those spiteful women say such things about me? Had I ever offended them in anyway? Was it my fate that I would always end up hearing the most offensive of conversation about me? With my eye's prickling with unshed tears I turned and fled from the room. I ran up the staircase, forgetting the children and Georgiana. They were not my business now for I had every intention of leaving this house within the hour. I would not face such intolerable gossip about my character! I would not remain to be ruined. I hoped that Lady Newlyn had some discretion but I feared not, she was too much like her sister. I was ruined, all over again! I dashed up the stair case in a hurried and un-lady-like manner, returning to my room. My progress was halted when Mr Darcy walked out of the door to the school room at the same moment as I gained the landing. One look at my tear streaked face was enough to alert him to the fact that I was upset, "Elizabeth! What is the matter? Where are the children Elizabeth?"

I turned away from him, to conceal my tears and my anger at him, what did he think I had done to the children? However he grabbed my arm and turned me back round to face him, peering into my face earnestly, his own was a wash with anxiety but his eyes held a softness I had never noticed before except for in his portrait. He asked me again where the children were and when I explained they were with Georgiana he asked where Georgiana was in a tone that still conveyed his fears, which was allayed when I explained they were in the music room through my uncontrollable sobbing. His questioning in that direction completed he entreated me to come inside and take a seat. I refused; he was only hindering the departure I was still determined to make. He won the battle of wills however by almost picking me up and carrying me inside the school room.

He led me to a chair a knelt down next to me taking my hand in his own, "Will you not tell me what troubles you?" He spoke softly his own agony apparent.

Repeatedly I shook my head and vowed that I should not tell him, that I should never tell him. It was not exactly polite that I should sit and sob to him about the rudeness of his wife and how she treated me. I could not in all conscience tell him as that would be an assumption that she deserved his chastisement and neither would I cause animosity between them or place him in a position that demanded his championing of me over _that woman_, for it would only appear that I was his mistress if that were to occur. She deserved his alliance over me. He had sworn it before God. So I told him that it was nothing.

"It is not nothing Elizabeth, you do not cry over mere trifles, I know you better that than. For God's sake tell me what it is before I go mad with worry."

Again I begged off telling him saying that it was a ridiculous piece of nothing and would he please excuse me, I had to leave to pack. Dramatic I know. At this he took hold of me by the shoulders, he looked fearful, "By God Elizabeth you are _not _leaving, neither this room nor this house. You will not desert … those children." He cried looking half wild, I grew fearful, so fearful that my tears ceased through shock.

"It is not your place to make me stay." I replied with an eerie calmness.

He fell silent looked contemplative and then stood up, he knew as well as I that there was no point in trying to argue with that statement. He paced up and down the length of the room for several moments, looking gloomy. Eventually his voice roused me from my own repetitive meditations, "You are right, I cannot make you stay. As your employer it is, in my opinion, my right to know the reason for your departure."

"I have told you that I cannot." I returned stubbornly.

"Why can you not? I should like to know that certainly. What is it that has offended you or mortified you so deeply you wish to make a hasty departure from this house?"

Again I entreated him not to ask me such question as it would only make the situation more difficult than it was at present. I simply told him that I had to leave the house and I would _never_ be returning. My words seemed to affect him greatly, he stopped dead in his tracks and surveyed me carefully and thoughtfully before speaking to me again, his words when he spoke again were cunningly judged, he knew that I would not lie to him. So he guessed at what or who had saddened me: was it perhaps one of the servants, the maids or menservants, Mrs Turner, the children, he knew Thomas to be a handful, Georgiana and the list went on although he was quick to suggest Lady Arabella.

I would not lie to him, despite my unwillingness to reveal the truth of the matter, I mentally debated in my head if I should reveal the truth or not, or how to gracefully avoid the question with some silly story. My thought process although quick was noticed by him, he was far too well attuned to my character by then. The hesitation was not lost on him at all and he knew that she had been that cause of my tears. Taking the chair next to me and recapturing my hand he told me I should not pay any mind to her. His words were of little comfort to me, whether or not I should pay any mind to her I had, and her thoughts and insinuations had already been spoken. It was all too late now. He asked me what she had said and once again I refused to tell him, it was too embarrassing to reiterate her words.

"If you do not tell me then I cannot help you."

"You do not understand."

"Correct madam," He spoke sharply, "I do not understand what can have provoked you so and since you refuse to tell me I shall never understand."

His rebuff added to my already diminished spirits caused me to break down into tears once again. He passed me a handkerchief and muttered softly to me attempting to stem the flow of tears.

Once I had regained some semblance of calm he began again, "I can speak to her if it is your wish."

"No it is not my wish. I have no desire to cause trouble."

"No, this is a long overdue conversation, I can be discrete but she must be taken to task, not just for the manner in which she treats you but other members of this household." He was right, I was not the only person whose nose she had pushed out of joint, the cook, the chambermaids, Elsie would not go near her.

"But not on _my_ account."

"I would never directly involve you in it anyway. But you must promise me that you shall stay, otherwise I will be without a governess and you are irreplaceable, a real gem."

I blushed at his words, I was far from that, I had no experience and my own education had been very haphazard. He was flattering me, so I told him so adding that "You promise never to mention my name in your discussion?"

"Only, if you promise not to desert this family."

I looked at him doubtfully. Surely it would be best for all of us if I were to leave. The children would forget me in time and I could seek a position elsewhere. I agreed that Lady Arabella needed speaking to with regards to her conduct towards the staff. But why I should have to stay was beyond my comprehension. "Sir, I am afraid that I fail to see why my presence here is of such importance to you."

"The children need you."

"There are plenty of other far more competent governesses out there. I fail to see why I have to do the job." I argued.

He remained quiet for several minutes before beginning, "I shall be frank with you Miss Bennet. You and I are, I believe, good friends – we have not always been so but now I feel that I would trust you with my life. Am I correct in this assessment?" I nodded slightly, "That is a relief to hear. You know my character as well as I, there are few people in this world whose society am I truly comfortable with and if you were to go then I would feel quite alone." His admission was a brave one, he looked so sad as he finished.

I could not really understand still, he had plenty of friends, Mr Bingley, for example. I pointed this out to him. His face fell even further and suddenly I realised why. Mr Bingley had not been present at the townhouse since the evening of that dinner party, I was almost certain of it. Elsie would have been sure to inform me that he had been to call. She was as fond of Bingley as she was the master and knew of my own interest in him. The pity I felt for Mr Darcy upon my realisation was enough to induce me to stay, however much he had hurt my family and Mr Bingley's he had always _tried_ to be a loyal friend even if his actions were misguided. Mr Bingley would no doubt come around soon enough he was assured of Jane's affections now and it had only been three days since this had occurred. But at this very moment he was alone, "Then I will remain here as long as I am needed."

"You are very good to us." He allowed a smile, "Now, you have reassured me but I have hardly helped you, are you feeling recovered and are you still refusing to tell me what the problem was half an hour earlier."

I looked at him balefully, making it patently clear that I would not tell him and handed him back the handkerchief he had lent me. My own cheeks were still damp with tears and he leaned forwards and dabbed at them. My eyes caught his and I watched enthralled as he completed his task as if I were a child. "There," He declared brushing back my curls behind my ear, his hand lingering at my cheek, "As beautiful as ever."

Despite the blush that overspread my face I could not bring myself to look away, as I knew I must. How could he say such things to me? Just as suddenly as that thought entered my head all coherent thought vanished as I found myself drowning in his eyes. His head bent down towards mine and his lips were upon mine, softly kissing them.

I knew that we should not, but I could not stop. Drowning in the exquisite taste of the kiss for a brief period I responded. Just as suddenly as it had happened I realised my mistake.

I pulled away shocked at my lack of constraint. For several seconds I remained still, looking at him, wondering, questioning our actions, before in my confusion I turned away and fled the room. His voice called out after me. I did not stop, I ran until I reached my own rooms. Shutting the door behind me I lent against the frame and put my hand to my chest, trying to calm my unsteady breathing. What was I to do now? I had promised to remain and so I should. I collapsed shakily onto the bed.

But what did it mean that I had kissed Mr Darcy?

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: **Was that so bad? Only a fortnight to wait, yes I'll admit it was cruel to leave a cliff hanger again but anticipation is key. Thanks to everyone who reviewed.

**Akashaa: **Oh tears, really? I'm very flattered. I'll give you some forewarning this time, I'd have the handkerchief at the ready.

**Windsnap: **Yes we all know that but Lizzy is still trying to ignore it, in a way I guess it's kind of sensible.

Anyhow, on with the story. Hugs to everyone, Ella xXx.

* * *

**Chapter 12**

Henriette, as I am sure that all her friends will be overjoyed to hear, did not accept Lord Meriden's offer of matrimony. As she told her sister, quite forcefully, "I should be glad to marry him if I had two heads, yet I fear I have but one!" Of course she was not as repulsed by Lord Meriden as this may imply, she was simply averse to marrying him. She was far more polite when refusing him in person, she liked and respected him too well for that, he was not surprised although disappointed by her refusal and they remained friends for several years until his death, it was he, in fact who introduced her to the gentleman that she finally took as her husband. Once the uncomfortable matter of courting was done away with their friendship bloomed and it was a rare occasion that you would not see the two with their heads together at some social gathering or another while they spoke and schemed away. Her refusal came as a surprise to the rest of the_ ton, _particularly given their apparent intimacy afterwards but it brought plenty of other men bidding for a bride when her rejection became the knowledge of society.

She had been relieved by the respite of Lord Meriden's uncomfortable visits and thoroughly disappointed by the flow of gentlemen that suddenly appeared upon the doorstep. Courting and calls from young gentlemen, she informed Georgiana and I was a most tedious affair and it would be so much easier if it did not happen. Georgiana agreed with her on that count. Throughout the season a number of young men had called upon Miss Darcy, who was not without her own attractions, but after two or three calls had finally departed disheartened at her introverted behaviour, with the exception of one young swain who had called on her determinedly twice a week and quoted poetry and also some sonnets of his own composition to her. It would have been funny had not poor Georgiana been mortified by it her red face was too much for me to bear and I could not help but feel some pity on her. It did away with any humour in the situation to see her, the most proper young lady of my acquaintance, wriggle and squirm in her chair.

Henriette found great enjoyment however, in tormenting the young men, particularly Georgiana's Mr Shakespeare, who evidently thought that the art of writing sonnets was a hereditary talent. The bard must have been turning in his grave at such familial weakness. But I suspect that they were as connected to one another as chalk and cheese anyway. She mortified the poor man in front of a group of his peers after he walked into a room and handed Georgiana a rose exclaiming, "Thou art more lovely and more temperate that a rose." And bowing with a flourish patronisingly added, "It comes from Romeo and Juliet."

"No it does not." Henriette put her hands on her hips and shook her head, "I think you will find that. One you are misquoting and two it comes from a sonnet besides."

"I think you will find my lady that I am not mistaken." He simpered.

"It does. Does it not Lizzy? It is a sonnet!"

The rest of the room was at this point listening with a great deal of interest and Mr Shakespeare continued to bumble away that it was he who was correct.

"I think Henriette is correct." I supported my friend, and with a quick glance at Georgiana who was no longer blushing but had a glimmer of mirth in her eyes settled the argument:

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?  
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.  
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,  
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.  
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,  
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;  
And every fair from fair sometime declines,  
By chance or nature's changing course untrimmed…**(1)**

"I am afraid I do not recall the rest." That settled the argument quite nicely and it did not deter Georgiana's admirer from calling again. However, do not assume that Georgiana was completely unsuccessful in matters of the heart, we already knew that she had privately 'set her cap' at someone, Henriette and I were just waiting for her to confide in us.

Anyone reading this will undoubtedly wonder at how we were allowed to treat these poor heedless young men in such a manner, though truthfully we were not usually as cruel as the aforementioned scene would imply. But as Henriette would say we must be given our share of the fun because young ladies were made to suffer fools as we had little say over who called and who did not. Our chaperone had been reduced to either Lady Newlyn or Lord Tyndale (it was he who let us behave so despite the fact that Henriette and Georgiana's reputations were almost at risk he found it amusing) and during the children's lunch hour I came downstairs too.

Lady Arabella had been quite distraught that she had been over ruled in the matter of Lord Meriden and in a 'fit of nerves' much like Mamma's she took to her rooms with a cry of "I do not know what is to become of you Henriette truly I do not!" and she had not come down since.

If I had paused to notice this behaviour more thoroughly I would have noticed that she passed a fortnight shut away, a far longer sojourn than any of my mother's that I could recall. But time flies when you are having fun and the holiday that the household was seemingly receiving was enjoyed by everyone. I was busy in amongst my pleasure at Jane's engagement, my lessons with the children and my other amusements. I think it was the same day when we finally all began to notice her absence from our day to day lives and the doctor was sent for by Mr Darcy, because she still would not leave her rooms, only Marie had seen her during this time.

It was the same day that I had a summons to the master's study. Since our 'encounter' in the school room I had not seen him, he had kept away and the Sunday evening ritual of the children coming to the drawing room had been ignored. Equally I had been stubborn in my avoidance of him. I knew not what to think either of my own behaviour or his. The question still remained in my head though. What did it mean that I had kissed Mr Darcy? Never in my life had I kissed anyone before, I was as good and virtuous as it was possible to be…well perhaps that was an exaggeration. But I was not one to permit such behaviour. It was, I had concluded, just a mistake a spur of the moment accident which had not been thought through by me, coupled with the fact that at the time I was feeling a little neglected and uncared for and unneeded. I would not let it happen again. Maybe it was now time for us to discuss this matter.

Maybe he wanted me to leave; I had considered it many, many times. Perhaps it would be best for us all, I had wondered briefly if he still loved me, I could not tell, it was so difficult to judge the feelings of quiet people. But that could not be the case, why would he still love me now? I tried not to think too hard about it, but it was hard not to. Honestly I did not want to leave the household, even if Jane and Mr Bingley gave me the option I did not think that I could leave the children, they were practically ignored by other members of the household, other than Mr Darcy. A new governess may not be so fond of them spoilt as they were, who would take care of Bobbie when she was fretful because she had scraped her knee, or feel the same pride when Priscilla recited the principle rivers of Russia without taking a breath or when Thomas lost his first tooth. The other governess' who I had met in the pleasure gardens in the square were nearly all sharp women; the children did not need another figure like that in their lives.

Outside his study I smooth my skirts while James knocked on the door and announced me. He stood up and motioned for me to take a seat, he remained standing himself, "Miss Bennet, you look like a summer's day." My head jerked upwards and he had the good sense to blush, "I beg your pardon, I simply meant that…your gown it is yellow." He mumbled a little stupidly.

If he had seen me at anytime over the past fortnight he would have been fully aware that after the thirteenth of May I had shed my morning clothes finally and was now dressed in my far preferable pastel muslins once more, Priscilla was apparently very pleased to see me looking so pretty, this was what she had told me at least.

"I was told you wanted to see me." My response was stiff. To be perfectly honest I was praying he was not going to dismiss me, given that he now thought me an unsuitable model for his children, given that he knew how wantonly I could behave.

"You are aware of course that the doctor made a call to the house early this morning." The doctor? I breathed a sigh of relief, he was not going to dismiss me then, the doctor and I had nothing to do with one another. Though I was puzzled as to why he would be telling me this.

"Yes sir," I concurred, "he came to see Lady Arabella, did he not?" I assumed that I would now glean some information about her state of health.

"Dr Anderson feels that London does not particularly agree with her constitution at present and suggests that for the time being we remove to Bath. She of course will not hear of such a thing and refuses to attend the place at such an unfashionable time of the year." By now I was pondering upon where exactly this story was leading too, "Instead we have reached a compromise and concluded that we will return to Allcotte Abbey as soon as it can be arranged, I felt we should forewarn you."

Well here was a change in circumstances, it seemed that thankfully, I would escape the tedium of town and be allowed to return to the country, at least I hoped this was what I was being informed of. He continued with quiet seriousness, "I wished to understand your feelings on the matter."

Mine? Why would my feelings be of any importance? I was just the governess. Here to serve the children and do as I was told. Why would he ask my opinion in a matter evidently already decided? An issue furthermore that was evidently imperative and none negotiable. I inarticulately expressed my bewilderment to him.

"What I mean is would it be preferable for you to remain in town, it can be arranged that you and the children, and also Georgiana and Henriette if they wish, stay with Tyndale or even Lady Newlyn till the close of the season."

"I beg your pardon sir but why would I want to remain till the close of the season?" Still a little baffled by what he was trying to say. If he knew me so well he could hardly think I should prefer London to Somersetshire. Perhaps he was referring to Jane's wedding, if so that was no trouble to me at all, the choices were up to Jane and Mrs Gardiner, there was little time for my own involvement and besides this was Jane's wedding, she was thoroughly enjoying planning it, along with the introduction into the _ton _Bingley had arranged, for she always enjoyed society. If there were any decisions that I needed to make we could correspond but Jane was certainly well enough acquainted with my own tastes, should they be required to decide for me.

He shifted from foot to foot before speaking slowly, "I had been led to believe that you were to expect a … a proposal," A proposal? "of marriage." He finished quietly looking down at his feet.

Well I very nearly exploded with that, what made him think that I was going to accept a proposal of marriage, from who I might ask? I spluttered a little in shock why did I persistently fail to notice these things? Finally I managed to ask a little more coherently, "I am?"

"You are too modest Elizabeth." He smiled wryly, "I would have to be a fool not to notice that you are being courted right under my roof. The whole house has been whispering of it for weeks. Roberta was correct we are soon to loose our Miss Bennet. She will be deserting us for the comforts of Featherstone House."

I gulped at his ominous words, though I was slightly baffled by his suggestion and actually thought that he was sending the children to visit their grandmamma before the words were properly processed. He seemed not to notice my own confusion and continued on, "Soon enough you will be the wife of my brother, the new Lady Tyndale." He walked towards the window, I made little movement. Lord Tyndale? He was courting me? No, he had never been anything other than polite and friendly. He had never flirted with me. Mr Darcy must be mistaken. He did not wish to marry me. He had been frequent with his Saturday calls that I had not failed to notice, but he had been nothing other than amiable and polite to me. He did not want to marry me. Did he? Why would he? Was he not there to visit Henriette?

"I will?" My voice was dazed.

"Yes, you will." His voice was serious and strained sounding, "He is a very good man Elizabeth, but then I never doubted your ability to procure yourself a good husband. He shall look after you from now on and do it very well I dare say. The Featherstone estates are worth a great deal."

Oh my goodness, he could not be saying this to me. He was telling me to accept Lord Tyndale for no other reason than the fact that he had money. He who had supported Henriette in her quest not to become the Countess of Meriden was now telling me to accept for money. "Must I?"

"Certainly," His voice became brusque, "You will make a very good mistress to the place, and you should have left us at one time or another. I might as well see you married off than going to slave away in some other family."

His words were so cold, so harsh. He was banishing me.

Was he truly saying this to me? I could feel a swell of tears prickling the corners of my eyes, threatening to spill at the thought of leaving … leaving the children. They were so dear to me. I got up from my seat and moving to face a picture on the wall. It showed a storm out at sea. "Must I leave?" I roused myself enough to ask.

"Leave what Miss Bennet?"

I did not answer, he repeated his question once, twice more. I turned to face him.

"Must I leave the children?"

"Of course," He laughed, "The children, they are so dear to you. But no matter you will have children of your own to care for. They will be beautiful, adored and fortunate children."

I could not believe this. He was standing there planning out my future life with another man. He was banishing me to live as the wife of a man that I did not love. "Is that your wish?"

"I want to see you happy Elizabeth, it has always been important to me." He took a deep breath, "Which is why I wish to ascertain your current thoughts on the matter of Allcotte, will you stay in town or will you be returning to Allcotte with us?"

For a second I was tempted to stay in town and accept this supposed offer of marriage if it should arise. But my heart and in fact my head told me that I should not accept and truthfully I did not want to accept it. Prudent or not, I could not marry Lord Tyndale, my heart would not allow it.

"It is best for us all if you accept him."

He wanted me gone!

Mr Darcy wanted me gone. That was the last thing in the world that I wanted. But I must leave _him_! Not the children, _him_, I did not want to be away from _him_. I was in love with Mr Darcy and if I married Lord Tyndale I would have to leave _him_! The man I loved.

Oh Lizzy you foolish, foolish girl! You had fallen in love with your master. The man you once declared the last man in the world you could ever be prevailed upon to marry. Now I would give anything for him to renew his offer of love to me. When it was all too late! He was married to another woman! I was his children's governess. I was standing in this mans study and he was… he was banishing me from him! He wanted nothing more to do with me. He did not love me. Oh how cruel a reversal of fate from that day two years ago in Hunsford Cottage when he declared his love for me. He did not love me. But I loved him.

Instead the man whose worth I had so sorely misjudged wanted to remove from town and from my presence so he could take care of the ailing Lady Arabella. He wanted nothing more to do with me. He wanted me gone from his house. He wanted me gone from his life. He was exiling me to marriage with a man that I did not… a man I could not ever love. Because instead I loved Mr Darcy and he did not love me. I loved him and it was all too late. And because I loved him I could not bare to be torn away from him. I wanted nothing more than to spend everyday in his presence. That was not to be however, because I was being torn away from him. I was being banished by the very same man, who thought it was 'best for us all' if I left. I was being banished. I thought my very heart should have ripped in two.

That was why I had kissed him: for the simple reason that I loved him. But why had he kissed me? Because his own words implied a hatred of my presence there was no plausible reason for his actions. It was just a mistake.

Well he might want me gone. He might choose to look after _that woman_ instead. She might have triumphed over me. But I was not leaving. I could not leave. He might not love me and it was bitter medicine but there was not way on earth that I was leaving him. I would remain the governess of the Sutton children until the day they were too old for me to teach them anymore. Just to be near him. I could have cried out loud at my realisation that I would never be able to separate myself from Mr Darcy.

"Very well then sir," I spoke through clenched teeth, still facing the painting and praying that it was possible to conceal my tears, "You shall leave for Allcotte to look after _your wife._"

_His wife…_

"But I think it best the children and I come with you. It is likely they will not wish to be separated from her if they know she is unwell."

"She is not dying?" He said in amazement.

"Nonetheless you gave me the option and that is my decision. Do you have any objection?"

He shook his head dumbfounded.

"Very well then sir. Good day." And dropping a quick curtsey I fled from the room.

To return to lessons was impossible. Not until I had more control over my emotions. I could not let them see my cry. They must not know that I was the most pathetic and bitter creature that ever walked this earth. My, but did I hate myself? And barricaded in my rooms I wept, for hours.

Never had I been one for self pity, never had I been formed for ill humour. Now was a different matter and I hated myself for it. I had always despised those young women (you generally found them in novels) who mourned themselves to death over some young lover or another and here I was acting just that part. What a pitiable creature I was, I am sure? No what I was, was a fool a little fool, falling in love with my lord and master. Falling in love with a man that I had sworn to loath for all eternity, what was I thinking? But then we are rarely sensible when we fall in love. Love was not exactly a sensible emotion.

My own behaviour at present was rash. Papa would have been ashamed of me, I was ashamed of myself. Undoubtedly I would think better of my decisions given time and would realise that I did not want to remain with the family, I would seek another position and leave it all behind. Maybe then there was a chance that I would not become an embittered old spinster, perhaps given time I would even find another man whom I could love and respect. He would never quite match up to Mr Darcy but then he was the best of men. What I would not do was accept Lord Tyndale's proposal, if he should ever offer for me, because I did not love him.

When Elsie knocked on my door to say that the master had ordered her to pack my things I refused her entry. Her confusion on going away was apparent; when she reported this to the rest of the household they possibly thought that I was pining the loss of my beau. I was not. She returned once more a few hours later and told me the Lord Tyndale had come and particularly requested an audience with me. It was then I knew that I would have to face him at some point or another. After bidding Elsie tell him I would be with him in a few moments and washed my face I made my way downstairs to receive him.

He was in the yellow sitting room studying a yellow figurine on the mantel piece; he turned when I opened the door. "Miss Bennet," He stepped forward eagerly but open perceiving my face, still rather splotchy from crying, faltered, "Are you unwell, I am sorry to have disturbed you if you are."

"No, no I am not ill." I assured him quietly.

Apparently this encouraged him, "I hear from Hetty that you shall be leaving town tomorrow?" I did nothing further than nod my head, "It is a terrible shame," He continued, "For I fear that you and I shall not be able to renew our acquaintance for quite sometime. My business with parliament may not conclude for several more months."

I looked down at my hands failing to respond to his words.

He still had the figuring in his hands, he turned it round in his hands several times before continuing, "Elizabeth, dare I hope… May I dare to hope that you care for me as much as I do you? You must be aware that I love you, that I would do anything for you. You must care for me some? You see I must ask, I cannot have you go away leaving me to remain in doubt." He looked at me hopefully, the figurine still twirling round in his hands.

I walked towards the window. What should I do? I thought now about my family. Kitty and Jonathan were certainly in favour of the match, I knew him to be respectable. He was the brother of one of my dearest friends, how would she feel if I were to refuse him? I knew nothing ill of him; he was amiable, friendly and respectable. He would take care of me. He loved me, there was really no reason that I should refuse him.

But there were other matters which intruded on these reflections. First and foremost I did not love him. Second while I knew certain members of his family were in favour of the match, his mother, sister and clearly his brother Mr Darcy would have no objections to the match his sisters certainly would and I had no wish to incur the wrath of Lady Arabella. Furthermore, I did not need to marry for security, Jane was marrying Bingley and Kitty was married to Mr Thursfield, Mary was at the convent I would be comfortable in a governess position for the rest of my life now. Finally, and this was the most important of all my reasons to oppose marrying him was the very fact that I was in love with his brother.

He had been speaking the whole time that I was thinking this, I have no idea what precisely he said, I was not listening. He approached me and stood beside me at the window. Then took my hand in his free one concluded, "What I am trying to say most incoherently is will you consent to be my wife?"

I continued to stare out of the window. I did like Lord Tyndale and I hated to have to hurt him in this manner. But the very fact of the matter was that I did not love him and I could not love him. I had no choice but to refuse him unless I opted to hurt myself further. I ventured to peek up at him, he was observing me anxiously. I swallowed hard and gathered my courage. "Lord Tyndale, I am very grateful for the honour you have bestowed upon me…" I stopped unable to continue for several moment but I had to be honest with us both, "However, I am afraid I simply cannot accept your offer."

He opened his mouth, though he did not speak. "I am truly very sorry my Lord." I finished quietly and made to turn and leave the room.

"Wait!" He cried out, still holding out to the hand I should have removed long ago. "Shall you not even think about what I have said?" He looked briefly hopeful.

My eyes began to water again. He was making this so unbearable hard for me, "I am sorry!" I cried and tugging away my hand and fled from the room. I heard the china figurine hitting the floor and smashing as I left.

Georgiana and Henriette came to see me, in my rooms that evening apparently they knew it all. "Elizabeth, I do not mean to criticise," Georgiana said bravely, "but if such a man as he had proposed to me I should not refuse him." She raised an eyebrow at me, much as I did from time to time.

"Lizzy, how could you refuse Francis? My own brother, I cannot believe you would do such a thing."

"What I mean is," Georgiana continued unperturbed, "That Lord Tyndale is the nicest gentleman I know who comes to call here and if Elizabeth is rude to him he will not come back."

"He is my brother, of course he will come back," Henriette cried with a wave of her hand.

"I…I do not understand why she does not want to marry him." Georgiana said.

"If you like him so well the perhaps you should marry him then Georgiana." I cried irrationally.

"Certainly I would if he paid me the slightest bit of mind but as it is he does not and now Elizabeth has chased him away for good! And my brother is cruel and will not let me stay in town though I know he gave _her_ the option." Henriette and I turned to look at her, surely it was not Lord Tyndale she was so fond of, neither of us had the slightest suspicion of it. It was so difficult to judge the feelings of quiet people.

"Georgiana that is unkind!" Henriette suddenly changed her tune.

"No Henriette," I attempted to calm the argument that I had inadvertently caused, "She is right, it was not my decision to make about remaining in town and if I had known Georgiana was so fond of Lord Tyndale then I would have been more tactful." I was truly ashamed at my behaviour now.

Georgiana jumped up from her seat, "Elizabeth Bennet stop trying to act like you are everyone's friend. You are not I hate you!" And with that pronouncement she swept gracefully out of the room and slammed the door behind her.

I looked down at my fingers and plucked at the folds of my gown angry at myself more than anything else. Henriette spoke after several minutes inquiring if I was well. She was pitying me and I did not deserve her pity. My spoilt behaviour had led us to this point. "I am fine." I replied stiffly.

"Lizzy please tell me what is the matter."

"There is nothing the matter."

"Yes there is, and somehow I doubt it is guilt over leaving my own brother heartbroken! How could you hurt him like that Elizabeth? You have obviously been crying but you will not tell me what about."

I walked across to the other side of the room and leaned against the mantelpiece and swinging my foot across the marble moodily, making it apparent that I was not going to reply, "For goodness sake Elizabeth you are trying my patience."

I did not reply.

"Fine then if you choose not to tell me about it then it is quite clear that you are not worth the effort!" She too stood up from her seat and left the room, without slamming the door. I sank down onto the nearest seat when she had departed.

I was causing far too much trouble, I had argued with Mr Darcy, Georgiana and then Henriette all in one day. I was a despicable creature. But I had done the right thing had I not, I was right to refuse Lord Tyndale, I had not chased him away as Georgiana had implied, I had tried to be gentle.

But my behaviour to Mr Darcy was another matter entirely; I had not behaved admirably there. I should never have stayed in the house. When he offered to find me employment the first time around I should have accepted him, it would have saved me from my current heartache, it would have saved everybody. He was right when he said it was best for us all that I leave. As soon as Lady Arabella was settled at Allcotte and in better health I would approach him and ask him to find me a new employer.

* * *

**1) **Sonnet XVIII _Shall I compare thee _lines 1-8 William Shakespeare (1564-1616)

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	13. Chapter 13

**Author's note: **Dear long suffering readers, I'm so so so sorry for the delay, I had technical difficulties, which I've only just sorted out. Sorry. Thanks to everyone for their comments and all of your nagging to get on with posting. Anyway I hope you enjoy. Hugs, Ella xXx

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**Chapter 13**

We set off for Alcotte again the next morning just after breakfast. I was pleased to be travelling in a separate carriage with just the children; their lively chatter distracted my mind sufficiently from my more melancholy feelings. Besides which it was possibly best that after the previous evening's argument we were given a few days to cool off. Georgiana still was not speaking to me. Who could blame her? I had chased off her favourite, however inadvertently done it was, the deed was done and for the time being there was apparently no going back and changing this fact. If I had known about Georgiana's preference for him then I would have done something about it long ago, that is the problem with shy people, you never know what they are thinking and then things end up going wrong for them and right at that moment it felt like nobodies fault but my own.

Georgiana had fallen out with Henriette also and this morning was once again clinging to her brother as though her life depended upon it. Henriette tried to be friendly towards us both, only I was amenable to this scheme, not being formed for ill spirits. This morning I was determined to put all my ill humour behind me. It was however blatantly obvious that there was tension between the three of us still. Mr Darcy was trying to ignore our discomfort while dealing with the care of Lady Arabella.

Her appearance was shocking. Lady Arabella was a tall, buxom woman with blonde hair and bright blue eyes and had always been considered a beauty, her clothing was impeccable as well as fashionable not in the same manner as the Bingley sisters were fashionable, Lady Arabella's habit was more subdued and I often envied her clothes, she had exquisite taste if nothing else. Yet now I was distinctly reminded of poor Miss DeBourgh she was bundled under several layers of shawls, her hair always beautifully coiffed was lank, dull and uncurled her eyes were a grey colour and her clothes did not fit properly, in short she looked small, plain and very very ill.

Mr Darcy had taken it upon himself to personally care for her, well he was married to her. Today it seemed that he cared more for her than he had before.

While travelling with my young charges I was able to determine a number of important factors. Firstly that the children were my foremost concern, it was my duty to care for them to the exclusion of the family, and despite any quarrels I might have with them I was here to do a job and complete that job I would. Secondly, the discomfort currently subsisting was my fault and that an improvement in the relations between them and myself would be necessary if the children were to be cared for properly, it would not do to have us always arguing. Furthermore, that it would do me good to forget that I had any feelings for Mr Darcy other than the respect that he deserved as my employer and as from today I would forget any other notions I may harbour for him.

We stopped briefly at an inn at noon for a rest and Henriette cautiously walked over to speak with me and ask if I was feeling better this morning. "Thank you I am." I returned stiffly.

"Lizzy I am sorry for yesterday." When I failed to reply she continued, "It was wrong of me to chastise you for refusing my brother. If you do not love him then I shall have to accept that you and I shall not be sisters. I am truly sorry for going against you, you must think me such a hypocrite for behaving so after you supported me over Lord Meriden."

I accepted her apology then asked, "How is Georgiana?"

"Moody." Was her only reply, "I have asked to be returned to Featherstone House in a few days, for I do not think that she will be so easily forgiving of either of us." I glance over in Georgiana's general vicinity she looked close to tears, poor dear, she had had to leave Lord Tyndale in London I remembered Jane when Mr Bingley had left and Kitty and Lydia on the news that the militia was leaving Meryton. "I cannot believe that she did not tell us that my brother was her favourite!" Henriette continued, "If we had just known."

"But imagine how difficult it would have been for her! Georgiana has spent her whole life being fussed over by young ladies who only want to marry her brother and try to use her to get to him. I suspect that she assumed that you would feel that she was only your friend for the same reason. Besides it is not in her nature to be so open about such matters."

Henriette sighed, "I suppose you are right, I just wish we could cheer her up a little."

"I do not suppose it would help to tell her that next to being married a young lady likes to be crossed in love?"

Henriette laughed as did Mr Darcy who had come to tell us we were leaving, "Miss Bennet, where ever did you hear such a thing?"

"Papa said it when… once." I quickly corrected myself.

"What brings you to be speaking of such a topic, who is the young lady of our acquaintance who has been 'crossed in love'?"

Henriette and I looked down at the ground and uncomfortably mumbled that it was nothing we were speaking in general not of any specific person. Well we could hardly tell Georgiana's brother, she would hate us forever. "Hetty says she is to return to Featherstone House soon." I added changing the subject.

"Perhaps you can accompany her for the day, Miss Bennet? You may visit your sister and niece again." He smiled.

"Yes I should like that and Maria, Miss Lucas, is visiting with Kitty at present."

Although the argument that I had had with Henriette was now passed our quarrel with Georgiana was far from over. When we arrived at Allcotte the following day she was still snubbing us and when Henriette returned to Featherstone House on the following Saturday she was still refusing to speak with us.

On the Saturday following our arrival at Allcotte, Mr Darcy accompanied Henriette back to Featherstone House. I was invited to accompany them since my own relations were so near. I was dropped off at the Parsonage first only to find that Kitty and Maria were over at the mansion with Lady Tyndale. So it was over to the great house that we continued.

There were several of the women who had been present at Christmas there, including Julia and Cecilia Vernon. They were taking tea with her ladyship. This was an unusual event in itself as I had always been led to believe that Lady Tyndale was no entertainer. She was warm and welcoming in her reception of Henriette and Mr Darcy bestowing each of them with a peck on the cheek, and then she turned to me. "And you Miss Bennet, it is nice to see you again. Your sister and her friend Miss Lucas are over there." She said all this in a distinctly chilly manner.

"Lizzy!" Kitty practically squealed hugging me wildly, "Oh and you have brought Lady Henriette back with you, perhaps that will put Lady Tyndale in a better frame of mind."

"Why has she been depressed all on her own?" I asked curiously, Henriette had never had any idea of this from her mother's letters.

"No silly, but today she has been in the strangest mood with Maria and me. I cannot make it out for she has been most civil to everyone else." Kitty explained.

"Oh." I gulped. Had Lord Tyndale written to his mother of his intention of proposing to me? I hoped not, it could make life very difficult for Kitty and Jonathan. I had never thought of that, what if he withdrew his patronage. That would be dreadful, particularly if Jonathan was left unemployed now that the new baby was on the way. Oh what had I done?

"But in general," Maria spoke to me, "Her ladyship is most gracious to us, do you know how many times we have been invited to dine and take tea since I came. No, well it is many more than when you and I stayed at Rosings Lizzy." She said giddily, "Her ladyship is so pleasant."

* * *

With time the discomfort that suddenly subsisted between me and the family was resolved. Mr Darcy and I had coped with one another despite our difficulties before and soon enough, when I overcame the shock that my realisation had produced I managed to overcome my embarrassment and discomfiture and soon I was teasing him just as I had always done before. I wanted to appear as though nothing had changed in our relationship. My pride prickled. His constant visits to the schoolroom aided this for I would not forget my promise to myself that I had to get along with him for my charges sake.

As May melted into June and the weather began to warm there was an alteration to our daily routine. It became practice for us to take the children outside for longer periods of time, sometimes all afternoon. Mr Darcy and even sometimes Georgiana, when she was feeling a little more welcoming towards me would join us, we taught them to play cricket and baseball, although Georgiana preferred the tamer pursuits, there was nothing I loved so well as being out of doors with the children and hitching my skirts up (in a most unladylike manner) to chase after a ball. Even Priscilla, who at first objected heartily to playing 'a boy's game' began to take pleasure in these sports.

It was at these times that I could almost forget the existence of Lady Arabella, and that I was nothing more than the humble governess, it was as if we were, all six of us, a real family. The twinges of jealousy seemed to disappear on those afternoons and they became a time that I looked forward to.

Even though Georgiana accompanied us on these activities she was still rather cold in her manner towards me, not that I could blame her. I sincerely hoped that she did not have the fault of implacable resentment like her brother, but really should have known far better because their natures were very different. Her manner towards me if she chose to address me was formal and cold. So my discomfiture was not completely abated. When Henriette came to call on us, which was less frequently than it might have been had Georgiana not been so upset at us she was equally icy and we were at a loss as to what to say to appease her.

This continued until the beginning of July when on retiring to my rooms one night I found her already seated in the chair by the fireplace waiting for me, a look of uncomfortable contrite plastered across her face and formally rising from her seat she stepped towards me head down.

Her manners reminded me distinctly of Henriette's that time she had visited me after Lord Meriden proposed to her. Of course, though I was astonished by Georgiana's appearance I was not shocked by her behaviour, she had never been direct in expressing her thoughts. "Georgiana…?" I spoke softly after she had been silently studying her slippers for several minutes.

The young girl promptly burst into tears, I handed her a handkerchief and led her back to her seat while I waited for her tears to subside. Eventually she managed a few trembling sobs of, "I am sorry… so sorry!" before her voice cracked again and she continued to cry again.

"Georgiana, my dear, whatever is the matter?"

"Nobody likes me…" She sniffed, I did not like to point out to her that it was she that was snubbing Henriette and me but I did reassure her that we did not hate her. After all I knew that girls were prone to fighting over gentlemen's attentions. Lydia had been quite furious when Wickham had showed attention to me; she just dealt with it in a different manner and told me what she thought directly. "I mean… I'm sorry for being so cruel to you and Henriette, truly I am it was mean of me to be cross with you for not talking to you because Lord Tyndale liked you far better than he ever liked me."

"You know Georgiana you should have told us how you felt, surely it was evident that I was nothing more than polite to him. If you would show people or tell them how you feel, but you just retreat into silence all the time and none of us ever know what you are thinking."

She sighed discontentedly and plucked at a loose thread on the sleeve of her dress. "Sometimes you are very hard to read Elizabeth, you always behave so graciously and though your teasing makes it quite impossible to determine whether you are flirting or you are just being yourself, you are so easy in company. You tease Fitzwilliam, and I know you are not flirting because you would never be so improper as to flirt with a married man," I felt as if I should laugh out loud at this, sometime my conversations with her brother verged on rather risqué flirtation to the exclusion of the rest of the company, "I am not like you I repress my feelings and I am always so shy in company. It is no wonder nobody ever comes to call on me, you and Henriette are so much prettier than me and I am so awkward in society that everyone just forgets me and nobody shall ever marry me because I would make a useless hostess."

I regarded Georgiana for a few minutes not knowing what to say. You cannot just tell a person to be more assertive, it took hard work and having never known anyone who was as introverted as Georgiana I did not know how to bolster her confidence or deal with the situation. She was by no stretch of the imagination a plain girl, no she was not as handsome as her brother, and yes she did seem to pale into insignificance next to Lady Henriette Featherstone, but not everyone was attracted to her looks. Georgiana was accomplished; she played beautifully, when she could be coaxed into exhibiting she spoke French and German and covered screens, she had been provided with the best of educations. There was no reason she should have such little confidence in herself, yet she did. Telling her that she was attractive and intelligent was not going to help.

She had undoubtedly always been a shy creature, the Darcys were not the type of people who were naturally outgoing but there must have been a time when she was more confident that she was now. George Wickham. It was a delicate topic and I did not know if I should broach it with her again. We had spoke of him before and of her feelings on the matter I was not sure that it would help her at all. She was loved by her brother though ignored by her sister-in-law clearly his love and support was not enough for her. She needed someone to love her whose love was unconditional but neither was it fraternal or paternal someone who did not just love her out of duty. Would a mother have been enough for her had Lady Anne Darcy not died while Georgiana was still such a small child would she have been a different type of girl? Probably not, at least I did not think so, I wondered if Lady Anne was anything alike in temperament to her sister Lady Catherine.

What Georgiana required was a husband, someone who loved her because she was her. Not for her fortune but because they understood her and appreciated her. She felt that her brother loved her only because he was her brother and he was all she had had for many years. A husband who wanted her would help her to appreciate herself and bring her out of her shell. It would take someone special, in a sense Georgiana was very fortunate that she was not the type of young lady a gentleman would select just because he needed a hostess in his home. Yes that would bring Georgiana out of herself, in a way that those of us who were just friends could not.

"Georgiana you would not make a useless hostess." I finally said, "I might remind you that when there have been callers in the house in town you have behaved far more graciously that Henriette or I."

She seemed to smile at this recollection and praise, "But still," she added, "They still kept coming to call on Henriette particularly and nobody but Mr Shakespeare seemed to give me a second thought and he was a fool!" I was quite pleased to hear her express and opinion of someone so freely even when she went on to berate me, "You and Henriette were so cruel to them all, well maybe not cruel, but I was so shocked that they preferred to be laughed at than to not return."

I could not deny we had been rather cruel to the gentlemen who had called, they were all self-centred and enamoured of their own importance. Henriette said it was a pity we had no say in who called and that courtship was such a difficult thing and also that one could not choose who called and neither did it help a couple become acquainted with one another. Lord Meriden had made quite an impression on her after she had refused him, she no longer saw him as just a drab old man but as a kind and warm gentleman who she got along with incredibly well, her fellow co-conspirator.

"What if you have frightened him off for good?" She asked after a pause of some minutes.

Goodness what if I had? My only minor consolation was the thought that Georgiana was only infatuated with him if that was the case, "He is a family member dear. So you see it is hardly likely that you will never see him again." I answered noncommittally.

"Elizabeth? I hope you shall not think it impertinent of me to ask but why did you not love Lord Tyndale, why could you never marry him? I just do not understand."

Georgiana was such a naïve and unassuming creature and so young in some respects, "My dear love is a very strange thing, highly irrational we fall in love with the strangest people." I said with a wry smile, "Lord Tyndale was just not that man for me. You and I are very different in character we should hardly be attracted to the same people. Just like Jane and I were not, I could never have married Mr Bingley; you would have been much better suited to him than I ever would, if his heart had not belonged to Jane." I said with a grin.

"You know I think Fitzwilliam wanted me to marry him at one point."

"Yes I thought he did." I nodded my head. "Now young lady, how are you feeling? Better?"

"Yes thank you." She smiled and sighed at the same time, "I just hope you are right about Lord Tyndale."

"I hope I am too." I did not wish to make her too hopeful and yet at the same time I did not wish to make her think that he would definitely pay her any attention. Surely that would break her heart more than if she were already prepared to some extent to believe that he may not call.

Lord Tyndale returned a few weeks later, after parliament was dissolved by the Prince Regent. I did not see him, though he did come to call at Allcotte Abbey to see his sister. I carefully avoided him though but at one point I did find Georgiana and him in the sitting room taking tea together. "Are you to be long in town for the wedding?"

"No we must return to Allcotte Abby as soon as possible my Lord. Your sister's health necessitated a change of air and the children must have their lessons so we must return within only a matter of a few days."

"No doubt you shall be in Somerset for several weeks after that though Miss Darcy."

"Perhaps I have some hope that when Lady Arabella is better we shall return to Pemberley, then perhaps my brother will invite you to come and hunt there." Georgiana finally ventured rather bravely.

"Then I shall have to throw myself on his mercy."

"No doubt he shall hold a hunting party, they tell me that the sport in Derbyshire is the best to be had." Georgiana started chattering away happily.

"Then it is not to be missed, the sport in Somerset is not particularly plentiful, except for foxes, Miss Darcy I think you will have to throw in a good word for me with your brother." He smiled at her.

"Certainly but I know you to be a particular friend of Fitzwilliam's I doubt he would ever exclude you from such an excursion, that is unless you are a terrible hunter and the others would have reason to fear for their safety." She teased in a manner that she had never revealed before. Lord Tyndale laughed heartily at her words and they were soon contentedly talking to one another and I slunk away to sit quietly by myself.

Once my friendship with Georgiana was repaired everything seemed to have a brighter aspect to it. I was eagerly anticipating Jane and Bingley's wedding it was scheduled for the second week in July, I had arranged to travel with Kitty, Jonathan and Maria who was returning to Lucas Lodge after Jane's wedding in a carriage kindly supplied by Lord Tyndale and his mother. Mr Darcy – who had since finally heard from Mr Bingley - and Georgiana were also returning to town for the occasion, as the doctor felt Lady Arabella to be improving in health and thus certainly well enough for them to leave her for a few days.

Gracechurch Street was abuzz when we arrived, with the impending nuptials only a day away, Kitty kept delaying, not being overly fond of town or wishing to leave Rachel for an extended period of time and her own travel had been delayed since she was in the family way, the doctor having warned her to be careful. Aunt Gardiner and Jane were flying about the house making last minute preparations and looking for Jane's belongings which had spread out around the house after a fourteen month inhabitation of the house. My cousins were confined to the nursery though frequently I saw little faces appearing through the banisters as they were disturbed by the commotion below. Uncle Gardiner was the only person who was seemingly sane he had taken the day off from his business and was calmly instructing their servants.

It was not until later that evening that I had a chance to speak with Jane; it felt like such a long time since we had had a proper conversation, she had not been living in the same house as me for eight months, unless you counted the week we spent together at Christmas. Now with so much news, and me having hardly seen my sister since I received the news of her engagement there was certainly a great deal to talk about. Her enthusiasm was still effervescent as she chattered away to me about what her dear Bingley had said and their plans. Jane only touched briefly on Louisa and Caroline, "They sent me a note asking them to call on them at Mr Hurst's house in Grovesnor Square and Caroline's words expressed their delights at her having me for a sister, she wrote that she could not have more affection for anyone but me as her sister."

"That was … a pleasant gesture." I said trying to sound convincing, I did not want to speak ill of the family that would be her relations in less than a day now.

"Yet I cannot help but think that her words, though well meant were not earnest. Surely she would have much preferred Miss Darcy as a sister as she always expressed she should be."

I refrained from making a reply, Yes Georgiana was still evidently the object of _her _choice when I saw her last in April I would not tell Jane so though, nor would I say how well Mr Bingley would have been suited to Georgiana had we not reappeared it seems very likely that they would have been married, it was after all what both of their families desired. Georgiana had told me of this herself, though she herself never expressed any desire to have done so, her affections belonged elsewhere anyway.

"I shall miss our conversations Lizzy dearest." She spoke thoughtfully whilst running a brush through my hair carefully.

"We can still talk Jane, your Mr Bingley may have purchased an estate in Staffordshire but I am quite certain that I shall be in that part of the country fairly frequently, it is very near to Derbyshire." I commented completely forgetting that I had vowed to find a new position.

"I wish you would come with us, why will you not live with Bingley and me at Ashton Magna?"

"Jane," I took the brush out of her hand and turned to face her, "when we first left Longbourn remember I would not live off the charity of the Gardiners for any longer than was necessary, well it is the same now, I shall not live off the kindness of you and Mr Bingley either."

"It should make me happier to have you as my companion as well Lizzy dearest, I do not know how I will manage without your guidance."

"My guidance? Jane, you were taught well enough how to run a house by Mamma and I seriously doubt that I would be more knowledgeable in such matters."

"You mistake me Lizzy it is not the house, but sometimes I think that just Bingley and I alone in that house all day with no other company than the servants and whoever should chose to call on us for half and hour out of courtesy … it shall be … well lonely. Longbourn and my Uncle's house are always busy and full of people but just the two of us all day…" She trailed off.

"Nonsense Jane, you shall never tire of Mr Bingley's company."

She shook her head not sadly, not resignedly, just shock her head, in complete acceptance of what I thought her statement had implied.

"But Jane…"

"Come Lizzy you know that peoples feelings change over time, it is very rare, in fact I would venture to say impossible that peoples feelings are the same at forty or even thirty to what they were when they were newly married."

What she was saying was to an extent the truth, it could not be denied but there were people whose feelings did not alter so drastically with time as that would imply. There were of course the women whose husbands tired of them as soon as the first flush of beauty had faded or they had bore them an heir, women who became irritable and conniving as the years passed by and I knew men turned to other women. That was not always the case however, consider my Aunt and Uncle Gardiner, I was barely eight when they wed but they were my role models and had the type of union I aspired to it was clear that even after fourteen years of marriage they still loved one another as dearly as they did the day the said their vows, Aunt Gardiner had once told me that she thought she loved him more for having lived in daily contact with him, which was certainly nothing to quibble over in this case.

"No I do not know that." I returned, "But I know little of men and marriage." I stopped and changed topic slightly, "Besides I think there is no fear of an empty house or certainly not loneliness, I shall visit when I can and the house will be full of children soon enough."

Jane reddened and turned away, clearly this topic was off limits too. "Tell me do you look forward to your new house and your time in Italy too?"

A short dialogue ensued on the merits of that particular country and how glad she would be to see all the places that Bingley had told her of. I nodded and smiled and said all that was required of me but she seemed content to carry the conversation and with the exception of the odd nervous pause and far away look on her face, which was to be expected, Jane seemed so like her usual self that anybody would think that Mr Bingley had never left Netherfield at all. Despite her nervousness and slightly melancholy reflections, it was so very pleasant to see Jane back to normal again; it was a sight that I had thought I should never see after the autumn of 1811.

Jane, I am most pleased to report made a most beautiful bride, though I would doubt that anybody of her acquaintance would be in the least shocked to hear this. I stood watching from her side at the alter, her happiness radiated even as she shed a few tears, her golden hair curled and dressed with summer flowers, her white dress blowing slightly in the wind, the smile that light up her whole face which frequently turned towards Bingley and his towards her, their hands joined together. She was simply radiant. Our whole family would have liked to think that there had been neither bride before or after who could rival Jane in her beauty that day.

Her own regret, which was the same as mine, was that her parents were not there to see the blessed day when their eldest daughter was given away by my uncle to the suitor of their choice. Mamma would have revelled in seeing her second favourite and most beautiful daughter married off to the amiable Charles Bingley with his four thousand pounds a year, having a daughter well married off and happy was her ultimate ambition in life, it was a great pity that she never lived to see it. Papa would have course have been proud of his eldest daughter who was so sweet and sensible, it should have been the proudest day of his life. Jane deserved to have them there.

My eye could not help but stray to Mr Bingley's right and the gentleman standing up for his friend. Strangely enough, though unsurprisingly it was my employer, Mr Darcy, he looked very handsome dressed in his blue coat. It was selfish of me to wonder but I could not help but imagine what it would be like if this was _our _wedding, perhaps we would have shared our day with Bingley and Jane. But it was a ridiculous fancy and I turned my attention back to the words of the clergyman.

He pronounced them man and wife and Bingley turned to kiss Mrs Bingley's hand in it was clear that he was in jovial spirits. He turned to his friend who congratulated him heartily, it was nice that Darcy should now at least approve of his friend's choice, his manners were open and pleasant as he too kissed Jane's hand to congratulate her sincerely as Bingley turned to me with an exclamation of, "There now Lizzy it is done and I am the happiest fellow on this earth, shall you like to claim me as your brother?"

"May I congratulate you Mr Bingley, you have made Jane a very happy woman, and you need be in no doubt of my approval. Just make sure she is always this cheerful." I said in what was probably a very fatherly manner.

"You need be in no doubt of that Lizzy." He laughed taking his wife's arm and leading her down the aisle. Mr Darcy and I brought up the rear arm in arm after the happy couple reached the door.

The wedding breakfast was held at Bingley's townhouse. Apparently to please his sister, she had been upset enough by his engagement but she would not tolerate the shame of having their friends hosted in Cheapside. It did not seem to matter to Bingley and Jane which house it was held, it was a trifle of a matter and there was the advantage of size at their townhouse, as Kitty pointed out at the time, Bingley had many friends one of whom must be suited to my liking. Well she was right on one score at least, however that gentleman was certainly not the eligible bachelor she had envisaged.

Kitty, Charlotte, Maria, Georgiana and myself were left pretty much to our own devices. Jane was busy being congratulated. Mr Thursfield and Georgiana's brother were much engaged with their acquaintances. My Aunt and Uncle joined us briefly and Kitty left us for short periods to meet some friend's of Mr Thursfield's and Mr Collins had whisked Charlotte and Maria of to goodness knows where.

Not long after I escaped to solitude I was joined by Mr Darcy, who took a seat next to me and for a few moments after our initial greeting silently observed the scene playing out before us, "You are very quite this morning Miss Bennet." I nodded in silent acquisition not attempting to form a verbal response. "It is not what I should have expected of you madam, knowing how much you supported this match and how well you love your sister, I should have expected you to be overjoyed on this occasion. Yet I find you sitting alone in a corner avoiding all society."

"I was just thinking." I shot back defensively.

"Pardon me ma'am would you prefer me to leave you alone." He said a little coldly.

Bristling at his tone but trying to reply with some composure I informed him that he was quite welcome to stay if he chose, "I would be glad of some distraction from my thoughts." I smiled pleadingly.

"As you wish. Is it safe to presume that your thoughts were not pleasant meditations?"

"Not particularly so sir. Certainly not something to dwell upon today of all days it was a rather vain fancy anyway, you would do good to redirect my thoughts."

"Very well then," And the two of us began chattering away contentedly much to my great relief.

I passed one more night at Gracechurch Street, strangely enough knowing that Jane was so far away from me made me sad yet it had been many many nights since we had resided permanently in the same house. Lingering in my mind was the reminder that even if we were to things would never be the same again. The next morning Kitty and Mr Thursfield were early in coming to collect me from my Aunt and Uncle's home and to see Mr and Mrs Bingley off, as they stopped at Gracechurch Street before beginning their journey to Liverpool Docks. Jane and I hugged and kissed both our eyes glistening and threatening to over spill with tears of joy. "Write to me soon dearest." I whispered in her ear just before Bingley handed her into his new carriage.

My travel companions and I conversed throughout the journey about the wedding, of course, Kitty repeatedly said what a beautiful bride our eldest sister had made and I was called upon to agree, I was quite content with this until she asked me when I was going to get married, "Lizzy you are my only sister to remain single – Mary is married to the church - you are two and twenty hardly an old maid and I must have some amusement now that I am married it is my job to marry people off and since my niece is still at least fifteen years to young you will have to do."

"I thought you had given up matchmaking." I laughed to which she sent me a withering glance. However she did not let up for the whole journey until the moment that I left the carriage and entered the Darcy's who were to take me to Allcotte. It was our return there when all merriment finally ceased, the news which greeted us was certainly not good news.

* * *

Oh yeah forgot to mention this is another cliffy, sorry…

Promise I'll update soon though (before christmas) and if I don't you all have my full permission to erm... well I'll leave it up t you to think of a fitting punishment (suggestions are welcome.)


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: **Dear all, 6th December a whole 19 days before Christmas! Just as I promised I would update before _Christmas_. Thank you for all your _lovely _reviews. I even enjoy the ones that criticise _constructively_ since I know my spelling and grammar is pretty pants.

**m2: **Now you shall find out.

**Rebecca: **No not really though I did consider it.

Hopefully I may get something up in late December again. Mince Pies are always a good form of motivation, if you want work done fast. Hugs Ella xXx.

**

* * *

****Chapter 14**

"Oh Mr Darcy sir," Mrs Polson, Allcotte Abbey's housekeeper greeted him nervously at the door, "I am so glad that you are returned, Dr Faulkner is at this very moment attending to Lady Arabella she has been ill since the moment you left the house, we have been in uproar and nobody knew what to do for the best. Thank goodness you are returned sir, I hope you had a safe journey, well of course you did you're standing here in one piece, I don't know what we would do had you not returned today, I'm certain that Dr Faulkner will attend to you when he has seen Lady Arabella he has been above stairs a good half an hour already, I am glad to see you again sir." She chattered away nervously in one long breath, she was talkative at the best of times and had there not been worried creases spread across her face and her wringing hands one might well have laughed at her manners.

Mr Darcy stiffly thanked her for informing her and then handed his great coat and hat to the butler asking that Dr Faulkner be sent to his study as soon as he was finished with his examination. Then he was gone.

Left to my own devices I returned to my rooms before seeking out the children who were installed in the nursery playing contentedly, oblivious to the troubles of the household. Embracing them all and Martha too, I sat down with them informing them lessons would commence after noon, then handed over the trinkets that I had brought back with me, just bonbons and Rebus Cardsthat I had found in a toy shop on my one journey out of the house except for Jane's wedding. While they played with the cards Martha quizzed me on Jane's wedding. She was by no means an intelligent girl and very timid, but I had a fondness for the drudge of the nursery and was willing to answer her questions as best I could. Her mouth hung open in shock when I described the gown to her. "Oh Miss she mus' be quiet a gran' lady now dressed all in silk she must 'ave looked like a diamon' of the firs' water." This was probably a very apt description of Jane.

I spent the afternoon attending to the children's lessons and received no call downstairs in the evening, the house seemed oddly quiet the servants were more quiet as they went about their work as usual it was a strangely disconcerting lull. The calm before the storm, so to speak. Yet when all the servants were abed I could hear strange noises which were even more disconcerting, had I believed in ghosts I would likely have petrified myself into thinking that it was the old friar who was said to inhabit the dinning room.

Nellie the maid I had been assigned entered the next morning with a message that the master had asked to see me and would I please be in Mrs Polson's rooms promptly at nine o clock. Dressing hurriedly I breakfasted before making my way to Mrs Polson's sitting room. The upper servants were all assembled with the exception of Marie and they all wore the same intrigued expressions on their faces as they awaited Mr Darcy's appearance patiently.

He blew into the room five minutes late looking distraught, anxious and somewhat relieved all at once. After a pause of some minutes whilst he collected his thoughts he began, "As you are well aware Lady Arabella is not at her best at present, we returned to Allcotte due to concerns over her health. Yesterday, when I spoke with Dr Faulkner he confirmed that she is indeed grievously ill. He informs me that she has consumption and will not last very much longer." He said all this very steadily, his voice never broke and he seemed most calm about the whole affair, but then that was his manner was it not a cold seemingly impenetrable exterior, who knows what he felt inside? The other servants shook their heads sadly.

"Now," He continued, "She needs caring for, I have of course hired a nurse and Marie will be helping however, it is not possible for her to spend too much time with Lady Arabella, there being a high risk of her contracting the disease also. This is where your help is required. Mrs Polson, I would like you to select five other housemaids who in your experience are trustworthy and reliable girls who along with yourself and Miss Bennet, providing she agrees will also spend sometime with Lady Arabella, I know her to be a good nurse, and will also nurse her. Mrs Chamber's you will of course be required to attend your usual tasks, the children, I do not think they should be informed immediately.

"Now, Grahams," He addressed the butler, "the footmen will be required to move some objects about that the nurse has requested. Equally the house will be closed to all callers, except family should any of the family from Featherstone House call, you will not refuse them entry, the same goes for Mrs Blythe or Mrs Thursfield." Kitty seemed an odd person to admit into the house but who was I to question his choice, "John and Finch," He turned to the first footman and the steward, "Day to day running of the estate will turn to you unless a matter of great importance should arise in which case speak to me, if I am unavailable please send a letter to Master Thomas' uncle Lord Tyndale. Frasier," finally he turned to his valet, "I shall require your assistance at all times of the day and night I hope you shall be prepared for this.

"I leave this matter in your capable hands."

That was it, conducted in a most businesslike manner and for many days that was the last we saw of him.

"Now, Grahams," He addressed the butler, "the footmen will be required to move some objects about that the nurse has requested. Equally the house will be closed to all callers, except family should any of the family from Featherstone House call you will not refuse them entry, the same goes for Mrs Blythe or Mrs Thursfield," Kitty seemed an odd person to admit into the house but who was I to question his choice, "John and Finch," He turned to the first footman and the steward, "Day to day running of the estate will turn to you unless a matter of great importance should arise in which case speak to me, if I am unavailable please send a letter to Master Thomas' uncle Lord Tyndale. Frasier," finally he turned to his valet, "I shall require your assistance at all times of the day and night I hope you shall be prepared for this.

"I leave this matter in your capable hands."

That was it, conducted in a most businesslike manner and for many days that was the last we saw of him.

Mrs Polson was despite her nonsense chatter a very intelligent woman and she quickly set about re-organising the running of the household and a timetable for us to work to during the illness of their master's mother. Within the matter of only a few hours she had adapted the well run household to be equally as well run as before but accommodating to Lady Arabella's care. Along with the two nurses that had been hired in total there were eight of Allcotte's staff taking care of Lady Arabella, myself, Marie, Mrs Polson and five maids, Jemima, Ethel, Fancy, Constance and Helen. We worked six-hour shifts at the bedside every other day. My own allotted time was six in the evening till twelve o clock at night. Mrs Polson arranged it so that I would have time for breathing space between the children's lessons that were still to take place.

So it was that after morning lessons the children were turned back over to Mrs Chambers and Martha where they were taken out to play, Mr Darcy stopped accompanying them and I was infrequent in my trips outside too, for I had very little sleep in the evenings and liked to lie down after lessons. The doctor had informed us all that we were to make absolutely certain that we were all in good health and that if we were not then we were not to take care of the patient, Consumption was an infectious disease.

At six o clock I would find myself making my way to lady Arabella's chambers, I was shocked to see her at first. The last time I had seen her she had been small, insignificant and pale, now her face was flushed with fever and her eye's glazed over, her cough became more and more frequent as the days went by. The door to the room was always firmly shut, as per the Doctor Faulkner's instructions, she was wrapped in feather blankets and the fire in her room was kept constantly blazing regardless of the warm summer.

My job was less taxing than the one that the nurses had to fulfil, it was simply to keep the fire blazing and bath Lady Arabella's face if she became too hot although Dr Faulkner was of the belief that the correct cure would be to perspire the illness out of her and that fresh air would do her harm, nonetheless the task was tiring and I was often glad to hand over responsibility to Constance at the end of my shift.

Mr Darcy I had not seen, either in the house in the day or during the evenings that I spent with Lady Arabella, the other nurses had informed me that he frequently visited her ladyship at other times. I could not help but wonder if he was avoiding me which was a ridiculous conjecture on my part as if he would be concerned about me when she was ill.

Roberta was particularly fond of her governess more so that all the other people who surrounded the little girl and whom she held in affection, I was favoured to even her dear Papa. So it was that one morning during her French lesson while reciting verbs she suddenly stopped, "Je hais, tu hais il hait, elle hait, nous haïssons, vous haïssez, ils haïssent, elle haïssent, j'ai haï…Do you know what I have hated Miss Bennet, that you and Papa never play with Priscilla, Tom and I anymore Martha is not half so much fun she cannot play cricket, I wish you would come out with us this afternoon and Papa."

"En Français Mademoiselle."

"Oh Miss Bennet, please say that you and Papa will come with us this afternoon, please!"

I looked at the young child's eager face and relented, "Very well, certainly I shall come though I cannot vouch for your father."

Thus I found myself outside that afternoon and the children rejoiced when I taught poor Martha how boundaries worked and which trees we used, she promised that now she understood she would defiantly play with them in the afternoons. Until Thomas threw another one of his not infrequent tantrums after Roberta caught him out within three bowls and the girls and I left him and Martha playing battledore and shuttlecock while we picked flowers for drying and pressing. It was a bunch of sweet peas and lavender, my favourite flowers, which I took with me to Lady Arabella's room that evening and arranged in a vase she mumbled something about them smelling fragrant before sinking into sleep again.

Consumed with my occupation I had failed to hear the door click shut behind me or another person entering the room. On turning I received quite a shock to find him standing in the centre of the room perceiving me at my labour. "I beg your pardon Miss Bennet I did not mean to intrude." He turned and made his way towards the door, it made it patiently clear that he did not have any desire to be in my presence, I was not about to let that disturb me, if he wanted to see her then who was I to stop him?

He stood a moment in indecision before finally coming to take a seat on the opposite side of the bed. He silently observed her. It was disconcerting that he should be so silent. His gaze continued to follow this bed for several hours as far as I am aware, for I was about my work and really had little time to notice him. No conversation passed between us and he was allowed to carefully study her face for as long as he liked. The room was stiflingly hot, it had been an unseasonably warm day and after several hours I succumbed to bathing her face and chest in cool water, "What are you doing?" He finally asked.

"She will be uncomfortably warm and though it is not best for her fever it cannot harm her when I have not done so for several hours."

"Yet Dr Faulkner expressly said today that we were to avoid such a treatment and that she was getting no better, surely you do not think that it will be better for her do you?"

"Tell me Mr Darcy had you been ill and the weather was warm would you want your discomfort increased by such neglect?" He looked a little bashful, "No I thought not now please let me do what I think is best and if you cannot agree then I suggest you leave this room." I rebuked him sharply.

"Yes Miss Bennet." He said in a solemn manner much like that of the children when I had had to scold them for some act or another.

We lapsed into silence again this time more comfortable silence but silence nonetheless, as he continued on in his musings of Lady Arabella's face. In time I turned to study it myself, it was changed, she was no longer the stunning but icy beauty in her face that she had possessed when I first knew her, I realised now that it had been several months since I had seen her looking quite the way she once did, how had we all failed to notice that Lady Arabella was failing in health? Now she was a mere shadow of the overbearing and handsome woman she had once been, it would make anyone sad to see her now, despite her general unpopularity. I felt nothing but pity and sorrow for the woman who was in a sense a rival for the affection's of Mr Darcy, although in reality she was married to him and he did not care for me.

When the clock on the hallway struck twelve o clock Constance appeared promptly to relieve me of my watch and I left Mr Darcy still watching the silently sleeping form in the great four-poster bed taking walking towards the servants door Constance had just entered I whispered in her ear, "Lady Arabella seems a little better this evening less restless and fretful, however, I warn you to keep an eye on Mr Darcy he is acting in a most disconcerting manner."

In similarly hushed tones Constance answered my comment explaining, "Oh ma'am do not be too concerned by Mr Darcy he is always that way comes in at all times of the night silent as the friar that walks these corridors and sits down and just watches with eerie silence he don't never say nothing ma'am, you get used to it after a time, I s'pose he's just grieve her. I remember when the mistress first came here when she was fair young and it pains me now to see her this way." She then walked hurriedly over to the bed and felt Lady Arabella's forehead with a mutter of "Let us see how she seems" and seemingly content with her analysis sat down to some knitting.

After that visit to see Lady Arabella during my shift his appearance suddenly became more and more frequent until eventually every time I was sitting with our patient he always appeared to sit with her. Quite a strange occurrence I thought, he never spoke to me other than to say good evening and goodnight when I was replaced by Constance. Sometimes I was negligent in taking care of her and watched him instead ignorant of whether or not he knew I was doing so, I never spoke to him, he set the 'tone' of these visits to the patient and I was unprepared to go against his wishes. At least at first, then one evening on hearing his discontented little sigh (he had sounded very much like a little boy) I finally summoned enough courage to inquire of him what the matter was.

Watching me for several seconds before forming his reply he looked down at his lap and away from Lady Arabella before speaking, "I was wondering…" He did not elaborate on this comment just returned his steadfast gaze to the sleeping figure. Eventually he seemed to realise he had been in mid sentence and spoke to my inquiring look, "Very well, I was thinking about the first time I met her, I do not suppose that you have ever heard about our initial meeting." I refrained from making a reply. I had heard whispers about it at Christmas but was not certain that I wished for him to know that I listened to gossip.

"The first time I met Lady Arabella Featherstone was at a ball held by my Aunt and Uncle Lord and Lady Matlock, it was a ball held in honour of their youngest daughter, and my cousin Cordelia had just come out as had Lady Arabella. I had not particularly wanted to attend having returned from Cambridge because my father was very ill, however my Aunt and Delia had insisted – she and I were only two years apart in age and she had always been something of a favourite with me -- so I attended and left my father for the evening. It was there that I was introduced the belle of the season Lady Arabella Featherstone.

"I was completely enchanted by the young lady who stood so demurely before me, as may I add was half the room, and immediately I thought myself in love with her so I actually asked her to dance, that of course caused whispers even in those days I was often reticent to dance yet there I was acting in a manner you may well think more suited to Bingley than I. I danced the two sets with her and probably would have danced more had it not been for the fact that she was in great demand and she had no other set for me to single her out again so I had to be content with what little honour she could bestow on me. Honour me she most certainly did, she seemed interested, genuinely so in what I had to say, she smiled and flirted and needless to say I was lost."

I could hardly help from frowning after that comment, I did not want to hear that he admired her although I should have accepted it by this time; he was married to her for goodness sake!

"When our dance was over I sought out Cordelia and gained information from her. You have never met Delia; she was one of my greatest childhood companions much to Lady Catherine's displeasure the family once thought that I would marry her instead of Anne. She and I were very young at the time of course and I felt no affection for her other than that of a dear cousin. However it never would have come to pass even if I did, she was offered for by another Earl and her parents forced the match upon her, Delia hated it and while he was never cruel to her, she suffered bouts of depression. She died some years ago; the child she bore is weak still but survived. Anyway, Cordelia had been at school with Lady Arabella and was my cousin's greatest friend. I knew she could supply me with more information about the young lady.

"Lady Arabella Featherstone was Delia informed me, the most sought after young lady that season, she was admired for her beauty, her manners, her connections, fortune and intelligence, for these reasons she far surpassed any of the other debutants. But being so sought after brought about its problems, she had 'set her cap' Delia told me at a Duke, the Duke of Rochester to be precise. I knew of him of course, her family did not approve of the match, no self respecting family would but Lady Arabella was determined. She had a mercenary streak in her even then and was determined that she would make the best match she could within her first season. I had not a hope.

"However that did not deter me and the next morning I took Cordelia to make a call on her friend, determined to spend as much time with her as possible. I had almost forgotten that it was my father who I had come to see. She was sitting with two Ladies, her Aunt the Countess of Arden and her sister the Countess of Newlyn (who was even then just as she is now). Her aunt was a quiet woman and the young girl who I had come to call on was all that was sweet an innocent and charming she had several other gentlemen callers, including the Duke who was coldly received by Lady Arden but warmly welcomed by Lady Newlyn and Lady Arabella. Even her mercenary streak did nothing to deter me. She was such a delightful creature. She was Miss Bennet, I did not deceive myself. She was not always cold hearted and harsh, it pains me to speak ill of her but I must say she has changed.

"I returned to Cambridge my head full of her, full of hopes that she would not marry and that when I left University I would have the opportunity to make an offer for the goddess I had discovered in town, in fact I serious considered leaving Cambridge to marry her. Of course you and I both know that that was not to be. She never married that Duke, much to the relief of many people; her uncle who was head of the family in those days and refuse the suit. Lady Arabella, was sent home to Featherstone House but determined not to be thwarted accepted the first man who offered for her, the elderly Mr Robert Sutton to everyone's great delight, except perhaps her stepmother but the match seemed a happy one at first and within the matter of a few months they had a child Priscilla. In those days Lady Tyndale had been fond of her daughter by marriage, when she had married the late Lord Tyndale Arabella had been little more than a baby and Lady Tyndale took her on as her own. Unlike Augusta who had been who almost ten years older, she was already spoilt and too like her mother. Lady Arabella Featherstone inherited all the merits of the dowager and it was this I think, not only her ethereal looks which enchanted me.

"I hardly ever met her during her married state though she was frequently in town there were perhaps two occasions when I met with her out in society. I know not the particulars of her marriage, but it was certainly not a happy one the master of Allcotte was old in years and his previous wife had died childless he was desperate for an heir he probably mistreated and embarrassed her, she has never told anyone but Lady Newlyn, who at this period became her trusted confidant. It was May after my visit to Kent when I met her again. Georgiana had insisted that I attend an event hosted by Aunt Matlock. She was there as beautiful as ever and I recalled my old infatuation of her soon unwisely made myself agreeable to her and began to court her again, I did not want to but…"

Here he trailed off, from what I could make out between the lines when he returned to London following my refusal of his proposal, he had withdrawn completely, perhaps in depression – his pain was not short lived, but I always knew he was not a man who felt things by halves – and he had met his 'first love' again. I prayed that he who had 'lost hope' that I should ever accept him or see him again had tried to convince himself that he was in love with this woman. Oh if only I had received his letter! He seemed unable to continue, I reached across the huge bed that lay between us and squeezed his hand, "I understand sir, you need not tell me."

"So it was that I found myself escorting Bingley, his family several other members of my acquaintance, Georgiana, Lady Arabella and her children to Pemberley and I was engaged to her! Engaged to be married when all the time I … Well it was not until after our engagement that I began to notice the change in her, she was callous, cold, calculating and all together more mercenary than ever before, all the gaiety and charm I had once admired in her was dissipated. By then it was of course too late to change my mind, I like to think that despite my faults I remain the honourable gentleman and I would not ruin her reputation for the world, even if it was just a case of my pride forbidding it.

"You know the rest of course, I married her set off on a tour of the continent and then returned to England to find you installed in my schoolroom. And here I am now sitting with her and you and I wonder what happened to the real Lady Arabella Featherstone, what happened to her as Arabella Sutton that changed her so much? How could someone treat someone like her the way he did? She did not deserve all that she received at his feet. As her next husband I have hardly done a better job of it, I hoped I could bring her back she would at least be some comfort to me but she was too old and set in her ways by then. I grieve for her Elizabeth."

That was the end of his story he filled in the blanks of the middle of his story what had occurred in the interim of our acquaintance that had induce him to marry her. Did he love her? Did he not? That was what I could not understand. He grieved for her, so he had been in love with her former self the way in which he described her she sounded as though one could not help but love her. Why should I be jealous? We neither of us had his love and admiration now. Lady Arabella was not my rival but my contemporary. With renewed compassion for the woman who for many months I had hated I set about work again.

After that day he and I frequently talked during the period in which I took care of Lady Arabella. Some days he was silent but usually we would talk of nonsense in general or he brought a book to read to ostensibly Lady Arabella but by this time she was conscious of very little. He did not select particularly taxing material but he patiently ploughed his way through several novels while wondering what kind of person read this type of rubbish it was little wonder that young ladies were so stupid if the heroines they admired were so too. "I shall be having words with Henriette and Georgiana about the books they are reading." He declared with a frown.

Day by day we could all perceive that the Lady of the house was failing, it was more disturbing to watch than Mamma even. In early August Dr Faulkner sadly shook his head and said that he did not think that treatment was working, it was the other maids who suggested that we try more traditional treatments, and we tried everything that we knew. Lady Arabella was forced to drink garlic and dogs fat, inhale the smoke from burning cow dung and have seaweed place under her bed as per Dr Laennec's theories.**1 **

It was the same day that this decision was reached that Mr Darcy's conversation took a serious bent again. Until this point he had refrained from telling Priscilla, Roberta and Thomas that their mother was ill, he had I suppose had some hope that she would recover, now we all seemed to be loosing hope and he realised that it was imperative that he tell the children that their mother was dying, "I should have told them of this when Dr Faulkner first told me, instead I have kept them ignorant and now there is little time left for them."

"Perhaps it would have been wiser to tell them when we first knew but Dr Faulkner indicated that there was some chance of recovery you did not wish to disturb them unduly, we can all look at occurrences in the past that we wish we had handled differently in retrospect."

"It concerns me that you should be so accommodating madam. Normally you delight in disagreeing."

"Certainly but this you must agree is a most serious matter and not the correct time for me to tease."

"Just how am I to break the news to them that their mother is to die they are too young to understand and yet too old to be completely ignorant of the circumstance, it pains me to have to tell them. They idolise her you know?"

"Not as much as they adore you sir. They shall understand though it will take more time for them to accept. It is sad to say so but children loose their parents' everyday it is a sad fact but it will always be that way. Why both you and I are orphans and Georgiana was only a young girl when your father passed on, she learnt to cope."

"I suspect you are right, still I am uncomfortable telling them the news, I do not know how it is best to go about telling a child such a thing."

"Did you not tell Georgiana when your father was ill? Surely she would have some advice on how the matter is best dealt with."

"She did not react well when I informed her, no doubt I shall make more of a mess this time." He frowned thoughtfully.

"I sincerely doubt that any child would take the news well that their parent is to die. Perhaps if Lord Tyndale were to aid you and Georgiana it would be better for them." I replied after several minutes of thought.

"Perhaps, he and I shall share their guardianship so no doubt as their uncle he has as much right to tell them as I, if not more."

His interview with the children was held in the nursery, a familiar environment to the dears, I have no idea what was said in that room but judging by the reaction of the children after the event the discussion was dealt with well, in their lessons they were downcast but not beyond consolation, I was careful with them during those remaining days not over taxing but keeping their little minds occupied. They were not overly close to their mother, Priscilla idolised her but was held at a distance and though she imitated her mother I had never seen any further display of affection towards her. Roberta, adored everyone she knew but her mother was a woman that she hardly ever saw, it was unlikely she would feel more than common distress. Thomas had been eager for his mother's attention originally however as time passed he began to recognise that she was unprepared to give it to him and soon lost interest in her. This behaviour in her in the earlier stages of our acquaintance had led to my scorn. Following the description of her previous life with Mr Sutton, I understood that perhaps association with her children caused unpleasant memories and though I still could not condone her actions I understood them better.

For a fortnight those of us who had been assigned the position of nurse to Lady Arabella worked tirelessly to take care of the fading patient. With renewed interest I prayed daily that she would survive, and with long standing affection for the young mistress the others were determined to keep her alive, they had known her in her young and gay days and whereas in Derbyshire or Town she would not have received the same attentive solicitation she certainly found it here. We were of course aware that there was little room for hope, she was not strong, she would not recover and the remedies now being subscribed to her were not the sort that were renowned for working successfully, they were more like traditional rumours that had had infrequent success and were now being employed by Dr Faulkner out of sheer desperation rather than professional dependence.

Mr Darcy during this time, I think the poor man hardly slept, whenever I entered the sickroom he was there and whenever I left the sickroom he was still there. There were dark circle under his eyes that looked as if they had take up permanent residence there, I wondered if he ever slept or did he now spend every living minute in that room. If it had been my place I would have spoken with Dr Faulkner and have him tell Mr Darcy it was bad for his own health. Apparently though with renewed affection for Lady Arabella he chose not to leave her chambers but keep his guard over her enduringly.

And Georgiana? Where was she during this period of premature mourning? Well her brother had removed her from the house and she had been sent over to Featherstone House with Henriette, Kitty and Mrs Blythe for company. She and her sister had never been what one could describe as close; Georgiana just existed as a necessary fixture in the family as Darcy's sister. However, she was as much taken advantage of as everything else. Lady Arabella was never unkind but neither was she particularly encouraging, the season in town for example, had been focused on Henriette's courtship of Lord Meriden that was not to say that Georgiana's suitors had been neglected, she was just as careful to manipulate, after all family connections were everything to that lady. Georgiana had of course been distressed by the news and that was part of the reason for her removal, everyone felt that she would be best at dealing with the situation if she was not present.

She and the other family members at Featherstone visited regularly, almost daily the Lady Tyndale was constantly in tears sobbing over the fate of her poor dear girl. After all this was the woman who for ten years had not been on happy terms with her daughter, there was a certain amount of guilt attached to her grief along with the affection for her adopted child that had never quite burnt out. Even Henriette and Lord Tyndale who frequently made sport of the elder sister's behaviour were sobered and sombre. Lord Tyndale once reflected on his relationship with Arabella when they were children, his rapport with the older sister had been far stronger than it had with the baby sister Henriette who he told was a little pain who followed them everywhere determinedly and wanted to know everything.

Kitty and Mr Thursfield also visited her, the Thursfields had been long term friends of Featherstone family and Jonathan and his brothers and sisters had been frequently in company with the young Featherstone children in their earlier years, it was with a great deal of now dissipated affection that he too returned to sit by her bedside and read to her, from the bible. Lady Arabella had begged that he be the one to do so as opposed to the elder man who her late husband had given the position to.

It was a great tragedy, I thought that it was this event that had healed so many years of discontent within the family, and so much time had been wasted. Only now with the impending death of the member who had sparked this unfortunate circumstance and her own apparent repentance that was fixing the breach, that was leading to the forgiveness of all those people who loved her. It was bittersweet, that while she was learning to regret her actions openly that there would be little time left for her in this life and that the reconciliation was soon to be disturbed. Her own family who for many years had been practically estranged from her, her childhood friends too. Even I was learning to see her in a different light. The woman who months ago I could barely pity, I now felt like I could cry for and I regretted every moment that I had envied her.

Eventually the time came that we now all dreaded. She had seemed a little better that day and everyone who had visited had left promising that they would return tomorrow to visit again. Mr Darcy had slipped out of the room for a few moments, the nurse was seeing to something and I was left alone with her, I was reading _The Wanderer _aloud to her, she had just woken up. In the space of only a few moments her temperature suddenly fluctuated and when I looked up her face was dangerously flushed, I made to cool it down with the cloth but she held up her hand and stopped me. She weakly indicated that I should continue reading however I refused and carefully went about trying to tend to her and ensure her comfort. "Miss … Bennet I … I must beg … your forgive…ness."

"No.." I began, truly she did not need my forgiveness, for I understood her motivation at the very least now and I felt a certain sympathy for her plight during the period she had been the wife of Robert Sutton.

"I must."

"Truly your Ladyship there is no need for any."

"But there … there is. I have … been cru … cruel … to you during your … time as my children's … governess. … Never one … once have … I expr … expressed how grateful, I am to you … you have done an … an excel … excellent … job … and I must have you know … that … that … I am … very … thankful … for them … having had you … perhaps … they will learn what I … nev … never … did … that you are an … amazing young … woman … and that … your lack of connections … and … fortune … mean … nothing … to how goo … good a per … person is. I wish … that I had … not judged you … for it … nor been so jealous … of you."

"Why?" I knew I should not over excerpt her but I could not refrain from asking.

"The relationship … between you … you and … my husband…"

"Your Ladyship," I said my indignation returning once again, "There has never been a relationship between your husband and I beyond that of common and indifferent acquaintances, there has never been the slightest hint of impropriety I am not his…"

"No … you miss … mistake my … my meaning … I envy you … he admires ... you … I could never do that … ex … excite his admiration … I married him … for … for all … the … wrong … reasons ... but there … there … were times … I want … wanted to be … a good … good wife … to him … it was … I didn't … know how … I could … not … trust him."

I felt another swell of sympathy. I knew why she had married him, for position, not fortune but because she would succeed in conquering the unconquerable Fitzwilliam Darcy if she accepted. It was certainly misguided. However there was more to the discord of their marriage than that. She could not bring herself to trust either herself or him following her disastrous marriage. Who could blame her? Who could blame her for having been difficult during their marriage? She should never have married Mr Darcy and though realisation of her errors had come too late at least she did repent and truly I believed that she did repent her actions. I squeezed the perspiring hand that had slipped between me to convey my forgiveness and support to the dying woman and to tell her there was no need for further talk, she should conserve her energy.

Only a few minutes later Mr Darcy repaired to the room his face on perceiving Lady Arabella immediately awash with anxiety, "Good God what is wrong with her?" He rushed to her side although he did not take her hand in his but looked on anxiously. "She is not well."

"Of course … I am not … well … for good… goodness sake Darcy … I am dying." She said with just a small hint of wryness in her voice – I was amazed that she could see the humour in this of all things -, instead of the coldness that had formerly ruled her voice.

"Do not say such things, Dr Faulkner still says you may recover yet." He announced firmly, I felt as though I were intruding on an intimate moment and ought not be in the room at all.

"What … what rubbish you … do talk … I … know … that … I … am dying … that … there … is … not much … time… left for … me … in … this … life … I … just … want … you … to … know … that … I am … sorry for … for not … be … being … a better … wife … to you … and a … better … mother … to my … children … and … a bet …better … person … I am … sorry." She sobbed between breathless rasps. She never spoke again after that, but fell into a restless slumber.

I continued to sit with her throughout the night and even when Constance arrived to take over her duties both Mr Darcy and I chose to remain by her side. She tossed her head restlessly and then was still as could be, her breath coming short and fast in painful struggle that echoed around the whole room. I cannot quite describe the noise, it was terrifying but I could not leave her, neither could my other three companions. We all sat around the state bed that she lay in huddled up in feather coverlets and blankets still our eyes permanently focused upon the silent and then restless body of Lady Arabella that lay in it in her remote borderland between life and death.

Finally she succumbed to her fight for life and at fourteen minutes past three on the morning of the eleventh of August, Lady Arabella Narcissia Zenobia Darcy drew her very last breath on this earth, as Constance noted in the aftermath only a few days before her wedding anniversary to the master (by this she was referring to Mr Sutton.) For several moments we all watched our own breaths similarly still clinging to the hope that more would soon follow. However it was not to be and Constance, her faithful servant leaned over eventually and closed her eyelids for the last time. The great lady herself was dead of a consumption at the age of only twenty eight what a great pity it was.

In the words of Mamma, _what was to become of us all?_

* * *

**1) **Dr Laennec was a Frenchman who invented the stethoscope but also observed that people who lived near the sea caught TB far less that anyone else. So he thought that the seaweed would help cure people. All other treatments mentioned were used particularly pre 1800 before the air tight room Dr Faulkner first used became a form of treatment. All information about treatment of TB comes from: www.lung.ca


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: **First off sorry to everyone for keeping you waiting, one my school work has been bogging me under of late and two I've been in hospital, I didn't have an opportunity to post. None the less here it is only about two months later than I promised, chapter 15.

**Chapter 15 **

What followed this event happened in rather fast succession though at the time none of us seemed to notice this. As Constance, her faithful servant leaned over eventually and closed her eyelids for the last time we collectively sighed, our eyes remained fixed on the silent body. Constance took me by the arm and led me out of the room followed by the nurse allowing Mr Darcy some time with her. She did not say a word to me but sighed intermittently.

Darcy was not long in the room with her. He joined us within only a minute or so of our departure, he looked his usual controlled self, sometimes it was incredibly aggravating that he could be so hard to read. He was silent except for suggesting that we return to our rooms as there was nothing further either Constance or I could do that night. He had to send word to Featherstone House and Lord and Lady Newlyn. So I found myself lying in my rooms staring up at the ceiling, tears occasionally blurring my vision completely.

Martha, Mrs Chambers and I were sent to his study the next morning with the children. Georgiana and Lord Tyndale were with him, he explained as best he could that their mother had passed on in the night. They took the news as was to be expected. There were of course tears but very few Priscilla seemed to understand what had happened more clearly than either Roberta or Thomas, she cried fewer tears than her sister but more than Thomas. They became subdued though not worryingly so and apparently forgot what had happened by the time we were removed to Featherstone House a few days later.

They were not to be blamed for this apparent indifference to their mother's passing on. After all, despite being affectionate children, for the most part, they had not spent a great deal of time with Lady Arabella; she was just a figure in their life who paid them little to no mind, for her own painful reasons. There were other people in their lives who had spent more time with them. One might almost suspect they would have been more disturbed had it been Mrs Chambers who was equally harsh to them but at least a feature in their every day lives.

Over at Featherstone we were removed from the morbid bustle of Allcotte Abbey and my little wards came into daily contact with their loving Grandmamma, their doting uncle and Henriette, who was at least a figure of some constancy in their life having been a fairly frequent visitor in their school room in town. She was not particularly affectionate towards the children, seeing them as somewhat spoilt, but she had never been unkind to them. Now she was as solicitous as her mother was to them. Henriette herself seemed downcast too.

For several days she spoke hardly a word, shocking for a girl who possessed her frankness of character. Eventually in a quiet moment I took her aside and inquired after her, "I ought not to have been so cruel to her." She explained twisting her skirts in her hand in a childish action, "I never liked her particularly you see, even before she changed, I used to be jealous of her, Francis always wanted to spend all his time with her instead of me and as his real sister I felt that I had greater claim to his time and attention. They saw me as something of an annoyance you see, since I was ten years younger than Arabella. She was never unkind to me you must understand that, but I can recall numerous occasions where I had claimed to hate her in furious rages.

"So when she married Mr Sutton and began to change into Augusta I had even less sympathy and simply rejoiced that Francis, when he was at home had more time for me. Then when everyone in this house lost patients with her it seemed that I could be more open with my opinions and I suppose that I encouraged everyone else to detest her and say things about her that none of us should, after all she was family.

"You see Lizzy I deserve no sympathy for she had more of a heart than me anyway. I wish that I had had more time for her." She finished shaking her head sadly.

I looked at her remembering my own home life. I had lived in a household full of favouritism where some of my sisters had been overlooked and ignored and how, particularly when we were younger we had clamoured and fought for the affection of our parents, it was a different situation but I remember there was a time when Kitty was almost constantly in tears, either because she was ignored or she had been up to some mischief for attention or because she wanted to get one of us into trouble too. I told her about this, "And just look at how well she has turned out, no one who ever saw her now would even suggest that she is cruel and heartless, and her jealousy led her to be very spiteful, why I can remember one occasion where she got me into such trouble that our housekeeper Mrs Hill locked me in the coal shed and I missed my supper."

"But I cannot help but wish I had been kinder towards her, she was my sister."

"Henriette dear you shall not go to hell for disliking a dead person, believe me. Besides you have learnt to repent, however," I teased a little, "Jonathan will be much more capable of assuring you on this point, if you are still concerned."

A small smile escaped her lips at this and my words seemed to have calmed her down a little. Though of course no one was in the best of spirits, everyone felt some guilt over the manner in which they had treated her in recent years, and everyone mourned the loss of not only the woman she had once been but also their sister, daughter, mother and cousin. The children's lessons continued throughout all this, it was felt it would be best they had some continuity in their lives especially at this time of upheaval, which was about to become, much worse.

From Allcotte, there was no definite word as to what was happening, except some whispers. Darcy still remained there, organising the estate and Lady Arabella's funeral. Lord Tyndale was a daily visitor there aiding him with the planning, he did not reveal to any of us exactly what was happening but occasionally mentioned something on passing conversation.

The was one huge debate however, we were all clearly aware of and that was the matter of where Lady Arabella would be laid to rest, after all there were several options available, each with their own merits and negatives and nothing definite could be decided. Whether Pemberley or Allcotte or even Featherstone House was the wisest choice caused a great deal of discomfort and worry.

Pemberley, for example was the home of Mr Darcy so it seemed reasonable that she should be buried there, it was officially her home and where people would expect her to be buried. However, it was a great distance to Pemberley, almost a weeks worth of travelling and this was defiantly unfavourable. Coupled with this argument was the fact that Lady Arabella, for some inexplicable reason had been not very fond of Pemberley and even more strangely had a long held preference for Allcotte Abbey, despite what I imagined brought back unpleasant recollections, perhaps it was because it was so close to her childhood home, where she had been by all accounts very happy and comfortable.

Then there was Allcotte, Thomas, her son was master of the house, in name at least for he was too young to have full control of the estate. It seemed only respectable that she should be buried at the home of her son and heir it was a direct family link too. However, she had never been particularly happy there, surely she would not approve of that as her final resting place, even if she had shown a preference for the place. Besides which technically Allcotte Abbey was no longer her home and it would look odd to the rest of society – strange how everything always came back to what they would think of our actions.

Or there was her childhood home of Featherstone House, which had merit too. Perhaps the place she had lived the happiest times of her life, it was close to Allcotte and although it was not her official place of residence either, I think that all her family were in agreement that this was probably the most suitable of the three places for her grave to be place. Lady Newlyn who had travelled down was actually in favour of town she thought St Paul's sufficiently suitable. Despite it's deficiency in silver and gold.

So there it was the funeral for Lady Arabella took place at Featherstone House, her parental home, she was laid next to her mother and father with an inscription describing her life. It seemed to finalise everything but little did I know that there was greater upheaval to come for me and the children.

It started one afternoon when Kitty came to call, it was infrequent since she was heavy with child by late August we were taking tea with Henriette and her mother when their butler entered and asked that Kitty and I go to the master's library as he wished to speak with me. I was surprised by this request, he and I had avoided one another during the duration of my stay. When I entered he looked less serious than Mr Darcy had on the few occasions that I had been asked to enter before. He was smiling though tentatively and he stood offering me a seat and a cup of tea to both of us. "Now then, I suppose that you are wondering why I have asked you to come here?"

"Yes my Lord, I must admit to being more than a little puzzled."

"Well now, just let me talk for a few minutes and I hope that it will explain all." He said with a slightly more solemn face, "I have been speaking with Darcy, about the future of my nieces and nephews. As you know we have been left as joint guardians of the children, since their mother has died we feel in their best interest that they now go to school. Consequently we will no longer require your services."

Kitty's hand reach out and squeezed mine. Lord Tyndale continued talking. However, I failed to listen to what he was saying, all I could think about was that I had to leave this house and my children (I had come to think of them as such) and I could only assume it was because they were displeased with me in someway. What had I done wrong, I was aware that I had made mistakes but I had not thought them to be as detrimental as this action implied, I had taught them well and Darcy had always said that he was pleased with the work I was doing with them. Surely they could not just dismiss me in such an unceremonious manner. Furthermore why was he not here to tell me of his decision, was he avoiding me or could he simply not be bothered with me anymore, after all I had done for not only his children but Lady Arabella too, apparently the old Mr Darcy had returned and he had no though for anyone but himself anymore. Surely he was not that distraught by Lady Arabella's death that he could not face company.

Again my irrational response caused me to behave in a ridiculous manner. I did not stop to consider that sending the children to school was what would be accepted in most circumstances after children's mothers passed away, particularly when their father was not their natural father. It did not occur to me that it might not be displeasure with my work that had led to this step. Before I could hold my tongue the words "What have I done wrong?" tumbled unceremoniously out of my mouth.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Lizzy have you not been listening to a word that Lord Tyndale had been saying to you these past five minutes?" Kitty scolded me.

I shamefacedly shook my head agreeing that no I had not and Lord Tyndale began to explain once again for my benefit. "It is not you we are displeased with Miss Bennet, everyone I know appreciates you, the children, Henriette, my mother, your sister, Darcy. However, it is not appropriate for the children to stay with either of us and it seems more suitable to send them off to school. Priscilla and Roberta will be sent to Miss Pamela Grey's Selective Seminary for Young Ladies, it has a very good reputation you know. My nephew is as you are perfectly aware too young to be sent to the School of Excess," By this he meant Eton, "at only five. However, we have been able to procure a position for him at another school for young boys.

I was glad to hear that they were being well looked out for although I was not sure about the seminary plan.

"As for you, Darcy would not see you go without ensuring you were well provided for, he had left you all the rest of the year's earnings and also found you another position. With a family in Wales, Colonel and Mrs Llewellyn have six children, five of whom are of the governess age. He is a retired officer and the younger brother of a friend of the late Mr Darcy. They expect you in the second week of September should you accept the position, I hope that you find these arrangement suitable to your wishes, we should probably have spoken with you first."

He finished speaking and I felt my mouth hang open in shock, now I was completely incapable of speech. I might be leaving, and I might not have been informed of it until now but it was some small consolation to know that I had at least been provided for. Still I sat there unable to speak for shock, I really had not been expecting to leave, and actually I do not know what I had been expecting if the truth be told but certainly it was not this. After sitting in the same position for several minutes, Kitty squeezed my hand and spoke again, "Lizzy are you alright?"

"Yes," I shook myself, "yes, I am quite well just a little shocked."

"I hope you do not mind having to leave the children, I know you are fond of them." Lord Tyndale added.

"Well, no doubt I shall miss them but if they are to go then it seems that I must leave too. But thank you for at least finding me another position."

"Lizzy, you do not have to go you know, you can stay at the cottage with Jonathan and I, you would be a great help when the baby is born."

"No Kitty I cannot impose upon you in such a manner, I will go to Wales to work for the Llewellyn's." I said with conviction.

"Lizzy you are too stubborn for your own good do you know that." She cried with exasperation.

"I might remind you that it is my choice." I said my voice slightly thick.

"I am perfectly aware of that, how about Jane will you not go and live at Ashton Magna with her and Bingley, perhaps you would feel more comfortable there." She suggested with a hopeful look on her face.

"No this is my final decision."

"Miss Bennet this by no means has to be your final decision it is merely an idea and you need not give us your answer today. How about if we were to give you to the end of the week to think about our proposal and then you can be absolutely certain that this is what you want."

I was about to object when Kitty cut in, "That is very good of you Lord Tyndale." She said with a smile and that was the end of the meeting.

Kitty was not the only one who opposed the plan of Wales; Henriette loudly argued against the suggestion of not only my going but also the children going she could not understand why they should not be permitted to stay at Featherstone House with their aunt and uncle and if not here then why not with Lady Newlyn. They spent the week pleading and bullying me by turns and tried to involve others in their schemes, Kitty even succeeded in having Jonathan talk to me and tell me that I need never feel unwelcome in the house. Even Lady Tyndale and spoke to me on Kitty's behalf, she even went so far as to say she would talk to Francis and beg him to reconsider sending the children to school, she claimed Thomas was far too young.

All this, however flattering it might have been for my vanity did not succeed in swaying my resolve and by the end of the week I still declared that I would go to Wales and the children would go to school. I was not going to oppose their guardians decisions but my own pride would not allow me to stay with either Kitty or Jane in just the same way as I would not live my Aunt and Uncle Gardiner after the six month period of mourning for Papa, Mamma and Lydia was over and Kitty was married. Kitty was probably not wrong in her assessment of my character, I was too stubborn for my own good.

So it was that only a week later having bid a tearful farewell to Priscilla, Roberta, Thomas and Martha in the nursery the evening before and again that morning when Henriette, Kitty and the other family members at Featherstone came to see me off I set off on the long road to Wales in a carriage, that Henriette had insisted I have use of, instead of travelling by post accompanied by two men servants, like the grand lady that I was not. I cried almost all the first day of the journey sad to be leaving the life I had built behind me, sad to be leaving my orphaned children and all my friends and family in Somersetshire. If I was wholly truthful with myself I was most sad to be leaving Mr Darcy above all else – he was after all the man that I loved and the man whose love I could never earn again, these past few weeks had shown me that. Even though I had not always thought it he had shown great compassion to Lady Arabella during her last illness and that if nothing else was a clear indicator that he did love her.

As the days of my journey slipped away my melancholy began to fade, not completely but certainly sufficiently to push to the back of my mind. Travelling this part of the country was a new experience for me and there was plenty to hold my interest. Wales had beautiful countryside and plenty of sheep that I took note of. Anglesey was at one of the furthest points of Wales and that was my destination.

Situated between the small towns of Newborough and Abeffraw was the small village – which was more like a hamlet - of Cae Gwenard, just a few minutes outside the village was the self sufficient estate of Cresocartref House owned by Colonel and Mrs Llewellyn. It was a small estate built in the style of Beau Nash, though it had been built only seventeen years previously when Colonel Llewellyn had retired from the army due to an injury and built the house using his wife's dowry. It had a dairy, laundry, brewery, salting house, services courtyard and a home farm, along with six children.

Five of those six children were my business there. The eldest Eleanor at eighteen was too old to require such a person. The other five were a motley bunch. Isabella was nearly sixteen and very much like me in character. Then there was Nancy she was fourteen and was of the opinion that she knew everything. Harriet was a year younger than Nancy; she was insipid and sickly and followed the lead of Laura the youngest of the daughters at eleven who was almost wild and unmanageable. Nancy and Harriet who were so much like Mary and Kitty, that they garnered a lot of my attention, though Laura and Michael often caused a distraction. Laura would forever be a silly young girl, for as long as her mother continued to spoil her and her father continued to ignore the fifth daughter. I found it odd how like my own sisters these girls were.

The same applied to Michael the youngest child a little boy of eight years old. But unlike Laura his case was harder, as he had the support of both parents being the youngest and the heir he was treated with extra special care. Spoilt by his mother, being the long awaited successor he was one of the most troublesome children to ever walk this earth, forever up to some lark or another and unable to sit still. He was clever though, he demanded to know everything it was just a pity he could not concentrate long enough to listen to explanations.

However troublesome Michael might have been to me it was worth the effort, I loved it at Cresocartref House. It was very similar to my own childhood at Longbourn, the house was much the same size, the inhabitants surprisingly similar in manner, Colonel Llewellyn spending all his time in the library and Mrs Llewellyn fluttering and nervous, though not quite so bad as my own mother, she had less to worry about. The daughters so like replicas of my own sisters, it was uncanny. It was like coming home. I was so accepted within the family, much more so that when I had worked for the Sutton children. Lady Arabella had refused to condone such an action and I had been uncomfortable with it anyway, but now I was a nightly inhabitant of the drawing room with the women of the house or even out to the monthly assemblies where I became a companion for Eleanor. Truly it was almost as if I stopped being a servant and became a family member.

Mrs Llewellyn did not seem to consider her governess as a threat to her daughter's chances of matrimony. She bustled into the school room one afternoon, "Oh Belle, have you heard? Your Aunt Bagot has invited us to dine on Thursday _and _the Marques of Gower has accepted an invitation on behalf of himself and his hunting party! Oh where is Eleanor? Nora! Eleanor! Come here child, you must wear your pink gown this evening and Isabella you are to wear your plum one." The girls rolled their eyes apparently not surprised that their mother blatant attempt at match making.

She returned glowing from the dinner party, the Marquess' friend Mr Randal had shown a great deal of interest in Eleanor. During our break from classes the next morning Eleanor entered the school room to tell us that their aunt and cousins had come to visit. Isabella rolled her eyes. Mrs Bagot, Melissa and Lavinia were ridiculous. Mrs Bagot was the much younger sister of the Colonel who was now in his sixties. She had two boys in their late twenties and the two daughters who were about my own age and were as Mrs Llewellyn often said, "The plainest girls I have ever seen." They were stupid to boot and enjoyed nothing better than hearing all the latest gossip which was more often that not to be supplied by their aunt and mother. In short Lavinia and Melissa were most certainly, unquestionably the most stupid girls in the country.

When we joined them in the sitting room Mrs Llewellyn had taken charge of the conversation her handkerchief was flapping madly about in the air and her cap was falling off her head held on by only one pin and was swinging about this way and that as her head moved from side to side in time to her excited chatter as she looked at each of her guests. He cheeks were flushed and if I had been meeting her for the first time then I would certainly have though that she had escaped from Bedlam. "Oh and Amelia he had eight thousand a year! Only imagine eight thousand pounds and very likely more! Just think of the pin money, the jewels, the fine carriages and the clothes you could afford with that! Why you would live like a queen."

"Aye, my dear, Cynthia that most certainly is a generous portion." Mrs Bagot agreed nodding her head like a donkey.

"And you know he is such a handsome man. I think it very very likely that he has taken a fancy to my dear, dear Eleanor for you know she is by far the most handsome girl in the district. I do not like to boast of my own children, but everybody says so." She said looking to first her sister for agreement and then too her rather plain nieces with a pointed look.

"He singled Eleanor out you know." Here Mrs Bagot looked particularly sour for it was a well known fact that her youngest son had formed an attachment to Eleanor and Mrs Llewellyn did everything in her power to prevent the match. "Spoke with her all evening and played cards with her, he selected her as his particular partner you know. They made such a handsome pair together and they played very well. I have always said that those who partner well in cards also make excellent partners in marriage."

"What do you know of his estate my dear?"

"The Randal _estates_ you mean? Well my dear Colonel Llewellyn knew his Uncle and the Colonel visited there on several occasions on hunting parties with our other brother, do you remember, you must have been quite young at the time? My dear Colonel tells me that they are incredibly grand, and Dresden Manor is much larger than your estate and as I said a clear eight thousand pounds a year. The grounds are very extensive." Here she popped a petite four into her mouth.

Isabella had pressed her hand to her mouth, clearly amused by the fact that her mother was telling her aunt of activities that the Colonel had partaken in before she even knew him, when his sister defiantly did. I frowned at her slightly although she did not need it for she was clearly aware that laughing in public was not the done thing. I could not help a little roll of my eyes in her direction either, for it was quite an amusing sight to see.

"You know Amelia he certainly did admire my Eleanor, but then so does everyone. Do you think that it shall come to anything? Oh if only we could go to town, but you know the Colonel he is so cruel and refuses to take us claiming his bad leg will not let him and he will not go to Bath either for he says that Bath is for people with gout. Oh he is so cruel to the girls!"

"Travelling must be difficult for Henry's leg Cynthia." Mrs Bagot muttered.

"How odd," Mrs Llewellyn continued apparently oblivious to her companions words, "to think that one of my girls should be married before one of yours, I always thought Melissa would be married first of all being the eldest and then Lavinia is a full four years older that my Nora. Who would have thought it? Particularly as my girls do not have much of a dowry to speak of, I do wish that when Colonel Llewellyn built the estate he had made it bigger, I do not understand him you know."

"Clearly." Mrs Bagot responded.

"You know I fancy Mr Randal will offer for Eleanor, you know. He is just the right side of five and thirty I hear and no doubt he will want a wife as he probably feels the need for some female companionship. Heirs as well, every man with an estate wants an heir, but then you must know that. How very lucky you were to have had two sons straight away Amelia dear, only think it took us six tries before we got our son."

"Yes it must have been hard on your figure." Mrs Bagot said with a triumphant smile in plump Mrs Llewellyn's direction while her hand's smoothed down the front of her trim figure.

"Think of the trousseau Eleanor will need as well. Colonel will have to allow me to take her to town to purchase the wedding clothes. Belle had better be allowed too for I think she will be thrown into the path of other rich men and they will take a fancy to her I am sure, though the Marquess did not take fancy to her. We have such good connections already that they cannot care that we do not have much in the way of a dowry to give her. Still she is a very pretty girl, though not as good looking as Nora but then very few are her equal, you would have to agree would you not Amelia."

Mrs Bagot agreed though there was distinct jealousy in her words.

"At least the girls have something in the way of a dowry. You know I am so glad that we only had the one son after all, how would the Colonel and I have provided for another and lest your Andrew will have the living his father can bestow upon him, it is always such a pity for younger sons I think. If Colonel Llewellyn had been your eldest brother only think of the house we would have lived in and there would have been none of this worry of an entail I dare say. Not that that matters of course now that I have had my dear dear Michael."

"Yes you were very lucky to have had Michael for I fear that had you not you would have lost Cresocartref." Mrs Bagot returned somewhat bitterly.

"Oh my dear Amelia," Mrs Llewellyn faked remorse, "I am so sorry you must think me the most inconsiderate creature yes you must for Michael has deprived your dear Andrew of a proper inheritance. How very cruel you must think me. But I must confess to being glad for Andrew would have turned us out to starve in the hedgerows."

"He most certainly would not Cynthia, for Andrew is a very kind hearted and generous boy." She said this with a pointed look in Eleanor's direction who was by now, poor soul, blushing with an intensity rarely seen.

"Do you think that Eleanor ought to marry in white satin, white becomes her so well and what colour trimmings do you think Amelia? Why certainly pink yes what do you think?"

Eleanor rose to leave the room in mortification at her mother and was hastily followed by Isabella and I, just as the conversation of the elders turned again and Mrs Bagot said with increased spite, "Only pray do ensure that if Belle stands up with her sister that she does not wear plum for the Marquess did not favour her in that at all." Isabella only shook her head and laughed after only the slightest of hesitations. For the Marquess had refused the evening before to partner her in cards when it had been suggested, her mother was outraged, Isabella seemingly unaffected and only Eleanor had a good word to say for him claiming that on the few occasion she had met Anglesey's most exalted resident he had been perfectly amiable and perhaps that evening he just did not care fore cards.

Only a few days later when returning from a walk to Gwalchgwyn's Point we found two unexpected arrivals at the house, the Marquess of Gower and his friend Mr Randal were in the hallway speaking with the housekeeper asking to see Miss Llewellyn. Eleanor blushed prettily and was about to reply when Mrs Llewellyn bustled out of the sitting room and shoed the younger girls and I away upstairs so that Eleanor could speak with Mr Randal alone.

"_Who_ was that?" Laura demanded as soon as the door had shut behind the surprise guest.

"Were you not paying attention you goose?" Isabella said with a hint of scorn, "That was Mamma's Mr Randal." I noticed that she did not choose to refer to him as Eleanor's which I took to be a sure sign she would not marry him and still preferred her 'penniless' cousin Andrew Bagot.

"I don't care who he is." Harriet continued, "He's fearful handsome, don't you think?" Her eyes danced merrily as I cleared my throat to silence her unladylike outburst, this girl was a mere thirteen.

"He might be if I knew who he was. Is he rich Miss Bennet?" Laura persisted.

"Honestly Laura do you not pay the slightest bit of attention to anything anyone says unless it is about bonnets and muslins?" Isabella asked tartly, "You must have more hair than wit, for if you had listened then you would know that he is the friend of the Marquess and I sincerely doubt that if he had no money or connections the Marquess would have anything to do with him"

"So he is rich?" Harriet asked uncertainly.

"Hattie of course he is." Isabella rolled her eyes.

"How rich is Mr Randal?" Laura asked, "Does he have at least five thousand a year? If he does then I shall set my cap at him!"

"Isn't he the one that Mama said is the right side of five and thirty?" Harriet asked, "That means he is nearly… twice Eleanor's age!"

"Certainly too old for Laura, why she is still leading strings!" Isabella looked half scandalized and half amused by her sisters.

"And you're not even really out yet Belle." Laura stuck her tongue out in spite and Isabella suck her nose up in the air.

"Do you think," Harriet began dreamily, "That he'll stay for dinner?"

Listening to the girls gently tease one another I realised that leaving the Sutton children, however dear they were to me was the best thing that could have happened to me. With the family I had always been walking on eggshells living in fear that to anger Mr Darcy would earn my dismissal even though he was not an ill tempered man when I considered our history… that was something that always hung over us, particularly following my own revelation of having feelings for him when he was married. Henriette and Georgiana were dear friends and they always would be and that I could not regret about my time with the family. But I could freely admit now that I was by no means as happy as I convinced myself that I was. Here I could be myself without fear of revealing feelings that ought not be possessed. Though I will not deny that I missed him in a sense I was glad to be almost free from him too.


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note:** After a series of lovely PMs from some of you guys I have decided to resurrect this story from it's depths and finish it off gasp. Yes despite what I have said to some of you I realised that not continuing was an unfair punishment to everybody. Anyway there are just 4 chapters left and you can nag me to the end of the earth if I don't post weekly. Hope you enjoy, if you haven't lost patients with me completely. Hugs, Ella xXx

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Chapter 16

In mid November, after I had been at Cresocartref House only a little over three months, Jane sent a letter insisting that all the family would be in attendance at Ashton Magna for Christmas. She had only returned from the continent a few days prior to the date marked at the top of the letter and already she and Bingley were excitedly organising a party at their new home. Jane had never seen the house before, the recommendations of Bingley had been enough to secure her agreement, she described it to me in great detail even more so than the raptures she expressed over the continent, it had been so different, so exciting and though she did not particularly like travelling by ship she longed to go back one day. For now however she was perfectly content to remain in Staffordshire and enjoy all the pleasures which her new home could afford her, she did not feel that she could possibly achieve, if the whole family was not present. Consequently in a manner most unlike her, she insisted that she would not take no for an answer and she expected me anytime after the sixth of December.

Ashton seemed safer than Millwood, so refusal was less of an option, there was little chance of running into people I would prefer to avoid. After all Jane had almost emphatically stated in her letter that it would be only family. Still doubts lingered until Jane's correspondence was followed up a few days later by another from Kitty who stated that she and Mr Thursfield and the children would be coming to collect me from Anglesey as it would be safer than travelling alone. Clearly Kitty and Jane had planned something together, expecting that I would attempt to avoid their company if they did not force the matter. They were probably quite correct in their assumption too. However it seemed that refusal would not be brooked by my sisters so I was heading for Ashton Magna for my Christmas this year.

It could not be denied that a rest over the holidays was something that I greatly desired, over these past few months working for the Llewellyns my work had certainly been cut out. Six children were a handful, even if only five of them attended lessons. Michael was just a handful, he never paid attention in lessons and anything that he might possibly have listened to he had apparently forgotten by the next lesson. There were frequent threats to box his ears, something which I had never done in the past and something which if I am totally honest I would never have considered doing to him either. He probably knew it too, which is why he was continually playing me up. His parents believed him to be a, "very bright child" and his behaviour was not bad it was "lively and spirited." They were insistent that he would be taught Latin but my efforts were frankly in vain. There is one afternoon I vividly recall in my mind he was up and down from his chair every few seconds convinced that he needed to fetch this or that, he had left his pencil in the nursery, he had no handkerchief, he had to fetch a drink for he was dying of thirst. By the third time it had happened I had taken to calling him back, but he continued on and on and on. "Michael come back here this instant, you do not even need your slate this afternoon."

He refused and pulled a face at me. "Michael," I warned, "if you do not do as I say this instant I shall keep you in the schoolroom till after supper and you shall go to bed without."

He continued to ignore me studiously, it was the only thing he ever worked studiously at and made towards the schoolroom door, "If you do not come back in here this instant young man there will be no supper!" I repeated angrily, "I mean no bread and milk either." I marched towards him and grabbed him around the waist and carried him back inside shutting the door behind us and putting him back in the seat. "Now conjugate to ask in the pluperfect tense please,"

"Rogo… rogavi….rogare…" He stuttered and stumbled and did not get them right at all.

"Have you been learning your verbs at all young man? Properly this time please."

Instead of reciting he simply shook his head and petulantly added, "I have been learning them."

"Michael I am this close to boxing your ears if you do not behave!" I said, that was one of the afternoons which I was sorely tempted to walk into the Colonel's library and hand in my resignation there and then. After all it was not as if I really had to stay, there was always Jane or Kitty, Charlotte had written to me to ask me to visit – although it felt a little odd to return to my childhood home as only a visitor to a family that were not even my own. Besides it was not as if I were going to stay at Cresocartref House forever was it?

Laura was much the same really. Active, lively, even occasionally endearing but she could never concentrate; she was high spirited that was obvious. I would dread the days when she ate pastries they seemed to have the oddest effect on her you could not get her off the ceiling all afternoon. As an eleven year old she showed an incredibly unhealthy appreciation of men. It was of course mostly the stable boy or the footman. She rarely came into contact with any others, Mr Randal was the exception to the rule and she could not stop talking about him for weeks and weeks afterwards, even Harriet soon tired of him. Whenever the Llewellyns entertained or even if they were out for the evening she wanted to know if Mr Randal would be there, she even snuck downstairs one evening and Mrs Llewellyn allowed her to stay. When we went out for a walk she was convinced that every rider was Mr Randal, it was humours really for a girl so young to be so infatuated.

But her flirtations were not merely reserved for Mr Randal, perhaps if it were the case we might have considered her behaviour as sweet and teased her for it but it was not exclusive to that young man, who was far too old for her anyway and resulted in nothing more than scorn, even from the neighbours after all. There was nothing I could seem to do for either Michael or Laura. However, it was as Nancy frequently said, "Most unseemly not to mention embarrassing." I could wish to rectify it.

We could have expected such a reaction from Nancy, but I know the other girls all felt a similar distain for her behaviour. Eleanor of course would never condemn someone in such a way and Isabella gradually became less harsh in her judgements of people. Even Harriet was disgusted, she would often follow her younger sister's lead but gradually she began to turn away from those bad habits and spent more time with the other girls. I made sure that she garnered plenty of my attention I always had time to talk to her and I would like to think that it was my steady influence and devotion which caused her to change her ways before it was too late, of course that may not be the case at all. There was nothing particularly extraordinary about Harriet's character, she was perhaps somewhat insipid and empty headed but then had we not all thought the same of Kitty? Just look at how well she had turned out, despite her recent meddling.

Nancy, as I have already noted had enough virtue to balance out the excess of vanity her two younger sisters possessed. She was the family member most ignored, Harriet after all had the suspicious honour of being Laura's favourite sister. Consequently Nancy felt that the only way for her to gain attention by the other family members was to be the most accomplished of the girls, if she could out do them all in that regard then perhaps her parents would pay her more attention. It was a task which she had failed, her determination to be well read had allowed her to become bogged down in moral books, Hannah More, Blair's Sermons, Fordyce's Sermons and Kant's Moral Philosophy was a particular favourite of hers. It was these people who led her to condemn her sister's behaviour almost continually, "Nancy," I said to her one day after she had bombarded Laura with quotes on her actions, "You must not be so critical of her behaviour, no doubt she shall grow out of it."

"If only she would read then she would learn how unacceptable her manners are after all Miss Bennet Kant says that 'I ought never to act except in such a way that I could also will that my maxim should become a universal law' so you see Laura's performance is judged by everyone and our family looses respectability for that very reason. If you and my parents do not choose to check her then I must take the duty upon myself." Nancy could sometimes be the most exhasperating of creatures.

"What counts, is not the action one sees, but there inner principles, which one does not see." Nancy looked fairly impressed that I should be so well verse in the works of her favourite philosopher though I could well have had it in the wrong context, "Laura's actions may well have a very good motive behind them, perhaps you should not be so quick in your jusdgement of her." This was probably pushing it a little too far, but I think Nancy took my point. Besides as I saw it the more people objected to Laura's behavoiur she quicklylost interest, when I ignored her foolishness in the classroom she soon stopped.

She gradually came out of her books a little bit, perhaps it was when she saw the contradiction in the rules she had been trying to follow. She lived a little, acted more like a fourteen year old than an old maid and when she did that she gained far more attention from her parents and sisters than she had in the past. One morning when she entered the breakfast room and bid everyone good morning, instead of walking in with her nose buried in a book and bumping into someone's chair, her mother looked up, "Why Nancy I do declare you look almost pretty today, that dress of Isabella's we made over looks lovely on you." Nancy fairly glowed for a week following such attentions from her mother.

Eleanor chose to unburden me with her romantic woes. For her I acted as something of a companion as opposed to governess, after all she was eighteen. She suffered from the same worries as Henriette once had, to some extent at least. Her mother, we were all perfectly aware wanted her to marry the rich and powerful Mr Randal, close friend of none other than the Marquess of Gower – which certainly impressed the mother a great deal more than the daughter. . Eleanor was in love with her cousin, the relatively impoverished parish priest Mr Andrew Bagot, her aunt and uncles youngest son. Mrs Llewellyn had long opposed the match, Isabella once informed me it was, "For as long as she could no longer deny that an attachment existed." Even now when Mrs Llewellyn could not deny their affection for one another she did everything in her power to prevent it.

Eleanor chose to confide in me, though after I had heard what she had to say I wished that she had not, "Andrew and I are secretly engaged." She whispered to me in a hushed voice one afternoon while we were out walking.

"_Secretly!_" I screached, "engaged?" I added in a more hushed tone, Harriet and Nancy turned to look at us.

"Yes, I know it is very wrong, but he became so despondant when Mamma was so vocal in her refusal that I agreed, so he would know that I was committed to him." She explained, her tone still hushed.

"When was this?"

"About six months ago, I am sure it is all that Andrew has lived on for this past month, with Mamma trying so hard to push me to divert my attentions in favour of Mr Randal, I know that she is only looking out for my best interests, given that I do not have a great dowry she feels it is best that I marry well, but if one of the others were to marry well too then I am certain that she would be more willing to allow me to marry Andrew instead, after all Aunt and Uncle Bagot are quite in favour of the match."

"You promise you shall not reveal this to a soul, I have not told anyone of it, not even Belle."

She looked at me expectantly, I was deep in thought and almost forgot to give her an answer, "You must promise that you will not tell a soul."

"You have my word." I vowed gravely.

Though I wished that she had not told me the truth of her relationship with Mr Bagot only a few minutes later a plan was forming in my mind as to just how I could help the poor couple. After all did I know what it was to suffer in the name of love? The least I could do was to try and help them, besides it was not matchmaking as such and it all ended very nicely for everyone concerned, at least I thought that it did.

Isabella had been observing us carefully for the last minute or two and now cautiously made her way over towards us, before she had been speaking with her other three sisters. "Miss Lizzy" Isabella began tentatively.

"Yes Belle."

"Are you happy here?"

"Why yes of course I am." I looked at her curiously, perhaps the graveness of my countenance only seconds earlier had led her to believe this, "Why would you think I am not, I am very grateful to your parents for offering me the position."

"I did not ask if you were grateful, I wanted to know if you were happy, because sometimes I do not think you are." She was too sharp for her own good that one.

"Belle!" Eleanor sounded scandalised by her sister's question.

"Oh Nora, you are so silly sometimes I was just asking, you are all together too proper. Be careful or you shall turn into the Marquess." She laughed, yes even after a year the young man was still in her bad books.

"You are too harsh on the Marquess, Belle. I assure you he was just not in good humour when you and he were introduced." Eleanor attempted to explain away his behaviour.

"That is a reply only you could make and one you have repeated constantly yet I see no evidence to the contrary, if he was in such bad humour then he ought not to have attended Aunt Bagot's dinner." She plucked a few of the autumn leaves off the ground, "But Miss Lizzy, truly you seem unhappy."

"I am not unhappy, it is just…" I trailed off.

"Laura thinks that you have been jilted."

"Belle!"

"Well I think she might have been crossed in love too, it makes no sense why you should be a governess when you are so pretty and your two other sisters are married."

"Perhaps Elizabeth does not want to marry anyone." Eleanor cut in.

"And that is very admirable, why I shall only marry for love. But it does not explain why she sometimes looks so miserable."

"If the Marquess thought you a silly young girl it is no wonder Isabella for at this moment you are acting ridiculously." I spoke too sharply not amused by her impetuosity in this particular instant.

"I beg your pardon."

"Perhaps," I said with a teasing lilt, "it is the positively horrible children that are left in my care daily." Isabella screwed up her face and stuck out her tongue at me playfully, then turned around and stuck her nose in the air, unfortunately she slipped on a patch of muddy grass and caught hold of my ankle on the way down only to pull me off the rock I had been precariously perched on to read the letters. Eleanor gasped in horror but the other children caught sight of us and began to laugh hysterically and even though we were sitting on top of the cold wet ground there was certainly a good deal of humour in the situation, neither of us minded.

"Miss Isabella," A voice out of nowhere suddenly addressed the young girl at my side, "Allow me to assist you." She looked up to find the Marquess of Gower standing above her smiling down. Isabella gave him a fierce look in the eye and pushed herself to her feet perversely.

"My Lord." Her voice was decidedly chilly as she dropped him a deep curtsey; he looked back at her with apparent confusion and failed to even offer to help the governess to her feet, not that I minded particularly something told me that had it been anyone other than Isabella he would have. You see I was certainly becoming more adept at discovering concealed admiration.

"I did not know that you walked out this way, it is a favourite of mine."

"It is a favourite of Miss Lizzy's too, she brings us here. But surely this is a little far for you to walk, would you not prefer somewhere on the other side of the island?" There was a dangerous edge in her voice that was evidently warning him, perhaps she had seen him here before.

"I rode," he pointed to his horse, tied up some ten feet away, "My stallion prefers the landscape here and I must say that I appreciate the view enormously."

"You must be careful," She said with an arch sweetness, "the land here is so uneven you horse may throw you."

"Then I promise to be more careful in future." He said gallantly.

Isabella raised an eyebrow and inclined her head ever so slightly, "Miss Lizzy may we go back now it is cold."

"Let me accompany you, I have been meaning to have a word with your father and I dare not put it off any longer." He pounced with his suggestion before any other acquiescence could even be attempted. Isabella looked uninterested and possibly a little angered and ignoring the arm he offered her stalked off, quickly masking his confusion he turned to Eleanor with a smile.

When I managed to catch Isabella up she was still muttering heatedly about that wretched man who was constantly disturbing her walks, "Anyone would think I was one of those stupid deer he stalks."

"Belle…" I said warningly, I had an inkling as to where her relationship with the Marquess of Gower was heading, it was clear he had feelings for her, and it was equally clear that she disliked him.

"Oh do not say that he is not as bad as I think. He is the most infuriating man and I wish he would leave me in peace instead of questioning me all the time and making me doubt myself! He is arrogant."

"My you certainly have a very decided opinion of the man and yet you have known him no longer than six weeks."

She scowled at me, "You sound very like Nora, I would have expected you to take my side." Isabella was still a very young girl in so many respects, only just sixteen in fact.

"What exactly is it about him that you dislike so intensely?"

"He… he… he…."

"He did not partner you at cards on evening." I finished the sentence for her with a smile.

"And he … he…" She looked confused and there was a flash of repentance in her eyes.

"You hold his one action against him, you accuse him of arrogance for that one action, come Belle it is hardly fair is it. Eleanor likes him well enough you see." We stopped briefly and turned to watch the rest of the party who were walking sedately at some great distance from us, with apparent serenity; Eleanor and Nancy on his arms and the two younger ones skipping along behind them occasionally being involved in the conversation of the others – he treated them all amiably and equally not refusing to talk to the three younger girls just because they were not out and it was not proper. Laura and Harriet would hardly let such an inconsequential thing as that prevent them in any case, but even Nancy had warmed to him. "On the few occasions I have met with the Marquess of Gower he has always been perfectly civil to me, he is a respectable man and I fail to see what you hold against him."

"How can you say that?" She demanded stubbornly, "To my knowledge you have only met him twice."

"And you only twice more Isabella. I will admit that he is not the most open men but that hardly makes him arrogant."

"Yes…" She looked at me curiously.

"Come, let me tell you something I have learnt of great importance. It does not do to form an impression of someone so quickly, you are often mistaken. You have held that one evening against him despite your subsequent meeting of him and I do not think on any of those occasion he has done anything that should excite your scorn, has he? You should not hold that one refusal against him. He was, it cannot be denied, wrong to refuse to partner you at cards, but you treatment of him has been equally at fault.

"I once knew a young lady, she was so very like you she met a young man who refused to dance with her and she treated him just as you are treating the Marquess now. The gentleman regretted his assessment of this young girl and soon proposed to her, she was terrible to him wanted nothing to do with him. Only then it turned out that he was not as very bad as she thought him to be." I continued quietly in a wistful voice, Isabella attention was averted on me curiously, I suppose now she knew, knew that in a sense yes I had been jilted.

"What happened?" She asked timidly.

"Well it certainly was not the happiest of endings." I may as well tell her everything, after all she would never want to end up like me, being a governess to a houseful of rambunctious children. "But, I am certain that if you chose to act more sensibly then it will not happen to you either."

"I do not think the Marquess is in love with me."

"No he has not known you for long enough." I agreed.

"But, I mean he always seems so cold when he speaks to me, he is so polite and formal it is as if…"

"He does not know what to say to you, but I am certain that if you were more amiable with him then he would be more congenial."

Isabella did not say anything, she never would admit when she was in the wrong, but I took her lack of response as a pleasing sign since she had no further changes to lie at his door. Her pace even slowed down so that eventually they managed to catch us up and we walked together in a friendly manner. I called off Eleanor's attention to examine some botanical specimen (a hobby of hers) whose presence I was surprised by and as a result the Marquess offered his spare arm to Isabella who this time did not refuse but accepted with a gracious smile which seemed to make the young mans day.

It was ironic I though that I was able to see how to alter the path of their relationship so that it worked out for the best for them. Any difficulties for them had been overcome – well one could hope it would. See my time had not been wasted at all!

Colonel Llewellyn ventured out of his study to greet us, curious as to the excitable sounds that he claimed could have been heard over the other side of the Island. The girls excitably informed him of how they had been attacked by the seagulls but remained unscathed. "Miss Bennet, one day you must enlighten me as to how you felt when you realised that you had been adopted by this madhouse, now girls upstairs, the Marquess wants a word."

Isabella's feelings towards the Marquess changed drastically after that day. That is not to say that she was instantly in love with him. But as a result of our talk – I think- she was more willing to be friendly towards him, and as a result he was more comfortable when he tried to talk to her, by the time I was ready to leave at Christmas they had developed a very good friendship, Mrs Llewellyn's eyes had lighted up at the very thought of a match with the Marquess and suddenly she was not only all politeness to the great man but also young Andrew Bagot, after all even she was reasonable enough to realise that to find two such young men for her daughters was really beyond expectations and she was also finally beginning to admit defeat in her attempts to stop the marriage of Eleanor and Andrew from going ahead anyway. Though she was not quite ready to give up either.

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The Thursfield family arrived on the doorstep of Crescocartref House on the seventh of December. Mrs Llewellyn hurriedly bustled them all in out of the wind and rain, into a sitting room, Kitty hugged me tightly, tears in her eyes. She proudly presented young Samuel to my attention, he was a beautiful baby and his parents pride and joy he was handed over to hold. He was sleeping contently and looked a like an angel, "You must remember this young lady too. Rachel?" She took hold of the young girl's hand, "Do you remember who this is?" The sweet little girl clung to Kitty's skirts nodded and hid behind her mother.

"She is not normally this shy." Mr Thursfield explained with a grin. My heart sank.

"Come Rachel say hello to your Aunt Elizabeth." Kitty passed the little girls hand over to me, kneeling down to her level she managed to whisper a greeting to me but recoiled behind Kitty's skirts when I attempted to give her a hug, she did not remember me but it was silly to expect and eighteen month old to remember who I was.

We did not stay long at Cresocartref House, only long enough for Mrs Llewellyn to hand around refreshments and for the girls to come and meet my family, they were in high spirits it being the first day of their Christmas holidays and I would not be back until after Epiphany. Mrs Llewellyn was in high spirits because the Marquess of Gower had promised to attend a dinner that very evening and I was in high spirits because I was eager for the holiday and the opportunity to see my family again, it had seemed far too long although it was only a matter of months.

The journey was tedious; it was cold and raining the whole time and quite a long trip too. Though it gave me a chance to catch up with Kitty and allowed her to tell me all the gossip from Somerset which Kitty and Henriette had previously not written off. The two of them had become relatively good friends. Henriette had no doubt been putting ideas in Kitty's head about a few things. She had given Kitty a letter to give to me too; it was a full package, informing me chiefly, that since I was not at Millwood Cottage with the Thursfield this Christmas that she expected a visit in the New Year, would Easter be convenient? She also stowed away another letter inside it. She had, she informed me, pilfered the letter from her brother and thought I would like to hear a direct account from the girls of how they were getting along.

_Miss Pamela Grey's Select Seminary, Queen's Square, London_

_October 28__th__ 1814_

_Dear Uncle Tyndale,_

_Roberta and I liked your last letter a lot and are happy to hear that you, Aunt Featherstone and Grandmamma are still well. We are too and are very happy here only Roberta says that she does not like the lessons as much as Miss Bennet's because she says that Miss Grey is too strict and not at all funny._

_But we like it here, there are lots of little girls here to play with and Octavia and Euphemia Fluyder have even asked us if we would like to come to tea with their Aunt one day. Did you know that their older brother was at the same school as Thomas? A lot of them do not have a Mother or Father either, is that why children get sent to school because there is nobody to take care of them?_

_Aunt Newlyn sent us a letter last week and she says that we may go and stay with her for Christmas if we like? May we for we will be able to play with our Cousin Fairclough if we do and he has such larks. But we would also like to go to Featherstone House and Christmas Holidays are only four weeks and I do not think we can see all those people and you in such a little time._

_Miss Grey says that I am getting better at my French verbs and she is also very pleased with Roberta's progress on the pianoforte. Do you know that nearly every girl at the school can play it? Is it not dull? I want to learn to play the harp instead. Can I please, just like Aunt Darcy does?_

_We have a new girl at school. Nobody likes her, because her father is in trade. Roberta says that we should be kind to her for she must be very lonely, but I do not think that we should. Octavia and Euphemia say that their Mamma says that people in trade think far too highly of themselves. Emma Johnson has very tiny feet though which I think should be admired but Octavia says that a very good slipper is all that is needed. So I do not think that I think very much of her after all._

_Roberta says that I must tell you how much we miss you all, even the servants, is she not a goose? You must also tell Miss Bennet that we miss her if you see her again. Do you think that she will stay with her sister Mrs Thursfield at Christmas again? If she does then we want to stay with you instead of Aunt Newlyn._

_Yours sincerely_

_Priscilla and Roberta Sutton_

I laughed as I read it; clearly Priscilla had composed that little piece, there were times when she sounded like her mother, which while in one sense was very nice, it seemed to be the rather unpleasant facet of Lady Arabella, though perhaps it was the influence of these new friends of hers. Octavia and Euphemia? Roberta clearly was not as happy and settled as her older sister either; her evident empathy with Emma Johnson was enough to account for this instinctual feeling. Sometimes I wish I could go back to teaching them, I think they missed me as much as I missed them, but perhaps not. Once more I thought about why they had been sent away to school. Was it because it was strange for them to be living with single men who were not their fathers? Was it because Lord Tyndale wanted me gone, was he angered by my refusal? Or perhaps it had all been Mr Darcy's doing?

Eventually we arrived at Jane's new home, Ashton Magna, it was a Tudor building, an old manor house, and one of the first stone built ones it was surrounded by a moat, the house was not huge, but it was a very good size, the landscaping was pretty too, it was strange but for once the owners of the house had not been bogged down by fashion and had left them in their original Tudor design, a geometrical and very formal knot garden and orchards planted with roses, lilies, pinks, cowslips, marigolds, violets and primroses. Jane and Mr Bingley were standing in the doorway bundled up warmly shivering in the bitter wind which was raging. "Come inside, all of you, it is freezing out here and Mrs Cotton has warm refreshments for you all in the sitting room."

Despite the chill, I remember feeling warm, it had become quite stuffy in the carriage that afternoon and having been trapped inside for a week I felt a desperate need to be outside, my head was beginning to pound, I lingered at the door for a few seconds, "Lizzy dear, come inside."

"No Jane in a moment I am just going to take a walk." I knew I should not be so impolite as to desert my sister as soon as I arrived in her home. There was a twinge of guilt particularly when I saw the disappointment in her eyes.

She frowned slightly, "I think it is going to rain." She did not try to change my mind.

"That is no matter, it always rains." Jane laughed lightly at my comment.

"It did not on the continent. Very well then Lizzy, but promise me you will not go too far."

There was a dovecote to the left of the driveway, but when I investigated there were no birds inside the building, I crossed over the driveway, towards the lake or pond, it was by the stables, just as I neared the weather broke and it started to rain torrentially but as I turned and ran for shelter I thought that I caught sight of a team of horses that was not ours, not sparing it a second thought I dashed towards the house running as fast as possible, back to my family. The butler was at the door and footmen came out to meet me holding an umbrella over my head, he looked at me a little strangely when I asked him where Mrs Bingley could be found but grudgingly directed me to the sitting room. I opened the door and peaked inside. Needless to say everyone was quite shocked.

* * *


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note: **Thanks for the reviews guys. They make me happy. As promised an update within a week.

**Diana: **The Sutton children aren't Darcy's children, they're Lady Arabella's children from a previous marriage -- to Robert Sutton. When I refer to them as "his children" it is only because he's gained them through marriage.

Anyhow on with the chapter. Enjoy all. Hugs, Ella xXx

* * *

**Chapter 17**

The drenching earned me several days in bed. It is possible that I was in a sense glad for this though as I suddenly became reticent to journey downstairs. The apothecary had to be called to attend me, it was only a slight soar throat and headache, nothing that a few days in bed and a couple of draughts from the physician could not solve. While it was by no means life threatening Jane would not allow me downstairs until my temperature had quite abated, and the apothecary had ensured her that there was absolutely no danger. Sometimes I was restless and other times I was far more content to lie in bed and rest. My sisters came to see me every hour at the very least if they could not attend to me constantly. I was not an easy patient since I did not enjoy being fussed over. Kitty, not the most patient of creatures, became quite irritable with me on occasions. Jane on the other hand was more sympathetic to my plight though she wanted me to rest all the time. "Lizzy dearest please I am certain you shall be able to go downstairs in a day or two, in the mean time you will have to stay in bed though." she told me after I had thrown my covers off.

"But Jane it is so hot in here."

"Of course it is Mr Quentin says that you have a fever and we must keep you warm." she said coaxingly as she tried to wrestle the covers back over me.

"If it becomes any warmer I shall start having hallucinations. Please can you just open the window and let in some fresh air, it is too stuffy."

"Fresh air is what started all this. If you do as Mr Quentin says then you may come downstairs in a few days. I know you would much rather be downstairs." She succeeded with the covers. Tucking me in so tightly that I was unable to move and she could calmly stroke my forehead.

"I do not want to go downstairs." I replied crossly, "I just want some fresh air. It feels like I am suffocating here."

"Really Lizzy you always did exaggerate so." she chuckled softly.

"Jane, why … why did you not tell me?" I asked my eyes where beginning to drift closed sleepily.

"Tell you what Lizzy?" that was the last thing I remember her saying to me. I made no reply and was soon fast asleep.

Kitty had much to tell me, she was not insistent that I sleep all the time. Nor did she require me to talk either, she had a great deal of that to do herself still. "Lord Tyndale has been quite miserable for sometime now. You know how I used to tease you about him well I do believe that he has taken quite a fancy to Miss Darcy. Hetty thinks so too." Since August Henriette and Kitty had become close friends, they were a similar age and Henriette had needed someone to speak to during her bereavement. They had both lost sisters, though in different circumstances. There could be nobody who understood so well as Kitty. I was glad for them particularly given the lack of other young women in the area. "Hetty has a lot of interesting things to say you know Lizzy." She looked at me sideways.

"So I see." I knew exactly what she meant. Henriette was too perceptive for her own good. Henriette had mentioned something to Kitty, who had mentioned something to Jane. Between the three of them they had undoubtedly schemed and withheld certain information from me regarding my Christmas visit. Though what exactly they knew I had no idea. Henriette would be receiving a letter from me in due course.

"You told her of Mr Darcy's proposal. That surprises me a great deal. Surely it was not very prudent of you Lizzy?"

"It was more a case of her find it out that being told." my sowing was put aside, it made my headache anyway, "Why were you and Hetty discussing the matter?"

Kitty shrugged nonchalantly, "Oh you know..." she said vaguely. I would have questioned her further. But at that moment a maid knocked on the door, to tell her that Samuel was fussing.

Of course it was not like I needed to know why they were discussing it. It was fairly obvious there had been some kind of conspiracy that they had somehow managed to involve Jane it too. And Jane never questioned anyone's motives. But I could not believe that they had done this too me again.

I thought back with a great deal of mortification to three days previously. When I returned to the house after getting caught in the freezing rainstorm that had landed me in my current predicament. Dying of shame seemed a very distinct possibility. Likely I would get over it in time. For now though I actually pulled the sheets over the top of my head, blushing as I recalled what had occurred.

* * *

Who was more surprised by the tableau in the sitting room is something of a mystery. I had pushed open the door in front of the footman who had accompanied me, "I would have someone come and take a look at your roof Bingley. It seems to have a bow in it and these Tudor roofs tend not to be so strong." a voice that I recognised so well said. I stopped dead in my tracks in sheer surprise. My mouth dropped open. I was not the only member of the room who was shocked though. Only Kitty and Jane were not. Mr Bingley seemed slightly shocked – by my appearance I think. Mr Thursfield was too, after only a second he averted his eyes to look in another direction totally. Darcy's gaze alternated between staring at me, dripping wet, his hostess and her other sister. "Lizzy, this is a surprise my brother never told me that you would be present." Georgiana, stepped forwards and took my hands in hers smiling warmly.

"Georgiana!" I still could not quite believe my eyes even as I leaned forward to kiss her on the check. All the while watching over her shoulder at the person standing behind her, "It seems our siblings' have been quite remiss for Jane did not tell me anyone but family was expected either. Still it is a most pleasant surprise to see you again." I turned and sent a puzzled look to Jane. What was going on?

"Indeed Miss Bennet. Bingley informed me repeatedly that he was sorry to say that you were staying in Wales." he addressed me with a bow. I blushed at his notice, wishing at every moment that I could be sucked into the ground. This was too mortifying for words.

"Oh… I… excuse me." I finally managed to stutter before bolting out of the room shutting the door hastily behind me and leaning against the wall. I looked down at my clothing, my pelisse had been open while I was outside and the blue muslin gown underneath was plastered to my body _and_ had turned practically see through. What must he have thought of me? Did he think anything of me at all? What on earth had Jane and Kitty been playing at? No doubt Henriette knew something about what was going on too. In fact I would almost be willing to bet that everyone but the two Darcy's and I had been aware of what was going on. How could I possibly face Mr Darcy again after that display? As it happened I was spared at least for a short while. After a bath and a quick nap I felt dreadful and had to send excuses downstairs.

* * *

It was all quite simple once I thought it through using Kitty's unwittingly supplied information. Henriette had known for quite sometime of my affection for Mr Darcy, that I was sure of. Probably she was aware of it a long time before that day in his library when he practically demanded that I marry Lord Tyndale. Despite the issue never being openly discussed between us. After refusing her brother she never pressed the matter or tried to persuade me to change my mind. No doubt she realised that it was a useless cause. And now she had taken up another scheme of matchmaking instead.

Evidently Henriette had revealed her suspicions to Kitty. Though just how far those suspicions went I had yet to completely establish. However, they had probably made suppositions of what Mr Darcy's feelings were too. They had discussed his ill-fated proposal and Henriette had her wild notions about second attachments being truer than first. I would have though better of them than to do such a thing. They must have decided that we needed a push in the right direction. And they had involved Jane in their plan. How much she knew was a little hazier.

But it was enough to persuade her into secrecy too. They had succeeded in persuading Jane to invite me up for the holidays without telling me of the other guests that were expected. And Kitty had ensured that there was no room for refusal by telling me that she was collecting me. Furthermore they had managed to sway Jane into involving Bingley who had invited Mr Darcy without informing him of my presence. This was of course the major flaw in their plan. They clearly remained in some doubt of his affection for me. If they did not, then they would have at least been more forthcoming with him about my presence. They thought he would refuse to attend if he knew I was going to be there. Otherwise they would have at least told him.

When all was considered their conjectures were not so unreasonable. After all had he not been the one who had packed me off to Anglesey without even a proper goodbye? Frequently I had tried to convince myself that it was because he was upset by our parting. I know that I was. The same as the one where I dreamed he would come and rescue me from Anglesey with a proposal of marriage. Yet it was pure fantasy and presumption on my part.

Once again my thoughts returned to his leave taking, or lack there of. Why had he not even bothered to say goodbye? Was he glad to see me gone?

I knew that to be, at least, partly untrue. There had been a day when I had visited Colonel Llewellyn's office and the housekeeper had wished to speak to him for a moment during our interview. He had left a correspondent on the desk, one that had seemed to amuse him greatly when I first entered the room. Were it not for the writing catching my eye I should never have considered reading. I knew that to be impolite. But I would have recognised that hand anywhere. It was from him. I scanned the letter briefly. It said very little of importance only the usual pleasantries. The penultimate paragraph was more interesting however, _"Do you find Miss Bennet as pleasing as you did in your last letter?" _he wrote,_ "The children were always very fond of her we all miss her a good deal. They inform me of this when they write. She is a charming young lady is she not?" _If nothing else this was an indication that at least he had succeeded in keeping track of me by proxy. And the relationship between the Colonel and Darcy was so distant that I did not think they would be frequent in their correspondence.

But it seemed unlikely that he would remain while I was here. If my sisters and Henriette and Bingley had not even bothered to say that I was to attend Christmas – had they specifically told him that I would not? – Then they to must have been in doubt of his feelings, Or at the very least thought that he would not be happy and try to get out of it. Therefore, if they were in doubt then it must be a hopeless case indeed. Leaving me looking more than a little stupid, for now they knew of my unrequited love.

He had not left yet, that I was certain of. Georgiana had come to see me after passing a few days abed with nobody but Jane or Kitty for company. She seemed different, less timid, not self assured or confident even but more willing to try and be more assertive. What had provoked this change in her was something of a mystery. She knocked and without even waiting for a reply popped her head around the door. Her curls bounced noticeably, even they seemed to have become more assured of themselves. "How do you feel Lizzy?"

"I am fine." I replied with a cheerfulness that I did not posses, "And you?"

She did not answer just smiled radiantly then added, "I have brought you a book to read. Mrs Bingley said that your head was too painful and that reading hurt your eyes, but perhaps you would not object to having it read out loud." she stated, rather than asked, as she handed the book over for my inspection.

"_Discipline! _Oh I have wanted to read this for sometime now. You must read it for me. But first tell me how you are? I did not really have time for conversation the other day you arrived."

"Oh Lizzy I am well. More than well?"

"That much is evident," I sat up in my bed clutching a pillow to my chest eyes wide in interest, "but pray tell why you are so very well?"

She wriggled a little and blushed, "Well promise me that you will not think poorly of me?" That she need not even have asked, "You must know that it is really only conjecture on my part but well… Lord Tyndale…"

"Has he proposed?"

"No, no, not yet but I really do believe that he might do so soon. Though I am not certain when I shall see him again…"

For shy and uncertain Georgiana to be this certain, this willing to confess that much then she really must have had very good reason to think thus; for she was never ever convinced of anything about herself. "Then you must have withheld a great deal in your letters. You must tell what has really been happening? Has he given you any assurance?"

"Well no not yet, I just said that." she looked downcast for a second, "But he assures me when we took leave of Featherstone House that he would come and visit us at Pemberley, just as soon as he could."

"That sounds as if it is at least some little assurance to me."

"I suppose you are right. Well you must know that we stayed till October at Featherstone House, it was very odd. Henriette she has been very upset and at first I though she was avoiding me. She kept going to visit Mrs Thursfield and sneaking off without me. Then Fitzwilliam well, we hardly saw anything of him, after you left he seemed to withdraw even more. I told him it was not polite but I did not like to press the matter too hard. For I thought that perhaps he was upset about Lady Arabella, even though, you and I both know, they did not hold one another in affection. I felt quite alone and it upset me just a little bit. Which is horribly selfish of me after what had happened."

"You did not even write to me of it."

"One afternoon I took a walk in the gardens and he was walking out at the same time. He offered to walk with me, I think more out of politeness than anything else. I felt very awkward and neither of us spoke, he is a quiet man as you know. But after that it seemed that we would meet almost everyday by chance. Until such a time as he would come and seek me out in the Music Room and ask me if I would be walking that day. As I said we hardly spoke at first, I was content with his company though. The half an hours walk stopped me feeling so lonely. Even when it was the only human contact I had all day. Sometimes we would talk but other times he would remain silent.

"At first he spoke about you a lot he seemed sorry that you had been sent away. Often he sounded wistful and a little remorseful. I asked him about it one day. I do not know when I have ever been so brave before or that it shall ever occur again, _'I sent her away.'_ Is what he told me. I was so stunned,

'_Why?'_ I asked him.

'_Because I was upset with her. I allowed my own petty bitterness to rule over my decisions.'_

'_What on earth do you mean my Lord?'_

'_I should not speak of it to you.'_

"That is when I realised what he meant. He was referring to his proposal to you Lizzy. Which had to be the only real thing that he could not share with me. So I asked him if that is what he meant.

'_Of course it is what I meant. I was so angered and distraught by her refusal. – I had thought she would not refuse she was always so engaging. – You know when she said she would not marry me I was so shocked that I dropped Arabella's favourite vase. You must think me most conceited Miss Darcy.'_

'_No not at all my Lord, we all expected Lizzy to agree.'_ I hope you do not mind me telling him this Lizzy. I honestly think everyone but you knew of Lord Tyndale's intentions weeks and weeks in advance. And we had all assumed that you would say yes for you and he seemed to get on so well.

'_I too Miss Darcy, she is such an engaging creature, I should not be telling you of this.'_

"And then Lizzy I did another brave thing. – I told Henriette of it later, she laughed and said that perhaps someone had slipped brandy in my tea and that is what had made me so forward. – I told him that it would help him to tell me of it.

'_I was angry and embarrassed by her refusal as I have said/ I wanted nothing more than for her to be out of my sight. I am a coward you see,' _He laughed here though not in a self-deprecating manner, _'So when we were forced to make a decision about the children's future I was quick to suggest that we send them to school. Because I knew that you were likely to stay in Somerset for some months longer. My mother had invited you to Featherstone already and your brother was still dealing with matters at Allcotte. It was very selfish and I could not bare the thought of having her so close all that time. There was another matter too for we had not decided what would happen to their children. Your brother is not their father so really they should have remained in my care._

'_Sending my nieces and nephew to school and Miss Bennet to another family was an obvious action. Darcy of course fought against it. He said that Thomas was too young and it was not inconceivable that a bachelor would keep children who were not his own instead of sending them to school. I won out in the end. But he insisted on finding the position for her himself and said we were not to mention it until everything was settled. He did not even doubt that Miss Bennet would want another position.'_

"Lizzy, I felt so sorry for him. His hopes were truly disappointed and he at least repented his actions in sending you away. He had had a letter from Roberta that morning too, just her not Priscilla. Saying how unhappy she was at the school. That made it worse for him. He was so wracked with guilt."

"Georgiana! Wracked with guilt?" I laughed in amazement at her phrasing, "What he did hardly constituted a major crime. I will admit to being shocked by the decision but I cannot fault him for it." After all last November when I arrived to teach the Sutton children I was absolutely convinced that Mr Darcy, once refused, would send me away. It was not a completely unreasonable action for Lord Tyndale to undertake. Probably even Mr Bingley's easygoing nature would have been taxed by the mortification of having the woman who had refused him living in his house.

What Georgiana had to say was undeniably interesting. So it was not Darcy who had demanded that the children be sent to school? It promised a little more hope for the future that he did not wish me gone completely. And since Georgiana was still here it was unlikely he had gone. Because even with her newfound confidence – the old Georgiana would never have presumed to tell me such a thing – she would not wish to impose on a family party alone.

"Well that is exactly what I told him. Not quite in those words of course. But I was sympathetic towards him and made him realise he had not been completely unreasonable."

"So what else did you discuss? Were I all you had discussed then you would not be so certain of his intention of declaring himself to you?"

"I was just getting to that part, Elizabeth, you are so impatient sometimes." she gave me a regal glare, the sort she would never dare to give in company, "As I was saying. After that conversation became so easy and we talked about everything anything that came into our minds, books, politics…."

"The state of the road, the weather." she laughed at my tease. "Georgiana, you must be more specific than that."

She blushed then in embarrassment, "You shall not think it much undoubtedly. It is very silly really…" clearly she was doubtful of her self worth again, or embarrassed.

"Come Georgiana tell me."

"You promise that you shall not laugh at me?" After heartily ensuring her that I would never do such a thing to her she took a deep breath, "It is such a little thing really, other than his promise of calling there has been no other indication. Only one day he said that _when_ I was living at Featherstone House I would become more intimately acquainted with the gardens and the music room. It was nothing really you see it could have been a slip of the tongue maybe he meant to say it in the present tense because really I was living at Featherstone already almost."

No, this was a clear enough indication of his intentions. Georgiana's behaviour towards him must have been very different for them to have had such flowing conversations. They were two fairly reserved characters not inclined to great and lengthy conversations usually. He must have received some sort of encouragement from her. She had left with a promise from him and he did not seem the sort of man who would intentionally go around breaking young girls hearts. Nor the sort of man who did not honour his promises and he had promised to visit at Pemberley soon. I remembered another conversation, _"Mr Darcy what a surprise I did not expect to see you again."_ _I had said with some vexation. As once again he appeared in the grove at Rosings I favoured._

"_Miss Bennet," he bowed to me stiffly, "I trust you are well?"_

"_Certainly sir."_

"_And Mr and Mrs Collins are they in good health too?"_

"_Yes sir."_

_After a pause he added, "I trust Miss Lucas is in good spirits this morning?" he was struggling for something to say._

"_Certainly sir. She has a healthy constitution. Are the inhabitants of Rosings all well today?" This truly was the most stilted and difficult of conversations. _

_He acknowledged that they were all in excellent health, even Miss de Bourgh, then stood there for a few seconds not knowing quite what he should do next. If I had felt a little comradeship then I would have taken pity on him, but as it was that was not the case. "Do you intend to walk this way?"_

_I struggled not to roll my eyes. What did he think that I was doing? Instead I replied in the affirmative, "As you know this place is a favourite of mine." I repeated for what felt like the thousandth time. _

"_Then let us take this way together then." He offered an arm, it would have been rude to refuse him. After a few minutes pause he resumed his strained conversation, "So this grove is a favourite walk of yours Miss Bennet. It is indeed a beautiful place. Do you prefer it to the small coppice by the larger maze then?"_

"_My rambles have never taken me that far Sir. That is quite some distance from Hunsford Cottage."_

"_You are correct of course. It would be silly to think you regularly walked so far. But perhaps when you are a guest at Rosings next time you visit Kent you will be able to walk that far."_

At the time this comment had been puzzling to say the least. Why would I ever be a guest at Rosings? Perhaps he referred to Colonel Fitzwilliams, but that was a discomforting thought.

Now I was a little wiser. This had been practically an open confession of his intentions towards me. I would be the guest of Lady Catherine, when I was the wife of Mr Darcy. Similarly Lord Tyndale's confession of Georgiana living at Featherstone was a slip revealing his intentions towards her. She would live at Featherstone House, when she was the wife of Lord Tyndale. It was pretty simple really. "I am very pleased for you Georgiana." Was the simple statement I made to convey my confidence in her assertions.

"You really think…"

"Yes I really do." She lent over to embrace me, "Now about that book you were going to read to me."

She opened the first page and began. Continuing for some time until Jane came in and informed her that I needed my rest, but that she could come back tomorrow to continue with the story. Georgiana obliged willingly. Only for a moment expressing her fear that she had over exerted me and she was sorry for it. She expressed her hope that we should be allowed to continue tomorrow and headed for the door. Only when she reached the handle did she turn back around again, "I almost forgot. How very silly of me. Fitzwilliam says that he hopes you return to health soon." Then she ducked out the door before there was any opportunity to reply.

The following day she returned and offered to read. My head was feeling a little better and instead for half an hour I read the book. Kitty came in half way through and shook her head, "I shall not even try and argue with you Lizzy dear. You are as stubborn as a mule." then sat down to listen to the story; occasionally stopping us to make some query about the plot.

It was the same day that the Gardiner's arrived, Uncle Gardiner's business in Town having finally been concluded to his satisfaction. Aunt Gardiner came to see me. Though I was not permitted to be introduced to her baby and nor were their other children permitted to visit the sick room. "Lizzy I do not know why you persist in leading that life you have chosen. For the life of me I cannot understand it your Uncle and I would be most pleased if you would live with us at Gracechurch Street." She looked a little tired herself.

"But Aunt Gardiner she will not have it. Jonathan and I have told her repeatedly that she is quite welcome at Millwood Parsonage. She just does not listen."

"And," added Jane, "Bingley and I have offered to have her live with us too."

"Why do you prefer living with strangers, that the rest of us do not even know, to your own family, Lizzy?" Kitty demanded.

"I have told you before repeatedly Kitty it is not your job to provide charity for me when you have your own family to take care of."

"We live perfectly within our means you know. Jane and Mr Bingley have much more again."

"Kitty!"

"Well it is true. I am only stating a fact."

"And so am I. Kitty, Jane, Aunt however many times you try to persuade me it shall only make me more determined to stick to my resolve. I will work for my keep not live off your charity."

"Elizabeth Bennet you are too stubborn for your own good." Aunt Gardiner chastised in her soft manner.

"Proud too, if I am not much mistaken." Kitty grinned.

Next morning I felt greatly improved and on hearing some noise from the courtyard below rose from bed to see what the commotion was about. A horse was being brought to the front of the house, two horses no three horses, perhaps the gentlemen were going out. Or maybe there was a visitor. I should ask Jane later. That very moment she happened to walk through the door, "Lizzy," she groaned, "come away from the window. Or you will catch a chill again." I turned away from the window with a wide and hopefully endearing smile,

"But Jane dear I am feeling so much better. Shall you not allow me out of bed now? My temperature has gone and everything." She felt my forehead and frowned slightly.

"Very well then Lizzy I shall admit that you are feeling at least a little improved. However, knowing you then you do not feel completely well yet, do you?"

"I do."

"Very well if you eat everything today then we shall see how you feel again this evening. Then perhaps you shall be permitted to come downstairs for a little while. Only if you go back to bed this instance though." The sound of horses galloping across the cobbles signalled the departure of the riders.

"Jane you sound like my mother."

"Perhaps I am just getting some practice in." She stated matter-of-factly but blushing ever so slightly.

"Are you?"

"Yes. Now back to bed."

Jane seemed so much happier now. Much more than she had done on the eve of her wedding. What she had said that night had haunted me for sometime, that she had accepted Mr Bingley even though she did not think he loved her. How could she even have thought such a thing? She must be more convinced of his feelings now. Even in the short moments I had seen the pair of them together his affection for her did not seem to have waned. Jane had loved him when she accepted his proposal despite doubting his sentiments. It was like she had told me months and months before that she would accept the first man who offered for her. It was a good thing it had been Bingley, was it not?

I was careful to obey Jane's instructions that day. Desperate as I was to return downstairs, ready to face Mr Darcy. Georgiana's words had gave me some hope at least. He had not wanted to send me away it had been Lord Tyndale's doing. Surely that meant that he would not mind seeing me now. So he was not utterly opposed to my presence. Perhaps that meant there was a chance that he might care a little bit. I hummed as I dressed that evening. Before making my way downstairs to the drawing room and waiting for the others to adjourn from their dinner.

Jane, Kitty, Aunt Gardiner and Georgiana were the first to enter and we chatted pleasantly until the gentlemen returned from their after dinner port. Mr Bingley was the first to enter his eyes went straight to where Jane was. He was followed by Mr Thursfield who happily joined his own wife and said he was glad to see me so improved. My Uncle followed and he seated himself next to Aunt Gardiner. I held my breath and waited keeping an eye on the door. Finally he stepped through the threshold his eye's darting around the room, pausing on me. I looked away with a blush, chastising myself for such a girlish action. He frowned but took the seat next to his sister, who was sharing a sopha with me. "Miss Bennet, it is lovely to see you downstairs again."

* * *


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note: **Thank you all for your reviews, they were lovely. Just two chapters left after this one. Enjoy. Ella xXx

* * *

**Chapter 18**

Much to Jane's disapproval only two days later I was insistent on walking out again, not far I had assured her. But my ramble took me a lot further than my previous one. I had a book with me I had found in Bingley's library, it was new. He had felt compelled to stock up on books before his guests arrived, "It is such a sparse room and Darcy had probably read my meagre collection at least twice over. If we are to keep him entertained I thought a few new additions were called for." he had explained while showing me into the room. It looked to be in better health than the one at Netherfield though not a great deal. My concentration was not fixed upon the book in my hand though. Instead I was still mulling over the actions of three nights precedent to the one which was fast closing in.

He had sat down on the chair next to the sofa Georgiana and I were sharing, "Miss Bennet, it is lovely to see you downstairs again."

"Thank you Mr Darcy." I blushed and turned back to my conversation with Georgiana. Only for a minute to regain some composure, then I turned back to him with a smile, "I was surprised to see you here sir, there had been no indication that you would be here."

"No, equally I was told you planned to remain in Anglesey. You are much enamoured of the place I hear."

"Oh yes Cae Gwenard is the most beautiful of places, there is so much to see. Have you ever been there?"

"No Miss Bennet, Colonel Llewellyn and I are only distant acquaintances." That was a statement that did not correspond with his apparently frequent exchanging of letters with Colonel Llewellyn. "Though he too has told me of its beauty. Apparently there is something to be said for living by the sea all year long."

"The Irish Sea is stunning, dangerous and tumultuous but stunning. One day it would be nice to travel across it to Ireland. I love the smell, you can always taste salt in the air there; it is so windy." I continued my diatribe for sometime.

"Then you are glad to have been sent there."

"Certainly." I replied before I thought about what my answer could possibly imply. He became more silent and reserved after that. But it was too late to make amends, it seemed he had no desire of being disturbed from his ruminations. Did he think that I had meant that Cresocartref House was nicer that Pemberley? That I preferred it there to his home any day? Or had he simply thought that I preferred the Llewellyn's to his family and company? Was he offended? I thought so, though after a few moments he spoke again. Seeming to rouse himself from his thoughts and managed to speak to me again,

"How do you like Ashton Magna Miss Bennet?" It was a strained conversation at best.

"Well enough though so far I have only seen this room, my own chamber and some of the gardens. Jane has promised to take me over the whole house soon. The gardens were lovely though."

"Have you seen the walled garden? I am informed that it is supposed to be haunted."

Besides me Georgiana let out a strangled gasp, "Fitzwilliam do not say such things. Elizabeth he is so cruel he told me there was a headless monk who walked the corridors at Allcotte you know, outside the chamber I used to sleep in. And when we were little he told me there were ghosts at Pemberley too, a white lady. I could not sleep without a candle for weeks." I laughed delightedly at Georgiana's picture of her brother teasing her, in his younger years; it seemed such a normal thing to do.

I remember once telling Kitty that there were fairies in the little wilderness on one side of the lawn at Longbourn. She spent several weeks looking for them. Papa thought that she had gone insane when he looked out of the library window and saw her crawling around on hands and knees looking under plants. Then she began leaving out saucers of milk over night for them to drink. She was so excited when she checked the next morning and found that it had gone. But continued to pout that I had seen the fae folk and she had not. Even after I told her that I had not seen them either, she remained convinced that they were there though and left out milk for about two months afterwards.

"So what terrible monster resides in the walled garden, sir?"

"Oh nothing so very bad as that Miss Bennet. One of the stable hands told me of it. A little girl by all accounts she appears occasionally asking for Nicholas then vanishes again.

"I dismissed it until this afternoon when I was looking through some of the house records, letters and such that were stored away in the library. In 1645 the family living here lost a child, her name was Winifred she had been out with her brother Nicholas at the time she vanished. They had been playing hide and seek, he was hiding, she was seeking. Hours after Nicholas had gone to hide he came out and Miss Winifred was nowhere to be found. Rumour had it that she was taken by Roundheads, the family were stringent Royalists but she was never found. The tale of Wailing Winifred has become something of a local myth. I think but there is at least some truth behind the tale. Unlike the White Lady, Georgiana, every great house in the country has a Woman in White."

"You and I shall have to investigate the walled garden Georgiana." I turned to my friend who shuddered visibly.

"You may go alone if you choose. I do not intend to go anywhere near the dreadful place."

We had seemed on friendly enough terms that evening. Though at first our conversation had been severely strained and neither of us seemed to know what to say once the usual pleasantries were done away with. However, we had laughed once our initial discomfort was done away. He had seemed friendly and amiable, he was different again, like someone I had never met before. What caused that change I could not say for sure. However, the following evening when I arrived downstairs at the same time he was not present when the other gentlemen entered the room, "Georgiana is your brother not with us this evening?"

"No Lizzy," Kitty who was seated with us answered with a slight smirk before the other could even consider a reply, "he was called away on business first thing this morning." After I had bowed my head to acknowledge what she had said she continued, "Miss Darcy has he gone to town? Jane will be quite disappointed if he is unable to return here for the celebrations."

"No to Pemberley. He was not clear how many days he would be gone. Though he did promised he would return as soon as possible."

I have always had a very bad habit of jumping to conclusions, just as I formed my opinions far too quickly. Instead of remembering the better points from the evening before, I focused my energies on the negative. Instead of remembering the laughter, I remembered the discomfort. It pointed to one possibility – that Mr Darcy was uncomfortable being around me and he had made his excuses and left. Did he know how I felt about him? I could not believe that he still had feelings for me; his reaction to Lady Arabella's death was too extreme. I would not believe that it was just fuelled by guilt. Then there was the scheming of our acquaintances. Was he mortified by their obvious attempts at matchmaking? It seemed quite plausible that he would just up and leave for that reason, if not wholly polite. I sincerely doubted that he would return in a few days.

* * *

I retuned to my book of poetry. I had had quite enough of going over the last few days over and over again. If he returned then I would be wrong and ridiculous and if he did not then I would be right. In the meantime no good would come from fretting continually over his absence. Really I was starting to quite annoy myself behaving like a stupid heroine from a novel. So I settled myself back on a stile and read:

"Beneath a shelt'ring bank which rose  
Expos'd too near the highway side,  
A horseman as he pass'd that way,  
The shining treasure quickly spied,

Long pausing on the tempting spoil,  
He gaz'd with wond'ring, longing, eyes ;  
Then fearless leapt the fence and seiz'd,  
With daring hands, the curious prize."(1)

Looking up I closed the book the poem was a rather long one. There was a rider just visible on a distant lane. He sat well and rode elegantly, consequently holding my interest for some time. I realised who it was just too late. He had spotted me too, my hair blowsy, mud at the hem of my gown and coat. It was too late to pretend I had not seen him. He leapt the fence, dismounted and bowed, "Miss Bennet, I see you are improved in health," he said curiously while taking in my flushed appearance.

"Mr Darcy, sir. I hope your business went well."

"As well as can be expected Miss Bennet. I was sorry to have to leave you all in such a hurry but it could not be helped." He looked distracted, as if he had not slept for three days straight; there were dark grey-purple rings around his eyes and a slight almost imperceptible slump to his shoulders.

"Yes, you concluded your business swiftly." I agreed not sure what else to say.

"Well what else could have been done? The Rustlers took half our flocks what can be done but to buy more sheep."

"Half?" I gasped, "How?" He must have had thousands of sheep.

"In the middle of the night, broke in and herded them out, with dogs. Nobody heard anything of course."

A nasty guilty feeling welled up inside my stomach. How could I have doubted him? Here was a man who always told the absolute truth, yet I though he had run away. When had I become so self absorbed? "Did you ride all the way from Pemberley?"

"Yes, though I stopped for lunch."

"But not for tea. Then come inside and let me see if I can rustle… I mean…" His mouth twitched upwards as I stuttered and tried to find a more appropriate verb to use. He hardly wanted reminded of rustlers.

"Miss Bennet," he chucked as he spoke, "It is fine."

"Tea, that is it some tea. And some of Jane's Cook's fruit cake. Mr Bingley will be so pleased to see you again." I managed somewhat more coherently this time before turning on my heels and walking in the direction of the house. The sitting room was empty. I looked around nervously and with some degree of hesitation before inviting him to be seated and ringing the bell for tea. We were silent for some length of time only exchanging words when tea was served and the were only the customary "thank yous". Finally, when I was beginning to wriggle uncomfortably in my seat we were interrupted by Jenny, the Gardiner's nursemaid, looking for my Aunt.

She had Frances with her who was wailing uncontrollably. I was concerned she was such a well-behaved docile baby. Jenny claimed that she had been crying in this manner for half an hour before she had come to search out her mistress. But her mistress could not be found anywhere. I rang the bell again and asked the maid who arrived to fetch the housekeeper. Mrs Cotton said that the rest of the party had gone in to the town. It was a plan that they had revealed when I mentioned my intention of walking out, but that I had managed to forget. Frances was still screaming, Jenny was looking close to tears herself at her inability to control her young charge, "Is anybody looking after the other children in the nursery?"

"No madam, Judy went to visit some relatives of her mothers this afternoon ma'am. She said Mrs Thursfield granted her leave to do it." she explained to me.

"Very well pass Frances to me then I shall take her for a little while. You may return to the other children." Jenny handed over the infant looking relieved at receiving a reprieve from the hysterical baby, bobbed a very quick curtsey and escaped the room as quickly as possible, before the judgement could be retracted. Frances, or Cissy, as my Aunt and Uncle had affectionately named her did not settle immediately. Glancing apologetically at Darcy I begged his pardon for making such a racket, "If you prefer I can take her outside to another room perhaps you would rather we be left in peace."

"No, no I have no objection Miss Bennet." he replied graciously. "You know I am fond of children anyway." I though back to his treatment of the Sutton children. They were not his but he had always been welcoming, accepting and shown a great deal of affection towards them in any case, more affection their own mother. Though I partly understood Lady Arabella's motivation for such isolation now. Even now, years later, and a mother myself, I still cannot not quite understand how she could not have loved them even a little bit. They were always such sweet children, "They stayed with Lord and Lady Newlyn this Christmas," he added conversationally.

"Yes Hetty said in her last letter, Priscilla is fond of her cousin I understand."

He laughed, "Yes she follows him around like a puppy, does anything that he asks of her no matter how terrible the task yet she is more devoted to him than anyone else. It is quite funny to watch such a scene. She was determined to visit them rather than go to Featherstone. I should have stayed on there otherwise."

"Oh." I answered nonplussed. Cissy had finally ceased crying and was slumbering peacefully whereas only seconds before had she had been fussing terribly. She must have just worn herself out.

"Of course, there are benefits to this place that I had not previously considered." He smiled, took another sip of his tea and quickly busied himself with his fruit before making any further conversation. "I see young Miss Frances has fallen asleep."

"Yes, I think she has worn herself out."

"Who would have though such a little creature could have such a large pair of lungs?" He said with a wry smile moving to sit next to me on the chase and observe the slumbering child.

"She is likely already in practice."

"For what?"

"Sibling rivalry. In my experience it boils down to the child who can shout the loudest always gets their way and rarely gets into trouble. You can tell you never had brothers and sisters close to your own age sir." I laughed slightly he joined me.

"Yes I was sadly deprived. So tell me Miss Bennet were you a loud child?"

"No sir, well no more than usual. Lydia was loud very loud. Kitty and I were fairly vocal. Mary and Jane were always quiet. Though now I think about it Jane nearly always got her way, probably because she rarely asked anything of anyone."

"I think I must have been a sadly deprived child."

"Hardly deprived sir!" I said in astonishment. Who could ever consider a life at Pemberley deprivation?

"Forgive my choice of words that was not quite what I meant. Simply not having any brothers and sisters. I suppose in some ways George Wickham was like a brother to me. Well we know…" He trailed off in embarrassment and busied himself in his fruitcake once again nibbling thoughtfully. "Mrs Bingley's cook must be complimented, the cake is delightful." he finally managed to say. I replied with some equally inane comment and somehow we managed to make a great deal of small talk before the others entered the room having returned from their trip to town loaded with several parcels and plenty to tell us of. They settled down comfortably to join us for tea and cake.

* * *

Several more days passed busily for the party visiting for the Christmas Season at Ashton Magna. There were callers still coming to welcome their new neighbours to the area Mr Bingley has clearly found the spot in England where they would never be lacking in society. Years later Jane told me that there were close to fifty families within ten miles and she would be quite content to stay in Staffordshire all her life. There would be no need to ever travel to town except that they had so many acquaintance there too that it would be rude to snub them so. Bingley too was forever changing his mind one day he would wake up and decided that they were to visit someone or somewhere else. On several occasions he and a slightly embarrassed Jane would turn up on a family members doorstep because he thought it would be pleasant to visit them.

As the days went on Mr Darcy and I seemed to develop a close camaraderie. Walking out regularly, discussing books, politics, the Sutton children. "I do not think Roberta is very happy at Miss Grey's Miss Bennet." he confided in me one afternoon when we had gone out on a ride with Jane and Mr Bingley. They had ridden ahead of us; we were lagging behind, mostly due to my incompetence as a horsewoman and my disinclination to practice. Mostly I preferred to keep both my feet firmly planted on the ground.

"No I had guessed as much, from her letter."

"She does not seem to have made friends as easily as Priscilla. Perhaps given time..."

"Bobbie was never shy, but nor had she Priscilla's natural confidence. Perhaps she is still somewhat daunted by all those other girls. At least she has Priscilla there with her, she will take care of her sister will she not?"

"Yes, they were both invited to high tea at the Fluyder girls Aunt and Uncle's home. However, I think they are mostly Priscilla's friends. The other day I received a letter from just Roberta and she was not quite so forth coming in her praise of Octavia and Euphemia. Perhaps some of your influence." he said with a grin, "However, she was eager to talk of another girl Emma Johnson, every other line was Emma this and Emma that."

"Yes I heard a little bit about her in the letter Hetty sent me."

"It was a relief to hear it. Before her last few letters I had seriously been contemplating removing her from the school. Although I do not suppose you would have been willing to come back and work for me. Perhaps when Tyndale or I have married we shall hire a governess again." He suddenly looked away and up at the sky and would not look at me for several more minutes. Perhaps he had meant… But never mind.

I had hoped that he would say something but he did not. It had been one of several occasions when I had thought that he might speak but did not. There had been one day when he had come home early from hunting with the other gentlemen, his dog had come bounding over to me and knocked me clean off my feet. He helped me to my feet again and apologised profusely, particularly when he noticed that the hem of my gown had ripped. We had laughed over it later but at the time there had been a serious tone to our conversation. Something seemed to have been left unsaid, after we parted in the hallway to both change our attire.

On another such occasion we had been in the library. It was like one of those scenes in a romance novel, the sort Lydia would read when she really had nothing else better to do. I had been unable to reach a book, Mr Bingley's library not being particularly well equipped had no stepladders for me to use. Instead I had had to ask him for his assistance, disturbing him from his reading. He however had seemed not in the least bit bothered and simply did as I requested perfectly willingly. He handed me the book and our hands brushed, I blushed though did not look away he did not apologise immediately. There was an interlude of seconds when his gaze continued fixed on mine and I was reminded very much of the time he had kissed me in the school room. I though he might again but he suddenly muttered an apology and then hurried back to his seat and apparently immersed himself in his book once again. For my part my choice had lost its appeal – I read the first page six times before being able to make the least bit of sense out of it.

But I digress; Jane and Bingley hosted a dinner party one evening. Bingley was of course the jovial host he always was and everyone there seemed to be charmed by the sweet-tempered Mrs Bingley. What I noticed most was that every single young lady present fawned over and attempted to insinuate themselves with Mr Darcy. They could not leave him alone, flirting with him to garner his attention for themselves. It was a rather sickening display, even Kitty said so. Here was a man whose wife had only died four months ago, yes he was no longer held in mourning but still it seemed distasteful that they should be so open with their intentions. Even my own wishes seemed a little repulsive considering. He handled it calmly however, In the past he had not managed to. Now he would speak calmly being as civil as possible. Not until the end of the evening did he seem to be tiring of the Mammas and their daughters, none the less he remained polite, without appearing to be overly encouraging.

Kitty, Georgiana and I spent the evening being introduced to several of Jane's neighbours who we had not met previously. They were, for the most part, warm and welcoming towards us. In particularly one young gentleman was very friendly, Mr Hayter was a few years my senior perhaps but with a great deal more worldly experiences. He had travelled not only in Europe but Asia and South America too. Consequently having a great deal to tell that I was interested in hearing. His stories could have kept me amused for hours. He had a certain boisterous charm about him and whatever he spoke of was very real. Be it a village in Peru or the jungle in India. He was not a rich man per se but he had few responsibilities an estate worth several thousand a year which he left to the charge of an excellent steward and no immediate family neither brothers or sisters or parents. It surprised me greatly that the other young ladies in the room were not as interested in him as the gentlemen and married ladies were.

Once throughout the whole evening I managed a very brief conversation with Mr Darcy. All evening he had been surrounded by a gaggle of giggling girls thus preventing me. He said hardly a word in return, seemingly disinterested in conversing with me. Dissatisfied with his strange behaviour that had been so unlike himself I returned to the adventures of Mr Hayter and left Darcy to his brooding.

Quickly though I found myself attacked by young ladies all begging me to introduce them to him. "Elizabeth do introduce us to your sisters other guest Mr Darcy." one of the girls who I had barely exchanged a single word with all evening rushed up towards me a smile plastered on her face. I cringed inwardly, would he even want to be introduced to this girl? "Sylvia, Sylvia come here, Elizabeth has promised to introduce us to Mr Darcy." Sylvia came rushing towards Kitty and I, Georgiana having left us for a moment before thankfully. Quickly I pointed out that he was engaged at present and that now was not an ideal time for an introduction. "Oh but you will later in the evening. Shall you not? When he is less engaged?" The first girl continue. To refuse her would have been rude, so I simply smiled noncommittally. It was enough for them and they skipped off happily.

It was only later in the evening that I gave them a second thought again when I passed the huddled in a corner whispering between themselves, not particularly discretely. "But Mrs Bingley's sister said that she'd introduce us to Mr Darcy herself Sylvia. She and Mrs Bingley seem so very nice, I do believe that she'll keep her word."

"Nonsense she'll do no such thing Daphne. She wants him all to herself I know she does. She's been casting glances in his direction all evening." The elder of the two, Sylvia declared in a haughty and knowing manner.

"Has she? I've only seen her speak to him once all evening and that was not for longer than a few seconds." Daphne said awed at her sister's perceptiveness.

"Yes! Honestly Daph you are such a goose sometimes. Elizabeth Bennet wants Mr Darcy all to herself but he is far too good for the likes of her. I don't know who she thinks she is she's just some penniless governess I heard. He would be far better off with someone just like me, accomplished and elegant. Not some nobody from the country like her and she knows that I'm too much competition for her and that is why she won't introduce us to him." She stuck her nose up in the air haughtily.

"She isn't a nobody though she is Mrs Bingley's sister, the Bingleys have a fine estate."

"They are no wealthier than Papa though. Besides Miss Bennet is nothing better than a governess to some family or other of little to no consequence, a retired Colonel or something like that." Sylvia continued with contempt in her voice.

"But…"

"Oh Daph for goodness sake! She is out for all she can get, Miss Bennet is mercenary, she has no money and their connections are not all that good either. You know Mr Bingley's money comes from trade? And she is not all that pretty, nothing very special. I'm too much of a threat to her and that is why she refuses to introduce us." she said with a toss of her curls. "That is why I vote that we should introduce ourselves to Mr Darcy because Papa refuses and so does Miss Bennet. Mrs Bingley would but, look, she is too busy to be dragged away from her other guests. Now come on and stop being such a wimp." she took her younger sister by the arm and began to drag her off in Darcy's direction. Her progress was stopped when she turned and bumped straight into another lady, "Irene!"

Mrs Irene Beaumont, the two girl's older sister was a few inches taller than her siblings she looked down at them coldly. "Sylvia you know that it is impolite to introduce yourself to someone, you must wait for an introduction from someone else. Daphne please do not listen to a word Sylvia says to you." she turned to the younger girl and spoke with a little more warmth. Sylvia began to open her mouth, Mrs Beaumont saw, "No Sylvia I shall not introduce you to him, not after what I have just heard you say. Daphne I want you to come with me." She took the younger girl by the arm and brought her over to speak with me. I knew she knew that I had heard what Sylvia had said about me and she was attempting to make amends. However, Sylvia's words did not affect me so greatly as that.

After that evening the day of my departure drew nearer. His mood was strange indeed some days he would be forthcoming and friendly with me others he avoided me and was brooding and silent. I never knew quite what to expect from him. Even in his more open moods he seemed pensive and there was something that he was holding back. Mr Darcy was the most exasperating man of my acquaintance, I could not make out his thoughts at all. Even when I was out walking I had not encountered him since the morning of Jane and Bingley's dinner party.

That did not change my feelings though. The feelings that Kitty had now told me were perfectly obvious one day as she sat down next to me at dusk on the window seat. "Are you actually going to do any embroidery? I have been watching you a full half an hour and you have not completed one single stitch Lizzy. Are you watching for something particular?"

"Embroidery."

"Of course you are." She said in a condescending manner I had never hear her use before, she looked smug.

"Well what else would I be doing?" I shot back defensively, knowing full well that she had caught me out.

"You are waiting for him to come back are you not?"

"I cannot image who you mean." I continued to play innocent.

"Mr Darcy," She shook her head at me, "how long have you been in love with him?"

"I am not in love with…"

"Come Lizzy, I am no fool, I have seen the pair of you together. Daily I expect the pair of you to announce your engagement to us." She continued on in a smug manner a large grin threatening to escape her lips.

"Well you shall be waiting a long time, for he has said nothing to me of it." I said hotly.

"Oh he shall say something soon enough I am certain of it. In fact I had thought that he would speak to you long before now, I am quite surprised that he has not." She said in her confident manner, "Jonathan says that he has never seen a man so distracted and the sooner he says something the better."

"Yes well I am leaving the day after tomorrow in case you have forgotten Kitty."

"Oh Lizzy dear I am certain that he will say something. I shall speak to Jane and make sure we leave the pair of you alone after dinner tonight. That should solve the problem, that is what Mamma would have done on such an occasion."

"Kitty, please, do not do that." I begged. She was not listening however, "I am sure he has nothing particular to say to me at all."

"You remember last Christmas when he called at Millwood? I knew exactly how it would be then it was obvious to me that he was in love with you and that the pair of you would be the perfect couple if you married. But he was married and you still hated him did you not?"

"I never hated him." She looked doubting at this statement, "Oh alright there was a time when I was utterly repulsed by him. Does that satisfy you? That was a very long time ago now and I am sure that just as I have forgotten my original feelings he has too." I stated willing the conversation, which was so very mortifying to come to and end as quickly as was possible. Kitty was not to be deterred though,

"We shall see, we shall see." She said almost to herself, "Oh look they are back!" she stood up and dragging me along with to go and greet the four gentlemen who had just returned from an afternoon in the fields hunting. Mr Bingley's comment really did make me laugh, he may have been muddling his sports up for he boastingly informed us that he had very nearly shot down a bird twice the size of any of their other catches that afternoon. He had shot it, he claimed, but it had carried on flying. A fisherman's tale! Mr Darcy and I exchanged a brief glance with one another smiling and shaking our heads with a secret communication.

* * *

1) _A Fairytale_ by Isabella Lickbarrow from _Poetical Infusions_ 1814

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	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Notes: **Thank you all for your reviews for 18, they were some of the nicest I've had! I appologise the last chapter was a little slow but some chapters do actually need to be. Hugs, Ella xXx.

* * *

**Chapter 19**

Kitty's plans did not come to a fore that evening. Jane rebuffed the idea saying that she did not feel it was particularly romantic to be forced into offering like that. She gently reminded Kitty of her own proposal which we all thought was rather romantic. Kitty had been arranging the floral displays at the church in place of old Miss Lewis who was ill. Mr Thursfield, who as I have mentioned before was working as the as Curate in the small church at Longbourn, for his uncle. Kitty had been visiting regularly and had taken to helping out. While Kitty was working on the flowers for Sunday service Mr Thursfield had handed her a rose and proposed to her. For u it had been quite unexpected, Kitty having never confided her feelings to us. Although she was already in love with him she had apparently never expected him to propose to her. Especially given her situation: disgraced and poor.

I was thankful to Jane for not attempting to meddle in my business. Truthfully, I did not expect him to propose to me at all, it seemed that he had no intention of it. Besides I was beginning to be of the opinion that although he was not in mourning it would be rather vulgar to propose after such a short time. Well, if he was going to propose anyway.

Instead we passed the evening playing cards and listening to Mr Thursfield reading to us all, before retiring for the evening.

I was early to rise the following morning, it was about half past seven and still dark. Dressing myself in a plain pale blue muslin and a thick woollen coat I hurried outside for a walk. The weather outside was lovely, crisp and frosty it almost looked as if it had snowed. The gardeners were not about yet, so I made my way across to the walled garden. One of the under gardeners had informed me that if I were to ever meet Winifred my best chance would be if there was nobody about. Though not really believing in ghosts I was eager to see for myself, if there was even the smallest chance that the local myth about the young girl was true.

The plan was foiled though, for the walled garden was not unoccupied as I had assumed. Apparently someone was up even earlier than I that morning. It was a strange coincidence that whenever we should be walking out we always seemed to run into one another. Our walks were never prearranged, and it was a rare occasion that I would inhabit the same walks. Nevertheless, almost everyday without fail we seemed to end up running into one another. Then we would walk together for some time before returning together to the house. Though I could not explain this phenomenon I did not object to it, and apparently neither did Mr Darcy.

He was standing in front of a willow tree on the opposite side of the garden his back to me so he had not noticed me, his gloves and hat lying disregarded on a bench. Suddenly my mischievous streak overtook and instead of calling out to him I decided to sneak up behind him quietly. He did not hear my approach at all apparently he was too engrossed in his private meditation. Only feet away from him I stopped thinking if I came any closer he was bound to hear. I spoke out loud, "Please sir, have you seen Nicholas?" he stiffened visibly but made no move to turn around. I took a step closer took my glove off and slipped my cold hand into his, "Have you seen my brother, I cannot find him, sir?" I asked in the voice of a young girl.

He jumped a little at the contact and turned to face me, "My god Elizabeth do not do that to me, you shall send me to an early grave! Your hands are so cold I thought you really were Winifred De Mowbray." I could not help but laugh at his apparent shock. It had been just what I was hoping for. I led him over to a bench for he had gone so white that I really did think that he was going to faint. He calmed after several minutes and saw the funny side of my prank, "Tell me Miss Bennet was it your aim to give me apoplexy do you truly want me dead?"

"No sir, I would never wish such a fate on you." I said. "But really sir I hope that this has taught you not to terrify your sister and I with stories of ghosts in the future."

"I will promise, but only if you agree not to be so vindictive in the future."

"I was not being vindictive!"

"Miss Bennet, you tried to kill me!" There was laughter in his eyes as he spoke.

"I thought sir, that we had already cleared that misunderstanding up. I have no intention of ever killing you."

"I am relieved to hear that you hold me in such high regard, that you would spare me that fate."

"You make me sound like a mass murderer." I cried with exaggerated affront in response to his teasing.

He looked at me strangely again and fell silent again, for several minutes. Three times he opened his mouth as if to say something and then did not. Three times I almost spoke to him too. Eventually he took hold of my un-gloved hand. "You have not put your glove back on Elizabeth." he said softly. I made no move to do so, "Are you not going to put it back on? Your sister would never forgive me if you caught cold again." again I remained still. "Here allow me then," he reached out for the glove. But before he put it back on he paused, "Miss Bennet, I fear there is something that I must speak with you about." he looked incredibly serious. I made no response, "You may hate me for saying this, but I can go no longer without speaking. Will you… do you…?" He stopped and took deep breath. "Will you marry me?" he suddenly blurted out.

I looked at him a little blankly shocked by his bluntness. He suddenly looked away and dropped my hand. Once again, his attention was all for the willow tree in the corner of the garden. "Damn!" he eventually muttered, "That was not how it was supposed to come out." I could not suppress a smile. He turned just at that same moment, "I mean it though Miss Bennet. I love you. I do believe that I have always loved you, there was never a time that I did not. And I can only hope that your feelings will allow you to accept my proposal, if not today then in the future. If you could give me some reason to hope, but if not then I shall never speak on this subject again."

"I do believe that you are getting better at this," I said with a smirk.

"Please Elizabeth do not tease so." He looked tortured. Taking pity on him I answered him with the only possible answer that he could have received. An answer I could have given him a very long time ago had the opportunity presented. Had he only had the opportunity to ask…

"Yes!"

An expression of intensely heartfelt delight, diffused over his face, and he told me of his feelings, which, in proving of what importance I was to him, made his affection every moment more valuable. We walked on, without knowing in what direction. There was too much to be thought, and felt, and said, for attention to any other objects. Finally he raised the subject of my change in feeling for him. Darcy mentioned his letter. "Did it," said he, "did it _soon_ make you think better of me? Did you, on reading it, give any credit to its contents?"

I explained what its effect on me had been, and how gradually all my former prejudices had been removed. "Though you know my opinion of you was already beginning to change when I met you again. You had changed, your manners were greatly improved – after our initial disagreement – but I confess I did not fully understand you until I had read the letter. I cannot believe that I accused you of such a terrible falsehood."

"What did you say of me, that I did not deserve? For, though your accusations were ill-founded, formed on mistaken premises, my behaviour to you at the time had merited the severest reproof. I cannot be so easily reconciled to myself. The recollection of what I then said, of my conduct, my manners, and my expressions during the whole of it, is now, and has been many years, inexpressibly painful to me. Your reproof, so well applied, I shall never forget: 'had you behaved in a more gentleman-like manner.' Those were your words. You know not, you can scarcely conceive, how they have tortured me;—though it was some time, I confess, before I was reasonable enough to allow their justice."

"I was certainly very far from expecting them to make so strong an impression. I had not the smallest idea of their being ever felt in such a way."

"I can easily believe it. You thought me then devoid of every proper feeling, I am sure you did. The turn of your countenance I shall never forget, as you said that I could not have addressed you in any possible way that would induce you to accept me."

"Oh! Do not repeat what I then said. These recollections will not do at all. I assure you that I have long been most heartily ashamed of it."

"And I cannot forget how despicably I acted at that time either."

"You must learn some of my philosophy. Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure."

"I cannot give you credit for any philosophy of the kind. _Your_ retrospections must be so totally void of reproach, that the contentment arising from them is not of philosophy, but, what is much better, of innocence. But with _me_, it is not so. Painful recollections will intrude which cannot, which ought not, be repelled. I have been a selfish being all my life, in practice, though not in principle. As a child I was taught what was _right_, but I was not taught to correct my temper. I was given good principles, but left to follow them in pride and conceit. Unfortunately an only son (for many years an only _child_), I was spoilt by my parents, who, though good themselves (my father, particularly, all that was benevolent and amiable), allowed, encouraged, almost taught me to be selfish and overbearing; to care for none beyond my own family circle; to think meanly of all the rest of the world; to _wish_ at least to think meanly of their sense and worth compared with my own. Such I was, from eight to eight and twenty; and such I might still have been but for you, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth! What do I not owe you! You taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous. By you, I was properly humbled. I came to you without a doubt of my reception. You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased."

"Had you then persuaded yourself that I should?"

"Indeed I had. What will you think of my vanity? I believed you to be wishing, expecting my addresses."

"My manners must have been in fault, but not intentionally, I assure you. I never meant to deceive you, but my spirits might often lead me wrong. How you must have hated me after _that_ evening?"

"Hate you! I was angry perhaps at first, but my anger soon began to take a proper direction."

"I am almost afraid of asking what you thought of me, when I was there in your sitting room last November. You blamed me for coming?"

"No indeed; I felt nothing but surprise. Well who could not have been surprised to find you in such circumstances?"

"But you seemed so cross with me, when you called me into your office that morning. I thought you were to send me away."

"I admit it was difficult for me, and the thought did cross my mind. I was uncomfortable to be sure. There you were, the woman who I could freely admit I still loved, and she was working as the governess to my wife's children. The wife, who I need not add I was unhappily married to. You cannot know how tortured I felt upon seeing you there. But I was too selfish to send you away, how could I? Besides there was still a sort of anger about me, probably brought about by my unhappy situation that wished to show you by every civility in my power that I was not so mean as to resent the past; and I hoped to obtain your forgiveness, to lessen your ill opinion, by letting you see that your reproofs had been attended to. Also there was a vain wish to show you the error of your ways, what _you_ had missed out on. How soon any other wishes introduced themselves I can hardly tell, but I believe in about half an hour after I had seen you. But then they seemed like a pointless dream, it was impossible." He explained with a look of acute agony on his face. I squeezed his hand to offer him what comfort I could, "You cannot know how many times I have wanted to declare myself to you this last year. That morning when you were crying in the schoolroom I believe that I would have. Had you not run off."

"I was confused and hurt."

"Yes, I know you were hurt but I still do not know why. What had Arabella said to you that had distressed you so much?"

"She implied to her guests that I was your mistress." A look of indignation covered his face and he said that it was little wonder that I had run away, after he had stormed in and kissed me.

We continued on walking, right towards the boundaries of Ashton Magna, discussing our plans. He told me that he had never meant to tell me today and exactly why. Darcy did not feel that we should be married too soon. People would talk, he said. Not that he particularly care what other people thought, for he would wish to marry me as soon as may be. But he would not have people thinking poorly of me.

Had anyone been saying anything I wanted to know when he said that. But apparently not, Lady Newlyn had been discrete. Probably her silence stemmed from the shame admitting to what Lady Arabella had revealed, would reflect poorly on her sister. However, perhaps now she would not hold her tongue as well as before and would be quite quick in pointing out that he was remarrying so soon after his wife had passed away, and to the governess no less!

Whatever his reasons I had no real objection. Though both of us would have liked to have been married as soon as possible it was not a plausible option for us. I was in the Llewellyn's service and could not leave them in the lurch without any warning and without a governess to replace me. I would not leave without saying goodbye to them either; after all we were very close to one another. They had helped me a great deal these last few months. Shaken me out of my misery and returned me to my normal mood. I would like to think that I had been of some assistance to them too. They would always hold a place in my heart. Even if I had gone arrived unwillingly at Cresocartref House.

Otherwise, if I had had the option, I would have married him as soon as possible.

So we came to a conclusion. It was very simple really. We would wait until the summer to be married. It seemed such a long time away. We would keep our engagement a secret, well at least as much of a secret as possible considering there would be at least ten other people who would know the truth of it. He would have to apply to Uncle Gardiner, as neither of us were willing to hide our engagement completely. Consequently all my family would be told, and so would Georgiana. Though perhaps not the rest of his family for a while, Lady Catherine was apparently once again vying for him to marry his cousin Miss de Bourgh. Colonel Llewellyn would have to be told something too, for he would need to find a new governess for his children. So really our engagement was not a secret. Not like Eleanor and Andrew Bagot's, it was more of a private one.

We walked back to the house together. Finding the others at breakfast; we joined them, ignoring the inquiring looks we were receiving from the all. Only occasionally I would see Kitty looking at me with a very self-satisfied expression and then it was very hard to not allow a similar look to cross my own features too. I was radiant, who would not be?

He requested an audience with Uncle Gardiner straight after breakfast to tell him of our plans. I did not really need his permission, but we wanted his support nonetheless. He was of course willing to give his consent; he was very fond of Darcy. Though he expressed some qualms over our strange plan, saying people would find out about it no matter how we tried to conceal it, that it would make the circumstances look very suspicious. But like us, he could really see no better way of going about the plan we had so carefully concocted.

My sisters on the other hand when I told them the news that they already knew were ecstatic and only disappointed that we planned to wait so long until we married. Kitty and Jonathan had waited for only the six months of deep mourning to pass before they had married. They did not quite see things the way that we did. Even Georgiana thought that we were waiting an irrationally long length of time, and she was forever worrying about what people would think of actions.

Still neither their opinions nor my Uncles swayed us. We held firm, it would be best if our engagement was kept private and we were not married until the summer. It would curtail the gossip, which was sure to spread anyway.

It was my last full day in Staffordshire, and my journey to Cresocartref House would have to be made in very good time indeed. But hopefully the weather would hold up and the journey to Anglesey would be an easy one to make. I did not really want to leave and I found that on my last day at Ashton I was left unsatisfied. I wanted to spend time with my sisters who I would not be seeing for several months but I wanted to spend time with Darcy too, time alone. It was impossible to have both. Still I just about managed to divide my time up evenly, Jane, Kitty, Aunt Gardiner and Georgiana spent the day helping me to pack my belongings back into my trunk, they laughed when Georgiana and I told them of how Lady Catherine instructed her acquaintance very carefully on the proper way of placing gowns in a trunk. It was the first time in ages that I had seen the real humour in it.

That evening after dinner we separated into smaller groups. Darcy and I were thoughtfully left to one another in a corner, Georgiana was playing the pianoforte, and the married couples were in a larger group together. My spirits having risen to playfulness again, wished for Darcy to account for his having ever fallen in love with me. "How could you begin? I can comprehend your going on charmingly, when you had once made a beginning; but what could set you off in the first place?"

"I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I _had_ begun."

"Yes it was a very long time ago now, but still you must make some attempt at explaining. My beauty you had early withstood, and as for my manners—my behaviour to _you_ was at least always bordering on the uncivil, and I never spoke to you without rather wishing to give you pain than not. Now be sincere; did you admire me for my impertinence?"

"For the liveliness of your mind, I did."

"You may as well call it impertinence at once. It was very little less. The fact is, that you were sick of civility, of deference, of officious attention. You were disgusted with the women who were always speaking, and looking, and thinking for _your_ approbation alone. I roused, and interested you, because I was so unlike _them_. Had you not been really amiable, you would have hated me for it; but in spite of the pains you took to disguise yourself, your feelings were always noble and just; and in your heart, you thoroughly despised the persons who so assiduously courted you. There—I have saved you the trouble of accounting for it; and really, all things considered, I begin to think it perfectly reasonable. To be sure, you knew no actual good of me—but nobody thinks of _that_ when they fall in love."

"Was there no good in your affectionate behaviour to Jane while she was ill at Netherfield or to Arabella and Sally when they were ill?"

"Dearest Jane! Who could have done less for her? But make a virtue of it by all means. My good qualities are under your protection, and you are to exaggerate them as much as possible; and, in return, it belongs to me to find occasions for teasing and quarrelling with you as often as may be."

"I am sure you shall. But you must account for Arabella and Sally."

"Well you asked me to take care of Lady Arabella, so I did as you asked."

"A likely explanation Elizabeth, as if you have ever done anything I suggested without trying to challenge it?"

"Well that seemed important." I said by way of an explanation, "She was sick, very sick. It really did not seem like an occasion for me to be difficult with you. Besides which in this past year I have been working for you, if I had done anything to disobey you then I would have lost my job."

"Very well then, I believe you. I suppose the circumstances were somewhat serious but you know I would probably have never have dismissed you for disobedience, you and I both know that I am far too selfish a creature to do that."

"You tried to marry me to Lord Tyndale."

"Because by that point I had recognised what was best for you. It was hopeless, you staying with us, or so it seemed to me, the situation was only going to become more and more difficult if we had continued as we were. You are well aware that we had seriously overstepped the boundaries of what would have been considered as an acceptable relationship. And you were even more aware than I that people were beginning to talk of it.

"No matter what I tried to convince myself of at the time, from the very moment I saw you in the sitting room platting Roberta's hair, my self control was never going to be strong enough. There would have come a point when I would have ruined you." He stopped thoughtfully, looking at my widened eyes, he glanced over at the others to check that they were not paying any attention before discretely taking my hand in his, "I tried to tell myself that you were safe from me. But by that day in the schoolroom I could hardly try to deny it any longer. I had to face facts, through my own foolishness and arrogance you would never be mine. Tyndale was quite ready to marry you, he clearly admired you very much and probably would have loved you very well, I think you would have been happy with him. One of us should have been happy at least."

"I could never have been happy with him! Not when I knew that I was in love with you. But you are right and so were Georgiana and Henriette and Kitty I would have done very well accepting him. But you know I could not see that at the time."

"Which is a very good thing because otherwise we would have ended up in a very sorry situation, by now you could even have become Lady Tyndale." He said suddenly smiling and lightening the mood of the conversation which had suddenly taken such a serious turn again, still there was a lot that had to be discussed and not a great deal of time left to accomplish it.

"You were prepared to give me up though? You would have risked that?"

"Elizabeth, I was risking nothing. It seemed then that I would be married to Arabella for some duration and it was simply too dangerous for you to have carried on living with us. You could not have trusted me and stayed safe, I was content to accept what little attention you paid me, but eventually I would have taken advantage of your friendship, then you would certainly never have been happy. What else was I supposed to do other than be the gentleman and step aside for Tyndale to marry you?"

What could I do other than settle for his explanation? Though I did add, "You know that I thought you did not love me when you told me to accept him."

"It did not sway your decision though did it?" He said smugly. I told him that his head was going to get too big for his own good if we continued our conversation. So we turned to other matters which needed to be discussed and had done with the previous more melancholy conversation. We were forced to separate for the evening not long after. We said out goodnights at the top of the staircase, carefully observed by my Uncle Gardiner and my two oldest cousins who were leaning over the banisters from the nursery above,

"We shall never have a moment's peace you know?" I said before turning into my chamber.

I composed a very quick letter to Henriette. No longer angry with her for the meddling she had so cunningly contrived, but glad that she had taken the initiative. Though I told her that I was not pleased with her for setting Darcy and I up like that. I let her know that she was already forgiven for the whole thing had turned out fairly well in the end; even if originally it had seemed like it would end up a disaster. I also promised her a visit though I did not know when I would have the time. I told her of the engagement, and our plans to be married in August So may be she would learn to exercise a little patience before I could make it down to Featherstone House again. But of course she would receive an invite to the wedding.

Long before dawn the following morning I was awakened by a two maids one speaking softly, the other a scullery maid was lighting the fire more noisily. Despite knowing that I needed to make haste it was too cold yet to leave the warmth of the bed, the fire had not even started to warm the room. In the end I had had to hurry out missing the light breakfast that had been prepared due to my laziness. I was thrilled to see Mr Darcy standing in the foyer waiting for me. The servants were bustling about Mrs Cotton giving the instructions of where my trunks ought to be placed. Darcy and I were left to ourselves for a few moments. Both Kitty and Jane had promised that they would come downstairs to see me off, but knowing what Kitty was like in the mornings there was really very little chance of that occurring.

He lead me into a little antechamber off the main hallway, promised me that he would write to me soon, handed me a letter addressed to Colonel Llewellyn and kissed me quickly before hurrying me back out into the foyer where all my family had suddenly assembled, "Never a moment's peace." he repeated in a whisper with a squeeze of my hand. The family all descended upon me fussing and talking at the same time. They hope I would have a safe journey, reminded me to ensure I asked for a private parlour at inns, pointed out it was cold, I should keep my coat on and Jane told me to make sure I had a travelling rug with me when I changed to Post.

Giving each of them a warm hug we walked outside towards the carriage in a rabble, each one of the hugged me once more before stepping back. Darcy was the last one standing there, he took my hand removed the glove, kissed my hand, wordlessly helped me up to the carriage, whispered a goodbye and then shut the door himself. I turned round as the carriage pulled away from Ashton Magna and carried on watching long until the house was out of side occasionally catching glimpses of it through the hillsides it was swallowed up by. Tears trickled down my face the whole time; it really was going to be the hardest eight months ever.

Now was that what everybody was waiting for? I'm so sad, this is the penultimate chapter :(


	20. Chapter 20 & Epilogue

**Author's Note: **So, here we are at the end of this tale. It's taken a long while to get here but I hope that you have enjoyed the tale anyway. This wouldn't be complete without me saying a huge thank you to you, my readers. Your encouragement and support has been invaluable, I'm not going to list you all, because I'm frankly too lazy. But I'm sure that you all know who you are, you're reading after all. OK and now it's time to shut up because it's starting to sound a little bit like I'm accepting an Oscar.

I hope you all enjoy this very last chapter and epilogue. Remember this is your last opportunity to tell me so. Enjoy! Hugs, Ella xXx.

* * *

**Chapter 20**

It was the hardest eight months ever. There were times when it was hard to tolerate Michael and Laura particularly, knowing that there was no real reason to be at Cresocartref made it even harder. I desperately anticipated moving on to the next part of my life. Yet instead I was stuck in Wales in a limbo, trying to patiently wait out the time until my wedding. It was almost impossible to do so though when I could not even see Darcy, his letters were hardly enough to make up for his absence. Occasionally he would visit, ostensibly because he had business with the Colonel. The Colonel had prooved perfectly amenable to the scheme. But Mrs Llewellyn who did not know the truth of the situation would comment, "I do not know why you must leave us Miss Bennet." repeatedly. Not to mention taking every opportunity to throw Eleanor at Mr Darcy, now that Mr Randal had left the island she was still looking for a suitable replacement, poor Mr Andrew still did not qualify in her opinion.

Even though Mrs Llewellyn had the Marquess within her sight it was not enough for her. To have one daughter well married was acceptable, but with her goal so close to grasping she was greedy for more glory. She had come from a most respectable family but married a red coat, who despite being a Colonel in the King's army of good family left she and her children in comparative poverty. Before her marriage she had been surrounded by finery and was desperate for her daughters to return to such splendour. For Eleanor to marry her cousin, a mere clergyman, would be even more of step down, especially considering her portion was only seven thousand pounds, which could never buy them a house or independence. Other than that she would probably have been willing to allow them to marry.

As for Isabella's romance it was as good as a decided thing. The whole of Anglesey was eagerly awaiting the news of her betrothal to the Marquess of Gower, their most dignified resident. Mrs Llewellyn left them together for at least an hour every week in the hope that he would say something to her. Yet he never spoke, even her mother's hints did not encourage him. Isabella was not particularly well versed in the art of patience; she was so like me in that respect. Mrs Llewellyn was even more agitated than usual, on several occasions I was sent to her rooms in order to look after her while she bemoaned her fate and her all her daughters' single status. "I do not know what will become of her Miss Bennet really I do not. For here is the Marquess of Gower calling on Belle and she cannot get a proposal out of him, she must be putting him off, I do declare, for why else would he not make an offer to her. Then Nora, oh I do not know what to do with that girl, really I do not! She will not pay the slightest heed to any gentleman except her cousin and she could do so much better than him! Miss Bennet you must speak to them both, I know you will make them see sense. Get Belle to make the Marquess offer and have Nora pay attention to richer men! Oh Miss Bennet, you are so good! Oh you will speak with them won't you? Oh pass me my salts!"

There was little that I could really say to either of them. Eleanor was already engaged, though no one but me knew the truth of the situation with her cousin. To me it was proof enough of her devotion to him; she was a good girl not likely to break a promise. Besides why change her mind? She loved him they would be happy and comfortable together.

They, Eleanor and Isabella had quizzed me over my sudden decision to leave Cresocartref. They begged me to tell them the truth for the excuse they had been given – that I planned to live with my eldest sister who was expecting her first child – did not convince them. Isabella particularly knew that it was not quite right, "Please Miss Lizzy, I know that you and Papa are not telling us everything. What is the real reason that you are going away? I do not believe that it is to look after your sister; you have not helped your other sister with her children. Besides if you are then why are you not going before the birth, but a couple of months afterwards?"

"You have everything worked out for yourself Belle, why do you not take a guess? You will not be far off the mark, I should imagine." I decided to eventually give in to their nagging and let the two oldest Llewellyn daughters in on the secret, though they were made to solemnly swear that they would never tell another living soul.

Eleanor had looked a little shocked, later she spoke of the matter to me. Isabella on the other hand looked at me and, with her astounding astuteness, simply said, "Is Mr Darcy the man who refused to dance Miss Lizzy?" Eleanor looked curiously at her sister before understanding dawned on her pretty face. I happily assured them that it was indeed the case, Mr Darcy was the man who refused to dance. The pair of them gladly wished me joy and did not complain about me leaving them again.

Later, Eleanor came to speak to me herself; there was more that she wished to say on the subject of her cousin. She knocked on the door long after the rest of the family had retired. I was still burning down the candle reading a book, for there was no time for such luxuries in the day. "I thought I would find you up Lizzy. May I disturb your solitude and seek your advice?" With a nod of acquiescence on my part she took a seat on the stool next to the dressing table, "First of all I believe that I must apologise for what happened when Mr Darcy came to visit us, you must have hated me." she wriggled her bare feet looking uncomfortable.

"Eleanor there is nothing to forgive, you were in no way out of line, your behaviour was impeccable. Besides you and me both know that you are too devoted to Mr Andrew to behave so fickly." I said, trying not to sound as if I was at all censuring her mother. I could not in all honestly do so as it would be hypocritical of me, my own mother was forever conjuring schemes such as Mrs Llewellyn's and I had always laughed it off and forgiven her lack of judgment. Mrs Llewellyn deserved the same courtesy from me.

"You are certain?" she looked up from studying her feet and studied my face carefully as if to ascertain if I were attempting to spare her feelings or not. Before she continued, "Lizzy I must ask you something very important. Your engagement, does Papa know of all the details, does he condone your decision to keep it secret? Or did you tell him the same as you told Belle and I?"

"Your father knows everything Eleanor, Mr Darcy wrote him a letter explaining the situation. Your father understands our desire to keep the engagement a private affair." I said wondering just where this conversation was heading.

"Do you feel it too impertinent to ask you why you decided to keep the engagement private rather than a secret? What made you decide to tell at least a few people of the arrangement, and not just keep it completely to yourselves? Surely by letting a few people know there was a chance that you would be found out by society? You said to Belle and I that you told your family, so that the arrangement would not appear so clandestine. But there was no chance of anybody discovering it if you had told nobody."

"Yes, that was the reason, because we did not want people to find out and then reach the incorrect conclusion about the nature of our relationship. In all honesty we could not really announce a betrothal it would have been considered highly improper by many people and there were reasons that I shall not reveal to you why we did not want that sort of talk. If, at least, our family knew then we would have their support should the secret be revealed and there be some sort of scandal."

"Oh, would people really accuse you of untoward behaviour if they found out that there had been a secret engagement?" she looked very young and naïve. It was her nature to be too trusting of people, which was why she had entered into her own secret engagement with so few qualms.

"Very likely yes. That is why the engagement has been a private one, it will be announced eventually just not quite yet, for proprieties sake rather than anything else."

"So private engagements are far better to enter into than secret ones?"

"Yes Eleanor." I agreed, wondering to what exactly these questions were tending to. Clearly it was something to do with her own relationship with her cousin.

"Do you think that if Andrew and I were to speak to Papa about our engagement that he would be willing to keep it a secret from Mamma? He has been supportive of your choices and agreed to keep it quiet. Why would he not do the same for me? After all he is not so reticent about a match with Andrew as Mamma is." She finally asked what she had come to do.

It was a difficult question to answer, what should be done for the best? Eleanor had placed me in a very difficult position in the first place, by placing me in her confidence for such a secret and then begging me not to reveal it to her parents, my employers. Now she wanted to know if I thought it wise to ask for her fathers consent. The question was as difficult to answer, as her secret had been difficult to keep. For a while the guilt of not telling her father, who had been so good to me, had pressed on my conscious.

Colonel Llewellyn would, very likely appreciate knowing the truth of his daughter's situation from her, than by discovering it through village gossip. However, would he be willing to then keep it a secret from his wife? It did not seem right at all. Eleanor's engagement was a huge matter, Mrs Llewellyn could not be denied knowledge, and she had as much right to giving her consent to the matter as anyone else. Yet to the understanding of others she was quite disapproving of the whole affair, which was perfectly right. Thus was it right to advice Eleanor to go behind her mother's back and consult her father in the matter?

My own father had never hidden things from my mother. They may not have had the closest of relationships, there may have even been a lack of respect on both their parts, but he would never undermine her in such a manner as that. Yes, he would tease her and lead her on, but not in matters as important as a daughter's future. He nearly always did what she would have wanted, even if it was not necessarily what he wanted. He had quickly found it was best for all that she, at least, was happy. The only time he had ever outright undermined her had been when Mr Collins had proposed and she had insisted that I accept he had outright refused Mr Collins. The rest of the time he would carefully sway her opinion on the matter until he had her consent as well.

"Eleanor I really do not know what you should do, I cannot advise you in such a matter. While I do not condone the secrecy currently involved, to advise you to tell the Colonel would be partly selfish on my part. In all honesty it would not be fair to undermine your mother in such a way would it?"

"So you do not think it would be right for Andrew and I to speak to him?"

"The decision is up to you. It might be best if you and Mr Andrew speak about it together, have you spoken to him about you current thoughts yet?"

"No," she looked downcast for a second, "I do not want him to think that I am displeased by our arrangement, because I am not. I just hate the secrecy of it all."

"Well, perhaps you will not have to wait that much longer then. I think everything will turn out well in the end." I gave her a comforting hug and she departed for the night.

As it happened she did not have long to wait at all until she received her father's approval over the match. In May, the Marquess finally spoke to Colonel Llewellyn and they came to an agreement regarding Isabella. The Marquess was reluctant to enter into any engagement because of Isabella's age, she was barely sixteen and by no means old enough to become his wife. However, it was quite a decided thing that they both wanted to marry. Isabella of course objected to their pronouncement that she was too young. Eventually though she was made to see the sense in the compromise the Marquess and her father had come to, that their engagement would be announced, but they would not marry until she turned eighteen. She still bemoaned that two years was a dreadfully long time but there was nothing to be done. He stayed on the estate at Anglesey for the majority of his time over the next two years only departing when business called him away. It was quite funny, really, his house, Llysmaen, was really only a hunting lodge and had not the luxuries he was accustomed to.

With the engagement between Isabella and the Marquess settled Andrew Bagot finally went to speak with Colonel Llewellyn. He had the support of the Marquess on his side and Eleanor and Mr Andrew Bagot's engagement was announced to the world as well. Mrs Llewellyn did not seem to mind too much, "I hoped to see all my girls well married, but their own happiness is most important really and though Andrew may not be rich he truly loves Nora. Besides I think it very likely that with such impeccable connections as the Marquess of Gower he will not be a country clergyman for much longer. I should not be surprised if he eventually becomes a Bishop." She bubbled to me cheerfully only three days later.

Not to be completely forgotten in the round of engagements at Cresocartref House, was my own. It had been arranged between Darcy and myself that a public announcement would be made in June. Mrs Llewellyn found it first when she was looking over the news of Court, the engagements and obituaries, it was all she ever red: the gossip columns in _The Times. _She suddenly screamed loudly in shock threw the paper down, quickly picked it up again and demanded Eleanor's presence to come and read the announcement to her, "for I am sure they must have misprinted it, I would have known about it otherwise." she reasoned excitably.

Eleanor and Isabella both huddled over the paper, "You mean this one Mamma?" Isabella asked in an innocent voice, "Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy Esq. of Pemberley House, Derbyshire announces his engagement to Miss Elizabeth Bennet."

"Yes, yes that is the one. Miss Bennet what have you to say is it true?"

"Quite true ma'am." I assured her

"It is not put in very well, my dear. It does not even mention where you live or your parents or anything. You ought to have a word with that young man of yours."

"It was the announcement which we agreed upon."

"He consulted you first?"

"Of course ma'am."

"Well this is quite a turn of events. All my doing I suppose, if he had not stayed here then the two of you would never have become in engaged. I must say we have had some luck here recently. Well then my dear congratulations he is a charming young man you will do very well with him I dare say." she said perfectly cheerfully. I had feared her reaction slightly, she had seemed to want Eleanor to marry Mr Darcy but the announcement did not seem to bother her in the slightest.

Later, the night before I departed for the last time she came to visit me, "Now my dear, you must know that I look upon you quite as if you were my own daughter so I feel that it is my duty to speak to you on this subject…" The less said on that conversation the better I believe, but it was very sweet of her and it pleased me to know that she thought so highly of me. She even had a gift for me, something old, she explained it was a little yellow rose porcelain broach, "to go with my wedding gown" she said, for she hoped that I would marry in yellow, since apparently it became me so well.

I should not have worried about how Mrs Llewellyn would take the news at all. In all this time I had forgotten about Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Her nose had been pushed greatly out of joint by the announcement that her nephew was remarrying and once again his intended partner was not her daughter Anne; a girl who had been so perfectly formed for him. She sent me a letter by express articulating her displeasure in my actions and accusing me of trapping her nephew. She said that I had been scheming and plotting the whole time that he had been wed to _that woman _(she never could bring herself to address Lady Arabella properly). She accused me of having used my arts and allurements to entrap him and insisted that I break the engagement immediately. Truthfully, I was greatly shocked that she did not journey up from Kent to visit me, but she was getting old and frail by all accounts. She died several years later after a long withdrawn illness only living long enough to finally reconcile with her nephew and forgive him the terrible mistakes he had made. She did not attend the wedding, as she felt that her esteemed presence not being present was quite enough to convey her extreme displeasure.

Jane and Bingley came to collect me from Cresocartref and take me to London to shop for my trousseau. With them was their first child, a little girl, Clara. She was a tiny and angelic version of Jane; just as she looked as a baby, I imagined. Also there for the journey was Bingley's old spinster aunt who had come to live with them to help take care of the children. She was introduced to me as Aunt Biddy, and insisted that I address her in such an informal manner too; it was a testament to the easy going manners of the Bingley family. My goodbyes with the Llewellyn's were tearful they were after all a second family even though we would see them again as they were travelling down for the wedding.

We had a month in which we received calls of congratulations. Even Miss Bingley was perfectly cordial towards me; in return I treated her with politeness having long forgiven her for her behaviour towards me. Even for the embarrassment she had caused at Lady Arabella's dinner party. Jane and Aunt Gardiner dragged me round shop after shop buying gown after gown. I would never have believed, before, that shopping – a pass time that I had never objected to greatly – could be so very exhausting.

London had other benefits to it as well. I was able to see my fiancé regularly, which was a definite improvement on the weekly letters that had been endured for seven long months.

I was formally introduced to family members who before I had barely spoken with. The Earl and Countess of Matlock were perfectly friendly and good natured, very different from Lady Catherine and they had not the slightest objection to me. And to Darcy's other cousins, Viscount Shirley and his wife and Lady Harriette Claughton and her husband, the Colonel was once again absent, apparently abroad, his mother said that he sent his congratulations. We did not see him for years as he always seemed to be going in the opposite direction to us, sometimes I thought that he was purposefully avoiding us. He spent a lot of time at Rosings and finally married Anne.

Georgiana and Lord Tyndale announced their intentions to be married soon, by Christmas they hoped. No one was surprised by their revelation and we all offered our congratulations to them. Henriette commented later that she was now the only one of us all that was left single. Remembering that only a year before I possessed a similar feeling myself I reassured her once again that everything would turn out well in the end. And it did, she married when she was twenty-two, to the Duke of Rochester, not the same one who had nearly married her elder sister. But a distant cousin of his who had inherited the title once the late Duke's life of debauchery led him to an early grave. The history of her courtship is too long a one to repeat here, but needless to say she found happiness.

My wedding was something of a surprise to me. I had been involved in the planning of course, and had settled that the wedding would take place in Pemberley's chapel. It was not quite what I had imagined in my younger years but there we have it. There was really no other choice, as I had no desire to be married in town and neither did Mr Darcy.

We set off just over a week before hand in the direction of Pemberley, Jane and Bingley were with us. The Gardiners would arrive a few days before the wedding with the Thursfields. Apparently, Mr Thursfield could not leave the parish for an extended period at the present but they would not miss the wedding for the world, Kitty had written to me apologetically.

After only half a days travelling I begun to recognise the countryside, it was familiar, but not the direction of Derbyshire that I had remembered taking before. I turned to the others who had been watching me carefully, "Why it is Hertfordshire?" I exclaimed with a great deal of wonder, "What are we doing in Hertfordshire, Fitzwilliam, Jane? Are we not going in the wrong direction should we not be in Bedfordshire now?" Jane shook her head with a smile.

"No Elizabeth not today." Darcy said taking my hand, I looked sharply at him.

"Why not?"

"Just wait and see my dear," he said with a mysterious smile.

There was not long to wait before we pulled up outside the front of Longbourn. I had a feeling that it was our intended destination but Fitzwilliam had teasingly refused to say one way or the other, when I had attempted to guess. Charlotte was standing outside the front of the house with her daughter Lucy tugging on her hand. Mrs Hill carrying Walter, Mr Collins had come to wait for us at the bottom of the drive and bowed and waved like mad. "Lizzy!" Charlotte rushed towards me as soon as Darcy had helped me down from the carriage, "Oh I am so happy to see you again and you Jane." she greeted both of us with a kiss on the cheek. Before turning to the gentlemen, "Mr Darcy, Mr Bingley it is lovely to see you again."

"Mrs Collins, you look well," Bingley supplied her with his usual cordial manners.

"Mrs Collins we must thank you for your hospitality, it is very good of you."

"Oh it is nothing I assure you it will be…"

"Mr Darcy," here Mr Collins who had finally caught us up interrupted puffing and panting. "We would of course always offer such an esteemed personage as yourself our humble hospitality, particularly considering the generous condescension which your Aunt the Right Honourable Lady Catherine de Bourgh was so kind as to bestow on my dear Charlotte and myself. The valuable rectory of this parish rectory at Rosings Park, Hunsford Cottage was most comfortable and suitable for the needs of my dear Charlotte and I before we came to inherit Longbourn from my late, poor, unfortunate cousin Bennet. We would of course never deny you admittance into our house and may I congratulate you on you engagement to my cousin Elizabeth. Who if I am able to make any amends for removing her from her childhood home I would of course always be eager to attempt at reconciliation. And what you condescended to ask me was no trouble at all. No indeed, no trouble of all, we would always be glad to have such illustrious guests staying…"

"My dear," Charlotte finally interrupted his ramblings and invited us inside for refreshments. They had made a few changes since arriving at Longbourn, nothing too drastic though. That altered was mostly of Mr Collins instructions, in the library he had done terrible things, not only had he got rid of the novels – I had taken those with me when I left – oh no, he had committed sins worse than that. He had proceeded to get rid of the science books, as well as Shakespeare, poetry and the lovely hand illustrated version of _The Canterbury Tales_ that had been Papa's pride and joy. All that was left were sermon books and Latin and Greek. He was reading to Lucy from them already.

Left alone to walk in the gardens later that afternoon Darcy finally revealed the plan to me. "We are to marry from the church at Longbourn, my darling. All the guests already know and will be here on the day. I know how much you wanted to be married from your childhood church though you said nothing. Mrs Collins was quite amenable to the plan and us and the Bingleys staying at the house until the wedding. Kitty and the others felt that it would be best if we did not overcrowd them all at once that is why they delayed their journey. Do you mind, that we have been planning behind your back? Will it spoil your plans too much? If it does then I am sure that Mrs Reynolds would not mind…"

"No, no it is perfect my love, a wonderful surprise I cannot believe that you managed to keep me so much in the dark though." I silenced his explanation with a quick kiss. "Though I might add, that in future, I would like to be consulted on all matters. Otherwise I might find myself in Russia without knowing it." I said with an impertinently raised eyebrow.

We walked on for a little while when a thought that had been troubling me for goodness knows how long re-entered my head. When he had proposed to me why had he said that he had not meant to speak yet and why further more did he not think that I would be favourably inclined? Finally, I stopped and popped a few buds on the fuchsia bush, asked him why he had said that – I suppose in retrospect it was not the best proposal yet still somehow it was. "I would have thought it obvious to you Elizabeth." he replied with surprise, but on me shaking my head quizzically he continued. "I simply did not think that I had the right to speak to you on such a subject, it seemed disrespectful to you as well as Lady Arabella."

"Oh?"

"I had completed my period of mourning it is true but it was not fair to rush into an engagement so soon, no matter my own feelings. It would have been prudent of me to wait at least a few months more before saying anything to you on the matter."

"And when would that have been? You might never have even seen me again."

"It is true the thought did cross my mind, but it was not likely."

"You could have come to Cresocartref House." I suggested, "How very convenient that you were an acquaintance of theirs. If Lord Tyndale had arranged my position you may not have had that luxury." I commented with just a hint of archness, "How very convenient for you."

"I never intended to do such a thing. It was shear coincidence that I knew of their search for a governess, that is all. Beside if I had had no encouragement from you then I should never have assumed as much as to just arrive on the Llewellyn's doorstep." He continued seriously, though I knew full well that he was teasing, or he then added, "But I think it was very clever of me to keep you away from any other men."

"Yes very clever indeed, I rolled my eyes, "tuly it was very fortunate that Mr Bagot, Mr Randal and the Marquess' affections were already engaged when I met them."

"And even more fortunate that we have such scheming relatives." He added with a grin.

"Do you think?"

"Probably not as much as your scheming." He continued to tease me.

"My scheming?" I laughed lightly, "Mr Darcy, I never once schemed."

"No, but you scared me into submission."

"Submission indeed!" I shook my head and tried to suppress a grin. "It is not my fault you are such a wimp, believing in your own ghost stories."

"A wimp, am I?" He cast me a serious look, which was almost disapproving. But the sparkle in his own eye told me he was teasing me. "Then I wonder why you chose to accept me?"

"Your great estate?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"And there I was thinking that you were different from any other woman of my acquaintance, it seems I was mistaken madam, a pity is it not?" He grimaced, his eyes still betraying him.

"Yes a very great pity." I nodded my head solemnly in agreement to his statement. "However, it is not too late for you to back out."

"I could, but I fear even Bingley would have my head for that. Besides, in truth I believe that I love you too much to let you go again." He finally spoke in all seriousness, I stopped and looked up at him, my own soft smile mirrored upon his own face.

"That is a very good thing."

"Why is that Elizabeth?" He bent his head down towards my ear as he spoke.

"Well it is not really your grand estate, but you, that I love the most."

* * *

**Epilogue **

Our wedding was perfect… to me at least. I shall not sport with your intelligence by describing it in too great a detail, for it was really no different to any other wedding that had occurred either before or after. It was simply a late summer country wedding. Yet, to me it was perfect with my friends and family all there and most importantly the man who I loved, who that day became my husband and not my master.

It was frowned on; I will not even try to deny it. Even though the majority of his family were welcoming to me, the same could not be said for the majority of society. However, not for the reasons I had imagined. Most seemed to ignore that I had been a governess instead they were more concerned by the gossip that I had been his mistress before we married. Lady Newlyn had been the one to spread the rumour and frankly, I think she should have been more respectful to her late sister's memory than to do such a thing. But I am sure she would reason that juicy gossip must be told. It was, I suppose, fortune that we were now married. That undid at least some of the shame of my position. We did not have to bear under the shunning for long however, Lord and Lady Matlock would not have it so and they were too important in the ton to be ignored. We did not spent a great deal of time in town anyway mostly preferring to remain in the country within our family circle.

The Sutton children we decided, it may surprise you to learn, were left at school. Priscilla was perfectly at home there and so too was Roberta once her friendship with Emma blossomed. It seemed a shame to remove them from their friends. Thomas on the other hand was more of a concern. It was unusual for a boy only six years old to be at school already and by all accounts he was something of a handful, but in the long term, the discipline he received there did him good. He has become a most respectable young man.

The children never had a settled home which was unfortunate, but does not seem to have affected them at all that they divided their holidays between Darcy and I, Henriette and the Duke, Georgiana and Tyndale, and the Countess of Newlyn and her husband.

They have grown up to be fine and respectable, Priscilla achieved her dearest wish, she was a stunning beauty at eighteen and was quickly snatched up by her cousin the Viscount. Roberta, never quite the beauty her sister was, improved as she grew older the straw coloured hair she and Thomas both had darkened considerably it complimented her turquoise eyes far better. She is married now to marry a young man of moderate means, Mr Wilmot and she are very happy together. Both the girls have children of their own which makes me feel very old indeed. Thomas is to come of age any day now we are just waiting for him to complete his tenure at University before he takes complete control of Allcotte. When that time comes it is likely that he will announce his engagement to Rachel.

Little Rachel has transformed into a lovely young lady she has the good looks of her mother and father without their poor temperaments. Instead she acts like the sweet and guiding elder sibling of Kitty and Mr Thursfield's four children. She knows little of her real parents and though her situation has never been purposefully concealed to most of the world she is Rachel Thursfield the daughter of a country clergyman. In turn the rest of us really know very little about her father whatever happened to Wickham he has sunk into obscurity never having married an heiress as he envisioned or apparently suffering for his misdeeds. Occasionally Rachel has wondered if she has any real brothers or sisters but not often she is happy with her other Mother and Father and Samuel, Abigail, Daniel and Estelle.

There are two people missing. Two people who I cannot conclude this tale without mentioning them one last time, for there have been two sisters who I have neglected completely for the greater part of my story. Mary we had heard little from her indeed there was very little to tell of her until recently when she arrived at Pemberley one day while we were hosting a picnic. As we all knew she had gone to France to join a convent. But decided not to take the veil and instead after several months left the convent and went to India to work as a missionary. There she had met with the Reverend Doctor Thompson and married him about eight years ago now. They had two daughters, twins Talitha and Miriam, and decided that the climate was not the best for raising young children. So they, had returned to England when they had news of a new rectory waiting for Dr Thompson to take over. On their arrival in London they had gone straight to Gracechurch Street only to find that another family now inhabited the house. They had kindly supplied Mary and her family with the Gardiner's new place of residence a small estate just outside Lambton. From there she had been taken to meet her family at Pemberley it was a happy reunion to see that everything had worked out so well for Mary.

And Lydia too, she was dead of course. And Wickham, Rachel's father had vanished from the country without a trace, what happened to him I truly cannot say. But we must spare a thought for Lydia. For had she not run away I would never have been so fortunate as to be reunited with my husband. We named our first child for my sister, as a mark of gratitude; she lived only a week and lies next to generations of Darcys now. Every week at church we pass her tiny grave and I spare a thought for my daughter and sister too.

She is not the only child who we have had in fifteen years. Five more followed Lydia Darcy. William, Ben, Elizabeth, Peter and Adele. There was a seventh child we would sometimes call our own; Jane and Bingley's third and last child, Flora, spent her earlier years with us. Following her rather difficult birth and Jane's subsequent illness I had just had Lizzy and as a favour we took Flora too. Lizzy and Lorry are practically inseparable. Our children are more brothers and sisters to her than Clara and Jack, I have sometimes heard said, but I would doubt it. There and hundreds more cousins and nephews and nieces and grandchildren too. Not ours yet though some day soon there will be if I were to list them all you would likely be very bored.

When reading to me once, many years ago now, Georgiana said that when one embarked upon telling their history if the task is to be done well then they must be in possession of Irish humour Scottish prudence and English sincerity. I should hope that I have fulfilled those requirements. Though I am not entirely certain what exactly Irish humour is. I would like to think that there has been at least a little wit, for my tale has been both sincere and prudent, at least I possess two of the above criteria. In any case it shall be left to you, the reader, to be the judge of that because I have told all there is to tell and so the last words I have left to write on these pages are nothing more than,

**The End.**

* * *


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